All Comments on 'All In Fun For Everyone'

Another great story! I loved it!

Great story with a good plot line. But you really need to find an editor who will work with you. There are many possible improvements in the grammar and spelling that will appeal to your readers.

I agree with the comment about geting an editor. I enjoyed the story,but an editor would improve it.

Please keep writing

Loved the concept and the length, gave me a chance to jack off as I read. Wondering, since you live out in the country, do you ever take your toys out into the woods and just lay there naked and fuck yourself? Maybe being watched by a young man stroking his cock? Let yourself scream and call out as you cum and gush hot juices from your pussy. Maybe the young man would offer you his hard cock to suck, seems to be a passion of yours.lol I hope to see much more of your writting and learn more about you.

What could have been a nice story was ruined for me by your slovenly use of grammar and spelling. You must understand that such mistakes take your readers out of the story and into your lack of skill in employing your tool, the English language. This is more than just needing an editor. It is learning how to write, which is more than story telling.

reads pretty good so far has alot of avenues to still explore

give us more.give the women more.

I fully agree with those who state that the lack of rigor in grammar and spelling marred the storyline beyond any degree of enjoyment possible. I only gave this 25% because of the potential the idea has. Please (and I really mean PLEASE) solicit the help of one or more volunteer editors and get this (and future) stories more understandable to the rest of us!

I thought it was another fine tale, also. Don't get too discouraged by all of these fine folks who want to criticize grammar. I have a friend that I consider to be the best writer on this site and she couldn't give a rat's ass about being perfect in the use of the language. Keep telling your tales and remember that there are more of us out here who read a story for its content, rather than technical expertise.

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SPELLING!!!

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Here's just <i>some</i> of the spelling errors, which add up to make your story almost unreadable:-

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cresset moon (crescent)<br>

here (her)<br>

shinning (shining)<br>

sliver (silver)<br>

your (you're)<br>

haler top (halter)<br>

bar (bra)<br>

why don we (don't)<br>

ware (wear)<br>

presents (presence)

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PLEASE, work with one of Lit's volunteer editors before submitting again!

Fuck the critics. It was a good story and any one with a brain can read around the minor mistakes. An editor might not hurt but remember this ain't Shakespeare.

Aside from all the spelling and grammar mistakes this is written at about a 5th/6th grade reading level. Only grade school dropouts would enjoy this story.

...but I also agree with the comment about, "...the mispelling distracted from the overall enjoyment of the story. You have a good 'storyline' going. Learn to spell a little better & we both will be satisfied. Get "SpellChecker" or somesuch before you submit your next chapter & see if that doesn't make a difference.

plz more, loved it !! :D

o hai i am iliterate and i want to reed about cocks spuritng up my mom and millllipons of other hot chicx ok? plaudibility is not importantok, do not worryk, I am not going to varp i mean carp. just giv us the ciocksz and hot naked chicksa and pretend i vhave writen somethinb

It is the story content which counts. It was a lovely twist, and would probably have been better if it had been split into more separate stories. An Incest one, A Group Sex for two or three more. It was a theme whch you could have developed, as you have a great imagination.

but my personal main problem is that you continue to go on about trivial shit in the dialogue, and when the sexual scenes arrive, you're done in three lines. The characters talk for forty lines about blowjobs, and then you go "and than she gave me a blowjob". Period. That's not erotic writing!

My one suggestion would be to lose the "calling her Bonnie" part. It takes the reader out of the fantasy that this is a guy who is fucking his mother. Having him call her Mom repeatedly helps remind and reinforce the fantasy for the reader.

I loved this story. Great idea about him having that kind of power over women. If I had that kind of influence, I'd make the story dirtier and kinkier. And don't worry about the critics. If you keep on writing, your grammar, spelling, flow and syntax will improve. Everything you want in life already exists in some reality, but like any muscle, you have to work it. Trust yourself. You'll see.

the story line was good,the spelling was not.your english could use some improvement.

Another chapter would be terrific.. We could learn how this young man came to have the ability to charm a sweet thing out of her panties.. A talent most men would swap their soul to possess..And Bebe, you being bi, have you fantasized about having this remarkable ability?

I enjoyed your story immensely. Yes, it could use some editing but it is a thoroughly arousing and entertaining story. So write on.

First of, grammar errors... sooooo many...and this is way too short and too straight forward, you need to build up the excitment, not shoot it almost instantly.

Yes Please.

Let know when you do it

rjb49@bellsouth.net

I hope part two is on it's way soon.

Looks like this author was a one and done type of guy as he only wrote during 2009 and nothing since.