Battle-Hardened, War Weary Ch. 04

Her mind, with the help of her fear, created different ideas in which Ryan could cause her problems. She knew that he was going to show off that footage eventually. But, she didn't know when he was going to show it off. She didn't know where that footage was going to appear. She obsessed over the imaginary consequences that would occur, if anybody else watched the homemade movie.

The negative thoughts not only affected her mind, but her body as well. She had become sleep deprived and she unintentionally was starving herself. Every time she had slept, she was up a few hours later due to a nightmare. She lost her appetite due to the stress that she felt. After weeks of surviving off of few hours of slumber and a few bits of food, it finally caught up with her. In the middle of March, on a work day, Kali fainted at her job. She was in the employee's parking lot when she collapsed onto the asphalt.

Her insentient body was carried on a stretcher into the clinic. She was taken to a nearby unoccupied observation room. She was given a dose of smelling-salts. She was revived, but she was dizzy and weak. Dr. Glen, who she considered to be a work acquaintance, asked her questions as she recorded her vitals. She answered them in the best way, but she was tired. The physician administered a few tests, afterwards. The doctor had her blood drawn to use for several blood tests. Kali provided two urine samples for the doctor. Kali was forced to walk around to make sure that she wasn't disorientated.

After being kept inside of the clinic for three hours, the doctor had given Kali the diagnosis. The doctor explained to her that her blood sugar was low, very low, which attributed to the fainting. Then the physician announced to her that she was pregnant.

Once she heard the announcement, she thought that her brain and heart had stopped working. 'Being surprised' was not the best way to describe how she felt. She felt shocked and scared.

The thought of not wanting this baby had entered her mind. Her opinion wasn't based on the size of her savings account, the lack of help or due to the lack of knowledge for child-rearing. She knew that she was able to financially take care of her child. She also knew that she had a network of friends and family members who would gladly help her. In regards to her lack of expertise, she was well aware that parenthood was one of those things that were learned through experience and not through a series of classes.

Kali didn't want her baby because she felt like she was so mentally unfit to raise a child. She was petrified that she was going to go crazy and harm the child, just like her mother had done to her. Immediately soon after, she felt ashamed. She started to cry. The doctor consoled her until she was able to speak and interact again.

The doctor wanted to know if she wanted to receive a sonogram. Her conscience advised against it. But her curiosity overruled that decision. The doctor had gone into another room to set up the equipment. She left Kali alone in the room. She returned a few minutes later and escorted Kali to the dimly-lit, ultrasound room. Kali was terrified. She stripped out of her sweater and then lied down on the work bench. The doctor applied a layer of thick ultrasound gel onto her stomach before proceeding. It didn't take the doctor long to find the baby.

"There you go," the doctor announced. The doctor tapped at the screen with her index finger. "Here is your baby."

Kali stared at the equipment's screen and stared at her baby. She didn't need the doctor to point out her unborn child. She saw him or her. A wavering sigh escaped her as she was filled with shame. She felt ashamed for not wanting her child. This child belonged to her.

"Why don't we hear the sounds of the baby's heartbeats, mmm?" Soon, the darkened room was filled with sounds of her unborn child's beating heart.

Kali's hands covered her mouth and she smothered a loud gasp that escaped. A strong chill had clung to her skin as her heart warmed. She stared at the small entity and had come to a decision. She decided that the sensation that she just felt was the moment that she fell in love with her child. She decided that she was going to take care of herself better. She decided that Ryan Whittler was not going to consume her every waking thought anymore. Her final decision was that she was going to protect her child from harm, even if she has to protect her baby from its mother.

She decided that she was going to be that baby's mom.

"Hello."

Kali was pulled from her thoughts. She felt a tapping on her left shoulder. She turned around and was greeted by a chest. She glanced up and into the face of Kyle Oliver. He stood behind her on line. She smiled.

"Hi, Mr. Oliver," she greeted him.

Kyle Oliver chuckled lowly and then gave her a smile that she can only describe as charming. "Please call me by my first name. It feels awkward for someone to call me by my last name, especially after the morning that we just had," he informed her.

"Okay, Kyle," she said to him, which earned a laugh from him.

Then both of them had fallen quiet for a minute.

"Thank you for the donuts and bagels today," stated Kyle.

"You're welcome, Kyle! But, you don't really have to thank me. Each group member is assigned, each week, to buy snacks for each therapy session. This week was my week, so..." She let her voice drift off to silence. She looked away from Kyle and started gazing at different storefronts and buildings. She hoped that her awkwardness wasn't too blaring.

"Kali, do you mind if I take your picture?"

"Huh?" she hummed to him, with her brow line scrunched up.

Kyle laughed. He held up a camera, which seemed to have appeared out of thin air, in Kali's opinion.

She stared at the camera and then at Kyle. "Sure, you can take my picture. But, let me—

"Make sure that your hair and makeup is okay, was that what you were about to say to me?" inquired Kyle. Kali nodded her head and gave him a shy smile. Kyle laughed. "In my professional opinion, you're beautiful. Now, just stand there and continue being cute in all of your maternity glory." Kali laughed and briefly looked away from the camera. Kyle had taken the opportunity to snap a shot. "There, I am done!" he announced.

"Really?" she asked, with her doe eyes wide with astonishment.

"Yup," he grunted.

"Oh, I wish I could see the picture," she muttered.

"Don't worry, I will bring the picture in, for you," he promised her.

A large, toothy smile grew on her face. "Thank you, Kyle. I appreciate it."

There was another small moment of silence between them.

"Um..." Kyle hummed.

Kali stared at the large man. "Yes, Kyle?"

"If you don't have any other plans for today..."

'Is he about to ask me out?' she thought.

"... Would you like to go to lunch...?"

'I think so.'

"...with me?" he asked her.

'Did he ask me out for a date? I think so.'

Kali stared at Kyle. He was staring at everything except her. She didn't think his mannerism was offensive. She knew that he was shy, so it turned out to be adorable.

Kali let out a deep sigh as she stared at the behemoth of a man. "Kyle..."

Seventeen minutes later, a 'Q60' bus had pulled up the bus station. There was a line of six people waiting to board the bus.

****

Kyle and Kali ended up walking three blocks away from the bus stop to patron a restaurant named Pork Belly. It was a restaurant that served American Southern "comfort foods" with a metropolitan and chic taste.

When Kyle and Kali entered the restaurant, they noticed how Kyle seemed to have taken up most of the patrons' attentions, including the hostess. She was absent-minded while she gazed at the tall man. She even managed to bump into the wall of a booth. Kali couldn't help but giggle. The hostess had assigned a booth seating to Kyle and Kali, mainly because of Kyle's large stature.

"Y-Your server will be with you guys" the hostess had said to the both of them, even though she stared at Kyle.

"Thank you," giggled Kali.

The hostess walked away from the table. Kali and Kyle ended up bursting into fits of laughter.

"Does that always happen to you, when you go out?" inquired Kali, after her laughing fit ended.

"Yes, I do have that experience at least twice a week," he informed her.

"Oh my goodness, does it ever bother you?" she asked as she peeled the hat off of her head. She stuffed the item into the left sleeve of her coat.

"The attention or being this tall?" he inquired as he opened his menu.

"I'm talking about the attention."

"No, not really; to be honest with you, it's my height that bothers me the most," answered Kyle.

"Really, you're bothered by your height?"

"Mmm-hmm, it's a bitch when it comes to buying simple things like shoes, clothes and mattresses," he explained.

"I can understand that. How tall are you, by the way?"

"The last time that I was measured, I was given the numbers 6'9—

"You are six feet-nine inches tall?" she asked, astonished.

"Yes, I am that tall."

"Holy shit dude!"

Her reaction caused Kyle to have another laughing fit.

The duo eventually perused the menus, as well as, maintained an ongoing conversation. A server had shown up to their table, six minutes later, to take their order. For the both of them, they ordered a glass of lemon-flavored, iced tea. For Kali, she put in the order for pork short ribs with a side dish of baked macaroni and cheese and another side dish of potato salad. For Kyle, he ordered a pulled pork sandwich with a side of steak fries.

"You have a healthy appetite," commented Kyle.

"Is that your way of saying that I eat like a fat girl, Kyle?" joked Kali.

Kyle laughed. "No, no, no" he told her with a chuckle. "I meant to say that you have no qualms about eating in front of me. It's been from my experience that a lot of people feel uncomfortable around me, when it is time to eat. They see this..." He uses his left hand to highlight his physique. "And they assume that I am going to freak out about proteins and calories."

"And force them to lie on the floor and do one-hundred push-ups," she added. He nodded his head. "Well, you're going to have to add me on that long list of people, Kyle, because I thought the same thing. Except, I was wondering if bringing you here was a good idea ever since I think the Pork Belly doesn't offer many healthy nutritional choices."

"That was very kind of you to think of me, Kali."

Kali stared at the man that was sitting across from her. He was staring at her with a glint in his eyes. In his eyes, there was intensity. It wasn't an energy that meant to intimidate her. She figured that it was tainted with a sexual curiosity. A shiver had gone down her spine. She felt her skin had become hot. She blamed her increased level of hormones and surge of arousal on her pregnancy. "You're welcome, Kyle."

'Yeah right,' her conscience teased.

By then the server had return to the table, Kali and Kyle was deep in conversation. The waitress showed up to their table with their food and a pitcher of lemon-flavored iced tea. Kali let out a growl in relief that the food had finally arrived. She was starving.

"What do you do for a living?" questioned Kali, before she had taken a bite out of a rib.

"Right now, I am working for a friend's father, who owns a construction company. I have been working for him for sixteen months now. Before this job, I worked as a bouncer at a few clubs. The jobs paid well, but it was a terrible time for me." Kali was about to ask him for his reason, when he explained. "For my PTSD, some of my triggers are loud noises and darkness and being in a work environment, where it is always dark and noisy..."

"Mmm," she hummed, understanding the point that he was making.

"Before the bouncing gigs, I was a security guard at a bank. The job was okay, but the pay was horrible. The guard gig was the first job that I snagged after I was discharged from the Marines," explained Kyle.

"How long were you in the Marines?" she asked, after swallowing her food.

"I entered the Marines after I graduated from high school. I needed to get out of Boston—

"You're from Boston?"

Kyle nodded his head while he was taking a sip from his glass of iced tea.

"Where's your accent?" she asked.

"Not everybody from Boston has an accent," he informed her, teasingly.

"Whatever," she said to him with a 'Valley Girl" dialect and a roll of her eyes.

In response, Kyle tossed a balled up napkin at her. She deflected the assault while giggling. "I was in the Marines until I was thirty-one, so for thirteen years until I was discharged."

"Were you honorably discharged or was it... the opposite?" She wanted to tread lightly with this topic because she didn't want to pry into a part of his life that he could possibly cause him to have an attack.

Kyle stared at her and then gave her a chuckle. "It was considered to be honorably discharged... for the civilians, but amongst my company and my superiors, no."

"Let me guess, a civilian would say to you 'Thank you for making the sacrifices for the country!' while anybody who is worth their grain of salt in the Marines didn't think you made enough sacrifices, am I correct?"

"Correct," he said to her, with his dark brown eyes set upon her. The stare that he was given had made her feel hot and cold. She felt goose pimples rise on her arms. She shivered.

'Oh goodness gracious,' she thought.

Latin Playboys' "Manifold de Amour" was playing in the restaurant, which just added to the sensuality.

"What do you do for a living?" Kyle asked her.

Kali had taken a long pull from her drink. The cool beverage did nothing to cool her temperature down. "I am a medical biller and a medical coder. Right now, I provide my expertise for a family health and women's clinic. It's a great job with benefits and a nice bi-weekly paycheck."

"Do you consider it to be a career? You don't sound like you're too happy with the job? You're just content with it," commented Kyle.

"It pays the bills and keeps food in my belly," Kali informed him. "Truth is I didn't have a plan mapped out once I graduated from high school. I had gone to a two-year, trade school for the medical billing because my grandpa had suggested the idea. Otherwise, I would've gotten a job at the local neighborhood library and became a librarian."

"A librarian, so you love to read?"

"Yeah, I love to read," she said cheerfully with her eyes wide and bright. "I am definitely a bookworm. If I was able to read all day, I would. It was books that helped me, back when I was..." Kali realized that she was going to reveal a part of her history. She closed her mouth and shut up.

"Back when you...what?" Kyle asked.

"Um..." Kali glanced out the storefront window and at the traffic. Then she stared down at the table. "Um..." Her brow wrinkled. She looked irritated. She heard Kyle apologizing. She held her hand up. "Um..." She didn't want Kyle to apologize. In fact, she was tired of being sorry, herself.

'Tell him,' her conscience suggested. 'Don't be afraid... Please.'

In her mind's eye, she stood in front of that dingy box that she kept all of her bad memories in.

"Um..." She glanced up at Kyle, who gazed at her with curiosity.

'Go on, Kali' her conscience urged.

"From the age of four until I was seven years old, I was living in the psych ward of a hospital..."

Her hand flipped the lid off of that dingy box.

"...One of the nurses who worked there, used to be a teacher. She..."

Kali's heart began to beat rapidly while her skin grew hotter. Her forehead was dotted with perspiration and her armpits were pooled with sweat.

"... The nurse taught me how to read. We started out with the easy stuff like the alphabet and flash cards with words on them. By the time I was six, I was already reading picture storybooks by myself."

"Why were you...?"

"Why was as I in a psych ward?" She finished his inquiry. She saw Kyle nod his head. "In Layman's terms, I had gone nuts..." The statement caused her to chuckle. She saw the expression of confusion on Kyle's face, which made her laughter fit to continue. "According to the hospital's shrink, I was almost like a feral child, when I arrived to the hospital. I gave the staff and the doctors a hard time. I was violent and wasn't able to be control, so I was heavily medicated. I cannot remember a lot of things during this part of my life, so it must be true."

"How long were you like that?"

"For almost a year," she answered.

"Did you have any relatives visiting you during this time?"

"Mmm-hmm," she groaned as she had taken a sip of iced tea. "My grandparents, who belonged to my dad, always made trips up to the hospital. My grandma would come up every day and spend time with me."

"That's wonderful, Kali. What about your mom and dad, did they visit you?"

She shook her head. "My dad died, a few months before I was born. My mom..." She sighed. "She was part of the reason of why I was in that hospital."

"You don't have to tell me anything else, Kali, if you don't want to," Kyle assured her.

"I know," she sighed. "I want to tell you..." Kali stared out of the store-front window. She shook her head and then shrugged her shoulders. "...I don't know why, but I do want to..." She had taken another sip of her drink. "...I haven't told Abby any of this shit right away. It had taken her a few years to get this info," She laughed. She turned her attention to Kyle. She grinned. "I advise you to not tell Abby this; she might try to tan your hide, out of sheer jealousy. She tried for many years and you managed to get all of this in just one day."

Kyle let out a chortle. "Well, my hide is already tan, so..." Both diners shared a laugh. Once their laughter disassembled, he said to Kali, "Thank you for sharing your story with me."

"You're welcome, Kyle. I should be thanking you though."

"So..." Kyle started to shred up a napkin on the tabletop. "You have been with Abby since you were fifteen?"

Kali nodded her head. Then she had taken another sip of her tea. "Yup, she has been my therapist for fourteen years now. Me, and Jim Dandy, are her long-standing patients. Jim Dandy, by the way, was at the group meeting today."

"I know who he is. He was the first person to introduced himself and welcomed me to the group. He is a nice man."

"Yeah, he's very nice man," confirmed Kali. "How long have you been a patient of Abby's?"

"Me? No, I am not a patient of hers. I am a patient of a colleague of hers, Dr. Abramowitz. He thought that I would benefit from the group treatment."

"So, what do you think of the group meeting?" asked Kali.

"It's pretty... It's okay. I am just not used to talking in front of a lot of people like that. It's going to take some time to get used to it."

"You sound like you are going to make more than a guest appearance at the meetings, Kyle Oliver," she said to him, with her left eyebrow arched upwards and her eyes narrowed.

Kyle laughed and then smirked. "Maybe I will."

****

Kali returned home three hours later.

Kyle and Kali remained at Pork Belly for an additional hour. After finishing their meals and the pitcher of lemon-flavored iced tea, they sat in the booth and talked. He managed to coerce Kali into taking more photos. He suggested that she should take some professional pictures. Eventually, they were politely kicked out of the restaurant by the manager of the establishment.

After leaving the restaurant, there was an impromptu stroll around Rego Park. The temperature was a modest fifty-eight degrees while the weather remained sunny with clear skies. They remained on Queens Boulevard during their walk. They continued to talk.

The sun was approaching dusk, when Kyle and Kali decided to go their own ways. He was a gentleman by escorting her to the nearest bus stop and waited with her, so she could safely board the bus. Fortunately, both individuals enjoyed each other company and their conversations were never dull. Unfortunately, the next Q60 bus arrived five minutes after their arrival.