Back on the Ice

That night, Hilary went to sleep quickly, for the first time in over a week. She knew what she had to do and lucky for her, Mark was home in another day.

***

Mark opened his mouth to leave a message as the machine in Hilary and Lena's apartment beeped at him, but decided at the last second to skip it. He shut his phone and went with his teammates as they filed off the plane. Everyone was quiet, tired after their road trip and from coming back to Washington so late. If Hilary wasn't returning his phone calls after a week, he thought he should maybe stop trying.

It's obvious she wants nothing to do with me, Mark thought as he shoved his phone back in his pocket. I'm not going to keep throwing myself at someone who doesn't want me.

"Hey, Mark!" Brody called as they walked through the airport. "You going to see your woman tonight?"

Mark scowled at his friend who grinned innocently at him. "I hadn't planned on it. Why?"

"We should have a drink," Brody suggested.

"It's after midnight, Brody. Aren't you tired?"

"Nope. Come on, I've got beer at my place. Then you don't even have to find a way to get home after." They had apartments in the same building in Arlington.

Rolling his eyes, Mark thought about it for a minute. In the end, he decided to take Brody up on his offer. A few drinks wouldn't hurt. They didn't play again for a few days and it was a Saturday night, after all.

And Hilary is obviously done with me, he added silently. Time to drown my sorrows.

A short while later, he was pacing aimlessly across Brody's apartment as he nursed a bottle of beer. Brody was flipping through the television channels, trying to find a highlights show.

"Why do you want highlights?" Mark asked, turning to watch the channels flicker. "You were in the game."

"I want to see what's happening league-wide," Brody replied with a grin. "I'm keeping myself informed."

Mark shook his head and continued to wander around Brody's living room and kitchen until his friend barked at him to sit down.

"You're making me dizzy," Brody complained.

Chuckling, Mark did as he asked, sitting on the opposite side of the couch from him.

"Why did you even come over if you didn't want to be here?" Brody asked after a short silence.

Mark rolled his head against the back of the couch to meet Brody's eyes. "I wanted to be here."

Rolling his eyes, Brody sipped his beer. "You want to be with Hilary."

"Well, she doesn't want to be with me. So here I am."

"As much as I love being your fallback guy," Brody said dryly. "I've got to ask. Why don't you just go over and see her?"

"I've been calling her all week and she hasn't once returned my calls or answered the phone. Why would I go over there? I'd be lucky if she didn't slam the door in my face."

"She wouldn't do that," Brody scoffed.

"How the hell would you know?"

"I've met her, Mark. You guys might have some issues, and God knows I want nothing to do with them, but you truly like each other."

Mark's eyebrows shot up at Brody's words and a smile spread across his face. "I thought you didn't understand why I even bother?"

"I don't understand," Brody snapped back and threw a glare in his direction. "I'm tired of watching you mope around. You're injury is healed, we just had a kick-ass road trip and you're still acting like someone's hit you from behind."

"Am I?" Mark replied. "I hadn't realized."

"You were starting to bring even me down."

"That's tough to do."

"Tell me about it. So stop drinking like an idiot and go over and talk to her."

Mark hesitated, not moving from the couch. "I don't know."

"I already told you, she won't slam the door in your face."

"How do you know? She's pretty unbelievable when she's angry."

Brody gave him a long look and shook his head ruefully. "Another one bites the dust," he muttered, downing the last of his beer.

"What?"

"You should see the look on your face whenever you talk about her."

"What look?"

"It's the same look Obie and Tolya get when they talk about their women."

"Really?"

Brody rolled his eyes as walked into the kitchen. He pulled the fridge open, grabbed a fresh bottle of beer and popped the top off. "Like I said; another one bites the dust."

Mark looked up at his teammate and grinned. "You sound jealous."

"Don't make me hit you with this bottle," Brody threatened.

Getting to his feet, Mark handed off his half-empty bottle to Brody as he walked past. "I'll let you know how it goes," he called over his shoulder. Then he added as an afterthought, "maybe I can hook you up with one of her single friends!"

"Get out!" Brody barked at him and Mark howled with laughter as he left Brody's apartment.

The drive to Hilary's apartment didn't take long; even in D.C., the streets were pretty quiet in the middle of the night. He rushed through the building and up to Hilary's floor in minutes, knocking several times. The door swung inward and Mark gaped at the sight of his bare-chested teammate, Anatoli, on the other side.

"What the hell are you doing here?" Mark demanded.

Anatoli grinned and jerked a thumb over his shoulder. "I came to see Lena."

"Oh God," Mark groaned and smacked a hand to his forehead. "I didn't interrupt anything, did I?"

Anatoli laughed and looked far too amused by his friend's discomfort. "No. We were just getting ready for bed."

"Gah! Stop there! I don't need details," Mark exclaimed and held a hand out at Anatoli. "Is Hilary here?"

"I didn't see her," Anatoli said and turned back towards the apartment. "Lena! Is Hilary home tonight?"

"No!" came the distant reply. "She went out after work."

Mark's face fell as he listened and he managed a weak smile when Anatoli turned back to him.

"Sorry, Mark. Did you call her?"

"No," Mark replied. "I think I'll just go home. See you at practice, Obie."

"OK. See you."

Mark wandered in miserable silence back through the building and out to his car. He drove home, not bothering to call her cell. Hilary would know that he was back in town. She might have even gone out to avoid being home when Anatoli came over.

After a short drive, Mark was back at his building and walked up to his apartment. Well, I guess that's over, he thought, more upset at the prospect than he thought he'd be.

As he walked down the hall of his floor, he had his head down and jingled the keys in his hand. He didn't notice the person sprawled on the floor outside his door until he almost tripped over her legs.

"Hilary!" he exclaimed and gaped at her.

She blinked blearily up at him and smiled. "You woke me up," she muttered and rubbed her face.

"What are you doing here?" Mark asked, dropping to a crouch in front of her. "Who let you in?"

"Brody," she said and covered a yawn with the back of her hand. "I couldn't call you because my phone is dead and you didn't answer the buzzer, so I tried Brody's place instead."

"Why didn't you wait in his apartment? You could have called from there," he said. Even as he spoke, he wondered what the hell he was talking for, when all he wanted to do was hold her close.

"He offered but I just wanted to see you," she told him. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

She blew out a breath and laughed as she shook her head. "Where do I even start?"

Mark smiled, feeling the weight he'd felt on his shoulders for the past week lift. "You want to come in?"

She nodded and he helped her to her feet as he unlocked his door. They walked in together, removing their jackets and heading into the living room.

"Do you want anything to drink?" Mark asked after locking the door and following her to the couch.

"No, I'm fine, thanks," she replied and sat down.

"How long have you been waiting?" Mark asked, sitting down beside her. He wanted to touch her, to pull her onto his lap but he was so confused. He was never confused.

"Not long. I got held up at work and got home just as Anatoli arrived," she said and smiled. "I didn't want to be around for their reunion."

Mark chuckled and agreed with a nod.

"So I drove here instead." She looked up and met his eyes, smiling as color swept across her cheeks. "Mark, I'm so sorry. I should have called."

"It's all right," Mark said and moved a little bit closer. "I can never sleep right after getting home. I would have been up for another hour at least."

She laughed and shook her head. "That's not what I mean. I should have called you back. All week, when you were leaving me messages, I never once called you."

"Oh," he replied. "No, you didn't."

"I was being stupid. You didn't deserve that."

"Hilary-" he started to speak, shifting even closer but she interrupted him by holding up one hand.

"Please, Mark. I owe you an explanation and I need to get it all out." She met his eyes as she spoke and he saw how nervous she looked. He still ached to take her into his arms, every part of him crying out to comfort her, but he waited with more patience than he knew he had.

"I... overreacted before you left," she began. "You were right. I was holding something back from you that night. I told you all about my stupid ex-boyfriends," she paused and laughed. "Which is never a great conversation anyway, but I didn't tell you about the one that really screwed me up. I dated a guy in college who was on the hockey team. John was great. Fun, funny, nice and I'd always been into hockey, so he seemed just perfect to me."

As much as Mark hated to hear this, he remained silent, clenching his jaw against the need to protest. He knew how difficult this was for Hilary so he pushed his insecurities away and listened.

"We'd been going out for almost a year when the team had to go on the road," Hilary went on, looking away and fidgeting in place. "Before he left, we had a great night together. We saw a movie, had some drinks and went back to his dorm room where we stayed up for hours, just talking. He told me he'd been thinking about our future and that he wanted to take the next step. He wanted to find a place near campus over the summer and live there together."

Wow, Mark thought. That's a big deal.

"I was so excited but I did what I thought was the mature thing," she said, twisting her hands in her lap. "I told him I'd think about it. John agreed and left on his trip the next morning. After two days, I knew what I wanted to do. I couldn't wait to tell him and I didn't want to tell him over the phone, so I borrowed my friend's car and drove to meet him at one of the games." Here she paused and drew in a steadying breath. When she spoke again, her voice wavered. "I... wanted to surprise him in his room and I asked one of his teammate's to let me in. I went in and found him with another girl."

Mark couldn't fight his urge anymore. He shifted and put his arms around Hilary, pulling her closer until she settled against his chest. He felt a confusing mixture of anger and elation; anger for the asshole who'd treated Hilary this way, and elation over her finally opening up to him.

"I couldn't believe it," Hilary whispered, trembling in his arms. "He'd just suggested we move in together and there he was, screwing some skinny brunette. I don't even remember what I said to him but I'm pretty sure it wasn't nice."

"Good," Mark growled. "Did you throw something at him too?"

Hilary laughed and he felt her exhalation brush against his throat. "No. I just swore at him for a while, I think, and then left. I cried all the way back home. After that, I couldn't even watch hockey. It was months before I even looked at another guy." She paused and drew in a shaky breath. "He was the first guy I'd wanted to make that kind of commitment with. I'd decided to live with him and he went and slept with someone else."

"I'm so sorry, Hilary," Mark murmured and brushed his lips against her forehead.

"You don't need to be sorry, Mark," she replied and pulled back to look into his face. "I should have told you about this a long time ago. I didn't think it had affected me that badly but it did. What John did... I never really got over it. The fact that you're a hockey player, too... well, I guess I let that affect my judgment. I'm so sorry for doing that to you."

"I know you're sorry," Mark replied. "I just wish you'd never had to have gone through that."

"Well, it took me a while to get over it," she said. "But I think I've figured things out."

"Have you?"

"Yes."

"Like what?"

"You."

"You've figured me out?"

She giggled and nestled her head back under his chin. "I don't think I'll ever figure you out altogether, but I've at least figured out how I feel about you."

Mark's heart thumped alarmingly against his rib cage and he swallowed. "Really?" he murmured, kissing her temple. "Care to share?"

"You're a great guy, Mark," she whispered and her arms circled his waist. "I've never met anyone like you."

He frowned. "This sounds like a break-up speech."

"It's not," she laughed.

"If the next words out of your mouth are 'it's not you, it's me,' I'm so out of here," he grumbled and she laughed again.

"You're ruining my speech, Mark!" she scolded and moved her head back to look into his eyes.

"Sorry, sorry. Go ahead."

"You are a great guy, Mark. I didn't realize it at first because I'd let my history with John affect how I saw you. That was so wrong of me and you don't know how sorry I am." As she spoke, she blinked, revealing blue irises shimmering with unshed tears. Mark's groin tingled and he cupped the back of her head as he pressed gentle kisses to her cheeks. "Mark, please," she murmured and put her palms against his chest to push him away. "Let me finish."

"OK."

"I'm sorry for treating you that way," she said. "I'm sorry that I misjudged you and let my own fears get in the way of sharing myself with you. You're so amazing that I don't feel that I deserve you."

Mark blinked in surprise at her. "You honestly think that? That you don't deserve me?"

She nodded and looked away, shyness taking over. "I've certainly done nothing to earn your affection and trust. I'd understand if you never wanted to see me again."

"Hilary." Mark shook his head and let out a breathless laugh. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you. I called you three times a day while I was gone. I couldn't even enjoy returning to the line-up because I thought you never wanted to see me again."

"I'm sorry!"

"Stop saying you're sorry."

"I can't," she said. "I need to apologize for treating you so badly. I don't know how you can even stand to look at me."

Mark reached down and cupped her face in his hands. Her bluer-than-blue eyes glistened with tears and she was chewing nervously on her bottom lip. Leaning close, he kissed her, easing her bottom lip out and sucking gently on it until she relaxed. "I can't stand not seeing you, Hil," he whispered, his lips brushing against hers as he spoke. "You make my life much more interesting."

She laughed and shook her head.

"You do!" he insisted and kissed her again. "I don't even know how I filled my days before we met."

"You played hockey, Mark," she reminded him with a smile. "And then you twisted your ankle. That's how we met, remember?"

"How could I forget?" he replied. "What's that saying, about the first day of the rest of your life? Well, when I met you, that's when the rest of my life started."

Hilary gasped and blinked rapidly, releasing the tears she'd been holding in so far. Mark held her close, covering her face and lips with kisses. She clung to him, stuttering over her sobs and trying to say something else to him. With a soft laugh, Mark pulled back and stroked his thumbs over her cheeks while he waited for her to get it out.

"I still don't deserve you," she managed after a long moment.

"Yes, you do," he replied.

"Why?"

"Because I say so."

She rolled her eyes and sniffled. "What a domineering, male thing to say." Her voice was soft as she spoke, taking the sting out of her words.

Mark chuckled, still holding her face and waiting. He knew she had more to say.

"I'm sorry, Mark."

"Stop saying that."

"But I am. I'm going to keep saying it until you forgive me for being so stupid. I tried to drive you away and I was such a bitch for so long, but you stuck it out. I don't understand why."

"Neither do I," he replied, repeating the words to her that had started their argument over a week ago.

This time, they laughed together and Mark kissed Hilary before elaborating.

"It's not just because you're a challenge," he said with a grin. "Which you are." She smacked his thigh with an open palm. "Well, it's true!" She agreed with a laugh. "I liked that you were kind of mean, at first. I figured it meant you never took crap from anybody. I never wanted to be with a woman who giggled and told me everything I wanted to hear. I wanted someone who could give it back as good as she got."

Hilary smiled, more tears gathering in her eyes as she gazed up at him. Mark swallowed at the look in her eyes and slid his hands down her back until he was teasing the skin just under the waist of her jeans. Her pupils dilated and she sucked in a breath at the contact.

"I knew all along that you were someone I wanted to keep around," he whispered. "I just had to wait for you to figure it out as well."

"Mark," she murmured and pressed her forehead to his neck, laughing. "This is why I don't deserve you."

"Stop saying that," he growled, pressing his fingertips into her flesh. "I get to decide what you deserve and I say that you do."

"When did you get so bossy?" she asked after a short silence.

Mark shrugged as he began to stroke her skin. "I guess you just bring it out in me."

"Well, don't get used to it. I'm not the kind of girl to just lie down and take it, you know."

"Oh really?" Mark asked and leaned back to look into her face. She met his gaze, a smirk tilting her full lips, but when he grinned at her, she flushed a deep crimson. He knew that she recognized the look in his eyes. "You don't like to just lie there? And take it?"

She gasped and shook her head, never taking her eyes from his.

"I think you're lying to me," he said, pushing his hands under her jeans and cupping her luscious behind. "Are you lying?"

"No," she whispered.

"Hilary?" As he spoke her name, he moved one hand to her front, undoing the button of her jeans.

"What?"

He chuckled and leaned his head down, pressing his lips to her fluttering pulse. "Tell me the truth. Don't you like to just lie there? And take it?"

She shuddered when he stroked her heated skin with his tongue and her fingers dug into his shoulders. "Yes," she hissed out and Mark grinned.

"Thank God," he murmured and opened his mouth over her throat, sucking and licking her skin until she moaned.

As he did that, he undid her jeans and pushed a hand inside to cup her over her panties. She squirmed against him and arched into his arms.

"Mark?" she whispered a moment later, breaking through the haze of his desire. She was moving so sweetly against his hand and he pushed aside the crotch of her underwear to touch her. "Oh, God!"

Mark lifted his head to grin down at her. "You wanted to ask me something, Hil?" He watched her as she writhed in his arms. She had her bottom lip caught between her teeth and her eyes were squeezed shut. All her honey-colored hair was hanging over her shoulders and the ivory column of her throat was exposed, her pulse jumping just under her chin.

God, she's beautiful, he thought, swallowing hard.

"Do you forgive me?" she asked as he continued to stroke her, and he was amazed that she managed to get the entire question out.

"For what?"

"For trying to push you away," she whispered and her eyes fluttered open to meet his gaze. "For being so mean and not telling you why." She paused and a smile stretched across her face. "For lying to you a minute ago?"