by velvetpie
For a story where no actual sex was involved, I have to admit, it was written with flair and it more than made up for some of the trite crap on this site. Congrats on making gum (a habit I had broken myself of) so damnedly sexy. Winterfresh, anyone?
You write so well that I had to look up all of your works and read them. I LOVE this little gem. How sexy AND romantic. I'm a huge fan!
As my title suggests, your story was so freaking cute! I didn't like a few things, however: it was a bit short. I think this could have blossomed into an amazing and sexy love story if you let it. But length is purely your decision, so oh well. Also, I hated how the main character had an orgasm from simply reading a few notes, no matter how arousing. How many girls do you honestly know can orgasm without clitoral stimulation (and possibly penetration)? I guess it's possible (for VERY sensitive girls), but HIGHLY unlikely. I think it would be better if she simply became super aroused, maybe get a little wet. Let's be a bit more realistic here. Lastly, you had a few minor spelling and grammar mistakes. Way better than many sights out there though. On the other hand, I like Carlos' lain back (but also somewhat shy) pesonality exemplified in the last few paragraphs. He seems like an awesome guy already. The idea of the gum wrappers was also very nice. Again, so very sweet and cute. All in all, great short story! Good job. (:
18 :D's / 23 :D's
keep writing! I'd love to continue reading your work (just make them longer).
~ LaLaLadidahGirl <3
What a surprise, I was referred to this story from another.
Loved it.
So sweet & sexy.
Given me some ideas...
Thank you!