by StevenMonel400
Present tense narrative makes this story sound like a lousy bar joke.
This had so many problems with verb tense and grammar that I stopped reading it. I am not the grammar police but when it is so bad it distracts from the flow of the story it is a problem.
Honestly, I struggled with the verb tense when writing and editing it...
Not withstanding the grammar critique...still a nice sweet story!