A Tale of Two Sisters

The waitress came over, I ordered a bowl of chili and a bottle of Pabst, got out my school books, and started to study.

I ate some of the chili, had a roll, studied stuff about the evolution of the human body and disease. It made sense, we live in a world where there's low mortality but high morbidity; that means few people die, but we're sick all the time. I felt sick right then. I was married to a woman I thought loved me, but I knew she was a lying cheating whore, and I didn't know what to do about it. That gave me pause; there was a guy in my evening class who'd just gone through a tough divorce but he said he'd come through it almost squeaky clean. Maybe I should ask him what he did.

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So it's Thursday, October 11th, and I'm seated in class beside my pal Owen Westerfeldt. Owen's the guy who'd just divorced his wife. We sat through the first hour, we took notes, and we concentrated on what the professor was saying. He was lecturing us about the changes in diseases. He said sixty years ago everybody died of shit like pneumonia and other bacterial infections or they died of things like stomach ailments. Nowadays he said everybody died of shit like cancer, diabetes, or heart disease. He explained all these new diseases were preventable; all people had to do was eat right and exercise. It made sense, but I really didn't care. I was more worried about what my fucking wife was doing while I was taking notes on peoples' fatty livers. Actually I was wondering who else knew about what she was doing. I bet Allen was telling everybody; he has a big mouth, he probably already blabbed it all over town and I just didn't know it. I wondered what Virna meant by crabs?

During break I got a hold of Owen and asked him, "You got through a divorce not long ago?"

He smiled, "Yeah, sure did."

I went on, "I wasn't snooping, but I overheard you saying you caught her cheating on you."

He kept smiling, "You were snooping. I remember, and yeah I did catch her fucking around."

"Well how'd you catch her," I asked?

He was smiling from ear to ear, "You have a problem?"

I nodded, "Think so."

He was really full of himself, "Think she's up to something right now don't you."

I shrugged, "Yeah, maybe."

His smiled faded, "We guys; we've got to stick together. Is it someone you know?"

I was going in deep on this, "Yeah."

"Is he married?"

"Uh huh."

"Want to get both of them?"

"Guess so."

"I can help."

I was all ears, "How can you do that?"

He crossed his arms, "Let's talk about it after class," I nodded, and we both went back inside.

For next hour we sat dazed and confused while the professor went on and on about LDLs, HDLs, triglycerides, starch, calories, abdominal fat, lactose, sucrose, sucralose, Aspertaine, Splenda, and human stupidity. Finally around 10:00 p.m. he let us go. He said he kept us longer because 'we' missed the previous class.

Owen and I went outside. We sat down in his Chevy Suburban. So, he asked, "You're sure she's cheating?"

"No I'm not sure totally, but yeah I guess so."

"Hurts doesn't it."

"I haven't actually caught her," I went on to explain all the symptoms I'd caught.

He listened and responded, "Sounds like something's, but you need to catch her. I don't mean walk in on her; that would be crazy. I mean see if you can't collect some information."

I asked, "How do I do that?"

Owen shrugged, "The best way is to get a private investigator, but I'm pretty sure, like me you're not that well fixed. You could do what I did."

I asked, "Yeah? What's that?"

"You need to get your own shit. You need listening devices, and visual monitors; you know things you can spread around the house, in her purse, in her car."

I shook my head, "I don't have the money for that, and besides I wouldn't know what to do with it if I got it."

Owen put his hand on my shoulder and shook it, "You got me buddy."

"You got all that stuff?"

He told me, "I not only have it. I know how to use it."

I closed in, "You don't suppose..."

He caught my gaze and held it, "I do suppose."

I was still stumped, "What? When? How?"

He got out a scrap of paper and scribbled some stuff on it, "Here's my cell phone number and my email. You already have the email though. You just get her work schedule, or find out when you know she'll be out of the house and not using her car. I'll handle the rest."

'Hey wow,' I thought. I commented, "We're going to a social thing this Saturday. We'll probably be gone all day. We'll be at her parents."

"All right," Owen replied, "You give me your address. Leave a key to the apartment someplace where I'll be able to find it. Call me just before you go to the party, and call again just before you leave to come home."

I wondered, "Will you have enough time?"

He grinned evilly, "Plenty."

We shook hands. I contemplated as I walked back to my car, 'I won't have to do anything. Christ I hope Owen's not a crook. I hope he doesn't rob me blind,' I reconsidered, 'I didn't think so.' Then another thought occurred to me, 'How am I going to figure out what the stuff he's installing is doing? I mean how will I ever be able to read or see it? Do I even want to see anything? What if I saw something that was particularly bad? What if she really is...I don't...I can't think about this?'

I stopped and stood beside my car and held my stomach. Do I really want to do this? Do I really even want to know?

On the way home I wondered what kind of greeting I'd get.

++++++++++

What bullshit! The whole greeting thing turned out to be superfluous; when I got home and to the bedroom she was already in bed pretending to be asleep. This was stupid. I know when she's asleep; she has this little girl kind of snore. Right now she's lying there all still and silent.

This was total horseshit. I decided not to bother her. I mean why? Every time I tried to say anything or get her to talk she turns everything around so we end up talking about me.

I slipped into the bathroom to take a piss. Things were still steamy from her bedtime shower. I glanced over at the dirty clothes hamper. 'No,' I said mentally, 'I'm not going to check to see if her panties are wet.'

I started arguing with myself, 'No I'm not. Oh yes I am.' I gave up. I opened the clothes basket and rummaged around. I found a pair of her panties. I pressed them up against my nose. I hiccoughed back a tearful moment. There was sweat. I knew that smell. There was that woman's smell - fish. Then there was the unmistakable odor of semen; it always smells just like Comet Cleanser. Yes, there it was.

I turned on the shower and climbed in. I afforded myself a good cry. Didn't she know anything? Didn't she know how much I loved her? Jesus I've had dreams where things happened and I rescued her; like the time in a dream when a Great White Shark was about to bite her leg off until I dove in and lured the fish away. He killed and ate me while she swam to safety. There was the dream, or was it a daydream where some guy pulled a gun, and I jumped between her and the bullet. I gave her a kidney once. She had a heart attack and I did CPR and she came back to life. She was kidnapped once, but I found the hideout and saved her life. Jesus doesn't she know anything. What the fuck have I done wrong? I would have done anything for her! Fuck! I already had, but that was another story.

++++++++++

I got a call Friday afternoon while I was at work. It was Owen. He said we should meet someplace on Sunday so he could explain all the things he'd be putting in the apartment. I told him I worked Sunday, but I didn't have to go in until 9:00 a.m. We could meet around 11:00 just before lunch. He said he'd meet me at the hospital where I worked.

Well shit that was one problem solved. Now all I had to do was get through Friday night, the party Saturday, and every other God damned minute and second in between. It's amazing, just fucking amazing how something like this can totally fuck up everything. I kept telling myself, 'I am not going to obsess about this. I am not going to obsess about this.' Of course what did I do; I obsessed.

I got home from work just after 11:00 p.m. Friday night. She was pretending to be asleep again. She'd written me a reminder about Saturday's get together at her parents. How sweet. I slipped out of my nurse stuff, took a shower, and climbed in bed. I lay there on my back. Who was she kidding; she was lying in bed just as far away from me as she could get. I reached over with my left hand and touched the top of her head. I ruffed her hair. Yeah she was asleep all right. I could feel it even through her hair as she tensed up. She really didn't want to have anything to do with me. I couldn't remember the last time I held her in my arms, the last time we kissed, the last time...well. This was heartbreaking.

I got out of bed and went in the living room. I pulled a couple blankets out of the linen closet. I decided to sleep on the sofa.

++++++++++

Saturday morning October the thirteenth rolled around. I got to sleep shortly after 5:00 a.m. We have a cuckoo clock that chimes the hour and every half hour. I'd lain there on the sofa and listened to the damned ticking and chiming all night. I had the most awful fantasies. I saw my wife on her knees taking Allen's enormous pole all the way down her throat. He shot his semen in her mouth, some of it leaked from the side of her lips. He took his index finger, slid it around her chin, and pushed his finger in her mouth. My wife closed her eyes and smiled like she was getting a candy treat. In my fantasy I heard her tell Allen, "Oh you're so good. You're twice the man Gary is." I woke up mad.

Marty came in around 9:00 a.m. She sat down on the sofa beside me and said, "Gary you didn't sleep in bed last night."

I looked at her. She was so pretty, and I felt so sad, "Oh Marty."

She turned her head down and away from me then she got up and walked to the kitchen. As she walked away in a husky voice she said, "Don't forget we go to mom and dad's today at noon."

I sat up on the side of the sofa. I didn't say anything, but I knew she was feeling guilty. I thought, 'Too bad, just too bad and probably too late.'

While Marty got herself ready I decided to take some sort of action. I have to admit it was a pretty feeble action but what I did was to find the same outfit I'd worn when we went away right after our wedding reception way back in 2011. I was lucky; though the tan jeans were worn and the pale blue shirt was short sleeved and would be out of place in October they both still fit comfortably. I knew they would. I pulled them on and slid into the very same Dockers I'd worn a year and a half earlier.

I felt out of sorts putting these old clothes on; they reminded me of our honeymoon. We don't have much money now, but we had no money back then. I remembered we'd loaded my old Chevy with what we had and drove to my foster father's parents for the week. They're dead now, but a year and a half ago they were still hanging on. I'd spent a lot of time on those old peoples' farm when I was a kid cutting grass, leaning out second and third story windows with a coal oil broom knocking down wasp nests, and just taking care of the place for them. Those old people really loved me, and I loved them.

Our honeymoon had been pretty much the same thing. I mean the old house was only about twelve miles from the ocean, but mostly we'd just gone from family to family so everyone would get to know my new wife and sweetheart. Yeah we'd cut some grass and taken care of some old animals for the whole week. I'd had a good time, and I thought Marty had also. Those old people never got many visitors, and I knew they appreciated us being there. I remember the bitch Virna had found an excuse to come down. She came down and made everybody like her, the bitch.

I looked at Marty as she walked out in the new outfit she'd bought for today's party. I considered, 'I guess it hadn't been much of a honeymoon after all. Maybe me wearing what I had on was a mistake.'

Marty came out of the bedroom in her new outfit, and man she as a knockout. She was wearing a pair of dark pleated slacks, high heeled shoes, and a log sleeved oxford short that really highlighted her gorgeous breasts. She took a look at what I had on and for a second I thought I got a glimpse of something that'd been missing. I mean for just an inkling I thought I saw the old Marty; the girl I loved. Then she turned and looked away. She said, "You're not wearing those old rags are you?"

I answered, "You don't like what I have on?"

Still looking away and fiddling with some dishes in the kitchen sink she replied, "No go put on something decent."

I went back to my closet, pulled out a pair of blue jeans and a black long sleeved Tee shirt, a muscle shirt.

When I came back out she looked at my changed attire and said, "God you're queer," but then she checked her watch, "Come on you'll have to wear that."

'Yeah sure,' I thought, 'you're back to your new self.'

We went down and got in my car. She wanted to take hers since it was newer, but I insisted we use my somewhat older Malibu. It was a fourteen year old rattle trap, but I needed Owen to get a shot at Marty's much newer Avalon.

The short trip to her parents was somber and silent. I had nothing to say, and she only had a few remarks. I didn't like any of them. As was customary Marty told me to stay away from Virna. Why she hated Virna so much I couldn't figure out, but since we'd gotten married Virna was like the plague to my wife. Then Marty floored me; she told me Allen, his wife Yvonne and their kid Travis would be there. I didn't like that much at all.

When she told me Allen and Yvonne were going to be at her parents I asked her why. She reminded me Yvonne was a close friend of Virna's and Virna wanted her there. I commented, "So I guess we'll both be avoiding all of them; Virna, Yvonne and Allen," I don't know maybe I thought she winced at that.

++++++++++

I had a pretty good time at the party in spite of what I figured I knew about my wife and in spite of what I knew Owen was doing. I tried to be careful and not go near Virna, but Virna, being the cunt bitch she was ended up with her nose right up my ass.

I had to hand it to her this afternoon. Usually Virna looked like she was dressed in burlap sacks. Not today. Today she had on this pale blue mini-dress with a great looking scooped collar. It had capped shoulders and translucent long sleeves with filmy softly ruffled cuffs. A silk belt wrapped around her waist and it had a bow in the back. The neck and hem of the dress were trimmed in tiny ruffles. She was wearing high heels like Marty. I had to hand it to her she looked especially feminine.

The deal with Virna is she's a lot taller than her sister. Marty's high heels gave her more stature, but the slacks hid her legs. Virna's high heels pushed her legs up and gave everybody a great shot of some really good looking calves and sinfully firm thighs. It made the dress look shorter too. Her breasts weren't as big as Marty's, but the way the top was cut it made her look terrific.

The bitch of course ruined everything; she'd brought a boyfriend; at lest he wasn't the same guy who'd picked her up on Wednesday. This guy was way bigger, and he was a hell of a lot more handsome. This fella must have been 6'6". He looked like a taller darker version of that guy who plays for the San Francisco Forty-niners. Yeah he looked like Collin Kaepernick only better. The whole time he either had his arm on her shoulder or she was holding his hand.

I was no slouch, but the guy with Virna made two of me. I wasn't jealous or anything; shit Virna's a hard ass and especially so with me. What I mean is Virna is with this big boyfriend. I felt like I was John Hinckley and she was Jodie Foster. I couldn't keep my eyes off her. If she'd come alone I probably wouldn't have paid her any attention, but that big dude, the way he had his hands on her, the possessive way he used his hands to touch all over her like she was his personal property or something. I don't know. I guess if Kaepernick had come to the party and he'd brought that musician babe, what's her name Teyana Taylor, that gorgeous olive skinned African-American beauty with the long black hair everybody on CNN keeps talking about I'd be staring at her all afternoon too, and yeah I guess I would have been a little uptight. To my way of thinking the only problem was this guy looked way better than Kaepernick, and Virna looked a hell of a lot better than the Taylor girl. Yeah I guess I was a little put off, just a little bit maybe.

I looked around the party. Except for Adonis over there with Virna I was the hottest guy, but everybody paid attention to him, and...to her. What was I thinking? My marriage could be going down the drain and I was pissed that a woman I didn't even like had brought a friend who was better looking than me. Was I jealous? No I couldn't be jealous. I didn't even like the cunt. I mean why would I be jealous of him? Come on; jealous of him over her?

Like I said I had a good time. I liked Marty's mom and dad, and they liked me. Her dad and I talked all about football. Me being from the Eastern Shore I had spent my earliest years rooting for Philadelphia. Lately I had to admit I'd started cheering on the Ravens. Marty's dad had been around when the Colts left Baltimore so he was mostly against Indianapolis, but he did have a passing interest in the Ravens. Over the past two years he'd told me at least a hundred times how much he hated Paul Tagliabue the old NFL commissioner. He bitched about how for ten years Tagliabue tried to force the 'Deadskins' down everybody's throats.

Marty's dad was crazy. I liked Jay Leno, but Marty's dad liked David Letterman because Letterman once said how Indianapolis had stolen the Colts. He said he never cared that they took the team; he just hated that they tried to take the history too. Marty's dad said he knew a lot of the old Colts personally.

Allen came over and talked a little football with us. He was a Raven's fan, but he liked Indianapolis. He said Baltimore had deserved to lose the Colts. That made Marty's dad mad. I stayed out of it. I kept watching the Kaepernick look alike. I wondered what Virna saw in him.

I kind of liked Allen; I hoped he wasn't doing what I knew he probably was. I thought he was deliberately trying to be extra cordial toward me. Maybe he felt a little guilty; then again maybe he was trying to make a fool of me in front of Marty. Either way I kept my cool. I knew if I had to I could whip his ass, but I knew that would never happen. My foster dad had made it pretty clear how that would work.

Finally I did realize Allen was only there to humiliate me. I figured that out when Marty came over. My wife walked over and wrapped her arms all around me. She leaned up and kissed me and giggled. She did all this to show everybody else how much she loved me, but she looked at Allen the whole time.

Allen just smiled and looked at her; he had the kind of smile that sent my wife one of those secret messages like, 'No one knows what we know.'

She kept holding me but giggling and looking at him. I casually pulled her arms away from my waist. I glanced over at Virna; she had a smirk on her face. Fuck! She knew!

Virna took her big boyfriend by the hand and pulled him along as she sort of nonchalantly walked to where we were. When she got to us she held up the guy's hand, "This is Morgan. He's my date for today."

Everybody said hello. Allen shook his hand. I just stood and smiled and said, "Morgan," he didn't look all that bright. At first I figured he was probably just Virna's current fleshy dildo; he quickly disabused me of that.

He held out his hand to me, "Hi Virna says you're studying to become a PA."