by passionatevagabond
Most girls named Lyla would be insulted if some guy she just met called her Megan while asking to see her again.
Half a page of character development, and a page and a half of playing with themselves???? It started off well, but then turned into nothing but the same old sex foolishness. You spent too much time/details on their fantacies, and not enough on actual time getting to know each other. I prefer a well written story with a plot to paragraph after paragraph detailing their fantacies of heavy breathing while playing with themselves and pretending someone else is doing it.
Can't wait for more erotic adventures from your pen. Thanx.
I agree with others when he called her Megan, u lost me. Also, I was hoping for them to get to know each other not pleasing themselves. Hopefully part 2 will b better
You have a good story subject it should be fun to develop. You need to proof read for extra words, pronoun use and the occasional extra character name showing up. I look forward to following the story.
The story line is excellent. Spelling and English not so good. Please proof read your stories and run spell check. You have great writing talent. Look forward to more of your work.