All Comments on 'Accidental Hazing Ch. 01'

Can't wait for further instalments

There's a treasure that's waiting to be written. Await the next chapter. TVM

Kept me hard the whole time. The end was a big letdown though.

Even though you jumped from the chase to the finding coeds scantily clad, it was an enjoyable read. The ending left plenty for a much longer continuation and for this to be turned into a cereal segment story. This can be thrust into three or four different categories as well depending on the direction you take it in.

It would have made it more interesting to have Kim wandering in at some point near the end or Cindy's sister would have come in. But another time for that I suppose. Keep writing, I will read it.

So I am hoping that you post a chapter 2 in the very near future. I enjoyed your story so for and look forward to reading more of your writing

Can't wait for chapter 2!

Chapter 2 is done i just need to proof it. I'm hoping for this weekend or early next week. thanks for the support.

Looking forward to the next chapter! Wonderfully written piece

And the writing is good. But just good, not great. I can't give this five stars, so I'm not going to vote at all. Unlike some people on this site, I realize that four stars is a slap in the face at this level. I don't want my vote to drag you down.

Some observations: No one "choreographs" a punch, but they can "telegraph" a punch. There are way too many of these kinds of errors. Have you thought about using an editor? We all miss silly little errors. A good editor can help catch them.

The whole intro sequence is difficult to read. Like when he finally "did what they wanted him to do: Cut loose." Or whatever. For those that just want to jack off, that kind of thing is fine. Most of those kinds of people skim over bad writing to get to the juicy stuff. But you have potential beyond that.

Having said that, your sex scenes are fucking great. You have talent, my friend. I hope I have not come off as judgmental. I hope you can take your gift and refine it.

Best of luck for future chapters!

You need work on structure and pacing, and it reads a little too much like male wish fulfillment. The best writing was the opening scene - nice capture of drunk aggressive jocks. Downhill from there; the girls were not as believable. But it kept my interest, and most stuff on Lit doesn't.

The aggression and manipulation Jason displayed with the two sorority coeds hit me sort-of a jolt, because it seemed inconsistent with his previous too-much avoidance of aggression back at the fraternity, even to actually running away, when it seemed it would be better if he used his karate skills to do them in.

Also I prefer willing compliance -- even better, eager initiative -- as opposed to coercion, so the encounter with the two girls was not my cup of tea. Also, I have never been able to relate to spanking -- giving or receiving. Since he carried it out through false pretenses and deception, I suppose it could be considered rape.

Well, what did I expect from a NonConsent/Reluctance story? I only read it (which I ordinarily would not) because it led into two Group Sex sequels, so i hoped it would -- even for me -- be OK. Hopefully, the two sequels will be more to my liking.

It was attention-holding and we'll written.

Did not rate it.

Paul in Oklahoma