All Comments on 'Ardmore Pt. 04'

Very well done. Characterizations were very realistic.

Thanks for sharing.

A Fabulous story... I have a few MINOR issues.

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The wife NOT telling him about stage 2 breast Cancer is a BIIIIIIG fucking deal. THAT is NOT dealt with at all.

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yeah I understand given he close friendship with Jane why she would think David might react badly... But David's character has shown NO sign of that in any part of this story.

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I mean IF it is wrong for readers to ASSUME the wife HAD to be cheating given how her character was developed... then it is Just as wrong for the wife to think that after 20 years of marriage David will react badly or panic... no?

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I have to say that at one point I was getting mighty frustrate... I mean up through chapter 16 David had STILL not had THE conversation with his wife. Then Jane's parent show up.... and he STILL hs not talked to his wife yet.

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Yeah I know Thebullet will say she was STILL in Mortal danger right?

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Good story. well done.

This was a very moving story but the background in parts 2 & 3 was a little too long. All in all, a great story and I will enjoy reading more stories from you.

I am at least partially in agreement with Harry. I never thought the day would come. Not telling your husband about stage 2 breast cancer would tell me that you don't really trust your husband to really love you.

I remember when my wife came home one day and was fairly quiet and upset. It was during the week, and we normally do not drink at all during the week, but she wanted a drink before dinner.

She told me that they had gotten the results of the mammogram that had been taken a bit before, and they wanted her to come in for a needle biopsy.

I didn't say a word until after I had my arms around her a few seconds later, and told her that if the news was bad we would deal with it. If she had to lose a breast we would deal with it - it wasn't the end of the world. Losing her would mean far more to me than just her losing a breast.

Fortunately there was no cancer, and we have moved on. But I do thank God that my wife trusts in me enough to tell me things like that at the beginning, rather than stew over them before she tells me.

Bottom line - I liked the story, I just would have been extremely upset in real life if my wife had treated me that way.

Just one additional comment, because of the amount of time between submissions, bringing in Cassie and her niece at the end was quite confusing. I actually had to go back and try and figure out who the hell they were.

that a potentially excellent story headed in such an anticlimax ending. <p>

i mean, the whole story --- with the writer hovering overhead, editing what his characters could or could not say, at any point of their converstions as well as thinking --- seems to meander here and there, in little nooks and crannies and, then, after much sound fury signifying nothing, the story teller (((a rather evil one, too))) simply says, with an evil, far-away-ish smile, <p>

"okay, folks, that's all! it was just a little misunderstanding. except for the part bout poor Gary's bitchy wife Giselle. ha-ha, the cold bitch deserved that, didn't she?: she turned out to be one cold, calculated LESBIAN bitch!, which caused her pain for a couple years, because she lost her good son, Leo, for a while, because he saw her cheating on his dad..." <p>

as I said earlier, David's (college day) adventure in Rui's little whore house,,,,, with all types of dykes and Cassie and her daughter Sydney who (with our hero's math tutoring) grow up to teach good ole Gary's son, Leo, and eventually become his step-mother whom gave him two little siblings,,,,, that was the best part in this little Adrianne silly story of cosmic suspension! this latter part was total anti-climax. of the three chunks, the first and last chunks of the story could be ditched and you'd still have a good time; in fact, they need to be ignored if you want to have a good time with the story...

I loved the ending. Strong, strong story with some good characters, but left out a few things.

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First, if Lit had been shot in the chest and the hospital truly doing all they could to save her the breast cancer would have been noticed and talked about then. There is no way she'd have been released from the hospital without that happening and the doctors strongly suggesting surgery. stage 1 might be missed, but not stage 2.

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Second, You have Lit be totally devoted to her husband, but neglect to mention to him an extremely important, almost life changing fact. That was rather unlikely with the rest of the story. Especially after the first incident where she helped Ari hide something and it resulted in him gettign disowned. She would have understood that secrets can ruin relationships and I just can't see her keeping that trip a secret. She might have asked her husband to not tell anyone else, but she would have talked to him about it.

Other than that its an excellent story. Believable, tender and yet eye opening.

Did I miss the explanation of why she deceived husband as to where she was? Combined with not telling him right away about the cancer should raise serious trust and or commitment issues. She implies it was a last minute decision, but it was clearly made prior to his taking her to the train station.<p>

I'm not sure that mixing "loving wives" into the mystery genre can ever really succeed. My views on this story are similar to "The Stein" by K.K. (see Salamis's Favorites). The author /narrator starts leaving out part of his thinking in the narrative after having given the impression we were getting a stream of consciousness replay. Then the author tries to tie it up tightly but we as readers are still working through doubts.<p>

Quite a ride, I really enjoyed the story, even the many digressions (some of which were extraneous). I'm still left with questions (What did Gary ever see in Giselle? How could Jane be willing to talk to Giselle again?) but that just mirrors the continuing questions we face in life. Maybe the answer to my original question is that otherwise there is no mystery.

First-rate story! But this is to be expected when looking at your other stories with which this one compares favorably. The wife should have been more forthcoming with her husband. The only negative thing I have to say about your story is that your backstory seemed too long. It's not that I didn't enjoy the backstory; in fact, I enjoyed the backstory more than I did the present day story. Hopefully, we will see another of your stories next year.

Boyd

This story was an enjoyable read. The only concern I had was the trust issues the supposedly adoring wife had with her husband. She kept important relationships a secret from

him, lied about her trip, and did not confide in him her serious medical condition. He gave no indication of not being understanding so she did not have a valid reason not to trust him as a really loving wife would have. This lack

of trust caused the husband a great deal of anguish that he

should not had to endure.

Salamis,I really enjoyed reading it.It is good to have one of the best authors on Lit back after a long absence.

I am speechless. Thank you for this great entertainment.

<p>Sincere regards</p>

<b>Nucleus</b>

<p>The story through all its chapters was well written. The denouement was a bit of a letdown, though.</p>

<p>I'm uncomfortable with Lit's hiding of some important information from her husband. I suppose it could be explained away, her wanting to discuss her cancer with a cancer survivor. But geez, if my wife hid something like that from me while telling someone else, I would be royally pissed.</p>

<p>So the husband through deductive reasoning following a bit of detective work has ascertained most of the facts of the case even before speaking to his wife. I, too, questioned the length of time it took for him to actually bring the subject up with her. Lit was essentially off-stage until the last part of the story.</p>

<p>I also thought that making the least likable character in the family as the cheater was a bit obvious. It was like she had "I'm the One!" tattooed on her forehead. It's what us old Trekkies call the "You're It Syndrome". </p>

<p>Regardless of these minor objections, the story itself played out well, and after all, many matters that appear sinister have mundane or logical though not obvious explanations behind them.</p>

<p>I suppose it is just that the story was so strong throughout its development and its background chapters, then ended with a whimper instead of a bang. I will continue to watch for future Salamis offerings. He remains one of the best writers on Literotica.</p>

By the end of the story there are some questions as to Lit's fidelity to truthfulness. That she didn't tell her husband about the breast cancer is almost unthinkable. My wife and I have been there, done that, and got through it together. I thought that the author's explanation for Lit not telling her husband about the diagnosis was a bit glib.

Salamis has written a number of wonderful stories, The Mercenary being my favorite. Ardmore fell a little short due to an ending which was a bit of a let-down. Still, the terrific characterizations (a scorecard was needed to keep all of the characters straight) were more than enough to elevate this story above most others.

realism. Having helped a wife survive breast cancer stage 4 with a double mast, chemo, radiation, and a thousand other things, I know love and sympathy. I was with her when she was tested and when she was told. Again you paint this woman as very something when she isnt. She avoided telling the one person who was part of her what was going on and what needed to be done. She didnt trust him enough it seems or perhaps she just felt he didnt really love her? She tells a woman whose mental state is very questionable just because she was a survivor? She intentionally lied to her husband over many things. That Jane was Gay. That she was meeting Jane. That she wasnt really going to attend the conference. That she went out and bought items for camping which she hated and hid them from her husband intentionally. This woman is leading multiple lives. That she truly loves her husband because of her actions on several layers is highly questionable. Yes she loves him at this minute, he is caring for her, wow dont we all love the nurse who takes good care of us as we recover? Its called the Halo Effect. Her story is to pat, to planned, to contrived. With todays legal medical right to know laws, her doctor could not discuss her medical diagnosis or condition with her husband without her prior consent. Nope this boat dont float. Sorry a woman who intentionally deceived me and lied to me would be history. Maybe counseling and treatments for the mental abborrations she has would be reason to let her stay around but to suddenly jump in with love and acceptance is really askew to this story. The author forced a surprise ending banking on sympathy, and it doesnt float. Whether she and Jane did have a sexual relationship at the campsite can only be answered by her and her statement of no must be considered in light of several things. First, she has been lying to her husband about a variety of things over a long period of time. Second, she knows he has no evidence to support her having a romantic or sexual affair with Jane. Last, she knows his attitude on adultry and would realize the marriage would fail if she admitted to having a sexual relationship with Jane. Cant prove she did but in no way can it be said definately she didnt. If you have smoke it has to come from somewhere!

This is a great story - arguably one of the finest on Literotica. As much as I love the story, I dislike 'Lit' as portrayed. She did not respect, trust or have any confidence in David.

To first establish a relationship with a person perceived to be an old girlfriend and then accept a gift that he refused and keep it secret for twenty years reveals an absolute lack of respect. To have an ongoing relationship with a lesbian friend and not let her husband know about it reveals that she had no trust in him. And finally, to be diagnosed with breast cancer and not tell him shows that she has no confidence in either him or his love for her.

Lit's absolute disdain for David would lead me to divorce. I could not live with a woman who regarded me with such disdain. I would certainly not divorce her while the cancer raged, but afterwards I would be gone.

so did this story in Ch4 - but almost without a whimper.<BR>

As Harry said in his post:<BR>

"Once he knwos his wife isnt a Bisexual Carpet Muncher he seems to forget this whole aspect of the deception a little yoo quickly." - Harry's typos...<BR>

That is a <B>REALLY</B> big flaw in this story, and for me a death blow to its credibility.<BR>

bigchefwayne makes a realistic observation:<BR>

"Lit's absolute disdain for David would lead me to divorce. I could not live with a woman who regarded me with such disdain. I would certainly not divorce her while the cancer raged, but afterwards I would be gone."<BR>

This fantasy of saying/doing nothing about the disrespect, the lies and the deceit, all because of Lit's breast cancer is just that: a fantasy cop-out to save the author crafting a credible ending.<BR>

Further, we would have got enough of the story if he posted Ch1 and Ch4 - the rest was superfluous padding.<BR>

I liked Salamis' 4 other stories, in fact before he posted this disaster I had re-read all four over the past few weeks, and enjoyed them greatly.<BR>

Shame about this one, though.

Ona somewhat Humorous Note... You ever notice that MY feedback posts usually get 2 and only 2 reactions. Its either <b>"Harry Harry Harry shut up </b>.... or.... <b>" I cant believe I am going to say this but I kind of agree with Harry"...</b>

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why is that?

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Just speaking for me... although judging how many others so far have agreed with me on this others MIGHT feel the same way... The issue is NOT necessarily the ewife NOT telling David per see...

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IF David had been an asshole or had some sort portion of his personlaity that he showed as being self centered.... insensitive or self absorbed THEN one could understand the wife NOT telling him right away.

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But in THIS story the author develops David as very good decent strong without be overly macho guy...

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which leads to the second Issue... David really doesnt seem to focus on this. Once he knwos his wife isnt a Bisexual Carpet Muncher he seems to forget this whole aspect of the deception a little yoo quickly.

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Lastly I hope this author doesnt think I dont like this story. I REALLY do. Its a very good/ borderline Great story.

Harry's post was before mine - I quoted him exactly by copying & pasting from his post.<BR> Go figure - All is not what it seems...

Excellent writing, fine characterizations, terrible plot. I'm forced to agree with previous posters: I cannot understand how Adrienne can rationalize withholding the fact of her breast cancer from her husband. It is not the act of a person who loves and trusts their spouse. At a time when she needs love and support from the person she has to hold most dear, she blows him off and puts her faith in another person. The fact that that person is a cancer survivor is nice but changes nothing. By her marital vow, she owes her husband the truth about her health. In this obligation, she failed, and that is unfortunate.

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As others have noted, Chapter Four concluded the tale with a whimper, not a bang. It left me unsatisfied. Much effort was invested in the crafting of the plotline yet little effort was put into the resolution of the created conflict. I and, judging from the comments, others expected more.

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I thank you for your effort, Salamis, and look forward to your next story.

<p>I would like to thank everyone you took the time out of his or her lives to read this story, and to comment either publicly or privately. Your comments were some of most the interesting I have read anywhere.</p>

<p>I must apologize for not having taken greater care before releasing part 4. There were typos in the text that I caught after it was submitted. An extra day could have been taken, but I was concerned with not having too long a period between chapters. That was a mistake, and I take full responsibility for that. I am amazed that there were so few comments on the quality.</p>

<p>Two of the commentators had such insightful posts that I must mention them here. Patricia51 mentioned correctly that this story was very loosely modeled around the attack in May 1988 on Claudia Brenner and Rebecca Wight. The vicious nature of this crime has haunted me for years. I hope that I have not in any way made light of that horrific event.</p>

<p>In this story, one of the women was not gay yet was married, and they were not engaged in any way in a romantic tryst. That being so, I wanted to test the waters to see how folks might react to the mere ‘appearance’ of an illicit rendezvous. Would the victims become the bad guys? Would the victims become the ‘blood in the water’ for some of the readers?</p>

<p>The gifted author capecodmercury gave away much of the story in his comments at the end of part 3. That anyone would believe that Adrienne’s character would betray her husband David by that point in the tale was highly unlikely. I understood that there was a 20 year gap in the story, but if there were rifts in the marriage that would have been hinted at somewhere in the first chapter.</p>

<p>I take issue with stories where a loving wife of 20 or more years suddenly, without warning, turns into a self-centered sex starved monster. That is completely unrealistic to me; and in every one of those stories, I challenge the readers to find ANY reasons given for the wife’s sudden transformation. Extreme personality changes just do no burst forth like Athena from the thoughts of Zeus.</p>

<p>Some comments have centered on how Adrienne deceived her husband repeatedly and therefore, he should divorce her. I purposely put <b>one, and only one</b> situation where Adrienne had not been honest with David. That deception was added late in the story, and was related to the money given Cassie.</p>

<p>Some took issue with Adrienne going camping and not telling her husband since he was under the impression that she was at a conference. Technically speaking, the conference was 4 days long. David takes her to the train station on Sunday, the conference starts on Monday, the women begin camping on Tuesday and were shot on Wednesday, and Adrienne had been expected to return Thursday.</p>

<p>Their excursion was loosely based on one from my own experience. A dozen years ago I, along with a number of my colleagues at work, were selected to go to a week long recognition event in Miami. Our employer gave this to us as a thank you, yet scheduled a week of business related seminars and talks during the daytimes.</p>

<p>I like to fish. I have done some deep sea fishing off the Jersey shore but never in Florida. So a friend from work and I set about our own diversion. We booked a fishing excursion off the coast for the second and third days of our conference. Yes we ditched the conference! Furthermore, I did not bother to tell my wife beforehand.</p>

<p>The trip went off without any problems and we had a great time. I won’t bore you with what I caught, but it was beauty. Anyway, by some commentator’s estimates I should have been divorced by my wife for taking such a detour. Perhaps she would have been really justified if my colleague was gay and it was just the two of us on the boat. I find that logic to be quite saddening.</p>

<p>Some commentators took exception with Adrienne having not told David about her diagnosis of breast cancer. Is there some time limit that I have not been made aware of for such events? Does a wife have a day before a ‘marriage violation’ occurs? Can a wife delay for a week? Is three weeks the absolute limit?</p>

<p>The character of Adrienne was greatly distressed with her finding. She had not told ANYONE for weeks. Are there readers who believe, based upon what was said of her in the past that she NEVER intended to tell David? Certainly, she would have told him. However, there is no time limit on such things. </p>

<p>She makes a decision to tell her friend as a way of influencing her actions in another matter. Was she required to tell her husband first? What if she had told her mother first? Does David divorce her for that action too of supposed disrespect?</p>

<p>These characters were flawed. David is upset that his wife waited so long to tell him (but recall that she was tardy in getting a diagnosis in her last health crisis). The idea of divorcing Adrienne over this would never enter his mind. He might exhibit some displeasure with her actions, but he would not leave the marriage because of it. That’s too extreme.</p>

<p>In fact, I am dismayed that no one took David to task for being overly concerned with ‘appearances’ in Part 1. He seems almost obsessed with how his family will view her condition or what people will think when they read the papers. Yet no one was critical of him for these things. Furthermore, no one even mentioned the murderer. </p>

<p>As for the one true deception Adrienne perpetrates in the story, wasn’t it David who hid the money from her? Oh, I know they were not married at the time, but still, it is only a technicality in my book since they were certainly committed to one another by then.</p>

<p>This is my first, and perhaps only, multi-part story. Personally I find the format unwieldy. As an author you have little control on how fast or how slow each chapter will appear. As a reader I’ve disliked the format for years. So this is the last one I will write.</p>

<p>I’ve gotten some criticism of the back story. I really struggled over that. There are a number of throwaway characters that add little to advancing the plot. In that respect the story could have been shorter without doing any damage to it’s core.</p>

<p>I will also admit that I followed a formula by making Giselle the bad girl and Jane’s lover. I expected a lot more criticism of Jane once that was discovered. How do you carry on an affair with the married wife of your best friend’s brother?

That Jane hid that fact from Adrienne was despicable in my opinion. I initially wanted David to comment on it but decided to leave it out at the end of the story.</p>

<p>Of course, Giselle’s role was telegraphed from the beginning. I wrestled over not having Gloria (his sister) or even Allie (his daughter) as Jane’s lover. The shock value was tempting, but it would have forced too much of a rewrite.</p>

<p>In the end, the story is about David and Adrienne and how they cope with two life-threatening events. </p>

<p>Thanks again for taking the time to comment, and do not be surprised to see some of your criticisms incorporated in my next story.</p>

Great story, but..

I am a stickler for details, so little things bother me. In part 1, we find out that Gloria and Howard have had a relationship for 15 years (a decade and a half). In part 3, Gloria and Howard are together as David and Gloria are shopping for the ring, David and Adrienne have been married for 20 years, and engaged longer.

Also, Giselle and Gary got married six months after David and Adrienne, who have been married for 20 years, but later you say Gary and Giselle have been married for 18.

Now, about some of your comments in response to readers:

You wrote the story, so you know what you intended to come across. However, everyone reacts to art differently (yes, this story is art) so you should not be chagrined when people react differently than you wished. That being said, you took offense that no one was upset with David's caring about appearances in part 1. the reason for that is simple: YOU showed a very selfless reason why he cared. As he said to Gary and David when discussing the media: 'How we handle ourselves can make a big difference in Adrienne's recovery.'

As always, David's first concern was his wife.

While I don't agree with the readers who said David should divorce her, I think you took these few way to seriously and seemed angry. But I disagree with you 100% that there was 'one and only one' time Adrienne was dishonest. Adrienne did not tell David that Jane was gay, and her flippant response of 'I thought you knew' was disingenuous, to say the least, given that seconds later she said 'I didn't want you to change your opinion of her'. Now she is telling her husband of 20 years she thinks he's a homophobe, and he shouldn't be hurt by that? And she is implying that she feels it is okay to keep things from the one person she is supposed to share everything with, if she decides it might cause a problem. Jane's sexual preference is really none of David's business; but the fact is Adrienne intentionally lied about it. Did she learn NOTHING from the incident with Ari?

You tell a story about going fishing during a conference and not telling your wife beforehand. I take it from that that you did tell her AFTER. We'll never know if Adrienne would have told David later, but given everything else, is it unreasonable to assume that it's another secret she would have kept? How many other things has she kept from him over 20 years because telling them would have been inconvenient for her? Adrienne knew what she was doing was not right; she was intentionally deceitful She had Jane pick up her camping gear so David wouldn't know about it. Did you hide your fishing equipment from your wife?

As far as Adrienne not telling David about her own cancer, how do you think she would have reacted if she found a letter saying David had been diagnosed with prostate cancer 4 months ago and he hadn't mentioned it? I doubt she would have been as calm and understanding as David had been.

Given all the lies, half-truths and deceptions David had uncovered in just about a week, it's a testament to his strength of character and devotion to his family that he didn't become bitter and withdrawn. I don't think David would have ever left Adrienne, especially now that she needs support, but the level of patience and understanding he showed is more than I believe most people, male or female, would have been able to muster in the same circumstances.

What I am trying to get at is that you have created a web of characters from David and Adrienne to Julia and Gary and Gloria and all their parents who are everything that family should be - love, support, morals, character. I read this entire story wishing I came from a family so tight that my uncle would drive around town looking for me because he knew something was bothering me and I might need to talk. Unfortunately, I believe not too many people grew up in that type of family either. You are to be congratulated for creating such a beautiful group of people, but you should be more understanding that these are people the vast majority of readers don't know. Maybe if we all had a support system of sisters, in-laws, and parents who were always there for us, your readers would react the way you wish they would. But, that's not real life.

Anyway, thank you for the best read I have had on Literotica in at least a year.

Doug

dhildemann@yahooo.com

statements:<BR>

<I>"I purposely put one, and only one situation where Adrienne had not been honest with David."</I><BR>

What planet is he living on?? In no particular order, and as they come to mind without going back over the story, there are <B>MANY</B>: Did not tell him about her breast cancer; Connived with Cassie over the money David gave to Cassie because he saw it as blood money and wanted nothing to do with it; Lied about where she was going - she <B>DID</B> pre-plan it - pre-purchased the camping gear - nothing like the example Salamis used in a futile attempt to justify this deceit; Did not talk with David about Jane's sexuality - because she was worried he would disapprove of her friendship, NOT because she thought he knew - they both knew that was a lie when she said it!; there could have been more, but those are the ones I recall without going over the story again. There were several times early in their relationship when she went behind his back - the stated examples were merely a continuation of what she got away with years earlier.<BR>

You do say, <I>"wasn’t it David who hid the money from her?"</I>. Well, David <B>gave</B> Cassie the money - he didn't want it - he said something like 'The money's yours to do whatever you want." How can you call that 'hiding' the money from Addie? It was Addie who over many years hid what she arranged with Cassie about the money David thought he was rid of.<BR>

<I>"In fact, I am dismayed that no one took David to task for being overly concerned with ‘appearances’ in Part 1. He seems almost obsessed with how his family will view her condition or what people will think when they read the papers. Yet no one was critical of him for these things."</I><BR>

Why would anyone be critical of him for that? He wasn't worried about the effect it would have on him-(you wrote the story, best go back and read it again). You had David say,<I>"How we handle ourselves can make a big difference in Adrienne's recovery." and "Adrienne certainly doesn't need us to lose our cool or unknowing assist in creating stories that might be hurtful"</I><BR>

Why would readers take him to task for wanting to protect his family? Makes no sense to me, and because it was a non-issue, I believe that is why not one comment was made about it.<BR><BR>

One of the BIG problems with writing a story is that the author really has no idea what his story says. Yes, he knows what he thinks he meant to write, but the real test of his ability to get his ideas across is how the readers interpret the story.<BR>

The readers are <B>ALWAYS</B> right. If the author has to start explaining and defending <I>his interpretation</I> of what he wrote, the he failed to clearly get his ideas across in the story. <BR>

That is where an editor can help a lot. Someone who corrects spelling, grammar and punctuation merely does what the writer can get MS Word to do for him. A good editor will tell a writer where he is off track or has inconsistencies in his story.<BR>

Unfortunately, as demonstrated by what Salamis has told us he meant us to see, he did not do such a great job getting those ideas across.<BR>

Only two of about twenty or so commentators did not mention they thought Addie went too far with her MULTIPLE DECEPTIONS. Salamis says only one deception, and it was no big deal. <BR>

<B>Salamis 1, readers 18.</B><BR>

It is a real shame this story was not as coherent and tightly written as his earlier ones. I hope he will bounce back with a first class story in reply to the criticism of this one.

Salamis. As a cancer survivor, I can tell you there is an unwritten time limit of maybe a couple days before you must tell your spouse about the cancer. However, I understand the need for Adrienne not to tell David about her cancer in order to further the plotline.<br><br>

I enjoyed reading the first three chapters because they were filled with so much rich detail and dialogue. Unfortunately, for me as a reader, the last chapter was not as rich and detailed as the first three chapters.<br><br>

You drew me so much into the story that I wanted to see/read/experience the telling of Gary about Giselle’s adultery. I wanted to see the confrontation between Gary and Giselle. I wanted read the confrontation between Leo and Giselle, plus also how Giselle managed to get Leo tolerate her in later years. I wanted to experience at least a short bit of the romance of Gary and Sydney. These are just a few of the items that I wish you would have added more detail and dialogue to in this chapter.

I have to say upfront that this story was first rate.<P>The fear of breast cancer and the spouse’s reaction is not a small thing. Lit calling Jane first doesn’t surprise me as it is an emotional reaction of fear. I have seen too many men act like little children or worse hateful men in rejecting their so called love of their life because of a mastectomy. I have not seen anyone comment on the fact that a woman given this knowledge of a mastectomy being needed, she would feel like her feminity is being taken or at least partially taken from them. This all said we hope most men will try with all they have to support and praise their wife in this battle against death. Survivors (8 years) are people who still face a possible shorter life span then normal. I can see an unholy fear take a toll on the recipient of this fabled news.<P>My wife’s breast cancer lump was found by me, and the doctor saw her the next day and the biopsy was the next day. There was no fooling around. She did not need to tell me as I was there with her in the doctor’s office every time she went. She really wanted to talk to her sister who had a double mastectomy more then me. She was scared to death, even after 33 years together that I wouldn’t love her anymore. Now that was a shock to me to think she could become that scared of losing me over a breast removal, yet she trusted me anytime I was out to be totally faithful. She felt she was no longer going to be attractive and my job was to let her know all the time she was a damn good looking woman to me. She always has been and always would be in my eyes no matter what happened to us. She made almost 8 years of breast cancer survivor status, but throat cancer took her in 2006. My moniker of Peggytwitty is a testament to her from me.<P>I find your background stories in chapter 2 and 3 almost a separate story and the best written of the chapters. You do a great job of bring life to the characters and pulling us readers into the story by seeing it in our minds eye.<P>I am like some others a little taken back by the last chapter not really finalizing with detail the other players outcomes. The epilogue is a fine idea but a little more drawn out would have been most satisfying. I find no real problem with any of the characters makeup as they seem to fit into what the background led us to expect.<P>Most of all thank you for the excellent and comprehensive work and I for one enjoyed your 4 part type adventure. Thanks for the entertainment<P>PT

not very credible. It is almost a romantic fantasy that I enjoyed reading from beginning to end. However, it requires the reader to suspend his belief in some many areas. First, the lies and deception by Lit was also glib and casually disposed of by David. Other than Jane's family David was most injured by this incident. He is a public school principal who must have the confidence of the community in order to do his job. Now he has to deal with a national scandal involving his wife. But there is no fallout so he goes to work as usual. Then he has to accept his wife's word that nothing happened between her and Jane even though she has lied to him about everything. Lastly, Giselle returns? This is the same woman who accused Lit and her lover of having a fling at the campsite? Now we find out that she was Jane's lover who nearly drove Jane to take her life and started this whole sequence of events! So Giselle apologies and everything is OK?>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Bottom Line: Lit lied, deceived and did not trust David. She was never held accountable for these actions. Divorce no but some serious counseling is needed. The ending (which I saw in the first chapter) was too short and did not address serious issues in their relationship.

How should we as readers judge a story in which a main character serves in addition as the narrator? As the first He is ‘allowed ‘to have short comings and biases as the second, well, this is a bit more complicated. Let’s see. Have the implied author taken any steps to create any distance between the narrator and the message of the story by, for example, using irony? Not in this story. In other words, in this story, whatever David says should be passed as the norms and the message by the implied author as well. I could not find any disparity in tone or content throughout the whole story. Herein lay my problems with the last installment. The flaws in judgment exercised by David the character go completely unnoticed. As repeatedly noted and protested by most comments, the relations should have been badly shaken if any real account of the narrative was taken by David. It’s ok if the author could find some rational why he didn’t. But we never witnessed any such effort. Instead it seems like the implied author of this story colludes with David in thinking that in essences all is right!. A case of writer’s myopia? The wife if not a habitual liar is clearly a cunning and very good liar. She is also very good in deception and in covering the trail behind her: As character in the story David is ‘allowed to be flowed’ and as such not to observe the many severe bridges of trust risks and threats to the family Adrienne put them both, due to her behaviors. But for the story as a whole not to find a way to comment on this, and worse –to project as close to a rosy: ‘they- rode- together- into- the- ever- after’, seems like a serious omission by the author. (BTW, my rating is for this installment only)

Salamis, what a twisty turny romance / mystery. The characters breathed and moved like real people. The plot was intricate yet flowed well. The retrospectives were done well, perhaps too long. The high school principal sure had a varied history, interesting!

Thanks for sharing!

Thank goodness you're still contributing It's exciting to pull up one of your favorite writers and find a new submission. And then to find it's excellant as well...

your stories are real and good common sense.your fans are waiting for your next story.02/27/08

I hope the author keeps writing! It seems that Salamis hasn't written here for awhile now. This story has a "heartfelt sincerity" to it and the storyline was entertaining. I just found it to be a bit difficult to follow in places and for some reason I found my self going back through the chapters to remember certain things that I had read previously. So for me anyway, I didn't think that the flow was all that good. The other thing that I had trouble with was that there was an underlying "arrogance" in the character of the wife. Maybe she hadn't withheld information from him to deceive and hurt him. No, maybe she withheld information from him because he wasn't bright enough, or strong enough, or important enough or deserving enough or good enough or loving enough or who knows why? Whether she lied to her husband or not can be argued I suppose but there is no question that after 20 years of marriage she certainly didn't give him a lot of respect, trust, communication or maybe even love. I guess in the end, love conquers all. In this story though, the husband certainly loves the wife more than she loves him. After she recovers from her cancer, we will see if she loves him enough to hold up her end of the bargain.

An excellent story that made the characters come to life. While there have been comments that some of the situations were unrealistic, I have read many plots that have made authors fortunes, that were not half as realistic as this story. One thing I have learnt in my time on this earth is that there is nothing that cannot happen when human thoughts and actions are involved

Salamis is an artist -- an accomplished author. I have read many on line stories and this is among the very best that have been written.

I hope your absence from this venue is because you're writing for money rather than a loss of interest. YOU are missed!

A very good story - could almost br real as one of the characters could almost be my sister - I will leave it to your imagination as to which character.

Very good- keep up with some more.

I did not like your male character much. I would suppose he represents your own way of thinking... He was much too ready to first doubt and then possibly divorce a wonderful woman who had devoted herself to him! "HE" is portrayed as a bit of a self-centered and possessive hypocrite. He is so perfect...that his wife has to prove her complete devotion to him without any possible evidence of her sharing herself even with another woman friend! Of course, he did not have to be virtous throughout the story. He could screw Brenda, and desire Cassie... Face it, his wife naturally had to be a virgin when they first had sex. Man...you expose yourself throughout the story! The womem readers must be laughing hilariously at you if they even bother to read this macho stuff... Still, a good story overall.

Nice story, but not well constructed. It was far and away to convoluted and broken up to be a good read. I also did not like the way the author referred to secrets off stage. It just was not enjoyable.

Very touching and well written story. I think for a little more dramatic effect you could have fleshed out some of the topics on the last page more and reduced the content of their previous lives. Don't get me wrong I found the description of their younger years interesting and a lot of it was significant to the story but some passages didn't really have a whole lot to do with the outcome. Where as, you included a lot of background on Gary, Giselle and Sydney but only wrote a few sentences in the epilogue in order to wrap up the story. Just glossing over Giselle's affair and divorce and Gary and Sydney's romance. Unlike RW, I liked the main character. With the facts he was faced with, he didn't jump to conclusions and mostly kept his opinions to himself and his most trusted sister, Julie. Always prudent to Trust but Verify. RW should be careful. When most people don't like another it's because they unconsciously see their own faults in those people. Sometimes it's hard looking into a mirror. Thank you for writing such an interesting and entertaining story.

should have gone to. My wife had stage IV when it was found. She told me first, then we told her parents, and we had two small children. We went every step of the way together including deciding not to do reconstructive. Having your spouse turn from you in bad news means there is a lack of trust. IN other words this wife was living a lie. Stage II is a cake walk compared to stage IV and after two chemos, one round of radiation, and drugs, five years later we still love each other. This woman is not only lucky to be alive she is just so full of herself and so sure her own shit doesnt stink she is absolutely braindead because of it. Yeah, I might have forgiven her, but I would damn sure never trust her about anything again. Isnt that a hell of a way to live your life?

The detail, depth and psychology were remarkable. I did think the mental intricacies were too deep for his early age, but the the developement of the the story was exceptional. Thank you.

You my friend are very talented...... Excellent depth to a character in such a short time is hard to accomplish and you have done it quite well.

wow, how can a person become more boring or a bigger liar, four chapters of nothing. In the end she would tell her husband nothing because she thought nothing of him and more of her friends.

I could have done without the two middle chapters...

To long to much of unnecessary chapters,,,it sucked!!

is it over

I truly enjoyed reading your story. I thought it was excellant. Thank you

Other than her health issues, she skated free & clear. The somewhat wimp husband did not bother to check out her other adventures so he became just another limp dick wuss character which is way to prevalent in most of the RACC bullshit stories these days. Good author but could have been done in two chapters instead of 4.5.

Why do so many readers on this site dislike longer stories? Do they all have short attention spans? This was a great story and not deserving of the negative comments for length.

To long, to much confusion with all the charactors.

The wife seems to think lying to and deceiving her husband is very acceptable behavior, I would divorce her for that alone. The husband is put out there as this specialist on human behavior and nonverbal communication. Sorry been there dont that in education and principals are no better at it than anyone else. Except this character has the ability to rationalize almost any behavior away. Cancer yeah my wife was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer in 2004. Was declared cancer free in 2009, rediagnosed with spread cancer in bones in 2010. And we still fight, it is life consuming. But she is alive and active. It isnt a crutch.

I liked the way you wove together so many threads over such a long time period, as well as showing how the various people grew (or in one case, didn't).

As for details, I disliked how the news story was front-page one day, then the reporters had completely disappeared from the story in such a short time. As an attempt to add drama, it didn't work for me.

A well deserved 5 star read that kept me enthralled to the end. I love how you managed to get a multi-stranded story line to tie neatly together in the end. Bravo.

The only thing I would liked to see would have been some form of explanation of Giselle's life choices. It's obvious from her high school history she wasn't all that interested in guys so what would have been her motivations for getting into a relationship with Gary, marrying and having a son. Perhaps a more detailed session when Gary was being told of her infidelity, almost another chapter in itself, even though that would have made a long story even longer. Personally, I wouldn't have had a problem with that.

Thank you for the excellent read.

Why use one word when 127 will do to draw a poor story into a boaring one

This was a good story. Nice detail. I know that drags out this story as pointed out by some of your critics below but in a story like this it was appreciated. I think the relatively high average star ratings back me up on this. Good job.

S,

A long road can be interesting if you value the event. Or you can be in a hurry, rush and see nothing.

Long, interesting and well laid out story. Worth every word.

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

Very long but very good. 5 stars

something that happens when one decides to forsake. TK U MLJ LV NV

An absolutely beautiful story. Brought a smile to my face. I will hug my wife a bit tighter tonight. Thanks.

but way to long and slow. frankly i was not all that interrested in the characters after i got the lead in via is she cheating. not a suspense building story. well done in parts and i read it all. but who the hell am i - no one and it looks like everyone else liked it more than i did.

It was like when I read Great Expectations in High School. I kept chasing through the book for stuff about Pip and Estella. In your tale I was caught up totally with Adrienne and her husband. I mssed nearly all the rest. I gave it a five, but next time try to remember most of us are usually trying to squeeze this in on a pc at work or at home when nobody's watching. Know your audience!

Don't let the whiners get to you. This was a beautiful story and you are a talented writer.

And a good example of why knee-jerk reactions aren't a good strategy.

I did not comment on each part of your four part story, but I can say that I gave each of them a five. You have a gift for telling a story such that I felt like I was right in the midst of David's family. I hope you continue to write and post new stories.

This guy quit posting.

Thank-fucking-God! Finally its over. This shit was one of the most boring and ridiculous pieces of literary crap I've ever read here. I don't get what the point of chapters 2 & 3 was? Just to introduce Cassie and Sydney?? And the guy David, what a rambling fucking bore!

Too often I find myself groaning "Oh God, not the 'how we met' backstory. I skip through it impatiently - and sometimes give up in despair despite the arresting opening sequence. This time the backstory was totally enthralling and I loved every paragraph. This was clearly not a bog-standard adultery - revenge story. It was something wonderful and strange.

Though I take it the author is probably long gone from this website, I wanted to compliment Salamis on a beautiful tale. Like many others, I don't think Lit was properly held accountable for her deceptions in the end (though divorce would be going way too far, she should have had to explain herself a lot better than she did.) and I felt the fourth chapter was probably the weakest.

As for those complaining about the backstory - I thought the backstory was the best part! Chapters 2 and 3 were a wonderful love story all on their own. The characters felt real.

That was a wonderful story. I enjoyed it though I struggled to get through Pt.02. Other than that, I was mesmerized!

lessen the fatal flaws and compassion, TK U MLJ LV NV

This story is worth the read. Very life likewise a satisfying ending. Thanks for sharing.

READING AND READING AND BLAHHH, AND I HATE THAT WAS WRITTEN IT AS IF SHE CHEATED THEN SURPRISE SHE DIDN'T? IT MADE NO LOGICAL SENSE HER HUSBAND WOULD RESPOND THE WAY SHE FEARED, NOT WRITTEN INTO THE STORY, NOT A TWIST BUT A BLINDSIDE.....A CHEAP PLOT.

b.s.

Now to a lot of people this story is simply too long... it does require a longer attention span, far more than other stories that are written like a whole series of short stories and are sometimes even 'stand alone'. So many readers on this site will almost certainly want to reject the story almost 'out of hand'.

But, leaving the above aside; this is a great story, it just requires patience to get to the end and the whole thing suddenly makes sense.

I thoroughly enjoyed it. I truly wish this author would give us a few new tales, and I'm not the only one who expresses that sentiment. Many other great writers (on this site) have made this request.

So... Salamis... Please??

5*

PC

the present day part of the story was great, particularly the first section. i enjoyed the multiple red herrings, and had no idea just where the story would end up. i found the "back story" sections to be over long, almost a full story in itself. i was impatient to get back to the present day. i have an interest in peoples motivations, more so than cause-effect, and i enjoyed the hints in your back story

She claimed to love David unconditionally then lies to him by omission about the hush money that she took. This was an ongoing lie, lot of ramifications there. Then she gets cancer and tells others but not her husband, another slap in the face for him, then she lies about the conference, buys camping stuff and hides the fact from him. Then she ditches the conference, goes camping with a known lesbian, who she lied to her husband about, by omission. Then she gets spotted doing things that could be misconstrued by others as a tryst between the two. One gets killed and she nearly does. If she had died there would have been the certainty that she was having the affair. At no time did she give a thought to her husband or her family and how this becoming public knowledge would have affected them and their lives. She gave no thought to anything but her misplaced sense of "she had to fix things". If her friend had of been a man with problems she would have done the same thing. And it all would have been just as wrong as what she did.

She put all of these people through all of this pain and uncertainty and comes out of it thinking that she is hot shit. The fact that the husband forgave her the lies is commendable, but she will, and probably had in the past, do it again when the mood strikes her. Hopefully David can live with yet another set of unnecessary consequences courtesy of his loving wife.

Well written story, good plot line, great dialogue. Just the right amount of an edge to her whole involvement. Kept me right on the edge. Only thing I didn't like was her attitude and her lies. Lies are infidelity too. Probably the worst kind.

Pappy7 (12/07/14) expressed my concerns better than I could.

Until the very end! Loved the story, the character development, the interplay. Well written story! Please continue to write!!

It was convoluted when it didn't need to, the flashback was badly managed, I couldn't find emotional depth in the husband plight since he looked almost... unidimensional but most of all, it looked like padding. You used 10,000 words when 1000 would been had enough.

It was quite a chore to read it and if it wasn't because my TOC I would probably had ended it in the first chapter. The payoff was weak and it had the idiot ball to tightly grabbed between the participants of this drama that I was enraged by the explanation.

1 star.

In one of the first chapters she was very horney after she had her hysterectomy then a month later her sex drive died. Sounds like she found lover eather man or woman. She had always lived two lifes one with her husband and one with her friends and lovers. She had trained her husbnd that when she was talking to someone he was to give her space and not to ask any questions. She had time for everyone to talk with at the hospital and when she got home. The only way her husband heard what was going on with Jane was because Janes mom asked him to stay. When they left she said she was tired whitch ment she did not want to talk to him about what was going on. I am sure she was pissd when he told her he knew she had cancer, she kept quite to see wht he knew, but she did not add a thing. I am sure she hs kept him in the dark about her new and on going lovers.

It's only a story, a well written one but just a story not real life.

few authors take the effort to do the character and plot development you did. I appreciate it over the overly short "brain fart" submissions of others obviously meant for those with limited interest and attention span

I like the writing style and character introduction flow, not found in many writers here. However the fly in the ointment, if I may use this phrase, is the very slip-shod manner of the editing/proof reading process where some inadequacy in lexicon and spelling occurred. 

Examples are below:

cummerbund - not "cumber bun";

sheer - not "shear", as in sheer material;

elephant in the room - not in the "closet";

the very common spelling mistake of "loose" and "loosing" instead of lose and losing : meaning to be "deprived of";

dissipate (cause to disappear) should have been used instead of "disperse" when describing Ari's father's anger gradually subsiding later after learning that his son was gay.

Overall it was a great story telling effort.

And, so it was. A good story nevertheless. Thank you for writing. I knew that Leo had seen SOMETHING to make him withdraw from his mother.

the ending is based upon a misunderstanding. Yes you connected the conclusion to the groundwork laid in the background chapters, but it fizzled in comparison. Two chapters of background to lead up to a simple misunderstanding that could have been easily resolved by talking to his wife? Why did it take so long for them to talk? How could the wife have been so oblivious?

Still high quality and five stars.

it was supposed to be a short story, I think, but there is at least 4 or 5 short stories incorporated into it. The story is good. there is so much going on, that I lost track of who was who. from part 4 to part 5, the statement "after that outburst", I was lost. so I backed to part 4 and couldn't find an outburst. then they were in present time. I love a well constructed story as much as the next guy, but I think this one was over developed. more information than was needed, more names and places and times that didn't matter to anyone, at least as far as the (main story)story was concerned. a short story shows the branch of a tree as one picture, not every limb, trunk and roots. overall a good story.

Way to long. To much information cut it back and get to the point

You need a map or GPS to get through this story. It wanders all over the place.

Chapters 3 and 3 were interesting asides.

This is easily a very involved and interesting dramatic romance novel. I'm sure you did your best, but its like trying to make a large turkey fit into a small chicken pot. Parts are missing, issues and side plots are squished and squeezed into place, and the whole thing is an opportunity missed. I suspect you were frustrated yourself near the end, realizing that there was so much more that could have been told to make things more clear, erotic, suspenseful, and compelling.

I would treat this as a first draft, and rewrite and embellish the entire story to a romance novel and seek publication. I think it would be successful.

Good luck, and thank you for your efforts.

Just as good reading 2nd time around. Just wish you had written more stories

In the end the mystery affair had little to do with David and Adrienne. The whole thing seems to fizzle out after such a prolonged build-up, not that I like cheating, but having the wife actually have an affair with Jane would have created a pay-off that was actually worthwhile, rather than this disappointment.

The long flashback ended up feeling unnecessary to the end, aside from explaining the economic windfall, it would have been better to just split the stories into separate ones.

In the end the mystery affair had little to do with David and Adrienne. The whole thing seems to fizzle out after such a prolonged build-up, not that I like cheating, but having the wife actually have an affair with Jane would have created a pay-off that was actually worthwhile, rather than this disappointment.

The long flashback ended up feeling unnecessary to the end, aside from explaining the economic windfall, it would have been better to just split the stories into separate ones.

The lackluster mystery that was actually revealed, would have been better served by, either a shorter story, or more time actually spent on fleshing it out, rather than just a few mentions that leave so much unexplored, and unexplained.

to pull out of your driveway and drive down three houses.

Ok, you telegraphed who the lover was when you said they were trying to buy her love... But knowing what I had to go through to get here...? Next time I'll just walk.

It would have been better if you had not presented the first chapter out of order. You gave that drama (and I am sure you did it knowingly, I just did not like it that way) then you gave a two chapter flashback. I don't care for flashbacks in books or movies. BUT, thank you for writing.

To much build up for so little conclusion. Should have taken a different avenue to bring this incident to conclusion. Focused on the wrong couple and left to many issues unsolved.

... and rambling.

...and repetative.

More cancer bullshit that substitutes for a plotline. What a fcking collosal waste of time - and I skipped n skimmed the two middle chapters!!

What. Is. The. Fucking. Point. Of. This. Massive. Re Direct? What??

To say this is in the wrong category is the understatement of the day. How 'bout I write twenty pages detailing that?

What a waste of talent.

Does anyone know a good ol' fashioned cheating story by the author?

You folks leave your "anonymous" views, but you are too cowardly to leave your username?? Like I said f-ing Cowards.

A good story. My take is: 1, Chapter 2 and 3 we’re not needed, or at least not to extent they were written. 2.The cast of charters was too large.