A Satyr's Mate Ch. 11-12

There were behavioral characteristics that seemed to be passed down through the generations, too. It was no accident that volatile, sickly, or skittish satyrs rarely found mates during the season. No satyress would allow herself to propagate those traits as it would mean certain death to the flock. They cropped up as anomalies every so often, probably due to inbreeding, which was difficult to avoid with so few females.

"Where do satyrs get their almost aggressive mating habits? Big horn sheep appear pretty docile. Even during mating season."

"You assume that it is a sheepish trait and not a human one? Humans are animals, too. Perhaps you should observe your own reflection this mating season. You, my dear, are no more civilized than I."

***

We named our little buck Draco. It wasn't the name I had picked out, but coined upon birth when he knocked over a candle that caught my latest weaving project on fire. He was another Faustus, always in trouble for something.

Mari continued to see Finn in secret. She was careful to visit the hot spring after each copulation so it went undetected by the satyr flock. She wouldn't discuss it with me, even though I could see how it was tearing her apart to split her time between the flock and Finn. There were other challenges, too. Every available satyr buck courted her, even though she wasn't in season by satyress standards.

She cycled more like a woman than a satyress, experiencing menses fairly regularly. This made her scent confusing to the bucks. They believed her to be ready for breeding. She showed no interest in any of them, though, and I lost all hope of her becoming alpha.

Then, just as spring was turning to summer, a miracle happened. Mari showed up pregnant. It was Finn's child, of course, and our Baltian side of the family, as we'd come to refer to them, were thrilled about it. Dolphus was ecstatic with the evidence that a satyress could be impregnated in the off-season. It gave us hope for the flock. Aeron wasn't as thrilled.

I think it was a blow to his ego, in a way. The flock had practically crowned Mari as alpha. Not officially, but through whispered conjecture that I'm certain Aeron heard. It was hard for me to relate to the dynamics of the situation. Aeron wasn't attracted to Mari, but then again, he wasn't particularly attracted to Kira, either. It wasn't about attraction, it was about propagating desirable genes.

I guess I was just a romantic at heart because I kept hoping that Aeron would ignore tradition in favor of taking Lena as a lifelong mate. No one suggested that it was even an option, but that didn't stop me from hoping. When Kira missed a breeding season, rumors really flew about what had happened, and my hopes soared far too high.

Mari wasn't banned from the flock, but her status dropped dramatically. If she wasn't going to breed with a satyr, she was less valuable to them, somehow.

The dual standard was very subtle, but still there. Dolphus could remain a second to Aeron even though he had a human mate, but a satyress was not afforded the same consideration. It seemed terribly unfair and I wasn't shy about voicing my opinion on the matter to anyone who would listen. Unfortunately, this became a very heated topic, causing a lot of problems for Dolphus, who was caught in the middle of it all, but also endangering my life.

I didn't hear the charge until just moments before impact. I only had time to spin toward the thundering sound before the horns connected with my torso. It was a low hit, across my lower abdomen. It knocked the wind out of me immediately, then I passed out.

I bled for days, barely staying awake long enough to eat and drink. The satyr buck who'd struck me without provocation was banned from the flock. He'd been a good friend of Faustus' and this caused some real tension between us. The underlying sentiment was that on some level, I had it coming to me.

The same way a satyr can tell when a female is impregnated, they can also tell when she is not viable. Apparently, my body was no longer releasing hormones that would allow me to produce eggs. I was sterile.

I took the news hard.

At first, I tried focusing on other things. Valame taught me how to weave clothing with threads they brought back from Sibiu. Mari kept a trunk of clothing in the grotto behind the picnic spot halfway to the Baltian settlement. She would don clothing there before arriving in the little village and then strip them off again before coming up the mountain. She'd never taken to wearing cloth on her body, and I'm quite certain Finn didn't mind that one bit, but it made some of the Baltian mistresses uncomfortable to see her bared. It was understandable. Mari was a statuesque beauty with full, round breasts, and the curvy hips and lean musculature of a satyress. No male could resist gawking at her beauty, regardless of species.

I weaved clothing for Mari, and blankets for their baby's bedding, but it did nothing to quiet the nagging voice in my head. I'd failed Dolphus. All he'd ever really wanted was a mate to bear his children and increase flock numbers. I could not provide that for him.

I came to realize that I was no longer needed by anyone. Mari had Finn and his family to care for the baby when it came. Lucius hardly showed his face around the homestead unless he happened to be in the area and was hungry. Draco, being forced to grow up very quickly due to my accident, had also found other interests outside home. They were satyrs. It was in their blood to be self-reliant.

A restlessness grew inside me that felt like home-sickness. It didn't make any sense, because the only home I'd really ever known was Dolphus' domicile, and I was in it every day. There was another feeling beginning to creep over me, one that I was more familiar with. It was the same dark cloud that threatened to take me after we lost our firstborn.

I decided I needed some time away, and so one morning, after Dolphus left to meet with Aeron, I headed out on the trail. I had no plan. I simply wandered where my feet took me. A couple of hours later, I found myself at the lookout that had once been my favorite spot in all the universe.

Loneliness stung me on all sides like a thousand hornets. Laying out before me was the lonely city in which I'd grown up. A life that went nowhere until I was sold into slavery and bought by Dolphus. I tried to remember the things he'd said about seeing me for the first time, how it made him feel, but I couldn't recall any of it. Of course, he hadn't said anything about his feelings. I'd only imagined that he felt something.

As I pondered our relationship, I realized that we'd come together by very different paths. Dolphus was first attracted to my physical attributes, my size, my long, dark wavy hair, so much like a satyresses curly tresses. It prompted his analytical mind to give him ideas about genetics and evolution. I was the only human available to carry out his plan.

I, on the other hand, was not immediately physically attracted to Dolphus. It was his gentleness, his patience, his intelligence that won me over. I fell in love with him long before I was able to physically react to him.

The difference was only apparent to me now. Somehow it didn't matter before. We had a common purpose, a shared goal. We both wanted lambkin. It was for different reasons, but I ignored that detail. I needed offspring so that I might feel loved and needed, and Dolphus needed them to add numbers to his precious flock. It never once occurred to me that I was merely patching a wound that would not go away. Now the patch was gone and the wound was exposed to the cruel elements.

I heard movement behind me. I knew it was Dolphus without turning around. He was panting heavily, no doubt from running to catch up to where I was. He approached and stood beside where I was sitting.

"I have been looking for you."

I glanced at his hooves next to me, and then back at Sibiu. I wasn't sure what to say at that point. I knew it was time for me to leave but I was having difficulty forming the words.

Dolphus crouched down to brush my hair behind my shoulder and expose my face to him. "Are you unwell?"

I sighed. "I guess you could say that."

Dolphus frowned in confusion. He deserved a better explanation from me than that. He'd never hidden his intentions from me.

"You once told me that you'd set me free. I want you to do that now. I'm going to try and make a life for myself in Sibiu."

Dolphus lowered his rump to the ground and stretched his legs in front of him. "Why would you do this?"

"I can't keep going on with this empty space inside me. I need something I can't get from this place. I need to feel loved and needed."

My declaration was met with silence. I knew it would be. Dolphus could never understand what I was going through.

"It's not your fault. You've never pretended to be something you're not. It's just ... without a cosset's love, I don't think I can bear the emptiness."

I could clearly hear Dolphus' teeth grinding together. He did that when he was very tense. "I can't ..."

I looked up at him when his words broke off. His face was contorted like he was in pain.

"I will come with you."

"No, Dolphus. You don't understand. I need to try and move on. I need to find someone to love who will love me back. Who wants to be with me for me, and doesn't care that I can't have children."

"You are my mate."

"But I can no longer mate. I can't bear lambkin. I know how important it is for you to increase flock numbers. I can't help you."

"This does not matter."

I sighed at how stubborn he was being. I hadn't expected this much resistance from him. "Look, it's okay. I'm going to be fine."

"I will not be fine."

I was about to launch into a longer speech when his sentence stopped me.

"I will die without you."

It was a little over the top, especially for Dolphus. "Don't be silly..."

"I do not want to live one moment without you at my side."

I held my breath for fear of waking myself from this dream. I was sure I'd fallen asleep and was now putting words in Dolphus' mouth. The very sentiment that I desperately needed from him.

"You believe that I bought you as a slave to give me lambkin, but you are wrong. I bought you so that I wouldn't lose you. Had you not come up for auction, I would have tried to court you, although I'm not certain I would have succeeded."

"Why not?"

"When I first came into contact with you in that alley, something strange happened. My mind scrambled and I could not form words. I had planned to tell you not to worry, that I would not let you go to the mines, or to that foul-smelling ogre who was stalking you. But your hair...your green eyes ... and you were less frightened of the auction than you were of me. I thought my assurances would not be welcomed. I struggled with what to say to such a strong, beautiful, Baltian woman."

I remembered the scene as if it were yesterday. How it was difficult to see his face in the shadows.

"Then you brushed past me, and any remaining logic escaped me completely. I wanted to grab you and steal you away right then. I might've done it, had the slavers not descended upon you moments later."

"Why have you never told me this?"

"What? Confess that I am known to lose my mind where you are concerned? It is hardly a practice to be proud of. Many times you have pushed me to the brink of madness, Ashira."

"I've caused a lot of trouble for you."

"Non, little one. You've made my life whole. I would not trade a moment of it."

"I got myself attacked by speaking my mind."

"That was not your fault. That buck was not right in the mind to snap like that. You mustn't blame yourself. You were defending Mari. Your protectiveness and bravery are two of your most admirable qualities."

"You once told me that bravery was my weakness."

"I was stupid. And overly protective. I didn't want anything bad to happen to my mate. But your bravery is what brought us Mari. And Lucius and Draco. I've come to rely on it as much as I do everything else about you." Dolphus leaned over and nuzzled my hair affectionately.

"I'm not as strong as you think. I need to hear these things from you. I need to know that you love me."

"Do I not show you all the time?"

"That's not the same thing. Having sex is ... different."

"Not for me. Do you think it possible for me to grow erect for anyone but you? If you recall, it was not so easy at first. It was only after becoming attached to you that it became easy. Now, I can hardly contain myself around you, regardless of the season, and it grows more intense each year. That is not sex or breeding. It is a sign of my deep affection for you. My love, as you call it."

My eyes teared up as he spoke the word.

Dolphus tipped my chin up so he could look me squarely in the face. "I love you, Ashira. The only reason I don't say it is because the words have little meaning compared to the depth of my emotion."

I burst into sobs and Dolphus immediately pulled me into his lap, wrapping himself around me as if to shield me from the world. I'd had what I wanted and needed all along, I was just too blind to see it. I'd been so foolish.

When my sobs subsided, Dolphus whispered softly. "You are free to do as you wish, Ashira. You have always been free. But if you leave, I will hunt you down and find you."

I shook my head, nuzzling his warm neck. "I'm not going anywhere without my mate."

"Hmmm. Just to be certain, perhaps I should tether you to our bed. Yes?"

********