All Comments on 'An Adventure of Siblings'

I'm not going to rate your story because the bold is too off-putting for me to read it; but if I was forced to rate it then I would have to give it a zero. I hope others can endure it better than I can.

I really enjoyed your story and gave it the 5 stars it earned. The bold was kinda distracting but I got over it once I got into the story. Thanks!

I'm sorry, I've been using bolded dialogue for years. I used to frequent this other older site (non-erotic) and the users all sort of agreed to bold dialogue. I've done it ever since and have always found it a good way to highlight the dialogue, especially useful for people who want to just skim through pages and not miss important points, which I thought would be useful in a long-ish story such as this one. As for emphasis, I've always found it plenty to use italics or underlining, or, you know, more importantly, choose the correct wording.In my opinion, wording does a lot more for emphasis than text effects.

Regardless... maybe I'll edit the bolding out if it's such an issue. I'd like to find a way to separate the pages by segments anyways, it's kind of terrible that some segments only spill over a few lines onto other pages.

...but it didn't stop it from being a really fantastic story! Looking forward to reading more of your work!

One of the best I read but as the others I would advise you to not do talk in bold in the future! It takes a while to get used to it but whoever stopped reading because of it missed a really great story! I hope you'll write more :)

Could not get past the juvenile use of bold type. Stopped halfway through page 1. Too bad.

The bold type alone was enough for me to give this 1* but the utterly unbelievable scenarios accompanied with puerile scribblings was the clincher.

Ha. You know, I really love constructive criticism and am more than glad to admit my mistake and fix the problem, and I'm also an adult so I'm just going to smile, nod, and pretend some of you aren't being childish. Regardless, to those who pointed out that you think the bolded dialogue is distracting with CIVILITY; thank you for letting me know, I'm sorry for the trouble, and a new version has been submitted for correction. So if there's anyone out there who also doesn't like the boldness but wanted to give it a try, check back in a couple days and the new version should be up. Hope you're all having a wonderful day, and thank you for reading.

It was a good story and I enjoyed it a lot. But it bothered me while reading it that you always used bold type for the dialogue. It stared to give me a headache that I had to stop from time to time from reading it. I hope your future writings will not use bold type.

What nice story. I agree that the bold needs to go but other than that it was a very enjoyable read. As my wife and I are swingers in real life I did not find the story unbelievable at all as we have had similar experiences ourselves. Keep writing and ignore those with obvious anger issues.

Well, it certainly was for me. I tried to read it but I couldn't get through the first page because it felt as if everyone was shouting all the time.

the bold didn't bother me. I liked the story!

Bold dialog took me about 2 paras to get used to, and I'm over 80. Get with it, whippersnappers! LMAO!! Really a great story, rpg! Incest is a politically motivated "crime" that doesn't exist elsewhere in nature. It's just sex, and if it's consensual, it's no big thing, like the swinging - unless it causes jealousy and strife in a family. 'Hope to see more of these sibs in future.

I gave it 5 stars but it needs editing.

I thought you had the sister jumping into sex with her brother too abruptly (just my opinion though).

There were some typos which I'm sure you'll catch and correct.

Reading "Naomi and I's relationship" (page 7) was like hearing fingernails run across a chalk board. I'm not a grammar nazi but that was really distracting.

The plot was excellent! The flow was excellent!

I hope to see more of your writing. Congratulations on a fine effort.

great story now add a second chapter because i did not have to touch myself 5 stars

13

I sincerely tried to read this story. It looked interesting but after one and half page i had to give up. The Highlights were too much and it strained eyes.

Excellent story, well written. I agree with the other comments about the use of bold type for the dialogue. Oh, and by the way, Juvenal was a Roman poet, not Greek.

WOW, I don't think I've seen so much controversy about a story in quite a while. The bold type was quite a change. I liked it on one hand because it made the dialogue stand out from the descriptive text. On the other, it was a bit distracting and made reading the story a little more difficult. Can we come up with a happy medium? Maybe a font that isn't so 'BOLD', yet different from the rest of the text? (no italics please...).

Please have someone proofread your text. There weren't that many errors, but enough misspellings, wrong word choices (pallet is a wooden skid; palette refers to taste/choice), and missing spaces between words to interrupt the flow.

Shawn and Elle jumping into swinging so quickly after their own first sexual experience together may be a stretch, but then, if it's reality you're looking for, you probably are on the wrong site.

Overall, a good start and looking forward to additional chapters.

Anyone notice that the author is a very young guy, 18 to 22 years old? I hope and trust that rpg has a kid sister that he's...very close to. As close as Shawn is to his baby sister Ellen. This excellent story captures the love and lust that only truly liberated siblings can have for each other. How about Ellen saying to her big brother, "Your dick is perfect. Like it was made for me. And more than that; I love you, Shawn." That's the feeling lots and lots of girls have toward their big brother. And conversely, like plenty of brothers, he feels that that adorable sweet slit between his sis's legs is perfect, made for him--to fondle, to kiss and smooch and slurp, and to shove his big hard cock up into, up to his balls. When a big brother gets on top of his beloved baby sister, slides his cock up into her warm wet coochie, pumps away like mad, and finally blows his brotherly balls and splatters his semen all over the walls of his pretty sister's innocent pink vagina--that is truly beautiful.

Totally agree one of the best if not the best

Liked everything EXCEPT the BOLD type. Tough to read. almost gave up...

but the story kept me hanging in there.

After I've moved the entire thing over to a word document so I can remove the bold type.

to a good story. It could end like this but the door is open to continue. I thought the bold type was interesting as well. It really called out what the other person was thinking. Perhaps mom and dad notice the difference and admit to the kids they re also brother and sister and were having trouble in how to tel the kids so they set up the weekend to put them in a situation they could either find they loved each other as more than brother and sister. Maybe Shawn and Ellie get invited to the wedding and they have a three couple encounter.

Great story. Thanks a lot for your effort and keep up the great work. ^__^

I went the entire story waiting for the other couple or one of them to discovers them to be siblings but it never happened. Ah well great read!

However, this was so good I could not stop. Had me stroking my cock all along

There were a number of errors. Most of the errors were wrong words being used, and a few grammatical errors, as well as having some missing words from time to time. As for the bold type dialogue, at times it made me want to read the passage as if someone were yelling, or speaking very loudly. Maybe you could reduce the bold type face, or use another font, to seperate the dialogue from the narrative, but it is an interesting concept.

As for the story itself, it could be interesting to see how it develops beyond this story's ending. I had the same thoughts as a previous commentor about the possiblity of the parents setting this up to see what would happen. However, I thought that since they did not look like brother and sister, that the possibility exists that they really are not blood siblings. I was thinking that maybe she was born to a different mother (since she seemed to resemble her father), and he was born to a different father (since he resembled his mother). I got the idea that their parents got together while the kids were still quite young, and the kids do not remember their other respective biological parent (I know, it sounds a bit complicated), and raised as brother and sister without anyone revealing the truth.

One other thing, I really find the constant use of the slang term "bro" to be like fingernails on a chalkboard. I have four brothers and a number of nieces and nephews, and I do not use or hear that term. Yes, I have heard them use the term "sis", but not the term "bro", and reading the term in dialogue gets to me like fingernails on slate. Maybe she could actually use his name or a nickname the next time around.

Don't like sharing/swapping. But its hot.

Great Story, i occasionally like to read the long ones if they are good. It seems like you used spellcheck and it replaced words with the wrong word or wrong tense, find someone to proofread, I believe they have space on the forum for that. Over all a very good story and i would like to see more to it if you plan on making an addition.

Enjoyed the story, like others the swapping almost stopped me reading as I prefer romance but it was done tastefully, although Don did break his own rule by coming on Ellie's stomach, would have preferred Naomi sort him that second time aswell.

But even with that 5 stars.

I hope we haven't seen the last of Shawn and Ellen. What happens when they get home and the parents see the behavioral signs of their new intimacy? That would be hard to hide for long. And how do friends take the new relationship and living together? Fuel for a great sequel there!

And the final edit has been submitted so the grammatical mistakes and whatnot will soon be corrected as well.

You did a wonderful job on this story! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and will bookmark it to share with my husband. Thank you!!

So the final edit has gone through, removing a majority of the grammatical errors. I wouldn't go as far as to say it is perfect, but it should be much better. Special thanks to LarryInSeattle for helping me edit it, since my biased eyes tend to gloss over my own errors (preferring to read what I meant rather than what I wrote).

Please, enjoy and feel free to comment or leave feedback to let me know what you think.

The first half was really erotic--the brother/sister part--and the ending, where they're driving home. I don't really care for swinging/swapping, although when I was 20 I might have felt differently about that. (Never had the opportunity.) The transition from Shawn & Ellie's first sex and jumping immediately into swinging was kinda brutal and didn't sound realistic. I mean, did they love each other or not? We're supposed to believe they did, but within less than 24 hours they're treating each other like meat. Not loving at all, IMHO. Naomi just seems creepy.

i thoroughly enjoyed the story (so far please). I would like to hear about their return home, life at school, extra "friends" and meetings with their firsts. I would even like to hear of them deciding to couple for real.

As said previously, more please

I just found the story and missed all the drama about bolded dialogue. I admit, I thought that the story was a bit fast from virgin to bi-sexual swinger, but, the writing was such that I could buy into it. Good emotional content and good descriptions.

Loved this story! Please more like this. I know it's a taboo subject but this story is good anyway.

I feel like this would have worked better told from Shawn's first person perspective. Ellen and Shawn's first time happened a bit sooner than I'd like from a story of this length, as well.