All Comments on 'A Tale of Two Sisters Ch. 02'

ok enough

The ending may have been a little too foreshadowed...you could basically end it here and I think we would all know what happens next...but the journey is good.

I am commenting before finishng because this bothered me enough to disturb my flow in the story and I didn't want to forget it.

You had the card party set up for Nov. 15th and said that was the friday before Thanksgiving. That would make the holiday the 21th. Thanksgiving is the 4th thursday of November so it cannot be the that early.

Stupid detail, I know. But it really made the story feel less real.

This is a good fictional story i have enjoyed it so far

I enjoyed how well you managed to balance Gary's anger and sadness. He managed to hate her while not going so far as to do something he would later hate himself for. I an sure this will piss off a lot of commenters but I thought it worked well.

I already mentioned my issue with the dates. One other item bothered me. When he is taking to Virna, She mentioned the ages and tells him to do the math. Not sure what the point was. Unless it was to say that all the women got involved while quite young. It seemed a bit round about to make that point and I got stuck puzzling on it a while like it was a mystery to be solved. I suppose the point was obvious to you so this didn't occur to you. Maybe it was obvious to everyone and I am the dim wit, but I think having Gary confused as well and letting Virna explain her point would have made for less of a mental detour for the reader.

Definitely looking forward to part three

Thanks!

Loved the development, loved the characters, loved the writing.

Looking forward to the rest of the story.

Thanks!

Part one seemed to meander around with lots of filler, clear hints at what was going to happen but little action. The good writing made it tolerable.

Part two is MUCH faster paced. Things are really happening and it feels real. He is a good guy. His anger over the situation makes him want to go crazy but he remains a good guy. He's not a sap. He takes clear actions against his wife and her lover but only what he is entitled to and no more. I think he could have made more effort to make it public that Allen was a Romeo as he threatened to do but good enough.

You said he was pretty stupid and the situation with Virna shows you were right. Duh!

As others have mentioned, the story is a bit predictable. It would be a little better to have some surprise twists and turns in the mix but overall, nice writing.

Too well written. Too sad. Too real.

Many thanks. A bit formulaic as the author warned us but cheating often is.

Why was Yvonne 'clueless' at the card party if she already knew about the affair?

Looking forward to the rest

Well, the next fork in the road is likely to be followed, fairly quickly, with its OWN fork soon after! The pace has, indeed, kicked up a coupla notches! When DimWit finally got his shit together, he got a lot more interesting. I think the next fork is going to throw Sis into the same quandary she faced before, and the one after that will exacerbate her situation! But, in some fairness, Hubby screwed the pooch twice in rapid succession! The first one very literally!

Carvohi is doing a great job of keeping everybody real. I especially like MiL going 'off-line' for the only male sibling, but FiL keeping her and treating her son just like he treated his own progeny!

Easy FIVE

I like the way that the main character goes back and forth between strong feelings - just because you now hate someone doesn't mean you suddenly stop loving them. I also thought it was sweet that Virna did such good prep work for him in terms of talking to his parents. He was a bit slow to get it, but he did get there.

One unanswered question is what the heck was the "do the math" conversation about? So Vrina's the eldest and she only had sex with one guy and that was 5 years ago (well probably 6) ... and ...? I read through the chapter twice and I still have no idea what the point of that conversation was (though it clearly meant something to the main character). That's frustrating as a reader.

But you're going to have him marry back into this clan of emotionally retarded WMIBs. Well it's your story and your core of fans seem to be eating it up.

more chapters please

I understand Marty as an immature and not very bright girl. Gary did not do enough to protect her, she was his wife after all. Allen took advantage of her naivety and Yvonne ignored what he did. None of them come out of this very well.

As to 'doing the maths' about the dates; Marty's mother had Virna at 18, so was pregnant at 18, possibly 17. Does that make sense?

I'm curious now. You seem to have gotten something out of the whole "doing the math" thing. My thought is so what if the mom & daughter were similar ages when getting pregnant - how does that cause such a strong emotional reaction on the part of the main character?

I did like the "we are a family" comment on the child's part, and I did like that (eventually) the main character figured out that 1-he likes Virna and 2-no she's not just "a bitch". Most people really don't do much self-analysis, so it's good to see some in this story.

it's the getting past that first stereotype we have of any other person that's good meat in a story. I like knowing more about his wife then 'she's just a cheating slut'; it makes her more real, and she has some sympathy from me even while I'd still stay far far away from her.

With real characters.

Well done so far.

Allen has NOT gotten what he deserves, though, and I hate his fucking wife for knowing and keeping a lid on it. I can understand Virna staying silent, though misguided and fucked-up her reasoning is; but Yvonne is basically enabling her husband to wreck other people's lives and one day, her own family. In the real world it will come: he gets by unscathed this time, he WILL fuck around again, and the next husband might give him extra breathing holes.

I will be interested to see how you wrap this up. I, for one, could not see Virna as a valid rebound, unless you removed her from the family enclave, they are all too bent.

...And while I like Gary's maturity and intelligence, I still yearn for a John Wayne style war hero, jumping out of a trench, rifle raised, yelling "Take No Prisoners!"

But that's just me. Let's all see where YOU take this.

It is more than a little shocking to see the number of people give this poorly done story such high scores.

Think about Gary for a second. At the end of chapter 1 he has overwhelming amount of evidence - now now HOURS of video about the massive long-term deceit and betrayal his cunt whore psychotic wife and his friend have been engaged in. Not just a sexual or romantic love affair but one where he is so called wife openly agrees to cutting Garry off sexually .... FOREVER.

Yet the first time Marty puts on a little makeup and pays attention to Gary's little dick ... he is fucking her ?

For god's sake why would he do something this pathetically stupid?

Would YOU or ANY man ...given this situation and all the information that Gary has in this story... actually think that his wife is interested in him sexually all romantically ? That she is showing any signs of remorse??

The wife's actions... her betrayal... Her intentional emasculation of Gary is so overwhelming... Is so blatant and offensive that the mind simply shuts down when the author decides that gary should fuck Marty in the beginning of this chapter.

NEXT ...Here we have a supposed good guy ..a decent man and now we are heading into chapter 3.. and Gary has yet to scream or carry on or get upset or break down or show any serious emotional angst. Hell.. even Gary admits it at the end of this chapter.

Instead the ends of saying amazingly stupid things like this on page three

..."I was sure she believed she loved me when we got married...."

HUH? What the fuck is that based on ? I don't think I have ever read anything that pathetically stupid since Regan was POTUS.

I can't figure this person out. I'm beginning to think H.I.V. is a computer somewhere, and it scans stories on the Internet, selects portions, and makes nonsensical remarks. I'll bet this electronic processor has multiple identities dependent on the Website. I can imagine in one he's Alvin from South Seattle, that's A.S.S. I mean H.I.V. makes about as much sense as a bushel of of CRABS. Come on H.I.V. go back to your Harlequins.

Story narrative is correct in that this wife was an immature child, and not very bright at that. She could almost be a Stang psycho first wife. This guy needs to get his divorce and move several thousand miles away.

Hey Harryin you have real issues especially on women , does us all a favor and post your comment s in your computer dead files. Keep them to yourself, what a jerk

If you look into evolutionary psychology, there are a lot of biological reasons why a male mammal would want to act out in aggressive ways toward an unfaithful mate. This behavior is also sometimes seen among less educated humans, especially those culturally (think long term here - like thousands of years of history) primed to believe that loss of face (i.e. unfaithful spouse publicly known) equates to danger of loss of life. That's a very strong re-action, and it's not the action of a thoughtful, ethical person.

So I was happy to see this main character self-aware enough to identify those feelings and that reaction, and also developed enough as a person to decide not to act in ways he didn't choose. Not being hurt, not having strong reactions - if that wasn't there it would have been a lesser story. Making a choice - and even more so making the choice to give up even a bunch of fairly minor attacks on his soon-to-be ex (that could be justified, probably) says a great deal for this person's character.

As for the soon-to-be ex wife's probably loving him when she married him? Yeah, I can see it; but what she 'loved' wasn't really him. Hero worship without seeing the actual person. This is sort of another side of "burn the bitch" without seeing an actual person. As I mentioned earlier, I'm not defending having any relationship with her at all - and I agree with the assessment of her being too young (internally) to handle marriage. I've watched several marriages disintegrate and what they all had in common was that the two in the marriage didn't really 'see' each other. Maybe if they had, the marriage would never have happened (in one case I'm pretty sure of that), but without it - there's not much chance of things going well.

This is certainly a thought-provoking story in terms of starting with portrayal of surface levels of character (Virna as "bitch", Gary as "dumb") and then showing there is much much more to each person than that single layer. I'm looking forward to seeing more.

Another unrealistic and spineless male character from Carvohi. All the plotting and planning on hubby's part and his big plan is just letting the two cheating assholes know he knows what their doing! Also Yvonne knows her husband is a cheating piece of crap yet despite all the talk about the video camera's in the bedroom and the sudden departure her husband insists on and she still fails to make any connection?

How the fuck is this rubbish rated so high.

The author is demonstrating that he create a complex story with complex characters and showing that nothing is really simply. To do this the victim (husband) cannot be sharper than the other characters and he can't lose it or the story ends.

For those who are into wham bang, thank you mam, the story should have ended in the first chapter. An alpha male type would have gone running into his house and killed or been killed. Really an uninteresting tale if you do not do the prison salvation or less common would to have the wife suicide because she is wracked with guilt.

This is LW at it's best. Thank you.

I find this a fantastic piece. It's hard to hate anyone. Congratulations on a wonderful story

this is really captivating!

don't exist. Because you haven't ever written one word of one story.

Loser.

Five stars. Very poignant.

Incredible storytelling, carvohi.

When I am working on a novel I tend to take out an excerpt and send it to someone. My daughter, a couple friends or even just my wife. Then I ask them for their feelings. Not about what they thought of that excerpt, but what emotion if any, did it evoke?

I actually stifle a sob when they hugged outside the storage unit.

I can give you no finer endorsement than that. And for that, I thank you.

The worst. 1 star.

There is no victory. No one won. A cheating child bride ended the marriage by her actions. A hard working husband who also goes to school did what he had to do. Now what of the sister? And how about that prick Allen? We'll see.

Excellent tale. Five Stars

Belly up to the table if you think you can do better...

Your mastery with the written word continues to shine through. We can all learn from your meticulous attention detail. Thanks for sharing

Plenty of pain to go around -

Just like RL - it gets better but it never goes away - if you are smart - you learn and remember and grow to avoid the same mistakes.

Everyone of them just makes me want to shrug my shoulders and say 'Who cares?' They're all worthless. Marty is a sniveling whore. Her mother is just a whore. Her father is a rapist. Not one of them seem to see anything wrong with what she did. Even Yvonne is apathetic, not seeming to care about her husband's fidelity, as long as Allen brings home money to pay for her kids. Vyrna is as deceitful as her sister, lying ang covering for her, all her life. Even the protagonist, Gary, is completely unlikable, leaving me not caring what happens to him. He literally seems incapable of making ANY decision about ANYTHING. Yes, he comes up with all these plans for revenge in his mind, but completely fails to follow through on anything. Perhaps he should have been named Walter,(as in Mitty), because he lives his life in a complete disconnect from his surroundings. I hope the next chapter will change my mind about one of them, because thus far, I could care less about any of the characters.

Scratch that. I don't care what happens in the next chapters. I can already see where its going, (He'll probably learn Vyrna helped her sister hide her cheating from him, get treated like shit, overlook it and marry Vyrna, because, her kid needs a daddy, and apparently, that's how true love works. Who knew?), so, thanks for the offering, but I will read no further!

You know you don't need to be an asshole all the the time,every day

Why don't you go live near Salem,i heard that a few centurys ago they burnt wiches over there ;)

I don’t know why Marty is so upset. She obviously doesn’t love or respect him, despite what she says.

I’d be pissed that Yvonne didn’t tell me when she found out. It’s all well and good that she loves Allen and wants to stay with him, but didn’t she think Gary needed to know about his slut wife?

Assuming Marty DOES somehow really love him in some strange way, it will serve her right if her actions result in her losing him.

Her apologies would have more meaning if she had JUST cheated, but she cut him off, treated him badly, at least talked about, if not actually planned, to have her lover’s children and have Gary raise them thinking they were his. All in all, pretty unforgiveable.

And her promises to be good? Didn’t she effectively make those same promises at their wedding? We’ve all seen how that worked out!

Just how did he fail to protect her?

They had a perfectly fine marriage till she decided to betray him, just how was he supposed to protect her?

@ResidentWeavil and @newtinmpls, I agree, I got nothing out of that statement.

carvohi, I know you read these, care to help out here, please?

and others. Thanks. I thought I was the only one who couldn't figure out what the math is supposed to indicate. Does anyone have the answer?

Not a bad chapter but the whole Yvonne knowing angle left me really disappointed. Both not telling Gary and Allen getting off so lightly were issues. One can only hope that her father really came down hard on the jackass. Perhaps she will take more extreme steps the next time she catches Allen because he will do it again.

The "Do the math" thing was confusing to me as well. After spending a few frustrating moments trying to figure out the riddle, I gave up. It interrupted the story flow for me.

Thanks for writing!

Harry in VA, we have never had a POTUS named Regan. If you are talking about stupidity, perhaps you meant Carter.

Big man Allen

It seems like the author went out of his way to make the revenge against Allen as anticlimactic and unsatisfying as possible. I wouldn't even call it revenge at all, the wind went out of Gary's sails before things even got really started.

That aside Gary feels like such a Milquetoast, not even raising his voice. A boring protagonist.

a wimp, a slut, an adulterous husband,and a wife with such low self esteem that she allows her husband to have affairs and knows he's only with her because she controls the "purse strings"

You let his wife's lover who had humiliated him get off scot free

Jedd-as in just plain bob-clampett

But you really brought the characters to life

Unexpected twist. And really good.

This was awful., and I won't be reading any more.

I hate cheater apologist writers. My god, his wife cheats on him for who knows how long, denies him sex at her lovers request, belittles and humiliates him at every opportunity, all their families know, and helps keep him clueless, and you still put it all on him? Be ashamed.

...handles this so well. The wife is just hopelessly ill-equipped, maturity wise, to handle life's strenuous responsibilities. The protagonist is caring enough to recognize this and opts for mercy. Any man worth the powder to blow him to hell should, too. Just sayin'. Five well-earned stars

When she says she loves him, why doesn't he insist she watch with him the video of her in bed with Allen, and listen to all the things she says? Then why doesn't he remind her of the months when she was always bitchy and picked fights and refused to make love with him? Why doesn't he ask how he can believe she loves him when she said all those things and did all those things? If she says it was all just a mistake, he can ask her how the "mistake" went on day and night for months.

Bitch always says "I love you" and "I'm so sorry"... After they're caught!!!

Blah Blah Blah... A poor cuckold trying to imitate a man. He finally got there, but boy he took his time.

Bone dry.

Great plot development and character development.

Ed

⭐⭐👎🏿 Yeeuuch! This is a very long-winded collection of words that does not deserve to be a story. The marriage lasted less than 2 years. All of the bullshit family history does not excuse her infidelity. Such a short marriage doesn't involve alimony, nor would he have to pay her health insurance. All of the things Gary planned? Where were the fireworks? Allen got away with an unpleasant conversation. Another cuck story!

Well, the apples don't fall far from the tree.

The entire family is a shit show, Gary needs to get as far away from them as possible tbh!

Never been through this. But it feels realistic. When the anger's going away, and loss and hurt just resound. Phenomenal writing. And you've hardly given a hint of what comes nwo. Well Maybe Virna's in there i some way.

interesting but so much blah, blah, blah. from part 1-- what kind of bar bouncer watches a girl get drugged and used?