by keepyourkicks
What a terrific story you have here. A potentially burgeoning love story,. I cant wait to read what happens next, then at Christmas, then over the summer, the she joins him at college then happily ever after
also just a little unbelievable(really !!! she knows how to take pics & transfer them to computer yet in everything else she's clueless really !!!)
in saying that its only nitpicking & hope you post next chapter ASAP
You are doing really well. There are a few grammatical errors and missing words but other than that this story is going really well. I only wish there was more haha, but that's how it's supposed to be if you want to write something with chapters....leave them wanting more. Just be careful. If you leave your audience waiting too long on this site, they may move on to another story pretty quickly.
Fantastic!! I was pleasantly surprised ;-) can't wait to read more from you!
I really enjoyed both parts of this story. But, this story is just way too good to end at 2 parts if it's really going to end at 2 parts as indicated by the "2 Part Series" indication over at your Story Submissions page. Hopefully the story continues.
Anyway, great debut with this story. Two Thumbs Up!
I am glad to see that you used the suggestions from the comments in the first part of this story. This second part was HOT. She sounds cute and it was totally hot her throwing herself at him.
I'm really hoping for a part 3. Don't end it here. I'm all hot and bothered here.
The slow build up is frustrating but very well done. You're doing great work and hope you continue!
i was actually pleasantly surprised at this. Its a good story so far no doubt. Even more so since u said its your first story.
Only ting i will advise is to take your time. Rushing a story to get it out there usually does a writer more bad then good. (not saying u did.)
But in all honesty, and this is a personal preference, but i love story's with a slow build up and real emotion. The kind that cant be forced/rushed up to in two paragraphs. Normally i don't even bother reading a story when i see it at one page long because i know theirs not enough time for that kind of build up. In this case, it was only because of seeing chapter 2 that i decided to give chap 1 a chance. And im glad i did. These two combined made for a good beginning story. Interested to see where it goes!
WAITING please! thanks! 5 star and for part 3
But. Why are you taking so long to release the next chapter? I understand that life can sometimes get in the way and all that, but I'd really love to know if you will be making another chapter? Thanks, and again, awesome story
It's getting so tedious now. So many stories are never finished. I do wish there was a warning at the beginning about this, so we can decide whether to read what has been written, or pass on even starting.
But after an 18 month gap, it doesn't appear this story ever will be finished !
Just so very disappointing.