All Comments on 'A Simple Twist of Fate'

Very well written and arrousing...

i thought it was really good. i just wished he told her who he really was. it would have been classic.

had potential but fell flat. too many holes in the plot. If he is so strong and mr. army boy why didn't he put his pain and the ass brothers in their place? instead he gets bullied again, that beats the whole purpose of the character. His face has to be messed up and put together ok enough for a hot girl to go for him yet not know its her brother, thats far fetched atleast try to have a moment where she might figure it out. And u never explain why chris pays for the operation.......huge hole. The plot is good, fix the holes and u have a story.

Joshua had 'recovered' from the amnesia just after his child was safely born.....ah, i am too vengeful.

"living well is the best revenge" is said to be the best revenge - and i guess living well off the family that mistreated you is even better.

some plot weakness, but over all pretty good.

How can no one know him when he's already been home before he got into the accident? And how can Dave be dating his step-sister when she was supposed to be dating a jag-off. Very unclear writing. If someone could shed some light on this, I'd be grateful.

It had a lot potential but it seemed like it was jumping around with those two huge confusions I mentioned in the previous paragraph, and that's just bad storytelling.

This story was amazing and had an interesting take on the sibling incest thing. Only thing I wish is that a few of the plots would have been resolved e.g. Chris paying for the doctor, the wedding and stuff and if he ever told her who he really was after they were settled down and their kid was born. Other than those couple of things this story was great and I hope you keep up the good work.

I liked the plot and how it all played out, except the end. There were too many lose ends, things that didn't make sense. You said he had a broken jaw & cheek<bone>, not catastrophic, and he had the best of plastic surgeon, how did his appearance change that much?, and what happened to his id?. It would have much been better if you had tied up the lose ends, because you're a good writer. It should have come out who he was when the bandages came off, it seemed like he expected it when he 'fessed up to not being Dave: revenge served cold, not letting them get over on him again, from what he said he could handle the fallout w/the brothers and little sis seemed to find him anything but "dickless" now. It just seemed like a waste, at the end, when you obviously had the talent and an excellent premise. Hope you'll write more.

This story had so many holes that swiss cheese looks solid compared to it. He had been gone for only four years and his father forgot who he was come on.

So much happened in your story that it could have been a 2 or 3 parter. You were kind of pushing the envelope with some of your writing about the hospital mix-up. They aways check the arm band and it's not that easy to get a new one. I could bring up more points but this was your fantasy.

chris and that melody the nurse plot is leaking by too many drains or how is term called spilling through. Your supposed to make prologue or something that make sense instead of well four years ago or through the years because well just some of stories of brutal punching bags...so he didn't fight back, so character josh didn't take action like for instance he didn't go all rambo and take out his father or take christ with bomb in car or take dave guy with paranoid ticking of clock something with more evil intent...he was army for godsakes...could been more interesting. Being stuck in hospital sort sucked and having to stuck with out able to do anything mean to chris while being a mummy has bad points?

total bullshit if someone is admitted to the hospital with memory loss and no one claims to know them the police take finger prints and check to see if they can be identified if this happened they would know who he was due to being in the army do some research next time and try to keep it realistic and believable

say what? Pretty confusing to be honest. The plot and storylne were so illogical I couldn't find it sexy.

yes, it is really a good funny story but as cheap one. if you want to find its holes, so many will come with many questions. but who care about that. i read it full, take juices from it and saying no more again. 50/100.

This is just the perfect revenge!!

Very nice event, thanks for sharing it.

I couldnt work out who was who... I couldnt enjoy it because it soo confusing. Why did joshua think he was john :S

I followed the story quite well. I hope they have a happy life together. I just wonder if he can truly be happy living a lie.

Nice work!

I liked it! :)

Can you make another a sequel?

Or maybe a series!

Awesome job!

Kind of a reverse Cinderella?? With a twist. It was good. I liked it.

Why does no one give a shit about the guy as to forget him... what happened to Dave. Why is a non incest story in the incest section? Lastly lol at the legal notice.

the hospital and /or police could have ran his prints and as a vet they would have been in the system

its called afvis and they would only use it if they knew he was military personel and based on the setting it seems to be in a town with limited connections to federal databases that holds military identification that said it may not even be in a country with such things as DMV fingerprinting

This was a pure fantasy and it was great.

If readers wanted to take it more seriously, then yes there are a lot of holes and problems with the story. But please remember that these stories here are fantasy folks, not real-life. (Though I bet some wish it were otherwise.)

the story was good but it seems you just got tired of writing it and threw a one paragraph ending to it leaving me wondering where did the rest of the story go...

This is much better than reading stories where the bad guys always triumph. You gotta write a sequel where they all find out.

just 'that's it, I'm fed up now, they all lived happily ever after, whatever, I can't be bothered with writing any more of this story, so fuck you'. Show some respect for your readers or find another hobby that doesn't bore you so easily. No stars, if you can't be bothered to write properly, I can't be bothered to vote.

The plot & story aren't bad but the ending STINKS!!

EVERYTHING was destroyed in the car crash and the police are completely uninterested in discovering his identity?

He manages to get on with his new life without any need of his previous history and/or records? For starters, how does he get a job without a social security number?

Sorry; can't buy it.

So he is former military, yet fingerprints went taken after the accident. Let alone DNA...which samples are all taken at time of enlistment for potential body identification.

Story is filled with so many holes it distracts from the story as a whole.

it was a good story, but in my opinion u need to revise the story, if u decide to rewrite it or not your choice, i would recommend to leave out the car crash, let Josh get back home, where the nasty step-siblings start back up making his life hell, then have him snap & put them all in their place, hard very hard.

Definitely needs a complete re-write, as the story is muddled and, frankly, weak and poorly thought-out. I would suggest the author read through some of the better authors here, like Xarth, PacoFear, Chunks, beachbum1958, Nikki 2021, or Chargergirl to see how a story like this could be tightly plotted and laid out intelligibly and still be interesting, hot, satisfying, and compelling; at the moment it has more holes than a swiss cheese.

where was the retribution for all the years of their shitty treatment? She laughed and made fun of 'dickless' but loved getting fucked longer and harder and getting knocked up by his bigger than Dave's cock. She needed to be told who she'd been fucking just after he fucked her once more in the ass, laughed and then said, "It's been fun. See Ya', sis.".

To much sex can make ones equipment get SORE

Interesting, but as others pointed out, full of serious plot holes. As someone else pointed out, fingerprints and DNA would identify him. Even more, though, there are the dog tags. After four years in the infantry, and since his MOS was infantry and very likely with time in Iraq, he would be wearing his dog tags out of ingrained habit. When they are in a combat zone, shit happens and soldiers not only wear their tags, they also write their blood type in one or more places on their uniform.

The family would have to be extremely wealthy to cover hospital bills for three months. Facial reconstruction? Yeah, easily over $100k, add likely much higher. You can bet the hospital would be eager to establish an insurance carrier. And, the switch of hospital positions? Could happen, but swapping ID bracelets would invite deeper scrutiny, like comparing physical description. The casts were similar, but not exact, and would again invite closer scrutiny, especially when the patient has claimed amnesia.

Drinking and getting into a car? Well, you can't fix stupid. The chances the other driver would happen to be his step sister's fiance? Only in soap operas does that happen with any regularity.

Other than sleeping with the horny step sister, the main point seems to have been knocking the girl up who had ridiculed and picked on him. His father is withdrawn and doesn't intervene on his son's behalf, and all the steps treat him like dirt? What is his motivation to return home again? If he could get another billet, the Army might have become home. Going to college on the GI bill or getting a blue collar job were viable options. Boot camp and four years service, he should at least be E3 unless he's a total screw up. Then again, he and his friend got drunk and then got into a car.

Yes, it's not incest, but it is taboo, and the category is incest and/or taboo.

As another reader pointed out, it's a fantasy; this one just happens to require a greater suspension of disbelief. It's not bad writing, in fact it was rather engaging, but the situation wasn't clearly thought out, and there's ignorance of hospital safety practices and about the military. Plus, leaving the story here? A 3 is the best it warrants.

That said, while the story is old, the writer should keep writing because practice improves the skill.

Good story. Great imagination and the best Karma!!