All Comments on 'Amnesia Ch. 10'

I have held off on making any comments until the last chapter, and all I have to say is, it was a great story. I don't read the stories here in "Literotica" for a jerk off. I really look for the stories, like this one, that have the foundation for an over the counter novel. Your small story kept the intrest and intrige, great story telling, keep it up. I look forward to your next one.

Hi,

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You do write a better epilogue, thank you for taking the time and making the effort to do so.

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<I>-- srgeek --</I>

Essentially, the story took an ugly turn when Tony was arrested. This "epilogue" struggles to resolve those issues. The ten million dollars is barely explained in a logical manner. If Tony knew nothing about it, then how could it be located without having some discernable clues regarding the fraud in putting it there? Beyond that, it would appear that Tony simply needed a better lawyer, in order to raise at least "reasonable doubt" about his guilt regarding the allegations, instead of recommending a plea of "guilty". And for Van Hoote (an FBI agent with a surprising quantity of free time) to take the better part of two years to come up with enough suspicion to address the issue seems quite odd. Overall, the story is a good read but the ending is unnecessarily contorted which ultimately provides no improvement to the tale.

-- KK in Texas

this addendum sucked big time. <p>

first of all, the original ending already ruin most readers' peace of mind, most of the readers' endearing thoughts about the guy. <p>

secondly, no major federal prosecutorial activity would proceed against powerful white collar criminals --- major insider trading worth hundreds of millions --- unless and until they have digged deep and found all records on computer activities. <p>

that Tony here was convicted by federal prosecutors without the latter having even used deep, non-erasable computer hard drive memory records ----- that's just a lame thing to have put in as the ORIGINAL argument for which Tony's conviction was done in the original story... <p>

in light of all these things, the over-all story plot failed on many levels.

Yep, I would have preferred a smoother ending but it is

writer's choice and this was a fine recovery. I find the reaction of your fans over the original ending very interesting. Yep, I was disappointed in the hero, but I feel that it was a possible reality. Very good work.

The first three quarters of your story was a brilliant mystery story. The last 1/4 was kind of a vacillating up and down elevator. Tony's sudden jailing, then your epilogue in which he didn't really know if he was guilty or not and the FBI agents revealing the real truth of the scheme and bailing Tony out. As a man who likes happy endings, I liked the ending but it did not have the cohesive uality of most of your story. Keep writing. please.

60 year old George

Good read, but had far to many holes. Chapters 6-8 just poorly written, and the epilogue reads like an excuse. Great concept, and a good start, but in the end, needed more work. Keep trying.

a really good story, I didn't miss the absence of sexual situations. You have a great talent for making your characters come alive and eliciting empathy for their situations. Keep up the great writing.

I really enjoyed the story and I think it was well done, hope to see more stories like this.

I love happy endings, well done, keep up the good work

This story was great, even with the mix up of the names. Please keep up the good work.

IMHO the story would have been much smoother if the truth had come out during a dramatic scene and no prision to much things up. Still the epilogue was the best that could be done to fix the ending... Overall, the writing and story is so much better than most here that I am scoring 100

Coaster

I just started reading your stories, and must say that they are among the best that I have found on Literotica. Amnesia is a page turner.

Truly enjoyed your epic, my only criticism was that you could not make up your mind if the main characters name was Milano or Marino. Thats all, otherwise truly enjoyable, Thanks for the entertainment.

Very written, not quite as well constructed. Ch. 01-09 are a study in a good story that reaches its climax too early and becomes a narrative of a predictable, yet well written, denouement. Chapter 10 reintroduces some unresolved tension, with a second climax and denouement. Could be better constructed, and some of your other stories demonstrate that you can do better.

I thoroughly enjoyed your Amnesia story. It had a great story line, interesting characters, unexpected turn of events and finally a great ending - just the kind of writing I love.

You were a brave man to dig your story out of that pile of chicken shit you left it in, in CH 9.

I just read the whole story. Was Magda's appearance in the police station photo explained?

Good story! Glad it wasn't left at chapter 9.

nice ending

Excellent work! I really enjoyed it!

at the end of the original last chapter? Apologizing to his wife made no sense. Because he had no memory of the events he would have been surprised and shocked at the charge.

story of life not just mindless unlikely sex

Thank you for righting ( or more correctly - writing) a wrong. The chap 9 ending was a swing and a miss. IF Tony had recalled his part in the crime, the new, selfless Tony would have said something. The "sorry babe" was just sorry. However, chap 10 allows for the forgiveness of sins. A good story - well told.

GOOD STORY, CONGRATULATIONS. It falls short of your other submissions and tends to be less than titillating. I was told once in a creative wring course: happy happy happy is boring, boring, boring. Plus aren't theses supposed to be erotic novels and novellas?

Whew, I was so depressed at the original ending, Tony was such a good guy, it didn't seem right for him to go away.

Glad it all worked out.

I liked that even if he wasn't exonerated, Nina's standing by him, and his work in the prison kitchen boded well for a good life after prison.

Thoroughly enjoyed this story. Shows what can be achieved when the main character has integrity. Didn't miss gratuitous sex as it didn't belong here.

c2, I have to admit that as much as I enjoyed the previous ending, I honestly prefer the Epilogue.

You have a talent for creating a cast of interesting characters. And writing them into a storyline of rollercoaster suspense and dramatic twists with wild turns to this plotline.

Sorry dude, but after reading three of your submissions with really negative endings I am giving up on you. I don't need the "sickness," and am really sorry you live in that space. Goodbye forever

I am not sure why the author decided to take this story down a different track at the very end of chapter 9, and then had to extract the hero with a convoluted epilogue. Fankly to me it was unnecessary and sort of destroyed the story.

Look forward to more of your stories posted here.

Thanks for sharing with us on Lit.

x

The investigators and prosecutors in the case against Tony should have noticed that during the time of the transfers Tony was in a hospital for the third day in a coma.

That they did not puts the government at fault in a civil suit.

Wrongful imprisonment for over a year?

That goes way past "Oops, my bad!"

I was unaware that the defendant could cause ANYTHING to be changed after pleading guilty... I must admit I'm unsure of what the addition of the "mitigating circumstances" would allow for...

As for his lawyer, you'd have thunk he'd have looked into the transactions himself with a forensic accountant... PRIOR to a fed having to bring it to his attention...

Liked most of the chapters quite a bit though... only a couple of issues with the later ones...

is not a punch line joke, when your innocence is in jeopardy, TK U MLJ LV NV

The transactions WERE dated before he was in the hospital.

Further research showed that the actual computer files were created while he was hospitalized, but back-dated.

With an amazing plot and interesting, believable characters.

Shame about some of the mindless comments, from people who obviously didn't understand what they were reading.

PS ... Anyone's conviction can be quashed, no matter how they pleaded in court. In fact plea bargaining is the biggest reason for false imrisonment in the USA. Prosecuters are allowed to pressurise defendants into pleading guilty, threatening them with longer sentences if they don't comply.

This is a story of redemption and second chances. The man before the amnesia was a lesser man, selfish, greedy and arrogant. It is entirely possible that he could indeed have committed such a crime.

I think I preferred the earlier ending but both are excellent.

After 19 months in prison, the authorities open the door and out you go with nary a thought for their complicity in the frame-up. Our Justice department bears a chilling resemblance to Orwell's 1984: truth is lies, war is peace. Tony shows us all what to expect when doing the right thing. (Yeah, I know it's fiction. But see how few Tonys there are and guess why?) Good story, though. Thanks. JPR

I didn't like the thought of this guy whose passion was running a kitchen, and who had dreams of opening his own place, just casting his plans aside to teach basics to wannabes. Didn't seem to fit to me.

As before I found it to be an entertaining story. Also as before, my comments are the same as they were on 10/01/15. I might also add, that to me the epilogue is a patch job that wouldn’t have been needed if the author hadn’t dropped a bomb at the end of chapter 9 that left the reader wondering what the heck happened.

once again thankyou.

im on to another one of your efforts

cheers

keep them coming, thankyou

It was a great book. You are one of a hell, good twitters. I like every one that I have read: so. I. Got to get back to reading keep up the good work

ding

Yt

Thanks. Daubergirl

should not have questioned you. Sure, there are some plot things as listed in the comments to clean up before this becomes a prime time made for tv movie, or better, but what a freaking save. From dumpster to hero. And the book and movie deal just went through the roof.

Good save

freaking Blooming Idiots

Wonderful ending to a well written story. All is well that ends well. 5 stars

5 star story thank you

I really liked the story. The only problem was sometimes the name was Marino and others Milano. Keep up the good work!

Why was there no attempt to sue the guy who arranged for the hit as well as his boss who framed him for the stolen $10 million. In the case of the latter who had died, it could have against his estate? Still a good story, but the prior chapter was like jumping off a cliff.

A great series. Thank you.

Very satisfying with no loose ends.

A well plotted and written story! 5 stars.

Amnesia. It started off really interesting but by the time I was done with this I wished I had it! Too many mistakes, both in spelling errors and also in factual ones. How do you suppose three crooks would be out on bail before they have been charged with a crime? FBI involvement means a federal crime. No variable (3-5yr) sentence, no parole, etc. it just got boring…

Glad he got out, but it seemed like justice took a huge hit in this story.

I liked the original ending better. Maybe it's just me, but I like seeing a few loose ends that are not neatly explained. This ending was okay, but the moral ambiguity at the end of Chapter 9 hit me like a gut punch...in a good way!