All Comments on 'A Proper Spanking'

Well done!

You have a gift.

Thank you for sharing it.

SliperyRox

Please do not be like the americans on here.Not laying face down but lying face down.Very few of them on here can cope with the verbs to lie and to lay but one should do better from down under.

This is a well conceived vignette. It is not a story, short or otherwise. I haven't read your other submission, but from its title and abstract, I infer it is prologue to this, if nearly four years late. I shall give it five stars, but only because there is potential and the grading system is too coarse a granularity.

Now the bad:

"Her words were cut short by the load slap across her delicate cheek."

I'm sure you meant 'loud' rather than load.

"Her eyes; until that morning innocent and bright, were glassy and wild."

The semi-colon is not the correct punctuation here. It should be a comma. When trying to simulate archaic speech forms, punctuation becomes critically important in conveying the proper sense of the dialogue.

"causing her to reach down involuntarily and massage her clit."

I am pretty sure that 'clit' is anachronistic to the period language. Once you start doing period, you should stay in period.

"of her husbands adversary"

How many husbands does she have? Why are they against her?

"was him withdrawing in the last throws of orgasm"

What a strange thing to be throwing around. Or, did you mean 'throes'?

These just popped out at me; I may have missed others. (That's how you use a semi-colon.) You cannot rely on spell checking to find typos, nor should you ever use auto-completion (that vile abomination). Get a real person to proof your copy.

An exhuberantly silly story that defies any similarity to reality.

Hi all, thanks for the feedback, especially the constructive!

Not many people go to the trouble to do this and it helps, it probably is more flattering because you know the person has gone to the trouble, so they must like your story a little!

I must admit I was not happy with the latter part of this story (the 'exciting' bit). I don't mind creating tension etc. (that was all my first story was) but it is hard to transition to the tasty bits (for me). I rushed the last half IOT get another story out after so many years, as a result I did revert to modern, boring, popular porn language, which I wasn't happy with. Also, as well pointed out, despite a number of quick proofs my punctuation suffered, especially during dialogue.

I am also appalled that someone busted me using 'americanese' dam! I mean damn!

Thanks again

PK

Very good, nice historical element to a husband chastising then buggering his naive wife, next episode should include the maid and mistress being sodomized while performing cunnilingus, just a thought.