All Comments on 'A Look in the Mirror Ch. 01'

A good start, but be a bit more carefull in your editing. On page one Ophellia say that she is an only child and on the second she say that her siblings treated her as bad as her parents.

The pacing is wild and all over the place, at one point you switch from a first-person narrative to third person for a paragraph, and the way the characters interact doesn't seem real.

There's something here, but it's just not put together well.

sajukno: So, what would you recommend I do, start from scratch?

Water is not a beverage - a beverage is brewed like tea of coffee

Thoroughly enjoyed the story, can't wait for the next part.

I love how you unlike many of the other writers on here take the feelings of the main character into the story as it makes it so much more realistic. i feel i can identify with ophelia as a character which as a writer should be one of the story's aims. yes a couple mistakes like the sibling/only child bit but please continue as you are.

Sophie

...<sigh> and the grammar hounds. You built a good story here, don't worry about details yet, as mostly they can be resolved by a second set of eyes or editor if you feel you need to go that route. I don't see where all that hubbub is going, the storyline is very easy to follow, your characters are well fleshed out... and the 'pacing'? Well, its a love story, not a crime drama, pacing seems fine to me. Love the intersex aspects of it. Thank you for sharing, and please keep writing.

I will fix the sibling/only child bit, but I agree, that seems to be the only issues, as for the anon who made a comment about the word beverage, water qualifies.

Definition from www.merriam-webster.com

Beverage - a drinkable liquid

AAAAuuuughghghghh, you mean that's the end!!?! And there's no chapter 2??!? Noooooooo! He likely wont be like all the rest, but will he, in addition to taking her, take her (to be clear, as this is a request/suggestion for the ch. 2 I sure hope you write, will he have sex with her vaginally and receive her anally)? Come to think of it, can you do both at the same time??? Also, the pacing made perfect sense to me as she's extremely emotionally scarred! Once some has found a way to live getting away with not dealing with something (in this case, telling him) its pretty easy to continue avoidance behaviours and not deal with the issue.

She's not going to start treating him like and calling him her little anal bitch, is she? I hate when nice loving couples stories just change abruptly like that.

In summary: Aaaauuuuuughghgh, what do you mean there's no chapter 2??!???!!!!?

where is the second part?why didn't you continue?

Here, I start you off with a chapter title and you can go from there. *smiles*

Chapter 2. Friends with Benefits