All Comments on 'Any Chance We Could Ch. 11'

The last few chapters have been particularly slow moving. You need to do something new to keep the reader interested. You have said that the first 20 chapters have already been written but I am not sure I am interested enough to read the next nine.

Their going to fuck the poor man to death. Trying to satisfy all three of those hot females is just too much to ask of any man. I still want to read about him fucking those young pussies. Thanks for the chapter....Rich

The dialogue is just consistently awful all throughout this story. This story reads like someone who isn't well versed in English language novels might've written it. If English isn't your native language then I will say keep working at it, you're coming along well. You're not too far off at all. As your English language conversation skills improve one beneficial result will be that your stories won't have so much constant redundancy. You have something to say here, that much is apparent. It'll just take time for your language skills to catch up to your story skills.

I like the way he described the sex scenes between Scott and Veronica in the bathroom and in the bedroom. I also like the way you introduce Katrina to lesbian sex with Ashley. I can hardly wait to see what you do with Carol, Scott and Veronica on the Sunday afternoon. I hope you can import all four of the characters in the bedroom at one time soon. Keep writing and disregarded the idiots that do not like your story because they don't know what they're talking about. One more thing if any people want to gripe about a story they should attach their name to their disagreement and not use anonymous in the comment line.

I have been reading this story from the beginning and loved it when I started, so I hate to add to the dogpile here, but I have to agree with a lot of the sentiment. The last few chapters have been fairly repetitive and uninspired, with nothing new or significant happening for nearly the last half of the chapters posted (I think everyone already assumed the girls were already going down on each other by this point). It's nice to have a drawn out, extensive story with multiple chapters. But when your chapters are only a page or a page and a half in length, then you're not getting much development in, and each chapter is not going to continue to carry the story for 4 days at a time. The 50K requirement for a Nano story isn't much, and it's hard to stretch that into 20 chapters, and your story is a perfect example of why. It started out strong, but has faded severely. My advice would be to post more than one "chapter" at a time for the remainder, to help carry between submissions. It doesn't matter how many chapters it is in the end, but you are losing readers by failing to hold their interest from chapter to chapter with such small submissions. My .02.

I find the expectations placed on authors halarious on this site. The last few chapters have been slow moving, but compare them to 99% of the other stories in this category on lit, and they come out ahead. As for the dialouge being consistently awful? I have no idea where that comes from, while its nowhere close to spectacular, and has many of the pitfalls of "loving erotica" stories, there are no glaring errors either. If its been that bad, why have you continued reading?

Over all, I'd say above average. I would like to see larger submissions even at the cost of slower updates, because the chapters are getting a bit repetitive,

My biggest question is when this is taking place. At the start it seemed like it was right before spring break, because you were talking about visiting nude beaches at break. Then it was before Christmas, and now I really have no idea when its taking place.

The other major inconsistency is in what Ashley and katrina have been doing all this time.

I dont normally get into reading stories in the incest catagory but ever since running across this story its like a good book, I cant wait to get to the next chapter and see what happens. I like Carol being added to the list of characters. Hopefully down the road I will be reading episode #100 and counting. I enjoy this series, do please continue.

repetitious, unable to visualize positioning, etc. getting unrealistic

I very much enjoy the story lines. My rating would be higher for sure if the intimacy that goes with the story lines were more thoroughly detailed. We move too quickly from scene to scene and not enough time spent on the immensely erotic nature of each individual scene.

Each scene or chapter holds so much promise but they end so quickly without detail about the extreme eroticism each holds.

Perhaps that is just my taste in what I like to read. As I said, I do enjoy the characters you develop. Thanks for all your hard work!

You spent a lot of time and words building up the characters' mutual arousal - at times far more than you need to do, then, when they actually get around to sex, you blow past it in a few paltry sentences that hardly scratch the surface. What a waste!

Sorry to say, like a few others have said already, the unnatural way you're using dialog to describe everything instead of finding a better narrative style as a storyteller is weighing down this already overlong tale. I gather it was meant for a competition which had some kind of word-count requirement. Still, you're dragging things out past any shred of belief and doing it by simple boring repetition.

It's fine to take your time if something is going on but if seven or eight chapters contain about eighty percent the same types of interactions, then you need to edit that down. Boring your readers isn't useful. The stilted descriptions during this third or fourth or fifth photo session went just too long. The first time you used that it was okay but now you need to make something progress in the four-way affair. I don't need an orgy by the third page, far from it, but you're losing all sense of reality with things dragging out this far.

I really like the underlying idea of the situation, so I've hung in thus far. Starting to do a lot of skimming over paragraphs though. Here's hoping things get moving slightly faster than a glacier in the next chapter.

The constant use of 'lover' and 'handsome' has become very waring.

As is the use of the girls full names. By now they'd have shortened them to Ash, Kat or Kate and possibly Roni.

Otherwise it's very readable.

I have enjoyed watching the characters as they learn from and about each other. You will always get haters who hide behind "anonymous " so they can ridicule and try to tear down others. Remember you have fans who do enjoy your work and really look forward to your next chapters! I am one of the latter and do look forward to this being a very long series! Congratulations on such a good story!