A New Way of Seeing Things Ch. 09

I said, 'Yes ma'am,' and started to run back to my apartment.

'I do not wish to wait for you!' she yelled at me. 'You may use my shower. Be quick about it.'

I froze like a deer in the headlights, completely unable to make sense of what she was telling me. Miss Ritter got impatient and pointed at a door across the living room and returned to her paperwork while I hurried into her bathroom and closed the door behind me. I was in the shower before I had my first panic attack. I didn't have any clean clothes to change into! If I put my riding clothes back on, I was going to stink as badly coming out of the bathroom as I did going in! I decided I would try to explain the problem to her through the door, so I finished up and turned off the water. I slid the curtain open and got the shock of my life! Miss Ritter was standing there, holding a towel and a white robe. I screamed a little and tried to cover myself with one arm and grabbed for the shower curtain with the other hand.

She sighed and talked to me like I was a child. 'Silly girl. Do you think I have never seen a naked woman before?' Miss Ritter held out the towel for me, which I grabbed for while she hung the robe on a hook, turned, and left. I got dried off as quickly as possible and decided the robe was better than nothing because at least it covered me from neck to ankles. I checked it three times to make sure it was closed tightly before I left the bathroom.

I had some other surprises when I stepped into the living room. First, she had changed from her own riding clothes into a robe matching the one she had given me. I couldn't help but notice that where mine was long and seemed to completely cover me, hers came to mid-thigh and was almost scandalous in the way it hugged her body. I guess it made sense, since it was probably the same robe on two very different bodies.

Second, she had a glass of wine waiting for me. I had never had an alcoholic drink before, and to have her give me one made me feel very adult, almost like I was her co-worker rather than a silly eighteen-year old riding student. I tried to mimic her and took a sip when she did. I almost choked on it, but she didn't seem to notice and started talking.

'Miss Curran, you are gifted with horses, and therefore, not a complete waste of my time. However, you slouch and shuffle about as if you are a thief wishing to avoid detection. An accomplished rider rides with poise. Your head should be up, eyes forward, back straight. These traits should follow you off your mount. When you are walking, you are walking with purpose. You are a force to be reckoned with. Both human and beast can see you are in control of your situation and surroundings and will bend others to your will. Tonight we will begin to teach you how to make the world respect you, perhaps even fear you.' She took another sip of her wine, and I did the same. She came up to me, took my glass and set it down, then picked up a riding crop. 'Stand up straight,' she said. I did my best, stiffening like a board like I had seen soldiers do.

'You are not in the Army, you are an equestrienne! Let your arms hang free like you are at ease with the world, arch your back like it is beneath you!' I really tried to look relaxed and alert at the same time while she circled around me. 'Ach! I can see this will not be easy for you! Clothing can mask a lack of confidence and poise when dealing with the weak-minded, but those with the skill of observation can see right through the best-tailored jacket and breeches to the weakness underneath! Even beneath that much-too-big robe I can see your shoulders are slumping like a delinquent!' Miss Ritter stopped circling and faced me. 'As you can see, I appear confident while properly covered—' and then she reached for the sash of her robe, untied it, and pushed it off her shoulders so it fell to the floor—'or without. I could ride like this in front of twenty thousand people and they would all know I was in complete control.'

I looked down at the floor as soon as I saw her untie her sash, as much out of embarrassment for my situation as to give her privacy. 'Chin up!" she snapped at me. "Have you never seen a naked woman before?'

I told her, 'No ma'am, not really,' while trying to concentrate on a photo over her left shoulder.

'I am no different than you, really," she said in a softer voice. Yeah, right, I thought. She was beautiful, like she was sculpted, with toned muscles and a huge chest and flawless skin, almost like she wasn't real. Even the hair between her legs was perfectly trimmed. Nothing like my short little body with freckles, bumps on my chest, and the tangled mess covering my privates.

'Miss Curran, remove your robe.'

'Excuse me, ma'am?' I said as I looked back to her, and right away I knew she wasn't kidding.

'Miss Curran, remove your robe,' she said in a voice that made it clear she wasn't going to ask again. 'You will practice your posture without the benefit of anything to hide behind.'

Natalie, I was scared to death! I so wanted to run out of that room and never come back, but I knew how much I wanted that job, how much I didn't want to run back to my parents and how I didn't want to act like a scared little girl in front of this woman!

I only had a second to convince myself that this was my boss and I had to do what she said, that it wasn't my choice to make, it was hers. So, I untied the robe and let it drop. I must have been trying to cover myself because she yelled at me to straighten up and maintain my form.

'Excellent, you take direction. A good trait for a student to have, and one you should expect in those you teach. An air of authority will serve you well.'

I know I was shaking when she gave me back my wineglass. "Hold this. Do not spill any. Drink it if you wish, but I expect you to maintain your composure and bearing." And then she started to walk around me again. All of the sudden, her riding crop pushed into my...into the left side of my bum. I jumped, and some of my wine spilled. 'I told you not to spill any,' she growled at me. 'You will clean that later.' The riding crop came down harder across my bum this time, hard enough I could hear and feel the slap. I jumped again, more from surprise than pain, and I spilled some more of my wine. I decided right then that the best defense would be to start drinking and take the level down.

'You spilled again. Composure and bearing must be maintained even through physical and mental discomfort.' She slapped the crop against my bum again, but this time I was more ready for it. It still hurt a little, though. 'Better. Chin up,' she told me and she tapped me below my jaw. 'Your flanks are firm, and I can see from your muscle tone you use your legs wisely while in the saddle. That is good. You are not pigeon-toed or bowlegged, also good—that should only be seen in cowboys, not accomplished riders. Of course, boys like their women to come with legs already spread...do you have a boy that would rather have you with legs spread, Miss Curran?'

I told her no, and she seemed pleased. 'Good. They are unnecessary distractions with all sorts of disgusting habits.' She kept circling me, looking me up and down like I was a horse she was examining for show ring disqualifications."

The memory made Gwen's dream flash again into her head, making her reel a bit at the association before she pushed it out and keep going. The story was painful to recall, but still necessary to tell.

"She put her riding crop under my...under both of my breasts and pushed up. I was more ready this time, and didn't flinch, even though I was shocked she would touch me there. 'Your breasts are well-suited for the show ring,' she told me. 'Just the right size for hiding under a morning coat. Many judges tend to find riders who bounce their way all over the ring distracting and unappealing. I myself have to use an athletic bandage to keep everything in place.' I know it's weird Natalie, but I felt proud, like I had earned that compliment, like I was a proper lady who didn't flaunt her body. She continued to inspect me, then refilled our wineglasses. I gulped it down again to keep from spilling, not choking too much, and the courage I was beginning to get from the alcohol was very much needed. After she returned the bottle to the counter, she went back to her desk and sat behind it, ramrod-straight as ever. 'Walk about the room until I tell you to stop.' I did as she said even though I was mortified to be showing myself that way. Miss Ritter continued to issue corrections as I moved, having me turn one way, then the other. I really felt like I was being worked out on a longe line. She must have had me walk around like that for half an hour before she made get on my hands and knees and clean up what I spilled. After I was done, she told me to sit opposite her at her desk. I felt so foolish, doing my best to imitate her posture by sticking my chest out at her.

'An acceptable start,' she told me. 'You may not be a hopeless case. I see you taught four lessons today; which do you feel was more tiring—those, or your own lesson tonight?'

My own, I told her.

'I am not surprised. I removed you from your element, your place of safety. That in itself takes much stamina. In turn, it most likely lessens your will to question, to resist. Do not forget that when working with others, both equine and human.

You are needlessly shy, which does nothing for your air of confidence. When you project authority no matter the situation, whether you have just been thrown by your mount, or berated by a judge, or are naked in front of me, you will have successfully learned what I am teaching you now.' She paused for a moment to let it sink in while I took another gulp of wine. It was going down a lot easier now.

'In addition to poise under pressure and pain, one must exhibit control in times of great mental and physical joy. To show great pleasure in these times opens the door to potential weaknesses that may be exploited by others later. For instance, one should not show their pleasure in defeating those who compete against you. Rather, you must make it appear as if it were the expected outcome. This in turn, may make them question if you are correct.

Controlling one's reactions to great physical pleasure can be difficult, but still, it is one I believe should be practiced in order to all forms of pleasure easier to mask and therefore exploit. I will demonstrate. Please follow me, Miss Curran.'

She stood up and walked over to an open doorway, never bothering to check if I was following. I guess she just assumed I would. I walked in behind her and saw that she had led me to her bedroom. I almost started to hyperventilate! I told myself I had no idea what she intended to do, but I think I really did. She told me to stand at the end of the bed where she could observe my posture, and then opened up the drawer on her nightstand, took something out, and sat on the bed. I couldn't believe my eyes when she lay down and opened her legs right in front of me!

I knew I shouldn't be looking, but I had really never taken a good look at myself down there, much less another woman, and I guess I was a little curious. Since the rest of her body was perfect, I guessed her privates were perfect, too, and I wanted to know what that looked like. Her hair was blonde down there as well, and it made her...parts...very easy to see. It all looked so foreign, so scary...but I was fascinated with what was between her legs, and even more so that my boss seemed to be perfectly at ease with me seeing her that way.

She turned a knob on the end of the thing she had taken out of the drawer, and it began to buzz. A vibrator! I had heard about them in school of course, the other girls talking about them like they were great boyfriend substitutes, but I had never actually seen one.

She put it at the top of her privates and pressed it down a little, then pushed a finger from her other hand into the lips where I guessed her opening was. She did this for a while, one hand moving the vibrator around while the other hand was busy below it. Her hips were thrusting in and out, but she never made a sound. Finally, she pressed the vibrator down really hard and her finger disappeared all the way inside her, and she seemed to shudder a little, like she was cold. Then she just turned off the vibrator, opened her eyes and looked up at me, not even bothering to close her legs.

'As you can see Miss Curran, even in a time of great physical pleasure, I maintain control. No thrashing about, no senseless wailing. And yet, the result is every bit as satisfying. My body is relaxed, and my mind is clear.' And then she got up, as balanced and poised as though she had just dismounted from a circuit around the ring, and handed me the vibrator.

I'm sure I took it from her like it was something dangerous. I knew what it was for, and where it had just been. Even the way I was holding it, I could feel how hot it was!

'Now you, Miss Curran. I would like to see how much control you have in the same situation.'

I froze. I couldn't say no, I didn't want to say no, but I had absolutely no experience with what she was telling me to do.

'You know I expect you to promptly follow my directions, Miss Curran.' She told me.

'Yes Miss Ritter, it's just that I've never...had...used...one of these before.' I held it out to her like it was a very expensive and complicated tool.

She grabbed it back from me. 'Then just use your fingers, Miss Curran! I'm sure you know how to do that?'

I shook my head no, trying to keep my chin up while avoiding eye contact with her.

'I find it hard to believe you have not pleasured yourself before! This cannot be true!'

'No ma'am, I haven't.'

'I'm sure the boys you have rutted with did not give you any satisfaction, am I correct?'

I told her I had never been with a boy.

'If you are telling the truth, then I admire your self-control. However, an orgasm is an excellent practice tool, and is beneficial as a reward for good behavior. Lay on the bed.'

I did, a little afraid of what I knew might be coming next." Gwen stopped, afraid to say what she was thinking. Finally, she continued. "And I have to admit, a little excited.

'Spread your legs,' she told me. 'I expect you to focus on the task at hand—I do not wish you to be here all night.'

My face must have been beet red, but I did it—I exposed myself to her. Only my doctor had ever seen me like that, and I decided he didn't count because he was behind that sheet where I couldn't see him and therefore wasn't real. I just closed my eyes, unable to put my hand...down there...and then I felt the bed sag between my knees. I looked down, and there she was—looking very business-like, kneeling, turning on the vibrator. She walked forward a bit until her knees were touching my thighs, and then she...she ran her finger up me. She did that for a few minutes, making sure I was lubricated, I guess, and then put the vibrator on me. I jumped, but her own body made it so I really couldn't go anywhere.

'Control yourself,' she reminded me, and I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on my actions, but the feelings I was getting from down there was very distracting. I did manage to just accept her finger when she pushed it in me. It was all I could do to not make noise, and I knew my hips were starting to move, but I remembered hers had too, and I hoped it was alright.

I was starting to get close to--you know—my release and I was starting to worry about whether I would be able to control myself. There were a few times I had pressed my crotch into the saddle horn when I was riding, and I knew how weak that made me, and I already felt a lot better than that.

All of the sudden she stopped and I could feel her backing away from me. I was afraid I had done something wrong and I opened my eyes again, ready to apologize, but she was on her stomach, her face right in front of my...of my privates. Her hands came up to my chest, and her tongue went up between into my crotch and the tip licked my clitoris! She was using her mouth on me! I was shocked and a little grossed out, but it felt so good! Well, it didn't take long for me to finish. I did my best to stay composed, but I had never felt that good before—it was a little scary, and I thought maybe something was wrong. It finally passed though, and Miss Ritter got off the bed.

'You will need to practice your self-control,' she admonished. 'But you did adequately for your first time, if that truly was your first time. Your lesson is over—go home. We will continue your training soon. In the meantime, you will practice all of what I have taught you tonight.' And then she handed me the vibrator. 'Practice with this, as well. You will show me what you have learned the next time.'

Natalie, a look of horror on her face, interrupted the sniffling woman. "Gwen, did she rape you?"

"Of course not! Women can't rape women! And besides, I wanted to...do whatever...whatever she told me to! I remember how Daddy would demand total compliance from his staff or else, so I told myself for years that I only did it because she was my boss, and I had to do whatever she said, and that it was all part of my instruction. But I can't lie to myself any more...I wanted to. I loved being told what to do—it made someone else responsible for my weakness, for my sickness!" Gwen buried her face in her hands and began to cry as Natalie moved behind her to envelop the stricken woman in a hug. They stayed like that for a while, Gwen's sobs softening to sniffles.

"From then on, I would go to her apartment once every week or two for another lesson. She showed me how to use a lot of different sex toys, and she had me practice what I was learning on her. I even...used my tongue on her...down there."

"She used you, Gwen. That was a horrible thing to do."

"Maybe, but as sick as it sounds, I think I liked being used. And in a way, I used her too. I got to experience all those really perverted things mostly guilt-free, at least when they were happening, because she 'made' me do it! And it's not like she didn't teach me things I could use in my riding instruction—she would work with me away from her apartment, too."

"You said Tim knows about this?"

"Some. I tried to hide Tim from her as long as I could. I enjoyed my lessons with Miss Ritter, but Tim...well Tim made me weak in my knees whenever I was around him. I knew right away I wanted to spend my life with him. Miss Ritter made me feel good in certain ways, but not like I loved her and wanted to spend my life with her. Tim was a whole different story...still, I was really worried I might not like boys...that way...so I let him touch me down there a few times to make sure I liked it. He wasn't as good as Miss Ritter at it, but he was certainly good enough. I touched him, too, so I would know I could do what would be expected of me if we got married.

But I went into a panic after Tim did ask me to marry him. I said yes, but knew it would be wrong to hide my perversions from him. So the next time we saw each other I told him I had been intimate with her—I didn't give him any details-- so he could tell me what a sick freak I was and never see me again.

Only, he didn't. He asked if I loved her, if I preferred her over him. I told him no and that I had just done it to keep my job. And all he said was that if I wanted to quit so I wouldn't have to do it to keep my job he would support me until we got married.

A part of me wanted to punch him—he shouldn't have been that understanding!—but the rest of me knew what an incredible man I had. The problem was, I know I didn't want to stop, but I had to. So, the next day I went to Miss Ritter and told her that I was getting married and I would have to stop my lessons.