by eroticbro
The story was ok but, the grammar was so bad, it made it hard to continue reading. Try proofreading it, or finding some to do it for you before posting.
There are so many words misused, and misspelled... I had to stop reading after a few paragraphs. Please use some proof reading before publishing next time.
This is a very good beginning.I enjoyed this story.Very good first story. I hope you will write more chapters as well as other stories.
the writer dropped out of grade school and has the nerve to waste our time with this garbage. EITHER DO IT RIGHT OR NOT AT ALL GET A GOOD EDITOR AND DO A REWRITE OR JUST DELETE THEM.
this was nothing but a first draft and never should have been posted without a lot more work get a good editor and do a rewrite and never ever post a story with out going through a good editor first
DBRS
Yeah...wtf does 'led' mean? I think you were meaning to use the word 'layed'.
haven't any of you writers ever heard of a dictionaryway to many stupid goofsget an editor and do a rewrite
Very good first story. I hope you will write more chapters as well as other stories.
There is some misspelled words and some spots were a little rough, but an editor will fix most of those. Just a quick read over the material will catch most of those, along with using a spell checker.... All in all it is a very erotic story and I hope to see the next chapter soon. Maybe they can seduce mom into getting in on the action and get her pussy stuffed full of his cock. Thanks....Rich
Great beginning. I can't wait to read the next chapter. I hope you will write it soon. Don't concern your self too much about some of the complaints people have about your work. I have found from reading stories on this site that some people complain about everything & are not happy unless they are putting others down.
This is a very good beginning. You could stand to check your spelling with spell check or even better, have someone else proofread it. IF someone wants to criticize you, then shouldn't they at least be willing to put either their name or id on the submission? I am why not everyone else?
Have a great day and keep up the good work.