All Comments on 'A Permanent Visitor Ch. 01'

That was not an ending; that was a stopping. (And yes, I saw the "Ch.01" part. Even so, in this venue, the chapters need to have endings.)

Otherwise, it's a pretty decent story, a little uneven in places, but the story line shows great promise. I think the one thing I would like to see is a little more self-confidence and resolve in the man. If this story is going where it appears to be headed, he's going to need it.

Good start. Nice fantasy set-up. Liked the internal conflict the narrator goes through. It felt realistic.

Only down side was the stopping point....Bad.

If you just added another sentence or two.

Like:

I repeated my question. She wasn’t talking. I shrugged my shoulders. That’s alright.... I had all night to work on her.

Anyways.... Looking forward to reading the next chapter.

Good start! I'm interested to see where this is going. I hope you'll post regularly.

Right, just out of the blue this would happen, and ne would be in no danger, either from her or "they." Face it, anyone who would trust her is a moron.

I like the story so far. Granted there are a few "Real world" concerns as mentioned by another reviewer but that is why it's called fiction. That being said the conflict going on between him and his dominant side is very good. I look forward to the next chapter.