All Comments on 'A Love Story - A Cheating Wife'

are a pain in the ass.

Please rewrite it in english and maybe we can get past the second paragraph.

The critic below doesn't seem to know the difference between present tense and second person stories.

I'd rather it was written as though you were telling it to me, rather than in the format you've chosen, but that's a style issue. It's well done, thanks for posting it.

i,you.i,you,i,you

that's a gross, 5-minute, bodily-fluid-exchange rendition; it has nothing to do with love! lol

It was worth reading.

Yes a love story, but they still cheated. basicly a cheating wife story but its ok because they love each other?

It was well-written and pulled me in.

You are wrong. The original poster to whom you referred probably does know the difference between second person perspective and present tense. The story presented both; he was objecting to the former. Good thing you're anonymous, since "correcting" someone who has it right makes you look pretty stupid.

Why am I commenting on points of English? It's because the story is so bad, and about betrayal to boot, that making remarking on the poor technique was simply more interesting.

It's interesting that everyone who's left a comment thought it was a bad story because it was about betrayal... and it's fine if you're getting fucked by plants? Come on, what forum are we on? Couldn't it simply be a fantasy?

Also, those who left comments saying the story was bad, well it was a first try and written from the heart. Comments, in my opinion, should be instructional and well-meaning; not vindictive and rude. Leave a comment if you really have something to say. Thanks.

I liked the potential for questioning whether the liaison was real or a fantasy. The description of closing the door behind, feeling relief that she did not cheat, than going through some fantasy and observing through the window several floors down the street a car that looks like his … hmmm.. The story does not strengthen this possibility later on, but it would have been nice if it did leave it open with more comments that could be interpreted to either reality or fantasy. It makes for a more interesting story (not to mention future higher ratings!).

The erotic part was not bad, but like others, I found the effect of the: “You...I...You... I” format of narrative, quite irritating.

Another minus - the name of the story is a misnomer. “A love story…”? Where did you describe any love, let alone a love story? “A lust story….” Would have been the accurate title, and as this is what you chose to write about, there is nothing wrong about it. No need to falsify Romance as an afterthought.

women write in the second person...nuff said.

What a bunch of crap.

you have a great style for detail. you should have wrote a lot more stories

It is obvious that she wanted his baby as no birth control was used.

hope she gets aids

All cheating spouses should die.

It always sounds artifcial and contrived.

Letting a woman in heat think she's gotten away with demurring, then showing up at her door with serious intent always works. Hot lust! Not the easiest format to read, but it was short and to the point!

4*

Is at the same time her husband is actually fucking the wife's best friend

HA

Boom, Bang! Divorce!!!

The writer must be a freaking retard to write something so stupid and pathetic.

In fact the writer seems to enjoy more about cocks and loads of cum rather than his STD cunt wife......so the writer has some repressed and frustrated gay issues that were transported to this wimp story.

1* for this nonsense, crap and poor written story.

You have a really good story here, but you screwed it up with 2nd person point of view. I've read many places that 2nd doesn't work for short stories, and you have proved it beyond a shadow of a doubt. Highly recommend 1st or 3rd for future stories.

It was going good until the abrupt ending You ruined a good story

Keep writing. Your attention to detail is good. I like the style but as already pointed out it may have neen better written first person. I think the only element missing was a sense of her emotions wrt cheating with a man not her husband... But the build up.in her hotel room felt real

What is WRONG with women these days? I try my damnest to imagine my grandmother in one of these scenarios knowing it NEVER happened or EVER would have.

Guess the bitch will land in the abyss of the divorce latrine. Curious to see how much she’ll like it, dumb cunt.

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