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All Comments on 'An Adult Pool Party'

by Kawaii Anime

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  • 2 Comments
don87654don87654over 18 years ago
Good, but could have been better

Needs some spell checking, and sentence structure correction. And I'm not sure.....but I think that fucking in swimming pool water with its chemicals is pretty hard to do, or painful as the chemical balances rinse off the natural oils of pussy and pre-com....at least that has been my experience.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 16 years ago
simple advice

you need an editor..a good story trying to get out

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userKawaii Anime@Kawaii Anime
12 Stories
9 Followers
Hi, everyone! I am online now and fleshing out a couple of plot lines that I will be working with. I am also going to try to post some naughtier bits at my_wooden_tiger account, or if you like American Horror Story, you can look up my fanficporn alter ego, Verbal Freshness,...