All Comments on 'A Night Out With The Lads'

What a fantasy! Great story, well written More please!

I noticed you have just joined on here and had five stories published in one day. My unsolicted advice would be to slow down and be more careful, if your intent is to have readers enjoy your efforts.

This story might have been interesting but was rendered unreadable by the sheer volume of run-on sentences, fragmented sentences, misspelled and incorrect words. By the time I got halfway through I was amazed that this did not get rejected before seeing the light of day.

I believe you meant lit, not light as in "dimly light", which appeared several times.

Why was it strange for you and your wife to be directed to male and female changing rooms, unless you were sent into the wrong ones for your gender?

I got the feeling that the reader was supposed to have known something about the characters before reading, as if there should have been an order in which your stories were to have been read. If that was the case, a note at the top of the story is helpful.

The dashes between the words, such as "to-go-with-the-flow" were also confusing.

We all screw up around these parts from time to time, and you'll find that a few minutes of checking is time well spent.

Use a little imagination WHILST the wife has sex with strangers. WHILST young guys are very abrupt and WHILST they are not noted for their class WHILST trying to get some pussy it would be better if WHILST trying the would use some reality which you don't WHILST writing about your slut wife getting fucked WHILST you are going out. I think you get the message Whilst reading this comment. Oh and another thing...why do Brits use the word WHILST it really distracts and sounds like a British fag word? Several writers use it and they are all just about as bad as you in writing about an erotic encounter. It really sounds like you are the same person...are you?