by lilguy
It was pretty good but you need to go back and re-read your story. Some of the words you used in your sentances were hard to understand.
The premise of your story and your description of your main charactor, Ann and what she does to the young black man were very good. You have a great imagination.
What you should do the next time you write a story for this site is take advantage of the editors on this site. With the right advice and direction you will have perfect scores all the time.
Use at least a spell-checker...
Read more, not on Lit, there are too many crap writers here. Read good books.Then maybe you will learn to write better.
I'm a well-received author here, but I've learned better than to put my name to this. My stories get bombed when I leave any negative comment.
That was very unusual. I thought the gangsta talk was good, but the crappy spelling made it hard to follow sometimes. Intriguing.
It's giving not given. You went from third person to first. Total mess.
And what the fucks a Limbo?
Disturbing. Too brutal for my taste. Unrealistic. Poor spelling, grammar and syntax. I would not recommend to a friend.
However, it was very funny because of the exaggerated imagery.