All Comments on 'A Promise Made, A Promise Kept'

to what I would hope is a long a productive writing career. I'll be watching for more from you, BRAVO!

As this is a first effort, I'm sure your writing will mature,<p>A couple of problems I noticed:<p>1) Spelling: There were some notable errors, beginning with the opening comments<br>2) The writing, while technically generally correct, was dry and a bit clinical. I felt like you were reciting facts at me, not talking to me.<p>There are good editors on the site. I suggest you find one and use that person's services to tune up your skills. There's some promise in this effort.

Great ideas in this one but it was over far too quickly.

There was a really nice build up and the characters had so much back story but there wasn't enough exploration on them.

A good start though.

I enjoyed the tale, it held my attention and generated more than a little heat. I, too feel you could have expanded the experience as they joined in the bed. A little more background or filling out of the tale regarding their lives at this point would help. How is it she has the estate.

A little more foreplay would help as well. Wonderful first effort.

I enjoyed your story. You could have fleshed it out a bit more, especially how he got the experience and her feelings about it. That said, well, done and I look forward to more from you. -Ttom

You say you write scifi for teens...surely you can't be a professional writer. If all your writing is as inept as this, nobody would want to read it. Use your imagination, for heaven's sake. The plot of this story has already been used in thousands of trashy romance novels.

Awesome story unlike everyone else I truly enjoyed reading it. The ending was so beautiful keep it up.

Your shining star is your sincerity.

In your next stories, try for more "what will happen next" details. Give us the details that will let us speculate, rather than announcing what the outcome(s) will be in advance? You could share her interior monologs...what her thoughts are as the events unfold.

Thanks for sharing! :+))

Hey,

CalliGirl71,

I loved this one, please continue, and expand on these...xoxox Mark

The hymen is a thin piece of mucosal tissue that surrounds or partially covers the external vaginal opening. A small percentage are born with hymens that are imperforate and completely obstruct the vaginal canal. It forms part of the vulva, or external genitalia, and is similar in structure to the vagina.[1][2] The term comes straight from the Greek, for 'membrane' so if 'He pulled almost all the way out before pushing back in until he reached my maidenhead' his penis was very small.