by loerics
It seems like this story's gotten a lot of weird comments from people with their own ideas, but you're a great writer, and I hope you keep going and don't let the haters get to you.
I like the story to this point, but my one complaint -- even as a male -- is the constant use of the word "cunt" to refer to Ashley's pussy. As, around my part of this world, that word is used more as an insult (especially against girls who are being bullied), thus it starts to become uncomfortable when used as often as it is in this story.
The build up is a little slow, but the basic plot line is good. Not so sure about the Ashley / father aspect, that somehow doesn't go with the other plot lines. But having said that, it's your story, so if you have something else in mind for future development, so be it. What about Mum, will she take part in the story? At the moment though, I'm really looking forward to the pool party. Please don't make us wait too long, eh !