All Comments on 'Alibi'

he should have had her arrested for forcible restraint and rape in France and left her ass hanging

Don't know what, just didn't zing. 3*

The whore of a wife got away too easily... Extremely boring coz its too fucking long. this one surely sucks...

Back tracking and recovering things from one POV to the other is fine to move the story forward, but relying on in too heavily can really bog things down.

Long winded, typical cheating slut garbage where she gets forgiven.

The only reason to have two points of view of the same event is to show how different the emotional reaction was to the event. This was more like reading the same thing twice. As far as the plot goes - Alison would have resented her husband quite a bit to cheat on him - more should have been made of that. His anger would have been at her more than Marcel. Fucking her after she had been with Marcel would have been disgusting and degrading for him - not an option. As far as working together, no way. To be reminded of her lies every day and what it cost him financially if nothing else would be emotionally destabilizing for him. What of poor Marcel? He is the only one who got the traditional ending for a cheater in these stories - why? That one is on you, it betrays your bias.

typical brits 1*

"It's not your fault, sweetheart, really. You stopped paying me attention and I ... I didn't think you'd ever find out."

"It's not his fault," except that he stopped paying her attention!

Sure sounds like fault to me!

I'm sorry but this was just not a very good story. You'd also have to bat shit crazy fucked in the head to stay with a fucking loon like that Allison. It's hard to enjoy a story when all of the crazy lady's thoughts are so out in left field that nobody understands what she means or how the hell her mind works.

It should have been pruned down quite a bit, but the thoughts and emotions of the man and wife caused emotions in the reader. Someone mentioned that when all is said and done, it seems like something is missing. The wife never fully accepted responsibility, the husband being a pudge rather than a stud, the kids not being more upset, and the husband able to fuck her without choking the life out of her all added up to a not quite satisfying story. But it was interesting as hell.

A well written story (grammar, punctuation, etc) with an entirely stupid premise starring two incredibly stupid people. Overall, just a mess.

The writing lacks the electricity of immediateness with the possible exception of the husband's internet searching. You use too many words. I could pick sentences at random. Here's one: ""And you are, Madame?" smirks the night desk clerk, following my enquiry of William Jones' room number at the hotel." The entire clause following the word "clerk" is unnecessary and that part is 11 words to the actual useful part's 9.

Later on the page, "Is Bill blowing as much of our money as possible so that there is a whole lot less when the divorce courts eventually split our assets down the middle?" Put aside the poor word choice of "blowing", the sentence is full of chaff. How about "Is Bill blowing as much money as possible for our divorce?" That's not great but at least it uses fewer words.

Next paragraph: "He's not at the exhibition in Birmingham as he should have been since Sunday, so he may have been here almost as long as I have." I'd rewrite this as "What if he never went to Birmingham?" or maybe break it into thoughts: "He's not in Birmingham. What if he never went? How long has he been here?" In this example, I'm trying to point out you seem to assume the reader isn't capable of filling in basic details of time, place and actor. It's a version of the absurd way of writing dialogue in which each line begins with a name, as in "John, I'm going to the store." "OK Jill. I'm going to masturbate." "Yes, John, but not on the sheets."

Think about how many times in real life you use names, how many times in real life you need to be so incredibly specific about every aspect. If you are that way, you're far too pedantic to write fiction. If you are more normal, then write like a normal person talks but with more intelligence. Cut out everything that isn't necessary. Or to quote the old Elements of Style - which isn't perfect but is useful - "OMIT NEEDLESS WORDS!"

...about your wordiness. I am the same way and catch hell from my own editor! My last novel was 186K words when I sent it off and when it returned, was 133K words!

WAY, WAY too many words. I lost the story amongst all the words. And I found it implausible that he would spend the rest of his holiday with the cheating slut, then hire her to work with him everyday -Just so he could be reminded of her infidelity. He thought her binding him to the bed when he had just been attended to by a doctor and had his stomach pumped was acceptable behavior? And Marcel? With what he sent Marcel's wife, a good attorney would have had him divorced with 50% of the assets. No real proof of infidelity. So this story failed miserably.

In terms of plot, interesting and realistic outcome. Clocas and others are correct about the wordiness - I basically skimmed the story. This style of writing was very popular 80 or 100 years ago, but today people expect crisp writing, snappy dialogue, and minimal descriptive detail.

Thanks for sharing, a new author for me to bookmark.

In some places the stories flow was a bit too slow, sentences redundant. Work on this, and it would be perfect, even with the few errors I tend to oversee.

A clear 5* for me.

The repetition of parts of a the story was very frustrating and it made it a hard read how many times do we need to be told he was tied to the bed with ties great potential as a story unfortunately it's hard to respect a man who likes sloppy seconds from his wife's lover. Looking forward to your next story thanks for sharing

Thank you for writing it.

But, hell, who could have stomached being around her after her 6 month affair and all of the disregard and disrespect she heaped on her husband. Just because he was working too much. How was she able to stay at home on her stupid ass all of the time till she got bored? Because her husband worked too much. And that tying him up shit, where did that come from? That alone should have had him putting her in the hospital as well. Someone commented that at least it wasn't a RAAC story. No, it was worse. It was a I won't stay married to you, but I will date you and pamper you and not be nervous that you will tie me up and kill me because evidently I am stupid too, story.

Didn't like it much, disjointed and seemingly fragmented at times. Dialogue was good, though. Writing shows promise, maybe you should write about something you don't know so much about. Like manly men and grateful wives? Worth a try.

Agree with Sugna (and others) about the doubled accountings, plus the repetition. Maybe 3 pages ... maybe.

Sheila helped Sweetie LOWER her libido? Look up 'libido!'

4*

Good story...but it has some things difficult to believe...

say good-bye, au revoir mon Cherie, TK U MLJ LV NV

Way to long that most of it is a wast of time. Ending is crappy.

Given his overall friendly disposition upon returning to England i thinkbthat he'd be tapping her ass everyday.... She offered herself up as his sex concubine... No way Bill passes on that. The little head is very influential.

Too much repetition of the same info, too unlikely.

I definitely agree with those who feel this was too long.

Probably could have been done in 3 pages.

Agree with Sugna (and others) about the doubled accountings, plus the repetition. Maybe 3 pages ... maybe.

Sheila helped Sweetie LOWER her libido? Look up 'libido!'

4*

You need to learn what is necessary to advance the story and what is self indulgent trivia. Both your recent postings have been far too long and mostly uninteresting. In any case "banging the shit out of me in the back of my car" is not writing it is pub talk. If you can't do better than this stick to swapping lies with your mates.

Must agree with others that this story was way too long. Future pieces need to be edited and condensed. Mistakenly hit one star but meant to vote three. Hoping for shorter stories in the future.

I could read stories like this all day long. I liked the way the story began with the crisis of Bill being raped, then filled in the story and continued picking up where it left off. It reminded me of "Let the Punishment Fit The Crime" by capecodmercury. That story also does an excellent job of looking at all of the angles.This story brought up point then the counter-point on the many things discussed. It is very thorough. The length was perfect, though it could have been broken into two parts. One part ending at the crisis of Bill's attempted suicide, and the next part with the early morning seduction of Bill. Three to four pages are easy to read in one sitting.

The title was perfect. Ali bye

5 giant stars

There are many good things here, but I would agree with some of the other commentators in saying that your story does not stick together as a whole and is over-long for its dramatic content. In part this is because of the structural dilemma faced by all these cheating stories. You have the emotional high of the cheating and discovery followed by - what? A sort of reconciliation followed by an undramatised marriage to another woman. It just seems to tail away as it moves further from what the story is about - the failed relationship of husband and wife. The usual solution for these stories is to follow the anti-romance of the cheating with a new romance which, in narrative and dramatic terms, writes over the failed marriage. Your reported marriage is told in such a way that it cannot compete with the force of the preceding catastrophe.

Cloacas is right to remind you of the need to avoid redundancy in your use of words. It requires ultra-vigilance and a good writer will continually seek to get more meaning out of fewer words. But having said that, I think every writer must use as many words as he needs to set his scene. Your mistake, I think, is not too much description, but too little dramatisation. If more happened in your story the reader would be more tolerant of your descriptions. You only really have one dramatic scene - the entry into the hotel room. The story needed contrasting dramatic scenes at start and end to draw the reader in and let the reader free. Show not tell.

Your strength is in attempting to draw real people acting realistically and you do this mostly convincingly. Myself, I didn't believe in the wife's enforced sex with her husband. You have to think hard about what your character would do in 'real life' and trust your understanding of their character to drive the plot. If you really believe the wife would have tied up her husband and forced sex on him then you should have worked harder to convince the reader that such an extreme action was in her character.

I'll certainly read something more from you. And ignore comments from zenophobes, or we're all doomed.

We all want different things in a story, if i read the biography of a infamous London gangster it would be for information about his crimes and how he was prosecuted and sent to jail. For me a work of fiction I want at least one character to like or can at least have some empathy, but there is no one to like, they are just plain silly in their actions, crazy mixed up people, probably why I do not watch soaps on television, yes the author can write well enough but it was to long, would have benefited from editing. good luck in your future offerings.

A very interesting and erotic story.

I enjoyed the read.

Thanks for sharing.

.....self-contradictory story I've ever read....there isn't anything to compare!

She must be schizoid. She can't seem to have three cogent thoughts in a row, without jumping back and forth between loving Marcel (well, his cock, really) and hating Bill, to declaring eternal love for her one and only, Bill and back again......ad nauseum.

The killer for me was that they sexed it up for the next week, then returned home and became tight friends, but divorced anyway and then he hired her...and on and on. It all left me dizzy and breathless....and not in a good way.

SF, that dog won't hunt and you get 1* for some pretty heinous technicals further marring an already silly, contradictory story.

Really needs work in the grammar, person, tense and number, as well as some work on spelling.

Keep at it, at least you're trying to write a good story. For some reason, new writers seem to be atrocious at grammar, lately. You're one of them. You need to take some on-line courses in punctuation. You also need to take some courses on sentence structure. Some of this was hard to read because the sentences were so clumsily formed.

It might help if you found an editor, at least at first.

All that said, learn from you mistakes and keep going.

ended silly.

After all that happened the end was silly and out of order...But a good story though...

Before I explain where you collapsed let me assert I did give this a five. Why; because it was such a prodigious effort.

Here's what went wrong. You set it up nicely. You gave your hero a strong personality. You created a selfish thoughtless stupid wife. You gave us a vivid picture of the discovery, and you accompanied it by the actions of a strong man, a man with morals and principles. Then the thing collapsed.

She manages to tie him up. He maintains a 'rock hard' erection even after guzzling a large quantity of very high potency alcohol and having his stomach pumped. Let's try and recall the biggest sex organ is the brain; once he came to awareness that 'granite like pecker' would have shriveled like a flower in the desert.

You weren't done. Our hero is willing to grant concessions to his faithless wife even as he recognizes her many new sexual talents. You developed a hard working successful solid intelligent citizen, a reliable husband, a good father, a stalwart upright good man, a man who knows who he is and you turned him into a complete fool. Hell, he clobbered the male interloper and went right to work uncovering everything he could about the guy to get even, and then you had him chatting with his adulterous wife.

If he were eighteen and naive he still wouldn't have stayed for what she had to offer. Face it; you blew it, you really did. I understand you wanted happy or at least palatable ending; you got nothing. Damn, you're English, where was the stiff upper lip, the we'll fight them on the beaches, in the hills and all? You turned a guy who could have won the Victoria Cross into a weakling!

My advice; keep writing, keep trying, but think about what you're doing. And please, please no vampires, werewolves, zombies, witches, trolls, goblins and absolutely no happy semen slurpers.

Good start and good background but the end was shite and farfetched, he either blew her away completely or got back with her and worked it out. Not they worked together till she retired and went to functions together and everyone including their children understood their relationship, that's the bullshit part.

not much meat. Allison pretty much skates despite the divorce. Marcel was an afterthought. I read it all and ended up saying "So What?"

...but I was grossed out when she raped him, still full of her lovers cum. Bill should have filed rape charges and an attempt to do him harm, by sliding her diseased filled cum catcher on him.

...too many flashbacks interrupting fluid reading. Her behaviour in his room clearly showed she had no resent, no genuine guilt whatsoever: Seemed like "Oh well, marriage is over so I might as well fuck him"

It was, of course, sheer rape and restrain she used to "show her love".

By the way: You should do a bit of research here, because Viagra doesn´t have the described effect. It does nothing for females and can, as a supressor, only help to maintain an errection, - it never causes one.

4* for a worthwile reading pleasure, though.

A lot of words for a very simple plot, and a highly improbable story line. By the way, when you want to use a french word, try a dictionnary for the correct spelling: "pourquoi". for example.

And by that, I mean you said the same thing again and again. You would describe a situation...and then after on of the interminable flashbacks which seemed sprinkled at random, you would go back and describe the exact same situation, the exact same emotions, frequently using the exact same words.

This is a British story, because frankly, I don't understand it. You described two very different sorts of emotions in the protag. He was mad, he plotted revenge. Hell, you took something like twelve paragraphs just detailing him running down the fucking wife.

Oh...just as an aside, you kept saying the same things over and over again. Just in case you forgot I said that before.

But then, you had him turn on a dime mid fucking coitus! Now he's soppy and loving and caring about her feelings. No transition.

The pacing. This is a porn site, I get that. But did you really need to take two pages to describe every single fuck? You certainly didn't for Bill and Ali.

This was a delicious and reasonably well written story. I believed in the characters, but they jostled along and spun on a dime at times. I got the emotions but the changed like mercury (though the impact of her husband's injury vs. the lovers'...that was well done!) The pacing was off.

AND THEY SAID THE SAME FUCKING THINGS OVER AND OVER AGAIN! ARRRRGH! How many times were you going to describe the suicide/rape scene? I counted three. And at least five times she thought about how she was going to enjoy her 'good bye fuck'. Did we need to read that five times?

In case you missed it.

"Nothing really, other than my husband was a bit boring. He was a steady, reliable breadwinner, a sure and dependable anchor in our marriage, a great father, but on the other hand was dull as dishwater."

So her husband is "a bit boring?"

What has SHE done to spice things up? She's the one who seems to have the flexible schedule, so why is she greeting him at the door in a sexy negligee, or nude, and whip out his cock and give him a nice blow job?

"OK, he had been ignoring me these last few months, but that is not the only reason why I strayed."

Okay, so he's "ignoring" her. Did she ever say or do anything to change that?

"Why weren't you fucking me like you just have since, well anytime in the last twenty years, and on the other hand why wasn't I insisting on receiving such service?"

Bingo!

"You can fuck me any way you want, anywhere you would like, be it the shower, the sofa, the table, the terrace ... including fucking my arsehole, if you want it."

"Did he have your arse?"

Sweet, she'll give him her ass, AFTER she's already given it to Marcel.

What's with the forgiveness crap? That's for sad sacks! Any person, male or female that would act the way this shithead did - never really loved her husband or her family! Good people do not go bad with age. Actually, they get stronger with age. Shit stinks from the day you step in it, until the day you scrape it off your shoe. These stories are always the same, a clueless yet brilliant husband (?) and a stupid, amoral wife tell each other a bunch of lies and the reader is expected to suck it up. Ugh, c'mon, reality is more interesting than this silliness!

SF:

The plot was very good, with original twists, and quite plausible, all things that are generally lacking on this website. Some of the sentences are a bit awkward, and yes there was some repetition, but this is stuff is an editor's job to fix. So IMO you did a great job as a writer, and not such a good job as your own editor. But myself, I judge the quality of a story by the plot and plausibility which are the meat & bones of the story, and therefore it earned a 5 from me.

Chilley

I can understand the man ending kind of if he was a complete Id 10 T. You at the end of a good to great story just sh*t your pants? You had it going good and what? You got tired couldn't find a climax you maybe had a a small anti-climax. What was the plot? This was a very good story till the end, get a couple of writing and compostion classes or boooks for dummys.

Sorry still gave you a 5.

bill...

as the next lie. TK U MLJ LV NV

Typical English drival. Are all you guys such pussies?

Good story until the point of confrontation,then you just made him a pussy and put all the blame on him and nearly made her look a victim...fckn cuckold

I'm not sure I worded that in a way that made sense but it's almost like, having shot one, you'd not be surprised to have him say, "I say, now you've gone and damaged my Sunday's best. Quite inconsiderate that. " Whereas if you shoot one of us Yanks it wouldn't be surprising to have us say, "Fuck! You asshole! I'm going to kill you!"

Even thirty years of loving marriage wouldn't guarantee any consideration after the things she did. I'm not saying I wouldn't still hurt like crazy but I sure wouldn't feel inclined to do anything that made her life easier. She killed their marriage just to get to fuck some guy and destroyed their future as if it had no value. And based on what she did during her portions, their past, present, AND future had no value to her while she got her cock.

I must say though, this was the most interesting portrayal of a cheating wife I've read in a while - where she honestly points out how she felt no guilt or remorse or consideration of any kind during most of her affair. Scary but believable.

Just a plain good rambling something. You did so well writting this, just remember the big POP/s and the little ones, thats what you need and you will be very successful.......bill

Bullshit

gave it a 5, And yes, this is fun dumbass!! I hope your heart stops when you read this

Think you are writing Rashomon here? Sheesh. Too bad you didn't have a few more characters to go over the same ground over and over again.

Tale wanders here and there. Started out quite well and as it progressed became more and more convoluted. Ended up as a piece of trash tale.

please please stop writing you sick fucks turn men into wimps, why why why, hitler had it wrong is was not the jews that are the enemy of mankind but british men, weak in character, weak writers, holy fuck cant one of you pussies write a male character that does not just wimp out????????????

oh he is so hurt.....he basically forgives and forgets and with her help moves on.....dumbest fucking writer ever.

2.5 million signal mothers, why? because there are no men in England,all the good ones died in ww2, the fucking rest just seems to love to be cuckolds or cower before there women, yeah read your papers, every week some fucking cunt does something horrible to a man or boy and is let off, and you wimps cant seem to not enjoy is so you write about it

when he ate Ali out after she first fucked her lover and then him a few hours later. Typical Brit wimpy cuckold trash. Too bad because this author HAS written very good tales and stories. Hope his cuck and wimp fetish eases soon. I'd like to see more of his better works in the future.

With Brit men all wimpish like this guy no wonder the Arabs are taking over GB and Europe.

This was a horrible ending. Good right up to the point where she was fucking him. All he has to do is think about the French asshole fucking her to destroy his hard on. One of the biggest whimp stories I've read here. Kick the bitch to the curb, strand her in France, clean out the accounts, and move on. Truly pathetic. 1*.

in spite of their years of marriage this has to be the worst case of continued contact. At least he did divorce her and not remarry her. Not all stories call for BTB but this one did.

Wonder where it comes from in the culture? Added nothing to the story.

Thoroughly enjoyed this author's writing. Very nice.

and the sorry ass Marcel

thank you.

just couldnt abide by his own rules/ TK U MLJ LV NV

Some other guy fucks her for months, she lies to her husband, takes a week with her lover and fucks him several times a day and gives him her anal cherry, gets caught and ends up raping her husband, and he ends up screwing her and being nice to her? This guy had no male pride or self-worth anywhere in his body. He should have stranded the bitch in France and gone home and given all her stuff to charity. Change the locks and make sure she never came near him again. He was also rich enough to have ol' Marcel fucked over pretty good so he can never use his 'tool' again. Had to give this piece of work the lowest vote I could only because of the pathetic piece of work that this guy was.

Give the guy a set of gonads so he could atleast not be the WIMP you make him out to be..

Story is good until he wakes up with his limbs tied. Then its, like, "everything's okay, I'm angry and I'm going to divorce you, but hey, we can keep screwing while we're still here." His attitude is so washed out, especially since he's been cheated on for six months. He has very little reaction on the bed. "Three rules, okay, that's cool, what are they?"

I am amazed at how "bloody civilized" some Brits seem to be.

Too damned civilized for my taste. 1 star.

And then the ending happened.

Story started good, the ending was shitty. Oh I'm going to eat your pussy after you've been fucked numerous times by your lover. Such a bullshit story.

Get details and more on Facebook profile of dearbornmt@yahoo.com

She stated she didn't care about the destruction she caused in other people's lives. VERBATIM QUOTE

She liked to tell people about affairs...bragged if you want one of her lover's opinion

So She cannot object when it ''comes around''

Friend of guy whose marriage she ruined and whose reputation she willingly if not eagerly destroyed

fag cuck shit.

He should of pressed charges against her for kidnapping, wrongful imprisonment against him, sexual assault and whatever else he could think of. He was way to easy on her. He basically wimped out.

Typical English author.... Writing a cuck wimp fag and cum dumpster wife story.....

Awwww....come on. Don't you folks have any sense of humor at all.

You're all (well most) are so hung up on wimps, cucks, and burn the bitch.

I truly feel sorry for all the female problems you must have had.

If you don't like these stories, WHY do you read them!

another faggoty brit cuck.

One of the most drawn out disappointments I've ever read!!!!!

Why use one word when you can bury any reading enjoyment by using 10. You write like you get paid by the number of words use. Exceedingly boring English cuck. I had hope when he bashed Marcel in the mouth but that soon evaporated.

anonjerry

too bad I wasted my time.

One of the stupidest fucking stories I've read on here.

I second that, damn, damn, damn!

Seconded, amended, demented!

I don't understand why you are developing Bill as a guy who don't axept infidelty and suddenly in the endig converting to a stupid man acsepting his stupid wifes idea.

There are no hints in the story that even retrospect indicates such a change in Bills peronality.

The story is not concistent an thereby an total abortion of what could be a good story.

I also agred witv those mentioning much words i surtain passages of the story. I makes the story difficult and stopping up without adding anything.

even funnier are the anti brit comments. thought this was an adult site?

For a man who took action against the cheating bitch and her lover, you changed him into an accepting fool very quickly.

That ruined the story...besides it being long winded.

What a bull shit load of crap.

I guess her greatest punishment was being so close to the husband she betrayed, yet she was now a lifetime apart from him. What doesn't work is the assertion that she really really loved her husband, and always would. God, what a shallow cheap and false concept of love. By her actions we know that she did not respect anyone, not herself, her husband, her family, no one and nothing. She acted as a soulless sex-crazed whore. But then she was also this sensitive contrite remorseful fallen angel? Naw, that was all talk and phony contemplation. By her actions we know her true self. She chose an exciting novel and experienced fuck buddy over husband, and her only regret is getting caught. She was lovely and sexy and experienced, and she would have quickly replaced her lost husband with another fuck buddy. And she wouldn't even have missed him, only the family facade, and the money. And she might have replaced the money as well if she were willing to trade her ass for it. We already know the answer to that possibility.

So the ending was phony, like her remorse and guilt. And that ruined an otherwise good story. Oh yeah, you could have eliminated about 40% of the pointless and repetitive descriptions and contemplation, which would have only improved the final product.

First, thank you for writing. My issue with your story is that the wife lacks sincerity in her excuses/explanation. One of the first things she trots out, while he was tied up even I believe, is that he didn't make love to her so much any more. He didn't pursue her enough. Hadn't we just read that she had pretty much cut him off, as she felt that she was cheating on her lover?

In the end, working as his PA is too much, as is going on dates. It gives the impression that he isn't really that broken up by the loss of his marriage.

I like your writing style, it seems though in your stories that the husband is never really that invested in the marriage, and the is never really that repentant.

Most reviews by "anonymous" reviewers appear to be written by the same idiot 13 year old with diminished mental capacity. I wish authors had option of restricting such morons from commenting. I'm really tired of reviewing gems like "1* worthless cuck shit". I actually liked this story whereas the anonymous crowd would only be happy if Bill scorched his wife with a flamethrower!

sorry story by ending like it did. A whore wife and a guy who lost his balls as the story goes on.

When she tied him up and fucked him into submission, belief was suspended, replaced by silliness. A good read if a little wordy.

Pretty good story that completely died at the end. He had his totally selfish, lying, cheating wife dead to rights, and lets her off the hook after a little BDSM sex. Good until the end, my main problem is reading all that for, nothing.

really enjoyed this, thanks.

These rapists should post their stories in NC.

Good story........ Until he became a stupid wimp and then the story fell into the cuck pit. Disappointing I was sure he was going to stick it to the arrogant selfish slut and her crappy fake lover, sigh.

Good story, very poor ending. Big build up to nothing. Their paths at the end wasn't good either. Long read + bad ending = waste of my time.