Alice and the Looking Glass Ch. 16

The car finally pulled over the crest Looking Glass Hill and Alice, eyes fixed on the valley below, breathed deeply. The school looked exactly the same. Some things never change short of destruction and such a stroke of good fortune for adolescent girls and humanity in general was still forthcoming.

"You went to the Peirce Academy Ma'am?"

Alice shuddered just a touch. It was common practice now for servants to address their employees without permission, something that in her youth would have been totally frowned upon. William the Chauffeur was good enough at his job, didn't get involved in accidents, didn't get lost and kept the fleet spotless but still his manner was somehow, well, condescending almost.

"I did William. Over forty years ago I left Pierces' and married Sir Charles within the space of a few months. College and marriage my only life experiences."

"Must be exciting to return for your granddaughter's graduation then."

Ma'am Alice spat under her breathe. Doesn't cost you anything to say Ma'am especially considering the exorbitant salary Sir Charles decided to pay you.

"I am looking forward to seeing Lydia of course."

The school was looming larger and larger and Alice wondered what had happened to the woods that used to creep almost into the quadrangle itself.

"Will you be staying the whole day Ma'am?"

Now he says Ma'am. Definitely must want something.

"It is highly likely. My son is on the board of Governors and had asked me to attend some sort of meeting."

"Well if its acceptable Ma'am I was hoping to take a quick trip to Heartstown and see my mother. Its only a few miles away. I will leave the number in case of an emergency."

"I know perfectly well where Heartstown is William. I also know exactly where your mother lives."

Williams mother was Julia, Irene's daughter. A strange girl, so quiet, so diligent in everything she did. Never did meet her husband though. Was in some kind of Regiment and spent most of his time away. Stupid male 'secret stuff' no doubt. Sir Charles had been fond of that kind of thing, anything cloak and dagger.

The Governors, Head and House Masters and Mistresses and any other dignitary that could be pulled from the rotting woodwork were lined up next to her son Jack in front of the main entrance.

"Didn't happen to pack a machine gun in the boot this morning did you William?"

"Excuse me Ma'am?"

Williams's forte was not irony. Alice smiled and steeled herself for the fawning to come.

Alice stepped from the Bentley to polite and overly generous applause. The line of 'special' people nodded a bow of acknowledgement like well-trained parakeets as Jack moved forward for the necessary greetings. Alice glanced over at the crowd of academy pupils massed behind and to the side under the watchful eye of two nuns. One of the nuns held a very familiar looking walking cane.

"Is Sister August still alive Jack?

"Whatever bought her to mind Mother? No she passed away a few years ago. Sisters Hazel and Broom are the protectors of the girls souls now."

"Not to mention their manners no doubt."

"I really don't know Mother. I try not to get too involved in day to day affairs. Do come over and meet the others. They are really excited to make your acquaintance. Even without Dads financial connection you are the most famous ex pupil."

"Sure you don't mean infamous Jack?"

Jack Diamond shook his long blonde but now graying locks and chuckled. His Mothers company was always a pleasure and a pain. She had as good a wit as he had ever heard and a knowledge of life than defied the deepest trawl. Today was going to be a challenge but if plans for the Peirce Academy were to progress then his Mothers agreement and more importantly signature was vital.

Alice finally reached the end of the line and inspected her once pristine white gloves. The right hand fingers were grimy and stained.

"I don't enjoy touching so many people Jack. That was a chore."

"They really admire you Mother, you are a heroine to them. An ex Peirce pupil who has reached the pinnacle of society. Your life is the dream of all our students."

"Dreams and nightmares Jack, they all come whether we like them or not. I want to see it. I need to see it!"

"Perhaps later Mother. We have some really important matters to attend to first. Just an hour to the graduation ceremony, just time to deal with the financials."

"Now jack!"

The voice, she used that voice. Jack shriveled inside like wet leather left in the sun. He knew not to argue unless he wanted no cooperation whatsoever. Turning to the crowd of students he beckoned Lydia to step forward.

"Lydia Grandmother wants to go to the Hat Room. Please accompany her."

Jack leaned forward a little to give Lydia a peck on the cheek and whispered in her ear.

"Don't let her out of your sight under any circumstances."

"You really don't know Me at all do you jack!"

The words cut insistently into jacks psyche as Lydia led his Mother into the main building.

The Hat was exactly were it had always been. The brown felt was dusty, the half guinea ticket in need of starch, but still the mere sight was enough to make Alice quake with emotion.

"Why is that Hat so important Grandmother? No one here seems to understand why its kept locked up in this room like some kind of holy relic."

"You never come and look at it Lydia?"

"Well yes. I look at it through the glass. Not really allowed inside. You the only person I know who has the key combination."

"Sister August knew the combination and someone has been in here cleaning. Its dusty but not derelict."

Alice sat on her chair. It was six years since she had accompanied Lydia on her first day and the chair hadn't moved since then.

"I think Sister Hazel knows."

"Was she the Sister with August's cane?"

"Yes Grandmother. She never seems to put it down."

Alice smiled. That cane. She knew the look. Knew the sound, knew the feel. August was a sadistic bitch, but she was His sadistic bitch.

"What happened to Sister August after she died?"

"They cremated her. She is in that urn over there."

Lydia pointed to a small shelf unit against the far wall. The unit contained a line of seven urns and room for five more.

"Room for me yet Hatter, You Mad Bastard."

"Sorry Grandmother I don't understand."

"I was talking to the Hat Lydia."

Alice recalled each moment spent in His presence, every golden word that casually dropped from His lips, the tiniest gesture and expression, but her heart was broken still.

'The hardest lesson of all Alice and the last. I have taught you, loved you, given you My every waking moment and slumberous dream. I have served you, taken care of you, made you My responsibility and My joy. You have been all and everything to Me, breathe and heart beat alike. I am leaving as sure as day becomes night. The light fades and all will end for the Hatter.

You will never forget Me, never replace Me, you will recall My wisdom, My face and body, even My eccentricities many that there are. You will talk about Me, perhaps boast at being the one, but all of that will never be enough.

I have never given you rules, have stated constantly there are no rules. I lied. There is one and one alone that cannot be changed or ignored.

The hardest lesson, the cruelest lesson is simple. The day will come you will never see Me again. Never to hear My voice, never to see Me smile, never to know again that feeling of contentment and fulfillment only My presence brings. You will grieve for eternity and there will be no consolation. Each day you will ask foolishly why you cared so little and missed so much. But that is the human condition and cannot be changed.

You cannot catch the wind or lightning, you cannot keep mortal alive in a box in your memory.'

"Did you really know Him Grandmother? Some of the girls say He never actually existed. A phantom, an urban legend sent to excite us in our beds on cold lonely nights."

Alice let that thought play in her mind for a moment. Yes Hatter would have liked that. Young impressionable girls imagining Him in their beds.

"Yes Lydia I knew Him and He decidedly knew me, biblically! Including the passages from Sodom and Gomorrah."

Alice didn't have to see Lydia to feel her expression.

"Did you think your grandmother was a virgin?"

Alice laughed loud and hard. Laughed the way they all had done a hundred times, through good and bad, joyful and evil.

"I think I can safely say there isn't a square inch of my body has a trace of purity left at all. Hatter was thorough if nothing else."

Alice didn't know why the question popped into her head or why she thought Lydia would know the answer.

"Tell me Lydia do you know why they cut down all the trees in the old wood?"

"No idea Grandmother. Daddy said something about exterminating a rabbit that had reappeared, but that made no sense at all."

Alice jumped up off her chair and picked up the brown top hat from its place of honor. Sure enough there was a distinct ring on the glass where the hat band had touched.

"You old Bastard. Your back!"

The hat firmly held in her grasp Alice headed for the open air and freedom.

"Mother! Where do you think you are going?"

Jack was making a halfhearted attempt to block her egress. He had always been a weak boy, physically and emotionally. Just like his father resembling a piece of origami paper needing to be shaped by somebody with talent and imagination.

"You should never have touched the woods Jack. Never interfered with His property. He will be angry and you won't like Him when He's angry."

Jack might as well have tried to stop a hurricane in full flight. Alice bowled him over like a playing card house and strode across the quadrangle heading for the rabbit burrow.

"We filled the entrances with concrete."

"That wont stop Him."

"Mother your almost seventy years old. You cant carry on like this you will hurt yourself."

"Show some respect you ignorant wretch."

The voice was clear as it had ever been, the accent even more stilted through the constant shaping of a million conversations in an endless universe of languages.

"Your Mother looks younger than you do."

"Don't be ridiculous whoever You are."

Alice had stopped, her heart beating hard in her chest, her breathe swept from her lungs by the force of His presence.

"Do you remember Me alice?"

"Remember you? I bought your Hat!"

That laugh, His laugh. Like a peel of joyful bells from the quaintest church tower ever.

"We going to go know then Hatter?"

"Celia!"

Alice turned slowly, very slowly. Sometimes dreams seem so real and if you spin too fast they fall apart like the best sugar sandwiches.

"Hasn't changed one little bit. Still as fresh as when we found her in the dairy."

The dairy! Alice giggled and felt everything tingle.

"Looks better than she did in Bills carnival."

"I want to sleep."

Doreen was slouched on the gravel besides Hatters feet.

"The carnival. I want some candy floss."

Jack stared at his mother, frantically rubbed his eyes then stared again. She was wearing a very short red plaid skirt, a pair of white knitted thigh highs and a blouse that barely did up down the front. Her black hair was tousled from constant physical exertion and we are definitely not talking the gymnasium sort.

"Mother?"

"Whatever is the matter jack? Never seen a genuine Peirce Academy whore before? Time for tea Alice. One lump or two?"

"You know me Hatter, the more lumps the better."