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Click here'We can start again tomorrow...'
It flared up briefly just before I lost consciousness, shimmering as if seen through steam. The cubicle in Sugar Dollz and Erica smiling, holding up the lost diamante she had been seeking. A reflection of us both in each of its facets, like premonitions of potential futures, each vision more thrilling than its predecessor. Fragments of Babs' voice in the background...
Everything's on course...You worry too much...I love you too...À bientôt, mon cher'...
- COMMENTS
betrayedbylovealmost 12 years agoWho?
What?
Where?
When?
Why?
I'm more confused than I ever was.
HA
ttom76over 12 years agoFirst, I really did not like any of the characters. Your writing tends to point out each character's weakness first so I never made any connection.
Next, there were silly errors that brought me out of it. You don't have a funeral service at the crematorium. Next, it does not follow that traces of a drug in a bedroom means the drug was in the corpse. You might suspect it if the body was never found It was found and they were able to get an alcohol level on it. Hence, the deduction was seriously flawed. No cop would do that.
By the time I got to the dream sequence, I hung it up.
ttom
Anonymousover 12 years agoGave it a one...Why??? Because you can't give a negative one thousand forty-nine...
demantoidover 12 years agoFun and poetic stream of unconsciousness. Thank you Organ Morgan...oh the cost of snowflakes.
Vulcan_in_Ohioover 12 years agoMaybe it was just too deep for me. Writing was quite good, but I had trouble with stream-of-consciousness thinking, quick scene changes, unclear plot -- maybe that was the idea, the main character is crazy and is under treatment. His ravings are confusing because he is confused himself. One thing is clear, no sympathetic characters in this.
njlaurenover 12 years agoYou don't have any basis to figure out what is going on....is the narrator crazy,or are the wife(babs),erica and the black chick drugging him and trying to drive him crazy to cover up them murdering Harry? Babs is especially suspicios,in a plot like this a psych pro could be the perfect accomplice. And those last words,are they words of love and to whom?There is nothing wrong with non standard writing,but to me this reads more like "let me write this druggie like prose,that will make it really deep".Leaving a reader untethered like this is like the mystery where the writer pulls. some fact out of thin air to show the detective is smarter then the reader for solving it.That said it is well written,I just hope the author finishes it in a way it can be understood in some way;hopefully this isn't one of those "you determine the truth,make your own ending" cop outs.
