All Comments on 'Badge of Betrayal'

Darn good 6*....

He still let Bud and Marion off to easy - yes, it was politically required and if Pat actually did burn them he would have created a judicial shit storm. But there needs to be a away to get em.... And sorry but Marg needs to know about her CHEATING husband, let her decide what she wants to know.

There are at least two 'name' typo's the swapped Shannon and Clarissa in the wrong spots.

An issue I have is the multiple Quinn stories not being Titled for sequence - ya got to seek the posting date to figure out the next in sequence.

Love it all. Thank you so much for your hard work

Absolutely brilliant writing. wonderful use of power play intermingled with romance humility and an almost belief that this was a real story.Thank you for sharing this wonderful tale.

A++. The best I have read.

I would pay money to read stories this well written.Could not put it down

One of the best pieces of erotica written in this site. It has everything double crossing, cheating, friendship, courage, sex, valor, redemption, you name it. It was a real master piece of story telling and fun to read. A real rarity in its class. Thank you very much "soldierboy50401"

I thought your story line was well thought out and allowed you a fine guide line in taking your readers into your story. Obviously you had a law enforcement advisor helping with your details. A few errors but that could be based on your smaller agency and my larger one. I appreciated your writing and story telling skills. Thanks for sharing. BK

This was a very well written story it was like viewing a movie. I liked the whole setup.

The only thing which would have ruined this would have been for Patrick to forgive his slutty wife and kick Shannon and Bridget to the curb.

About the safety, this is a made up story and the writer could have any type of gun he want.

That was Pointless information to this story as the safety would also would have been how many times Pat or Bud scratched their asses.

Also got that reference about the gun from the last comment, it came from the movie (The Fifth Element) they also had a weapon called the light of truth came out of woman's mouth fictional.

Pat talked to everyone and swayed them to understand his need to Bust Buds sorry cheating ass.

He did nothing for Margolone and allowed that poor woman to stay in that cesspool of a marriage to Bud but, that's minor point but, something which I felt could have enhance the story (in my opinion).

if only he could found a way to let Margolene know about what was going on behind her back with with that no account Bud.

Still no less a 5 star effort.

This story read like a movie, very well written. This story is memorable and will be one of my favorites.

What amazes me is the small minded people out there who have to find the smallest piece of shit possible mistake to point out.

Hell its a damn story stupid.

The revolver the writer made up could have had a safety and a secondary ice launcher system and a computer system that sent any additional shot to the last center mass position.

Who cares the damn safety, it doesn't matter in the damned story.

Get a clue about what matters and your point doesn't matter for this story Ms. Jealousy.

Well written story Five Stars easy!

A very long story, but really hard to stop reading. An incredibly well written tale with lots of detail and a style worthy of a seasoned novelist. You can write !!! Well done. Try writing a novel for pay. I would buy it. There were a few errors & editing mistakes but not glaringly so. Keep up the excellent work. I love it. Thanks, a 5.

DO YOUR RESEARCH! REVOLVERS DON'T HAVE A SAFETY!

Suprisingly engrossed!

Keep it up!

how this plays out in everyone else's universe, but a "heroic" LEO who is prepared to condone the continued freedom of someone involved in underage sex?? Uses blackmail of two public officials?? Happily countenances falsification of public records whilst condoning the same criminal act by others?? Is this what passes for integrity??

Excellent!! This praise coming from a retired cop. I enjoyed the attention to detail.

Excellent wring of a great good against evil story.

Bravo

I liked the long ass story except 2 things. SOG I never heard of except in Vietnam then were hell on wheels and a call to FBI or state units would have taken care or the problem.

At least 16 pages too long!

I forgot how much I enjoyed this - and the Pat Quinn universe. Is your work available to buy? Once again - thanks for sharing.

Keep writing. please

I absolutely loved it. Well done. Blew threw it in one go. Keep up the great writing. It was a phenomenal story, and worth my time.

I didn't mind reading this short novel in one go. Overall, the writing is good to excellent and well deserves a 5. However, the plot has some serious holes, as others have pointed out. You lost me when Pat convinced the other cops, who were innocent of any knowledge or wrong-doing, to commit a major crime by moving the evidence from the storage unit back to the evidence room and covering up what they had done. From then on it was a fairy tale, especially the computer manipulations. Certainly, though, this is high quality material for an amateur writer and it is easy to imagine the author moving into the pro ranks.

i think that you should expand this story and publish it. This is a story line that should not be in literotica but in a full novel. You have the talent and should use it and i would look forward to buying your book when it came out.

One thing that this story gives you much credibility is very true da Packers beating the Vikings!

You seem to rush the ending and missed a few critical points --- I was expecting more, some unknown help from Martin or Jack that would burn Bud outside of Pat's knowledge. I really figured the sexy mother-in-law would orchestrate something for Pat against his wife once Bud was reveled. And Clarissa seems to have gotten off with a near win - terms of the divorce not being disclosed, since she never worked other than spreading her legs Pat can expect alimony and the ranch to raise the boys or was there some other hidden gotchas for her that were forgotten? Looks like she wins and he looses his kids/ranch but gains a great new wife/daughter. Or will Channon flip her residence with Clarissa, KRD

What he did with his MIL he would never have done, if his wife hadn't been cheating on him and denying him access to sex. Her mother KNEW that she was cheating and hated that she was doing it. She also had her own needs because of her own divorce so she gave her son in law HER pussy in place of her daughter's until she met the man she's currently married to. If you'd actually READ the story, you'd know all that..... but maybe your comprehension abilities are inhibited from too much jerking off in your oatmeal.

I jumped ahead from Chapter 14 to comment on this dumb fucking line where he was talking to Shannon and you had him say.... ((("it has been building for a long time, even before the shooting. In fact, I ended up moving out of the house. I'm hoping it's temporary but I'm prepared in case it isn't.")))

HE'S HOPING THAT IT'S FUCKING TEMPORARY??!! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS? HE JUST FOUND OUT THAT HIS WIFE HAS BEEN FUCKING THE SHERIFF FOR TWO YEARS AND THAT HE'S ALSO PIMPING HER OUT TO HIS POLITICAL BUDDIES AND YOU STUPIDLY WRITE AS IF HE MIGHT BE THINKING TRYING TO SALVAGE THEIR MARRIAGE? WHAT THE FUCK STATE OF UNCONSCIOUSNESS ARE YOU IN??

**By the Sheriff's smug and arrogant attitude, it's my guess that he has no intention of divorcing his wife and marrying Clarissa. He's using her as a slut for political purposes and, when he's done with her, planned to dump her back in her husband's lap, along with her reputation as a whore that's intended to bring HIM down. So far, this dumb fuck Chief Deputy Captain hasn't been smart enough to record the Sheriff bragging about fucking his wife or making threats if he doesn't co-operate with their plans.**

Another thing.... sweet, lovable, built like a brick shit-house Shannon. What kind of winner must she be to have been hooked up with the sick, tattooed motherfucker who fathered her daughter, then kidnapped her and put her in mortal danger. Things like that just don't make sense or fit in the story. Meanwhile, she looks that good and no one is parting her pussy lips and punching her? Come ooonnnnn.

Several responses:

1.) The issue with the Taurus was explained by me in a previous comment. In my original draft, the gun was supposed to be a Desert Eagle. I thought it to be too ostentatious and expensive and not the type of gun a druggie would use. Truthfully, a Raging Bull probably wouldn't either but it seemed more appropriate at the time. As such, it resulted in the right weapon malfunction but for the wrong weapon. Again, a mistake that was previously discussed.

2.) Vanilla vs. Manila. You wasted a paragraph pointing that out? Really?

3.) Low Testosterone in women is an actual medical event and it does, most DEFINITELY, affect women and their libido. Just as men have a small amount of estrogen occurring naturally in their bodies, so women also produce small amounts of testosterone. The symptoms of Low-T include the following:

A.) Fatigue and exhaustion

B.) Weight gain and difficulty losing weight

C.) DECREASED INTEREST IN SEX

D.) Mood swings and depression

E.) Anxiety

F.) Difficulty Concentrating

G.) Hair loss

H.) Sleep Disturbances

And numerous other signs and symptoms. I didn't just make this stuff up. I would advise you to read up on Low-T in women instead of just making assumptions or repeating heresay. Here are some links that talk more in-depth about Low-T

http://tctmed.com/7-symptoms-of-low-testosterone-in-women/

http://www.activebeat.com/your-health/women/10-signs-of-low-testosterone-in-women/10/

1. A Taurus .44 magnum revolver has no manual safety. There is a passive system that prevents the pistol firing if the pistol is dropped. It's internal.

2. A 'Vanilla folder'? Vanilla comes in a bottle, doubt it could be folded. Maybe a 'manila folder' would work better. It would hold papers a bunch more efficiently.

3.Testosterone deficiency would not likely happen in a female. Their body does not normally produce such a thing, but if it were to happen, the production would occur around 20 years of age and production would taper off in the early to mid 20s. Testosterone has no effect on the sexual activity or sexual desires in a female. Testosterone treatments for women has not been medically approved and is considered to be dangerous.

4. Gotta' give you credit. You spelled fridge correctly. That's an uncommon occurrence in these pages.

Great story.i read it from the beginning to the end in no time savouring chapter after chapter. It brought all the emotions convey into the text.

I am looking for your next story hopefully with the return of Shannon.

Thank you.

Read it 2nd time.Great story got me hooked from page 1. I don't believe myself i've read 26 pages . Nice comeback with Pat getting his l'il bit revenge.Would have like to know what happens about his divorce and marriage to Shannon.I think one or two more page story follow up would be nice.

I didn't see the difference between what his wife did and what he did with his MIL and his future wife. That part of the story detracted from my affection for him as a person. Why would he be hitching his future to a woman who had been part of his cheating?

Great back story though.

What a thriller of a story. Kept me from doing my chores

I couldn't stop reading it ! I enjoyed this one. Thanks kid ... great story and a great way you led me through it. You're a good writer but one thing you have to have for a great story is that kind of imagination to dream up something like this. Good job. Scotty

One of the best stories of this genre that I have ever read. Fully enjoyed it. I absolutely cannot stand stories about a good man, a loving husband and father, forced to sit back while his whorish, selfish, brutal wife uses their marital bed to perform sexual acts with some sleazebag or even willingly participate in gangbangs. Finally, the good guy wins for a change. Great attention to detail. Thorough

Left the reader wanting more. Excellent 5-Star reading. Proud to claim it as a favorite.

they shouldn't hesitate and wait for the flow-back. TK U MLJ LV NV

It has been a long time since I read this and found it just as good of a read as what I remembered. Great job! The only thing I would have done was let Bud have the wife and save on alimony payments as well the probable fight for the country property he obviously treasured so much. The added benefit of seeing his ambitious ex married to a has-been would have been frosting on the cake.

Fantastic story. Enjoyed it immensely. Thank you very much.

The only thing that disappointed in all the technical jargon was saying a Taurus revolver has a safety.

Cinco Estrellas (5 Star)!

Great story, well worth the read. I think that's the best compliment an author can be given.

Ok, SoldierBoy50401,

Everybody's a critic! Forget 'em! I stayed up all night and read everyone of your stories. You're DAMN good!!!! You had me on a pins and needless emotional roller coaster so much that I really needed to finish the story before I even contemplated sleeping!!! And that was after staying up all night, finally looking at the clock somewhere around 6:38 a.m.!!!! That's a real sign of a good story for me.

There were grammatical errors. Yeah, so? You mixed up your character names a few times. Yeah, so? I can only imagine your brain was working faster than your fingers, and sometimes those things cross signals. So, my brain was able to auto correct it while reading, I knew what you ment. I've read epublished books from named authors that have the same issue. Big deal, blame the publishing/autocorrect software. Just a sign that we can't let the machines take over everything, they really don't self check, and, that human proofreading is necessary.

And, if some one looks at 26 pages as too much to read, well, tell them to finish reading their First Grader books first before they decide to take on the big boy/girl books!!! 26 pages on here is 8 pages printed, at least page 17 was! Hehehe. I read everything on my iPad. Try reading 750 to 2000+ pages from a epublished author on iBooks, that's a hell of a lot more pages, and finding the same errors. And I paid for those books, too! 26 pages is nothing, except an extremely good story. Grow up people!!! If they're looking for 5 or so pages to read then they have the attention span of a nat! And a story with that few pages probably it's not going to be worth my time.

I really am looking forward to following your writing career, you have a wickedly creative mind. Don't know how I even found this website, but I'm glad I did. Found you!

Yvette in SoCal.

About as full of backstabbing as it can get. At moments I was truly depressed but

I came out of it quite happy. Still the author seems to be saying that is correct to bend the law!

I really like it keep writing.

I hope this is not the wsy things go in police jobs.

I didn't even bother looking at how many pages it was. I just couldn't stop.

One criticism I have is actually more of a suggestion, by which I mean plea. Please give us an epilogue where the bitch gets served, eats into drugs, loses custody and ten sees Pat with his new wife. Not too BTB as apathy should be the feeling she gets from her ex but atleast let her feel actual remorse and realise how big a fuck up it actually was.

Nice one,I am going to read the next one,maybe he will thorw some revenge it that

"Are you not happy about this or something?" – Of course not, it messes up her cheating schedule.

I thought it was interesting that he and Bud didn’t go together.

Even if Clarissa TRULY couldn’t have sex, say even WITH the medication, she could still give him oral relief!

I’d say fuck it, they’re going to continue to fuck with him, and will ruin him if he tries to stop them, blow Bud’s fucking brains out, his life is ruined anyway.

"You have to think about the boys," - Like SHE thought about the boys when she didn’t take them as often as possible to see their HERO father? Like SHE’S thinking about them now, going along with Bud’s threats to ruin their father?

"I'm fighting for our family here. I wish that you would fight for your family, too." – Too bad she didn’t want to fight for their family when she was FUCKING Bud!

Stories like this should be broken up to make them readable. Few people want 26 unchaptered.pages

then I saw that there was 26 pages of this story, that were simply fill in for the story, and not really saying much at all ! Stories that are written in this manner just get drug out and tiresome. I gave this one a two star rating......

Good story, well written. I look forward to more

I liked the story, but I feel it started off a little slow. The husband was a really shitty husband and the wife was an even shittier wife--they belong together. The husband has been fucking his wife's mom and the wife has been fucking her husband's boss/bestie. The author didn't even mention Shannon anymore. I honestly expected a hell of a lot more drama with 26 pages. the husband payback was soooooooooooooooo weak! I thought he'd go nuclear instead he breaks up the affair--why? I would've just let them be together. Kick the slut out call it a day but nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo-- she gets divorce papers and that's it. Bud doesn't pay, Marion doesn't pay and the slut wife doesn't pay.... they tried to destroy him, they tried to take his freedom and his kids and all they all got was a slap on the wrist and a no no no. Weak.

Yes, I love how the bad guy gets his and how the good guy got to grow up. Though in his circumstance it was not the fact that he was married to a cheater since he was one also, it was that she was trying to betray him. So, you can't hate the wife for being a cheater since he was just as bad as her in that. What I found terrible was that she was so morally bankrupt to both cheat AND have him killed.

Honestly...a police officer in prison? He is a dead man or wishes he would be very soon after getting in. The DA being in on it? Not surprised. I feel he did get his measure of revenge, while not an equal measure it seems that your "Hero" did what was right. Funny how both what is "fair" and what is "right" are seldom the same thing. Oh they share certain aspects of the other...but the end result he wanted was acheived.

I have more to say, but it is not suitable for the comments section of this story.

Sincerely, Payenbrant.

sb5, I want to compliment you for a what terrific story is "Badge of Betrayal". And how jealous I am that you imagineered such a ethically challenged, even morally repugnant character as your protagonist.

For those readers who never leave their mommies basement, real life people do commit honest and illegal activities. Real life people double-think as they compartmentalize their lives to get through each day with a measure of sanity. Real Humans are heroes and villains, the reality of real life is that it is relativistic. Pious moralists always refuse to look into the mirror.

For those griping about the length of the story, they should check this out. On the average, each Literotica page contains an average of 3,500+/- words. The word processor I use is Mac/Pages. Holding an average of 500 words per page.

Which means I have to write 5 to 8 pages to fill one one page on Literotica.

I challenge any of you to get a pad of college-ruled lined paper and a pen and write out 500 words. Then you have to correct and edit and structure it. Drop me an email in a couple of weeks when you've completed this 'simple' task of ONE page.

As for the technical problems, on a FREE porn site that pays their employees out of whatever revenue is generated by the advertising they carry.

So? What the fuck did you expect? Rainbows and unicorns?

I will quote myself on this subject, ahem: "We are NOT surprised that our technology fails so often. The ONLY surprise is that it ever works at all!"

Think of the mishmash of assorted incompatible machinery, operating systems, programs, aps, networks and bungling humans involved.

Truly, Rube Goldberg would shed tears of joy, seeing what our monkey fingers have done to his dream of the Perfect Machine , That Consumes So Many Resources, Uses So Much Energy, To Accomplish So Little.

Just to provide you little wankers out there reading this, an opportunity to pull your little puddin's.

Sorry to those who caught the issue with the bad guy's firearm at the beginning of the story. That was a complete no-brainer on my part. Initially the bad guy, William Raymond Jackson, was going to wield a Desert Eagle .50 caliber handgun. I thought that was WAY too ostentatious for a small-time drug dealer and so I dialed it down a bit to the Taurus Raging Bull. HOWEVER, in my haste and lack of proper editing, I neglected to change out the problem with the safety on the Desert Eagle for a problem with the cylinder release on the raging bull. As such you have the wrong problem for the wrong firearm. Good eyes for those who caught my glaring mistake and I'll try not to let it happen again!

"Just exactly how old are some of those girls in the fifteen pictures and five video clips you have stashed in that encrypted file on the c-drive of your home computer?"

Even the fucktards who didn't like this story must be able to appreciate that little bit! That was an "open fly, insert vise grips" moment indeed. Granted, I'd normally prefer more burning of the bitches, but the success of the hero in the end is enough to make up for it. Graded it a five, would grade it higher still were I able.

don't let the critics ruin your day. it was a great story well told. i enjoyed it throughly

I hate lamb and asparagus too. My second reading of this engaging tale and I enjoyed it more this time around. Took me most of the afternoon and evening. Geeze it's a long sucker! Good writing from the corn patch! Cheers!

You did write a good story, thou. If that happened 555ssssss all the way.

bill

I simply don't have time to wade through all of the comments to see if anybody besides TwoCrows called you out on the revolver-with-a-safety thing (soldierboy, hunh? what was YOUR mos?)

Twenty-six pages. Intimidating, at first. Definitely entertaining. You got chops. You could do with a bit more time on the research front. (From carrying a .40 semi-auto, to a .38 revolver (in the 21st century?), back to a .40? Whatever.) But you do draw a reader in. That's the battle right there.

But fucking (no pun intended) your mom-in-law? Eww. Yeah, I'm SOLD on your Catholicism.

it is forever a work in progress, never ending, TK U MLJ LV NV

Nearly lost me when I realised how long the story was, well done, epic tale.

Pat is a good and honest cop. (Not!) A cop who consorts with drug dealers, seeks the assistance of the drug dealer in enough Federal Offense Computer crimes to go to jail for about as Bud long as planned for him to go to jail, promotes the officer who is aiding and abetting the computer whizz's drug dealing, commits Federal Child Pornoghraphy Offenses in conspiring with the computer whiz to print, and move the Child Pornography. (Electronically "touching" the child porn is possession, and printing and moving is distribution. Pat's requesting or directing the computer whiz to do this is conspiracy to commit those crimes, and Pat can be sentenced to the same amount of jail the computer whiz is facing.) The evidence custodian essentially receives no pnishment (he gets to keep A job!) and in some senses, the evidence custodian is even more evil than Bud and Clarissa. They at least dislike (hate, loath, despise, or whatever), Pat; while the evidence custodian deliberstely goes along with a months' long scheme to imprison an innocent man for life, AND potentially release several murderers onto the streets. Pat is also a mother (in-law) fucker, who in Pat's mind cheated first. As the story ends, Bud is put out to pasture with a taxpayer-funded pension, and Clarissa gets served with a divorce decree. Shannon after celibacy for seven years, boinks Pat with Bridget sleeping nearby, and able to see the two of them nude if she wakes up. (Shannon at least has a reasonable enotional and psychological basis for liking and then loving Pat. He saved her daughter's life and put an end to at least 7 years of ohysical and mental torture from her ex-boyfriend). Shannon's mother apparntly doesn't mind Shannon being Pat'sadulterous mistress, and her father is opposed until he hears how likely it is that Pat is gong to jail for the rest of his life. No one here, other than the children appear to be "good", there are only shades of black (Bud, Clarissa, the D.A., the evidence custodian), and varying shades fo dark gray for the rest of the adults.

On another matter, what happens next? You had 26 pages (and from your comment--9 months) putting this together. So who gets punished, if anyone? What happens to Pat and Clarissa's children? Does Pat get DNA tests to see if Clarissa had other liover? Pat lives less than a four hour drive to Minneapolis-St. Paul. So, the states in which the fictional town of Red River Falls can be, are Minnesota, Wisconsin, Iowa, Michigan (the Upper Peninsula), and extreme eastern North and South Dakota. Only the Dakotas recognize adultery as a basis for divorce (as of 2014). Only South Dakota still recognizes "alienation of affection" law suits. It appears Clarissa does not work (no source of income). The oldest child is in junior high school (at least 7th grade), so he is 12 or 13 years old. There is no hint that the children are not Pat's. So unless they live in South Dakota, based on the length of the marriage, Clarissa's lack of a job and no recent job skills, Clarissa gets custody, child support, alimony, and an equitable distribution of the proprty. She probably gets the house, until the yongest boy is 18. That is, UNLESS, Pat uses some of the criminal activites by Clarissa to get the upper hand.

So, after 26 pages, how about a few more to finish the story? (As you implied in your comment.)

and stir up the masses on the journey. almost 200 comments in only a few days indicates strong feelings, and they seem to be in all different directions. I guess that is the mark of a good writer. Whether I liked the characters, or the story, at this point seems insignificant.

Rarely have I had so many mixed feelings about a story. Hard charging police "hero" who gets his knob gobbled by his MIL ends up depending almost COMPLETELY on illegal activity by a pothead hacker to set up his arch nemesis. He takes care of a homeless vet he should have been taking care of just to keep him on his side, and doesn't notice either his wife fucking his best friend or the resentment of EVERYONE on the force at his preferential treatment. Some cop.

Considering how long you took to tell the story, wrapping it up with a cheesy speech, a half-hearted half-assed ass fuck, and no resolution for Clarissa, Shannon, or the boys, who are shuttled around like political refugees, and then delivering the "New Sherriff in Town" line.... well, I'm back down to a 3

As a former Chief Deputy, I could really appreciate your protagonist! I gave it a well-deserved Five Stars!

This story began with a bang. Who can argue with a good cops n’ robbers chase sequence? Add in a captured child and you have the reader hooked.

However, my expectations were quickly deflated when our hero was introduced in the hospital. You went for the cliché of having him become enamored with his nurse. Then you compounded the cliché by having the nurse be mother of our kidnap victim. It’s a small town, but couldn’t you have devised a less predictable lover interest?

Just when I was prepared to abandon the story you through me a curve. You have our hero divulge an illicit sexual relationship with his mother-in-law. What a risk! This disclosure threatened to evaporate whatever goodwill the reader had for our hero to this point. As a reader I was hooked.

Throughout the story random elements kept popping up, new personalities, awkward situations and interesting challenges. The advantage of such a long tale is your ability to develop a story in depth…and you did.

I thoroughly enjoyed your storytelling and fully appreciated your taking of risks that many authors avoid. Kudos to you!

I often pass over such long stories mostly due to time constraints. By the time I finished the first page, I was hooked and just read it in a couple sessions. I can't even with some of the negative responses as I felt you told the story completely and in a logical manner

My only question not being cop smart but don't understand the import of missing records on closed cases.

Fabulous, mind-blowing; range of emotions, pain, love, lust, betrayal, retribution; but the best part is the hero decides not to punish the cheating wife, which I think is the worst punishment one can think of. Gripping from the beginning to the end.

Worthy of five stars. It was a bit long - and I am generally a big fan of lengthy stories. It just seemed like the length of the story did not match the intricacy of the plot. For example, had he simply gone into his own home with his phone in voice record mode, then he would have gotten a full confession the moment he first caught his wife with Bud. Problem solved. High quality writing.

But then it seemed to just dawdle. Reminds me of "When we were married" by Daniel Q. Steele. Everything just goes perfectly right for the good guy and things just fall into his lap. No confrontation, no melodrama, no human frailties. Cute, but ultimately bland.

IMHO.

Like the long stories too and don't want it to end either...

Thanks for sharing on Lit.

x

What a fantastic story. You are definitely a brilliant writer. This story was believable from the beginning to end. 10 stars.

Loved it!

Great Novel!

I want a hard copy.!!!

For a few years I worked for an Air Force Colonel where I received complaints everything from personnel to EEO.

His standing procedure was if you don't have the guts to sign the document, then we don't have the time to do anything about it.

as for me, If you feel the urge to criticize, you best be showing me you have some sort of standing in the community.

I did so much writing when I was with the AF that I read for the story, not to pick it to death.

If I am reading a story and it is not sitting well, I quit reading and sure as hell don't run to the comments and blow my horn. If I do have something to say i do it the feedback area.

Reward in public; correct in private

My thoughts for what they are worth

Some Quality Authors offered some good advice...IE Brittease, HardDaysNIght. Ignore criticism from all "Anonymous" Misogynists may as well listen to your dog fart. Dangling participles, run-on sentences, verb tense all items can be picked up by reading out loud to yourself....better yet accept help from Lit's volunteer editors. Can't wait for your next!

Thanks for a good read,

SliperyRox

"The only stupid fucking idiot," I calmly replied, "is you two, Bud and Marion. Have a seat. Take a closer look at those emails and text messages."

++++++++++++++++

That said it all.

26 pages and there's no one believable, loveable, or even credible character.

I actually took time to read the SLOW SET UP, of the first a couple pages, and I thought this was going to be a BACK BRISTOL sort of a story with, if nothing else, good and intelligent and interesting dialogues or just good, intelligent MONOLOGUES.

None.

Yeah what happened to Clairissa?

5x5+++

it was a good piece of writing with minor spelling mistakes but i have to know......what happenned to clarissa

At last got to read all 26 pages really enjoyed it, thank you..

After reading 160 comments, most of them gushing with praise, I wonder if I just read the same story. In the beginning it was was a page-turner. Clever story line. Then about the mid-point it started going down hill . . . fast.

Much of the computer wizardry was just a technical fairy tale, although it was key to the story line. That's like building a house on sand.

The worst part of the plot were the double standards the hero possessed. It was okay when he screwed around with two other women, but it was unacceptable when he found his wife did the same thing. And others could perform unlawful acts while setting up the hero for several prison life sentences, but when he turned the tables on them and also performed unlawful acts, he was as pure as the driven snow. In this venue, I've read two stories where the good guy killed the bad guy. I find that unacceptable. I have the same opinion about this guy's double standard when it involves him performing criminal acts. Unacceptable. Stories here are for entertainment, not for moral corruption.

Finally, I know they are nits, but there were a lot of Freshman-like grammatical errors. When authors here don't even have another person read his story before publishing it, I wonder if it is ego or ignorance. Volunteer editors work here for free. This is an excellent instance where one could improve the quality of a good story to an outstanding one.

A typical hero in a LW story live with the frustration his wife imposed upon him without bedding down with another woman until the wife's cheating had been discovered, and possibly not until she had been confronted with it and served with divorce. Pat doesn't do that.

A traditional heroic figure would "do the right thing," expose Bud and his cronies and see them get their due, then set about to seek out and right their wrongs. Pat definitely does not do that. He turns the tables on them, comes out the winner but makes deals with them, chooses his new cronies and likely will go on to become the new Bud.

Credit where credit is due, he did save the little girl at the beginning. His one bona fide hero credit.

Clearly you are a remarkable writer. Unfortunately, your plot dragged me along for too long. That is my issue though. I prefer to act quickly and decisively. When he got home from the conference and found the sheriff in his house he should have killed them both and disposed of the bodies. Then gone back to the conference and "nobody knows nothing". Believe me, most cops would follow this course of action. They would not play games

Thought perhaps too much detail on sexual exploits..still, well written and (as noted by others) shows the author has real talent.

and it really should be expanded into a novel.

I think you need to find a literary agent.

I really enjoyed this story but would have liked to see the Viet Nam vet play a little bigger role. Still enjoyed it though.

Clarissa not only had started her affair long before but she also cut-off sex with Pat at Buds request.

The only reason Pat stayed was his children, the marriage was dead.

After one spouse cheats the marriage contract is broken, void, no longer binding on the other spouse.

Pat was not cheating, he did not owe fidelity to Clarissa.

Not hypocrisy but basic contract law.

Well written, a bit long on details.

Pat did what he had to do to save his career, I commend him for that. But he was an asshole and a hypocrite concerning his marriage. Although Clarissa had the affair long before he started cheating he made himself look like he was totally innocent in the marriage. It was almost comical that he gave his sob story but always left out his cheating. Both him and Clarissa were selfish and the mother- in-law too. All three said they loved each other but they continued to hurt each other over and over.

From how it doesn't take much for Pat to lust after females that throw themselves at him I'm surprised he didn't cheat more then with Shannon and the mother-in-law.

... Even though the first submission was probably a mistake, I applaud your decision to re-submit the story in all of it's 26 page glory. It would have been just as tedious if spread out in 9 or 10 parts and the plot of the story wouldn't, in my opinion, have flowed nearly as well. Hopefully, now that you've shown the ambition and courage to submit such a long story, others will see the glowing comments that this story has received and maybe we, as readers, will see less of those multiple part stories spread out over several weeks. I can only hope.

One hell of a story! could not put it down. It may be the best I have read on literotica.

I have to admit, I was on page 18 and realized my heart was pounding! What an incredible story by an incredible author.

I have to admit I was disappointed Bud and The Cunt didn't go down in flames and land in prison, while Pat took his boys, married Shannon and took beautiful little Bridget under his belt, adopting her with his own last name.

Perhaps a follow up to this story to do something like that? Hmmm? HMMMMMM?!

Well, I'll be honest here, I came to literotica today to find a good story to jack off to. I got hooked into Just Plain Bob's story and then I saw yours. I decided to take a chance and I started reading. I got sucked in and it was literally 6 pages before I looked down and realized I had 20 pages to go. By then any masturbatory thoughts were gone.

Your story showed an extreme attention to detail that is definitely rare in the erotic story world. Most just do the littlest they can to do the setup and then get right to sex. I actually skipped the sex scenes altogether. Well, except for some with the Mom-n-law at the beginning of it….lol.

Anyways, great story. Thanks for sharing it with the rest of us.

One of the best-told LW stories ever! And, other than the ever-popular "I vs. me" errors, written with extremely good mechanics. Lots of cleaver lines/phrases - my favorite = the wonder bra sentence. How many readers knew who Audie Murphy was?

A good telling of a story about some very unlikeable people. We all know that the divorce rate among cops is high, this demonstrates why. Yes, heart attack when I had to take a break at p18 and then found the rest was not there! Anyway good in the end. Thanks for writing.

145 comments and a 2nd print. Told you in my 1st comment you knocked it out of the park!!! And you had a winner on your hands. EXELENT WORK .

His cheating HARDLY vindicated her cheating. She had carried on a two-year affair, conspired against him to take away his family, freedom and honor, all the while denying him his conjugal rights.

And despite her claims, she never loved her lover, just the status she hoped to gain.

HIS "cheating" was with a woman he LOVED, who cared for him in his hour of need (granted she had strong reason to do so!), unlike his wife who didn't come to visit him for two days after he came out of his coma, and wouldn't even bring his children.to visit often enough.

. . .some probably good, some having an opinion on something, even one of mine bemoaning my fate.

The question is, after barely three days on the scene how should we regard this score.

On a Comments per page basis, Soldierboy has overspent on carbon paper. But on a straight-out number of comments basis, this story out-comments most, by a large margin. Look back in three weeks time and see.

Other authors would have done it differently, no doubt, Stang in 15 pages with Mustang Cruisers, HDK would have called it something about a 'Silver Hammer' or 'With a Little Help from My Friends'.

In any event, this was a damned good story.

Cheers, and Grateful Thanks,

Kilroy.

Good story. Good plot, despite the naysayers comments about the morals of the hero. Spent time in "River City". Nice neck of the woods. Sure glad the SNAFU got squared away. Cheers!

I stopped reading at the part where the husband cheated with his mother-in-law. He can't claim the moral ground. 26 pages is a lot of reading with nothing to look forward to.

I've never read a story more than 10 pages before; this one was worth it. If this doesn't deserve a 5* what does?

Same story with two cheaters. Still will not like it regardless of how many chapters are posted each day. Posting a bad story in this manner does not make it any better. Just write a new one with some definitely lines on who loves who and is dedicated to a real marriage. One bad guy is enough and your infatuation wit the police being the great saviors of our time is a little far fetched.