All I Want Is You Ch. 03

This time he cried out my name and I clung to him as we both came down from the heights of ecstasy, our bodies drenched in sweat and juices. He pulled out of me and hugged me, his breathing ragged in my ear. "Janie, I don't ever want to lose you," he murmured as we hugged and cuddled. "Never forget this, OK?"

I nodded and felt him relax into me as we both drifted off to sleep, the darkness enveloping us like a warm blanket.

*

The next morning I awoke and stretched out to touch Mark, but he wasn't there. Sitting up with a start I could hear him moving about in the kitchen and I breathed a sigh of relief. Before I could get up and put my robe on he appeared in the doorway with a tray.

"Breakfast for you," he smiled and I pulled the covers back over me as he sat down on the bed, the tray balanced on his lap. "I've made you scrambled eggs on toast. Hope you like them?"

I laughed and nodded. "Of course I do! Oh, this is such a treat!"

Mark leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, a serious expression on his face. "Look Janie, I've got to go now. I'm sorry for leaving you like this, but I need to go and sort this mess out. I might not be around for a couple of weeks."

I gazed at him in shock. I knew he would be going again but I didn't think it would be so soon or for so long.

"I might even have to go to the UK for a few days. I hope it won't come to that."

"I'm here for another month," I said. "But if I'm finished before then I'll be returning home to sort out the new house. I have so much to do there."

Mark nodded. "I know. Look, I'll call you in the next few days. Can I have your UK address as well?"

He fetched some paper and I noted down my new address. A part of me was relieved he wanted to see me again after our brief time together but I still found it difficult to accept that I wasn't going to be seeing him for such a long time.

He kissed me and we held each other tightly. I took in his smell, the feel of his hair against my cheek and tried hard not to cry.

"It's been so good, Janie," he murmured. "Just trust in me, OK?"

I nodded and watched as he made his way to the door. He turned briefly, smiled at me and then was gone. A minute later I heard the distant growl of the Audi as he made his way out onto the main road and then silence...

*

Over the next week I worked hard visiting as many vineyards as I could and writing notes on all of them. I tasted a lot of wines, some good, a few outstanding and many mediocre ones. The heat intensified and my tan deepened. Afternoons were spent by the pool or in the cool of the villa and Mark was often in my thoughts. Once I went back to the bar in the square and sat there with a drink but I couldn't recapture that evening we had been together and I just felt sad. There were dozens of couples holidaying with their children and I remembered back to the days when I went away with my husband and daughter and felt a sudden longing to be back at home. I had phoned my daughter several times but at 17 she was on the verge of leading her own life but I still enjoyed listening to her chattering away as she told me about her latest boyfriend.

Mark phoned several times saying he was back in the UK. Anna was improving and was responding to a psychiatrist who was looking into her background to treat her, rather than pump her full of drugs. Her son was doing a great job looking after her while Mark was away and although that little twist of fear was still there, I managed to sound happy and carefree on the phone to him.

After almost two weeks of being alone, an invitation arrived from a local vineyard owner, anxious to showcase his wines to a larger audience than the locals in Mallorca. Would I care to have dinner with him and his wife at a local, and very excellent, restaurant?

I accepted immediately. Eating on my own in the villa with only the occasional meal at a nearby restaurant was beginning to be a lonely experience and I dressed carefully, enjoying the feeling of going out and enjoying myself.

Senor and Senora Roca arrived in a beautiful Mercedes and we glided towards the nearby port in air-conditioned luxury. The restaurant was on the edge of the busy resort and had panoramic views over the bay. It was already busy with well-dressed couples, a good mixture of tourists and locals and we were greeted with affection by the staff and shown to a table overlooking the sea.

Luckily I spoke a little Spanish but the Rocas were very well-educated and spoke to me in beautifully accented English. Several of their wines were included on the restaurant's list and I had already decided that there would be a good market for them in the UK. The resort was popular with British holidaymakers and I hoped they wanted a taste of Mallorca when they got home.

The evening was a good one and we chatted easily about how the island had changed. As dusk fell, I gazed out at the view and realised that I loved the area. Was my secret dream of living here with Mark about to be shattered? Thinking of him I thought at first that my eyes were playing tricks on me when I glanced over at a couple on the far side of the restaurant. The man was sitting with his back to me but I would have known him anywhere. The woman opposite him was strikingly attractive with a mass of red hair and gorgeous green eyes. She was slim and pale and dressed expensively. She was gazing at him, a slight smile on her face and I could see him gesticulating about something as she suddenly laughed, the sound carrying above the hubbub of the restaurant.

"Senora? Is there something wrong?"

I looked at Senora Roca and shook my head. "No, I'm fine, thank you. I just thought I saw someone I knew."

The conversation carried on but I kept glancing over at the table, dreading the thought of him reaching out to kiss her or hold her hand. Our desserts arrived and I saw them both rise, the waiters waving goodbye as they made their way out of the restaurant. To get to the exit door they had to pass right by our table and I held my breath to see if Mark had seen me. His hand was around her waist and she gazed up at him, an expression of rapture on her face as they approached. He looked down at her and smiled as they picked their way amongst the packed tables and I felt my stomach contract in misery as he drew her closer to him in an act of protection.

As he passed within a few feet of our table he suddenly spotted me and a look of shock came over his face as he realised what I had seen. I looked away and they had gone, only the top of his head visible as they left the restaurant and disappeared into the growing darkness.

I still don't know how I carried on with the rest of the meal and my conversation with the Rocas. My dessert tasted like dust in my mouth and I just wanted to be back at the villa and on my own to experience my misery in peace. The laughing couples around us seemed to taunt me and I had to do my best to stop the tears rolling down my cheeks. I felt angry with myself for being affected like that and wished that I had never set eyes on Mark. Our time together now seemed like a complete charade and I felt humilated and stupid for falling so quickly and easily.

The Rocas must have noticed my change of mood for they didn't press me when I refused coffee and brandy after the meal. Senora Roca looked concerned and I had a feeling she knew what was wrong after watching my expression when Mark passed by.

As we sat together in the back of the car, she reached for my hand and squeezed it. "Jane, you look so sad. It is a man, huh?"

I nodded but told her about my divorce and why it was happening. She accepted that but I felt that she knew the truth. Did Mark have a reputation locally for seducing lonely and vulnerable females?

As they dropped me off at my silent villa, Senora Roca hugged me. "Be happy," she said holding me at arms length. "Life is for living."

I thanked them for their hospitality and they were gone, leaving me to the quiet of the villa and my own tortured thoughts. I stood on the terrace and felt the tears slide slowly down my face, my misery complete as I remembered how Mark and I had made love, laughed and enjoyed one another. The feeling of need was like a physical pain and I gasped out in agony as cruel memories of us together filled my mind. I opened the door of the villa and sank onto the sofa, my only comfort knowing that he had once sat there and now it was the closest thing I could think of to bring him back.

I must have sat for over an hour wallowing in my misery before I pulled myself together and went in search of a drink. Outside it was pitch black and the sky was covered in thousands of stars. A dog barked in the distance and I sat on the edge of the pool with my feet dangling in the cool water, cradling a large tumbler of whisky. I wondered how Mark would break the news to me. A letter? Or a phonecall?

As I was mentally preparing myself for the hurt and sadness this would cause, I saw lights approaching along the track that led to the villa. Two houses lay beyond mine, but as it was now almost 1am, a small glimmer of hope was ignited when I recognised the deep throaty growl of Mark's car.

The engine and lights were switched off and I saw the figure of Mark approach through the gates. Because I was sitting in darkness he made straight for the open door of the villa and it was a couple of minutes before I saw him almost run outside in the direction of the pool.

"Janie?" he shouted as he made his way towards me. "Are you OK?"

I ignored him and took a deep gulp of the whisky which made me cough and splutter and ruin any attempt at distance I was trying to create. "Leave me alone!" I managed to say as the coughs intensified and Mark took my elbow and helped me to my feet, his expression one of concern. He put his arms around me and pulled me close but I resisted him, my mood of sadness gone, to be replaced with one of anger and hurt.

"I saw you!" I yelled at him. "I saw you with her and the way you put your arm around her! You've been lying to me!"

"Janie! Let me explain, for Heaven's sake! You only saw one thing! How can you jump to conclusions like that?"

"I saw the expression on your face and she was looking at you like you were some sort of God!" I spat out, taking another large gulp of whisky. "You certainly weren't telling her about us, were you?"

"How do you know that?" Mark answered softly and tried to take my hand. "I've missed you so much."

I turned my back on him as the tears flowed again. I felt such a fool and now here he was, trying to deceive me again. Was I just a joke to him?

"Janie, you've got to believe me. There's nothing between us. I just needed to break some news to her tonight and I thought that she would react better in public than at home."

"I don't believe you! Why don't you just go away and leave me alone, Mark?" I turned away from him, gazing at the distance lights of the port.

"I don't want to. I want to stay here and be with you." He came over to me and put his arms around me, drawing me closer into him. The temptation was incredible. The thought of being with him again made me melt inside and I started to question myself and what I had seen. What if he was telling me the truth? Was I somehow blaming him for all the men who had ever let me down?

Mark could sense me weakening and started to nuzzle into my neck. I arched back towards him, feeling the need for his lips on mine and his hands stroking my body. If I gave in now what would happen? And was I just being used for sex?

But the image of him and Anna re-surfaced in my mind and I cringed. A future of him wavering towards either Anna or myself was certainly possible. Could I live like that?

"Mark, I want you to go," I stated firmly, turning around to face him, our eyes locking. "I can't do this now, not after you've been with her tonight. Do you understand?"

I saw the shock on his face and he tried once more to pull me towards him. "Let's just talk, then?" he pleaded, but I stood firm, my mind full of the images of the two of them together. "Please Janie..."

I shook my head as the tears rolled down my face. "I just need to be on my own, Mark. Please."

He stood there for what seemed like ages before turning and making his way back to the car. This time he drove off at speed, the engine screaming as he made for the main road. I stood there and listened as the sound faded, my tears falling unchecked and my heart as heavy as a lump of lead.

*

The next day, I booked a flight back to the UK. I had completed most of my work and any remaining notes could be written up at home. The longing to put a distance between myself and Mark was growing stronger by the hour and after disconnecting my laptop, I packed and tidied the villa. I phoned the owners who lived close by and then I was on my way. My flight was leaving in the early evening and I decided to take a tour of the island before reaching the airport. I had a sudden feeling that this would be my last time in Mallorca and I wanted to see some of the island before heading home.

All day I thought of him and resolved that from this time on I would find it hard to trust anyone again. We seemed so close, so well-matched but in the end I had just been a diversion for him. Nothing more than a plaything. I felt angry and humiliated but knew that I had fallen too easily and too soon.

At the airport I entertained a fantasy of Mark coming to find me - guessing what I had done after going to the villa and finding me gone. But he didn't and I made my way through to the Departures Lounge with a terrible sense of disappointment as my mobile stayed silent. As the plane heaved itself into the sky above Palma I gazed down at the city and the island spread out below me and allowed a few tears to fall. I had arrived full of hope and optimism but I was returning sadder and wiser.

I would throw myself into work on my return and concentrate on my new life. What else could I do?

*

Back in the UK I moved into the new house and took a few days off work to sort out the mess I had somehow created by moving in. The sadness still remained, made worse by the changes I was going through but I shook any depression away and tried to find homes for my belongings in the new house. The knock at the door made me swear as I teetered on top of a stepladder, hoping it wouldn't be someone trying to sell me something. Standing at the door was a delivery man and he held a large package in his arms. "Parcel for you?" he enquired as he thrust it at me.

"I'm not expecting anything," I replied as I racked my brains trying to remember if I had ordered anything on the web.

"Ms Hamilton?"

"Yes, that's me, but I haven't ordered anything."

"Well sign here please. Definitely for you."

I signed and took the parcel from him, surprised at its weight. Closing the door I went in search of scissors and soon I had managed to cut through the heavy padding. Inside was the picture of the Tramuntana mountains I had admired the day when I met Mark. Sinking to my knees in the living room I gave into the emotion that the picture evoked, the tears fallling again as I gazed at the beautiful painting and the wonderful colours, the scene, I now realised, the one visible from Mark's bedroom window.

I realised that the emotions I was hiding were just below the surface but was this Mark's way of apology? If so, it was a form of torture as well for every time I looked at the painting I would be reminded of him.

The second knock at the door took me by surprise and I rose to my feet, running my fingers through my hair and wiping away the tears as I went to answer it. Mark stood on the doorstep, a huge bunch of flowers in his arms and a strange expression of hope mixed with fear on his face.

I stood and gazed him for ages. I took in every inch of his face, his eyes and lips, his hair and the broad sweep of his shoulders. We looked at each other like two wary cats and I smiled at last, my eyes lighting up as I realised what this meant.

"Can I come in?" he asked and I nodded.

He brushed past me and went into the living room, putting the flowers down and picking up the picture. "I painted this," he said, gazing at me. "To me, this is you, Janie. Your love for me and my love for you."

I felt the tears start again and I looked away from his intense gaze.

"I realised I loved you the night we ate in the old town. Do you remember?"

I nodded and he went on. "That night we sat and talked was the best night of my life. You eclipsed any other woman I have ever known."

He came towards me and took me in his arms. I nuzzled into his neck and kissed him gently. "Do you know how it felt to see you with Anna?" I asked. "How the hurt ripped through me and tore me apart?"

"I had just told her about her family, Jane. She has been improving with this new psychiatrist and her family want her to go back and live with them until she sorts herself out for good. It was why I went to the UK, to see them and explain why she needed them so badly."

I looked at him and smiled. "You did that for her?"

He nodded. "Yes and healed a rift as well which I wasn't expecting. They haven't talked for 10 years. And then I told her about us..."

"What did she say?"

"She found it difficult to accept at first. I knew she would but when I explained about the need her family have for her and how we would just get back into that rut that we were in years ago she began to see sense. I think she knew that deep down I could never give her what she wanted."

I gazed at him as he stood there, such a vulnerable look on his handsome features and my heart melted. I had thought he had set out to hurt me but he was trying to smooth our path and make it easy for us to be together. How could I have sent him away in Mallorca? I realised I loved him and needed him, but more importantly trusted him. I now knew he wouldn't let me down and I would never doubt his word again. The feelings between us were so strong and I realised that we had both felt like this almost from our first meeting together but it was a fear of getting hurt that had prevented me from fully accepting what we had.

I felt Mark's arms tighten around me. I could also feel his erection pushing against my leg and I felt that familiar twist of desire again. I needed him so badly now that it hurt.

"Let's go upstairs, Mark," I murmurmed and he didn't hesitate. We made our way to the bedroom and I ignored the mess as we fell onto the bed, our need for each other the only thing we could think of. Mark undid the buttons on my shirt and tugged at my skirt as we lay on the bed. Almost ripping off his shirt, I stroked his chest, loving the feel of his warm skin. He leaned over me and kissed me deeply as we moved together, his cock pressing against my pussy lips through the thin material of my panties. I groaned at his touch and his tongue travelled from my face down to my neck and onto my breasts, my nipples aching for his lips.

"I want you so much," I moaned as he moved further down my body. "I've never missed anyone like I've missed you. You make me feel so good in every way."

Mark kissed my stomach and the tops of my thighs, tugging my panties off before trailing his fingers over my sensitive mound. I shivered with pleasure as his fingers slowly encircled my vagina and stroked my damp lips. He gently parted them and pushed a finger inside as I groaned. He silenced my groans with a deep kiss and I reached down to take his hard cock in my hand, feeling a drop of pre-cum trembling at the tip.

"Mark, I need you inside me now," I groaned as he looked at me, his eyes dark with the need for me.

He lifted himself off me and with one movement was inside me, filling me up completely and taking away the terrible ache I had felt since he had gone. He thrust into me slowly at first as we gazed at each other, our eyes locked as we moved together, the intense need and the time we had spent apart making the experience somehow better than all the times before.