All Comments on 'Babysitting Ch. 01'

The story line wasn't too bad that you wrote. I think you need an editor because you used Jimmy and Timmy interchangeably throughout the story and he also used Benny and then Bobby. The story wasn't that bad. But watch the names that you use in the story.

Great start. I love stories like this and you write very well. Your a good story teller, and that is a huge talent. I hope you post more chapters soon.

Thanks.

George

that was boooooooring

Very, very titilating, also very cowardly to make an anonymous comment like that!

I have a soft spot for babysitting NC/R :D

she is not too bright, she should have been able to figure out an outfit, after all I learned how to make a toga when i was in college

You tell a good story, but you need to edit it better. When you have 2 guys, you need to use their names more often, and pronouns less often. There is also more than one area in the story where I just got lost.

This could be a 5 star story, but it needs to be cleaned up first.

When you write something you should always go back, and read it through. You'll pick up on all the places where it sounded like crap, or made no sense. Try jerking off less when you write because this was horrible.

An interesting concept but by no means unique. A few typos but I’ll continue with chapter two and see how it progresses.