by jasliz
The only thing i missed is the setup of the father. I missed the part in the start of the story where you told how your father was connected to the mob or type of person he was. apart from that i didnt like the murder part of the story (but that's my "Canadian" slipping) .. good work though .. thanks
I truly enjoyed this storyline. Yes, there are mistakes. But it was well written and kept me interested and entertained. What more can a reader want?
I gave every chapter 5 stars. I believe if an Author takes the time to write, submit the story and have to put up with haters, then I owe it to the Author to pay them with my vote.
Keep up the good work!
Munchie184
To anyone that criticised, get over yaselves man..!!
All in all, a good story, a little rushed at the end but yeah, pretty decent read…!
Good and well written story. The story went from real to unreal to surreal.
Definitely one of the better reads on the site not only for the sexual content but also for the depth and twists.
Sure there were some minor errors along the way but nothing that I've felt that was too massive.
All these years later and still levels above the common stuff. Great Job !
I like the way you spin a yarn. Being dyslexic and nearly unable to type due to Multiple Sclerosis, I share your disdain for armchair editors. If they have statistics as high as yous they might be worth consideration. Regardless of the errors your spelling and grammar read better than many edited works posted here. Grammarly works well for me. I am a functional illiterate writer in English, my native language, without a computer. I can't spell at all. It's odd I had no trouble at all with German spelling or grammar.
Keep doing what your doing!
The ones who made criticism, are not worth a jot. This is a free story. Had lots of imagination and bloody good character. I have enjoyed reading it again. Yes for the second time. Thanks for your work and well done on producing a story that has so much realism in it to make it believable.
If you think your little tirade ruined the story for us . It didn't . You were completely right . There are stories where the grammar and the spelling are so bad that it totally takes away from being able to enjoy it . But yours aren't like that at all . So few easily overlooked errors . Not even worth mentioning to you . Much less being rude to you . IDK know what made you apologize . But you don't need to be manipulated by certain entitled readers . I cringe when a writer is hounded into writing less erotica , for instance .
You didn't lose any readers . It like your other stories I have read . Stood on the content and the details alone . It was so good that even I who usually doesn't read much incest . Found it enthralling , and exiting . Really well written . Conflicted at first because of the content . Then conflicted about whether that guy could be that shallow . But only for a minute . Knowing the power a woman has over a man who thinks with his cock . Not too fantastical at all . But well written .
Your story had some great elements and of course there were a few moments of imagery or character interaction which went which had e wondering WTF. lol Ok, I am the average reader. Your comments at the opening of chapter 7 are rising to the bait of people who comment incognito because this is who they are. The obnoxious anonymous search for the middle of a herd as protection for throwing stones in anger. Their anger is neither at you or your freedom of expression but the inability to affect changes in their own lives. So be it!
Well, that was a great series. I liked the characters and the plot. It was hot, it was emotional and it was a joy to read. I have been reading stories on this website for many years and have also noticed the "english majors" out there take pleasure in pointing out anything they don't like. They should remember this is a free story and you write for your pleasure. If they want to get on their soap box and rant about the quality of the stories, they need to start writing novels and put their talents on the block. I enjoy the stories (even the ones not perfect) because I enjoy reading. I enjoy that these are fiction and nobody was harmed or suffered. I enjoy reading the different writing styles and plot twists that come out of people's minds. Continue to write and I will continue to read. Thanks for your time and imagination.
Take perfectly good mother/son fuck story, and turn it into a moronically violent murder story. A totally idiotic and un needed plot twist that totally ruins an otherwise and very hot story!
top notch m8. by far the best story on the site (IMHO) you have a great skill.
Sorry for the small minded haters out there that are not happy until they rain on someone's parade. I have read best sellers that have more mistakes than your story. The only real mistake that i hate is when authors change characters names on a page. Enjoyed the story very much, just hate you let them get to you at the end.
Frog308
Unless you had planned to end this story different you ended it the way you wanted
I loved the story and the negative people can go buy a book and read it if they want their own kind of perfection. I thought the series was perfect and every chapter was intriguing as well as sexy and hot! The negative comments are not important as the positive comments. Keep up the good work and will help out as much as I can for you.
second time I have read this and it was just as good. Love to read some more please
Easily the longest story I've read on here so far. With only a few minor distractions, a good job. 5 stars.
Great read....super sexy and well thought out. A real page turner. Going to find some of your other stuff
U got 5 stars from me for all chapters. Loved the ending. Btw, did fbi not interrogate them about the incest? Loved the brother/sister coupling scene too. Really really hot. I came in my pants.
Holy shit that was one helluva story good ending with the father going to jail but the mom and sister going double team on the son damn man......nice
Don't know why people complain considering all thes great stories are free. Great work and I hope to see more from you.
PAY ATTENTION ASSHAT,,,DAVID SAID HE ENDED UP WITH MOM/SIS,,GEEZUS
didnt see that comming great story great writing i think you can squeeze another chapter out of this story and see where mom and sis have babies by him awesome writing keep it up over looked this story a bunch of times didnt sound good at first really glad i read it
You managed to create a great series. I loved the twists in the plot. They had you quessing what was going to happen next. Fantastic ending. Only time will tell whether David got both mother and sister pregnant.
Nice flow and a good end...well done. And don't be so hard on yourself. Talent is always guarded by a sensitive conscience.
Carry on...
This is a 5-star mother-son series. The ending was a nice touch. I would like to see new stories from you.
Very erotic along with a pretty damned good storyline...well done! 5 stars.
thought provoking & mesmerizing; this was the 3rd time I've completed the entire series.
I like how you gave us so little about Dad (so that we wouldn't see it coming); but how could the son have been so ignorant. The parents bedroom must've been completely soundproof, roflmao.
Felt bad about Makayla; she could've been sent overseas as a sex toy, then recovered later, but it was your story.
Liked how Mom, Becky & Son ended up together; shafting it to "the man" 8~) ...DKP
The best part of the story was reserved for the last chapter, where the sister is taken, in spite of the revelation that she was his sister. Talk about virility!
And the penis size follows the father's side and never from the mother's side. Any genetic engineer would like to differ?
Dude this entire story was nice. Are to you going to add more to this
Dont listen to the jerks that were giving you a hard time. this was a very good story and a hellof a lot better than a lot of them here. Look forward to more from you.
Keep up the good work.
incredible plot-I never expected it to go that way-interesting-great hot sex scenes-glad all worked out in the end for the good guys, still can't get over nympho Mom-she was hot-well written thanks
just wanted to say awesome read, but i gotta say, the killing of Makayla was a bit to much, maybe she could have been spared and joined mummy, daughter, and son. still rating it a 5*
7 and 8 were a waste of time.
it's like you wrote two different stories and decided to put them together as if they were one. your finish had nothing whatsoever to do with the beginning.
The killing of Makayla was a bit dark, but otherwise a very good story.
Eight chapters of sexy reading with some twists and turns. Thanks for a very entertaining series.
Read all chapters 1-8 What a great piece of writing Those last 2 chapters were awesome
On another note who cares about punctuation etc with a story like that not me keep it up
The twists to this story in the last two chapters plus the sex, cum, orgasms and fantastic son, mom and sister action makes this my favorite story ever on Literotica! Big dicks with lots of staying power and tons of cum plus pussies with hyper orgasms and everybody getting the sex they needed except stupid Mykayla ,who got dead because of it made an exhilarating story from start to finish!! Dad went to jail but if the story had continued son,mom and sister would have probably been killed by Dad's organization. Glad the story turned out right with an erotic ending!!
This has been one of the best story's i have read in a very long time , If you have written any others I would sure read them , well done!!!
I've enjoyed this series and would love to see it go further. The few spelling and grammer issues are not a problem, so fuck those that can't get past them and continue to harp about it. The great thing about this story is that it had substance, it hat twists, it had turns... it wasn't just another jack-off story. Good job, and again I would love to see you continue on with this series.
your story was awesome and I also waited until the end to tell you so I could read them all. Thank you! And although I think you owe us an epilog with some hot triple incest action I did love this story! Thanks again!
Cheers!
I've been reading literotica for almost 20 years and this is by far the best seris I have read... I understand the grammar mistakes from the authors point of view and I find that it really does not bother me because I get so into the story my mind autocorrects as a read along... Like they said they don't get paid for doing this so why he all booty tickled over a few grammar errors!!! I say if you want perfect lititure then go by a book or romance noval and read that!!! Keep on writing!!! Keep on writing!!!
I just wanted to say that I actually like the stories you or y'all post the few grammer errors are no problem .in my oppion the only critsismes I had I I taught you could spent more time on training makayla be for getting ride of her and I would have like another chapter in valving the after dad is in jail more sex with sister and some of the copettiveness of mom and daughter
I usually dont read Mother/Son. Its Father/Daughter or Brother/Sister. I read these for the love, passion and the story its self, they're short. This one caught my attentionn and I was about to stop when Makayla looked in the window. I knew there was going to be a twist. The twist the writers gave was much better than I expected, excellent!!! As far as the rant from the authers, l feel THEY WERE JUSTIFIED!!! If they want no spelling or grammer erors, buy a book off the self. All I can say is keep writing. I love reading these and other authors stories.
Thanks, I think that I was kind of what you talked about at the beginning of Ch. 7. First, I have enjoyed all of the stories and I rated them 5s as I enjoyed the content of each one. Second, my mother was a ENGLISH TEACHER...so any errors will stand out to me. Third, I don't believe in "programs" to be able to fix any real type of writing.
All I think that you needed was a "proof reader" (HUMAN), someone who has not either helped write the chapter or read part of it. Basically fresh eyes.
Please keep writing...IF you enjoy it. Thanks, RG
Sure two chapters went to the dark side but it was a good twist didn't see that coming and added something to the story In my opinion.
Enjoyed the chapters as they developed. Was bothered by the comments at 6 &7 and your reply. As another said.. feedback can be good but rise above it. Typos are typos. The story's heart is what matters. Enjoyed the development and the build. I thought it was HOT. then i thought at chapter 7 this is going sideways but still enjoyed. 7 & 8 were wild and yet it was good. the twist was surprising and yet i loved it. keeping writing for god's sake and for us. hope to read much more from you. THANKS AND HOW ABOUT A CHAPTER 9 FOR ALTERNATE.
I loved all of it every last chapter truly a work of art my hats off to you writers
Great story! I really liked it, although I do agree that it did seem rushed towards the ending.
I hope you keep writing more.
Thank you
I too admire your character for finishing this story despite some of the harsh feedback you'd received. The last chapters do feel somewhat rushed though.
If you feel at all capable I'd love to see an alternate version that's a little more fleshed out. If you want to write something completely different and fresh that's great too. =)
Remember, feedback can be useful, but ultimately good writers are good because they write a story they themselves enjoy.
PLEASE keep writing, either for this site or another site or anywhere else.
as fsar as the anonymous responses wouldn't worry too much about them, the story was awsome tho a continuation of the story i agree would be awsome too.
you think you have it bad? RE: "...the mother fuckers out there..." (yeh, I checked out the rant on ch.7)
you think you have it bad? GOTO
http://www.literotica.com/stories/storyfeedbackboard.php?id=590224&pagehint=6
FOR
http://www.literotica.com/s/game-change
AND read the " "...remember, i am in control..." " post.
Megalomaniac, or what? I read the comments on ch7 and ch8 -- they're nowhere NEAR the vitriol expressed by that shit. -head.
Like "Congratulations!! It looks like..." poster on
http://www.literotica.com/stories/storyfeedbackboard.php?id=590224&pagehint=6
said/implied, "Don't feed the trolls".
fuck that shit was a masterpiece! a scence with becky and her mom would have been amazing tho. even with out that these series was really enjoyable.
Great story, keep it up. Only thing...............I wish it had not ended so abruptly. More of them together, getting to know each other after the father was out of the picture would have been great.
Dont let any person tell you what you should know yourself. The value of weighting is in the pleasure it brings the author.
I personally enjoyed the story. It was some great twists at the end. Great job
keep writing don't let the anonymous assholes get to you. enjoyed the story would have rated 4 stars
Dude you could have ended this alot better no buildup of anything to get the dad thrown away.... and he didnt even have to beat up the guards.... how did he contact the FBI really man you FREAKING SUCK!!!!
first off let me appologise for anyone who may have insulted your work a discouraged you from writing and secondly let it be known that this is a nice series and if you feel its over then good job and please write another series if you add on to this one thanks in advanced either way keep writing its what you have talent for
Perhaps he could get his mom pregnant again and then get his sister pregnant too. After all, he is fucking them both on an accelerated basis, shooting gallons of sperm into their pussies.
He could have both of his women with swelled up bellies.
I thoroughly enjoyed the whole story !!
You have a great talent .
Please dont let the negative comments make you stop.
I will be looking forward to your next submission.
I just wanted to post this comment to thank you for finishing this story line. It took a lot of character to think of your readers even in the face of the barrage of negative feedback you received after the last submission.
Pleaase do NOT give up on writing. I think you have an enviable talent that would be wasted if that should happen. Learn from the experience and move on.
As to this story line, I admit to being blindsided by the twist in the last chapter but decided to wait judgement until I could see where you were headed witth it. Now that you have wrapped it up I see what you were trying for and applauad you effort. Next time maybe a little fore warning to prepare your audience will reduce the amount of hate mail directed your way. Nothing will eliminate it totally, especially from the anonymous ass wipes.
My one complaint was the speed in which you wrapped everything up. I can understand why you would want to put this behind you as fast as you could but a little more detail as to his mothers rescue, condition (both mental and physical), and the aftermath would have been appreciated.
Keep writing and I will keep reading.
M51
5*****
killed the mood with the "she lost my kid because of my father, meh, probably for the best"... what a piss-poor attitude... I hope he never has kids in that case...
normally i find wincest prego an incredible turn on, thus i find the situation and "i can give a rats ass" attitude about losing his kid a total boner killer