by sugardolphin
In your fifth paragraph you change from "me/my" to "him/his" quite a lot. Proof read before submitting.
The jump between my/him makes this annoying very quickly and not worth finishing. Please edit things before you post them
I apologise for the changing of perspectives that are correctly at their worst in the 5th paragraph, I asked a friend to amend my grammar and punctuation but was corrected from a 3rd person perspective. I should have re checked before submitting. I will amend and re submit for next week.
Your pronouns are all fucked up. Is it in the first person or the third person? The narrator is a He, but sometimes it refers to "my" this and "my that". Who is I? Is it the husband? Is it a voyeur? Make up your mind!
Dude. Who the in the faffy waffle is telling the story? Other than that it was fun to read.
Every man needs a woman like Amber. She will make any sensible man's marriage heaven on earth