All Comments on 'A Secret Not Well Kept'

... the sex got a little bit short. I understand why, and I really liked the approach of telling a whole story and almost a tale. Keep on writing, as I really like your stories

Sweet! Nice fairy tale! It was fun to read. I too wish there were more details in the sex acts. It would have garnered a "5" if these was in your story.

But I did give it "4-" :)

Thanks for writing!

Someone said "fairy tale"; perhaps, perhaps not. In any case, I enjoyed it and thank you for a nice story.

I enjoyed this story alot especially from the view point written. The sex was sparse but that was understandable. The only problem I found with this story was a couple of spelling errors such as "high" when it should have been "hi."

you made several major screw ups first when they were following the twins they were talking explicitly about oral sex while the kids were in the back seat, no smart parent would ever do that the kids would be asking all kinds of questions. second after the reunion and they took the mother home WHERE WERE THE KIDS? third after donna met the twins she and her husband and her mother went to dinner ( you said lunch but it isn't lunch at 5:30) but WHERE WERE THE KIDS? fourth when they were at the twins house they are sitting around talking explicitly about sex and once again no mention of WHERE THE KIDS WERE. needs a rewrite by a good writer using a good editor and needs a second chapter to properly end it.

ever-family reunion ( ever family)

get-together (get together)

heart aches (heartaches)

cook out (cookout)

want to nib-shit (ODD EXPRESSION)

cook-out (cookout)

over imbibe (overimbibe)

every one (everyone)

grille (grill)

cannot bare (bear)

under wear (underwear)

them selves (themselves)

day to day (day-to-day)

The premise and story were excellent, if a little clichéd. But the writing far too formulaic, while the prose completely unrealistic. Dialogue felt forced and simply nonsensical at times.

Burn it and start again. This time, maybe participate in a conversation or two with people around you to see how they communicate. It may help you.

Dry 1*

I enjoyed reading this story. AAAAAA++++++