All Comments on 'A Picture Is Worth 1000 Words'

The way this story has been written has completely confused me. Maybe it is just me but I got lost and parts of it didn't make sense.

Maybe English isn't your first language? I'm sure there is a storyline there but it got lost in the bad grammar.

I like your style and it made perfect sense to me. Excellent

What bad grammar? Some people don't know the difference between grammar and style. Well written and not confusing at all.

this needs a total rewrite by a GOOD WRITER that uses a GOOD EDITOR. way to many stupid errors and too many question marks where they don't belong, add that to the poor sloppy writing and poor sloppy plot and you have a waste of time that never should have been posted.

Fuck the pricks , I read the story & was not confused. Fuck these people. Good job, keep writing. Thanks.

Good dialogue - nervous, hesitant, shy. Characters should have been younger, but I guess there are rules here. This is tender. Premise is believable. Good job.

For the most part, I liked the story. I didn't like reading they fucked and had fucked for a long time. Then you tossed in the first experience kind of awkwardly, but you finally got it done. The dialogue made me laugh at my own memories; I had no idea the first time, but I spent some time getting there! Story seems a little erratic, but good.

RS

Was leBonhomme writing from experience? This seemed so true-to-life, the way it unfolded. Vicky had obviously half made up her mind in advance to seduce her young brother. I wonder who she told the girl she talked out off the Pill she planned to do it with. Then there was the half determined, but turned-on way she carried out the deed - very realistic. Did her brother catch on later and how did he feel about it. Do we need a sequel, as the sibs explore all the possibilities in the book?

Enjoyed the story a lot. A comment for Anonymous about the pills. First, your comment makes no sense. Second, you are very right - you are a wanker and probably can't do that any better than you write. Why don't you come back, identify yourself and provide us with a link to all your wonderful stories.

I would like to see this story continued over the rest of the parents' vacation. They still have a lot of learning and exploring to do.

It's like every other thing the characters say they are saying hmmm or ummm. It was extremely annoying. Loved everything else but that almost killed it

so much for the sex education in the school

You wrote "Hum" up to 20 times and "Hmm" a ridiculous 59 times. By page two, I kept thinking that they were doing impressions of Billy Bob Thornton's character from "Sling Blade".

Hmm! Hm-hmm! He only wishes he were. In a following chapter, you can read how the brother imagined his first time might have been. That is from experience.

Many thanks for all the comments.

I've tried to explain elsewhere, that people don't speak and think in full, grammatically correct sentences. They leave off the obvious subject; just use a couple of words, not expressing the rest, because it is obvious to them and they assume it is to the other person, especially when there are only two persons. Sometimes they don't finish a spoken sentence because they feel it would be too tactless, blunt, embarrassing to say what they're thinking, leaving to the other person infer what they might mean, maybe teasing him/her to do so.

AND they use a lot of non-verbal communication, all those hmms and hums, sometimes for the same reasons. For example, when they're looking at the book, that lets them avoid saying something like: "Wow, a cock looks like that!" "Do you think that is as arousing as I do?" They are not going to put their thoughts in words, maybe even in their thoughts, but can't suppress a "Hmm!" "Hmm?" or aroused hum.

Thanks for sharing.

So innocent and curious.....I was reminded of my first time with my sister when we were teens. So ready and willing to do it with each other but so hesitant to make sure neither one of us did something the other didn't want. Thank you for the memories and please write more!

I got the nervousness and hesitant feeling very easily but the dialog was a bit convoluted with all the hmmmmmmmming and what not, I realize that was a way to express that but it just got annoying and made me think of the strange way that they spoke in the speed racer cartoons and I didn't make it through the whole story.

Use a few of them in a story, like a pinch of spice in a dish you're cooking, and it can add to the story. Use too much, and it becomes unpalatable. As several people have mentioned, you really overdid it with the "Hmm" variations. Instead of writing out "hmm" over and over, write that the character moaned. Or groaned. Or gasped or sighed. It's okay to describe the sound or effect you're going for without using an onomatopoeia to keep those sounds as dialog. If your readers are taken out of the story to start counting how many times you used a "hmm" variation, then your readers are taken out of the story. Period.

You've demonstrated that you can write better than this, and I'm sure you will again. Everyone is entitled to an off-day, or an off-story. Maybe you can even pull this, make some changes, and resubmit it. I'm sure it would do better if you can keep your reader's attention focused on the actual story.

as a writer it is up to YOU to make sure YOU properly explain EVERYTHING to the readers we don't know what is going on in the story or your warped head soe EXPLAIN EVERYTHING. do all readers a favor and delete all stories and rewrite them PROPERLY.

Thank you for your well written comment. I have a couple of followers (can't call them fans) who harp on this. They are, however, only a couple of the 41,000 who have clicked on the story, 375 who have rated it and many who have “favorited” it. This definitely is not one of my “off-stories”.

I understand what you are saying. I have a different slant on the subject. With all the dialogue in my stories, I think it is easier to read, easier to follow the flow of the dialogue, if it is not interrupted to express in words what the hums imply (“hmm” when it's within the quotation marks for a speaker's remark). Also, a “hmm” is seldom a sigh, moan, gasp or groan, more often a mild or almost silent snort (but those anonymous “followers” don't like that word, believing on pigs and horses snort).

A “Hmm?” expresses a questioning, reflexive response to something, usually to what the person has just heard. A “Hmm!” expresses a surprised response. In both cases, what the person then replies may agree with or contradict the reflexive response. A “Hmm,” (just a comma) expresses the response of a person's taking a moment to consider how to reply. In face-to-face conversation, raised eyebrows, a frown, a twitch of the lips might express the same thing, but putting in words the response would break up the flow of the dialogue as a written text.

Apparently, many readers have no problem with my style, and quite a few have put me on their list of favorite authors. The anonymous critics play their game. I expect other readers will share my opinion of them.

Always enjoy your stories!

You forgot to have your characters snorting like adenoidal warthogs in the middle of every sentence.....I feel cheated......

If so many people tell you that the humming is bloody annoying, you could (as you do) say that you have a different opinion, or maybe you could take the hint. It's a story, not a court transcript, or one of a police interview. A story is all about imagination by the reader, and it seems like you want to kill that imagination by defining to the last syllable what's being said, or hummed.

And that's a pity, because the plot is great. The story is believable. The characters are believable too. (It's refreshing that the girl's breasts don't have their own gravitational field and that the guy's member isn't measured in feet.)

But you practically kill it with that tsunami of hums. Not to mention the chuckles, wry smiles, grins, mumbles and moans. "She moaned and I moaned and we were both moaning." Yes, thank you, I figured one wouldn't be quoting Nietsche when he's about to hump his sister. Then there are a couple of grammatical mistakes, mostly leaving out the 'd' at the end of a perfect tense (glance instead of glanced etc).

So you definitely have the potential to write not just good but great stories, but for that you need to work on your writing skills. When nobody else writes conversations the way you do you should ask yourself why this is.

Thank you for your comment, the most intelligent one about this.

You know you are in agreement with some other commentators, but probably also know that the story has received a great and quite delighted response from many other readers..

I guess there are readers with short wicks, who just want to envision that their own is in there. Apparently, however, there are other readers who accept the non-verbal expressions that all people use, who maybe could relate them to their own experience, or who maybe anticipated that the detail in the dialogue suggested that the action would also be describe in such detail.

I hope that they thought it was. .