Better off Dead

"Once he confronted her with the real situation and got the doctor to confirm that he couldn't possibly be the father, he filed for divorce. Julie did everything she could to tug at his heartstrings. She also tried to block the divorce. Adam felt betrayed and got his dander up. He hired the best lawyers he could afford and there was simply too much evidence around and too many people in town who'd seen Julie and hated her for her actions. The weird thing was that even some of the guys she fucked came forward to help. Most of those guys were just guys. If a pretty woman offered them some pussy, they were going to take it and not ask questions. Most of them felt really badly when they found out that she was the wife of a guy serving overseas and admitted in court what had happened. The final blow to Julie was when her doctor testified that it was not possible for Adam to be the father of her baby, but she'd been trying to make him believe that he was."

"That alone was fraudulent and the judge, who was sympathetic to soldiers, gave them the divorce. In lieu of Julie facing charges for fraud, she agreed to just go away and leave Adam alone. He didn't have to pay her any type of support or alimony. Most of us looked at it like we'd won. But Adam fell further and further into depression. He didn't date. He didn't trust anyone, especially not women. Do you know that until recently, even most of the secretaries and clerical workers at Adam's company were men. He simply didn't hire women period. Julie not only broke his heart, she broke his spirit."

"Well, why did he hire you?" I asked.

"That's part of my problem," she admitted. "Adam sees me as a member of his squad. I'm a soldier to him and I'm also like family. As much as I love him and would never ever betray him, he just doesn't even see me as a woman. It's just not fair."

"Anyway, we figured that going to hookers might be the next best thing. We tried explaining it to him. There'd be no emotional attachments. He'd simply pay for a service and then walk away when he'd gotten it. If he liked the girl, he could ask for her again. If he didn't, he'd just get someone else. We went to one of the best brothels in Reno. It simply didn't work. Adam isn't exactly a zipless fuck type of guy. He needs some kind of emotional attachment. It isn't just about sex for him."

"Shit, neither of you have had sex in months and from the day you got here he's been as happy as hell. You said it yourself the other day when you asked me why he lit up every time he sees you. He feels good just being around you. That's why I'm glad the two of you are going through this. He's becoming too attached to you. Sooner or later, we're going to screw up and you're going to get out. We have contingency plans for that. We know that we'll all just have to disappear with new identities, because as soon as you get out, you'll go straight to the police and they'll try to arrest us. But trust me, they'll never find us."

"Like I said, it's stupidly risky, but most of us love Adam. We'd do anything for him. So if you make him happy, so be it. I just hate seeing him sad because you're playing fucking games with his head. He deserves better. And yes, Victoria, I know that what we did to you is awful. But none of us, especially him have ever hurt you. All he's tried to do is make you happy. I see this as the beginning of the end. He really does have feelings for you; very strong ones. I think if the two of you stay miserable for a while, he'll offer you a deal."

"What kind of deal?" I asked.

"Adam is a really fair guy," she said. "I think that as soon as he's emotionally stronger, and I don't know how long that will take, he'd probably let you go and give you some money not to pursue prosecution."

"How long would that take?" I asked.

"I don't know," she said. "But all of this is really up to you. I'm pretty sure you're happy not to have him there in your room staring at you, aren't you?"

As she walked away and left the door open, I turned off the lights in my room and the TV as well. It was well after ten o'clock and I thought about everything we'd discussed. And I realized for the first time then something that I would never have expected. I wasn't happy either. I had gotten all dolled up waiting for him to come to me and he'd done exactly what I'd told him to do. I'd given him the idea that he wasn't welcome in my room and he hadn't returned. The funny thing was that when he hadn't returned, I went looking for him. His sadness bothered me and it wasn't Stockholm syndrome. I had to admit that I missed him. I pulled the covers over myself and went to sleep. It took me a long time to get to sleep too.

The next day I got up as usual and went to his room. He was at work already as usual. I got all dolled up again and this time I wore things that he loved to see me in. Adam didn't like to see me dressed like a whore but he loved my legs and my tummy. So I put on a blouse and tied it up under my breasts and a casual pair of short but not too-short shorts. I went out on the deck and sat on the edge of the pool and splashed my legs in the water.

He went into the kitchen once and he saw me. I'd been watching the kitchen out of the corner of my eye and saw him when he went in there. I turned and we made eye contact. He was even sadder. It was like being away from me was hurting him. My heart broke even more. I found myself wishing that he'd act like Zeke and just come over and slap the shit out of me and tell me to get myself straight.

In my marriage, even when Zeke was wrong he was right. He was the man so his word was law. In this case, I'd been wrong as hell. Adam had tried to protect me from my own stupidity. He had refused to take advantage of me while I was drunk and he was the one suffering for it. The funny thing about it was that I was suffering too. I missed his company and his laughter and the way that he treated me. And if that was Stockholm syndrome, fuck it.

He left the kitchen and I knew that I couldn't take another night like the previous one. I went back to my room through the darkened house. I took off all of my clothes and got into my bathtub. I got the best smelling bubble bath I had and I took a long bath. When I got out, I grabbed the silk robe off of the back of my door and left my room.

I walked up the stairs and went to Adam's room. I didn't bother knocking on the door I just turned the knob and pushed it open.

He was lying on his bed watching TV.

"Victoria, you're supposed to knock before you just walk into someone's room," he said. "I could see how surprised he was to see me. I think he'd just blurted that out in a panic because he couldn't think of anything else to say. I turned off his TV and climbed up on his bed.

"Victoria," he whined.

"Shut up," I snapped. I shed the robe as I crawled across the large bed and straddled him. "You were right, Adam," I said, kissing him. The first kiss was just as peck on his lips. The second had more passion and the third was like our last kiss. Our tongues wrapped around each other and I got weak in the knees as he sucked the breath out of me.

"Vic..." he began.

"I'm not drunk this time," I said softly. He relaxed under me and started to kiss me back, equaling my passion. His hands started to stroke my back and they made me feel really good. Something strange was happening to me. His hands moved further down my back and they tentatively cupped my ass cheeks. As he pulled them, I could feel my pussy opening and I started to get wet. I began for the first time to question my grandmother's ideas about sex.

"Sorry," he mumbled between kisses and moved his hands back up to my back. I reached down and put his hands back on my ass. After a few more kisses, he rolled me over onto my back. My pussy was so wet it was making squishing sounds. I didn't know what was going to happen but I was afraid.

I felt like a whore because I knew that we were going to have sex and I'd be cheating on my husband. I'd often suspected that Zeke cheated on me, but then all men did or at least I suspected they did. But I had never cheated on him. I think that in a lot of ways that had always been because I'd never really been that deeply into sex. But at that moment, for the first time, I wanted to get fucked. My insides were straining, even as he started kissing and sucking on my ears.

By the time he got to my breasts, I was egging him on and begging him to suck my titties and suck them hard.

And he did. He licked and sucked and nipped at every square inch of them. By the time he got to my nipples, they were so hard I thought they would snap off. I was already sweating and we had barely started. Adam licked my tummy. He stuck his nose in my navel and alternated between kissing and biting the flesh of my tummy. I had tingles all over. I had never even thought that someone touching my tummy could get me so hot.

When his tongue touched the flesh of my inner thighs, I was embarrassed. I was gushing so much juice that I didn't want him down there.

"Adam, please fuck me," I begged. Even as I said the words I was shocked. I couldn't keep my legs still. They splayed open like some nasty porn star's legs. Then his tongue touched my pussy. It was only the outer lips but I couldn't stand it. I started humping my hips up to meet his tongue. All thoughts of cheating on Zeke vanished. Fuck Zeke. If this was how cheating whores got treated, I was ready to sign up. Sex with my husband had never been this exciting and we still hadn't done it.

That tongue started teasing me. "Oh yeah," I grunted. Adam moved in and tentatively licked my engorged inner labia. I looked down and was surprised. For most of my life I've been an innie. My inner lips don't stick out much. Zeke always said that I didn't have much lunch meat on display. Not that he ever went down there. We'd been married for years and the only part of his body that had ever touched my pussy was his dick. He had never even fingered me. He said it was unnatural.

My entire body was throbbing as Adam probed me with his tongue. My inner lips were actually so engorged with blood that they stuck out a bit and were so bright a pink that it looked like they glowed.

Adam took his fingers and gently pulled them apart and then he blew a gust of air across my most sensitive parts. I thought I was going to piss on myself. Then he started lapping up my juices like a dog licking up soup. My eyes rolled back in my head and I screamed.

It was almost as if I'd been tasered. My entire body started shaking. After I came down from whatever he'd done to me, he just smiled up at me. Then he started again. This time it was different. He took very long strokes, starting almost at my asshole, which really had me embarrassed and each stroke got longer and longer, until he gently flicked my button. When his rough taste buds touched my sensitive clit, I went through the roof again. He held my legs down to keep them from flailing around as he climbed up to my face again. I kissed him desperately, tasting the mixture of his skin and my juice on his lips.

Then I felt him gently rubbing the head of his dick against my hungry vagina. He looked at me as if he wanted to know if I was sure I was ready for this final step.

"Tori?" he asked.

"I'm ready," I gushed and I really was. I craved him at that moment.

"We can't take this one back," he said.

"Who wants to?" I asked. "I want you, Adam."

He pushed forward and it felt so different from anything I'd ever done before. With Zeke, all I ever felt was pressure. It just felt like he forced his dick into my opening and I followed Grandma's rules and just let him do it.

This felt like the two of us just melted together. Nothing that I'd ever done in my life felt as natural or as right. I was so wet that there was no pain or any unpleasantness. It felt heavenly. And when he started to thrust himself inside of me, I had no choice. My body just reacted to his and pumped itself right along with him. My arms reached up around his neck and pulled him closer to me. At that moment I needed to kiss him. My legs curled around his back and one hand rested on his ass pulling him even deeper inside of me.

My head was fuzzy and I could barely make coherent thoughts, we were just locked together in a rhythm that was as old as time. It felt like my insides just opened up and swallowed him. I felt the walls of my pussy fluttering. I had never in my life felt anything like that. Then it felt like I just fell over a cliff trying desperately to hold onto him. A few moments later, like a dam bursting, I felt his hot stream, pulsing and watering my inner flower. It started me to convulsing again.

Adam tried to roll off of me but I wanted to feel his weight on me. I clutched at him like I'd die if he stopped touching me and that was the way I felt. "I...I...love you Tori," he said. I was shocked. I didn't know what to say. I should have told him that I loved him too, but I was just too shocked. It was one thing to have Tela tell me that he loved me. It was completely different to have him say it. His words just carried more weight. It was as if he'd trusted me with a very special gift that I just didn't deserve.

Then I ruined it all with what I thought was a joke. I looked deeply into his eyes and I wanted to tell him how I felt. But a combination of guilt about what I'd just done and my dumb assed sense of humor destroyed that beautiful moment. "I thought you said you'd never rape me," I said flippantly.

The look on his face spoke of pure horror. The eyes that I'd grown to love having stare at me opened in surprise. He drew in a rasping gasp as if someone had punched him in the stomach. I knew I'd hurt him then because he actually grabbed his stomach and ran for the bathroom where he retched loudly.

I was in as much shock as he was. Where he'd reacted to my poor joke by taking it seriously, I remembered something very important that I'd somehow forgotten. Just that afternoon, Tela had explained to me how fragile he was when it came to emotional situations. The poor man had already had his heart shattered and been screwed over by one woman in the worst possible way. Then he reached out to me. Sure he had a truly bizarre way of doing it, but I truly didn't care about that at that moment. After the experience we'd just shared, I really didn't care about the details, I felt like we'd touched each other's souls.

He had made me feel more loved and more alive in those few minutes than in the rest of my life in total before then. He had to understand that. He just had to know that I'd meant it as a joke...didn't he?

I mean, I'd been the one who came to his room looking for HIM. I'd walked in and closed his door and taken my clothes...well my robe off and climbed up on top of him. I had even informed him that I wasn't drunk. I had begged him to suck my tits and I'd begged him to fuck me. He had even stopped and asked me if I was sure. He had to know that I was joking.

"Adam!" I called out. He didn't answer and then I heard it. That God awful sound like Satan's claws scratching on the gates of hell. I knew instantly that Adam had somehow gotten into that car of his and he was gone.

I had no idea how he'd gotten out of the bathroom let alone the house. I was nearly hysterical. I jumped off of the bed and ran down the stairs naked as a jay bird. Damon and Tela were in the main hallway trying to figure out what the hell was going on. Adam obviously hadn't had time to tell them a thing. I tried to rush between them and out the front door. Damon tried to stop me, but I was determined and I ducked past him and right at Tela who didn't even lift a finger to try to slow me down.

I heard Damon's voice scream, "No," just as I got to the door. I felt the buzzing, but it had been so long since Adam had shown me what could happen that I'd forgotten about it. I had free reign of all of the grounds but outside of the front door was a no-no. Just as I crossed the threshold White hot pain lanced through my body. It was so intense that I actually wet myself. I blacked out almost immediately.

The first time that I'd been hit by it, I'd been walking, so as I'd felt the pain increase I'd been able to slow down and back up. But this time, I'd been running as fast as I could. The pain was so intense that it had been like running into a fucking wall. Even as I fell, I felt Damon's strong arms grabbing me and dragging me away from the door until the pain stopped.

Through a haze I heard him angrily addressing Tela. "You could have at least tried to stop her. It is our job to protect her you know?" he said sharply.

"Fuck her," she retorted. "If the little bitch has hurt him or started him down that path again...They'll never find a body. Put her ass back in her cage, while I try to call Adam. And until he gets back and says otherwise, she's on lockdown in her own room. No more running around the house naked for her."

I woke up in my room later. It must've been sometime after midnight. Tela was sitting in the chair by my bed watching my TV.

"My head hurts," I said looking at her. "Where's Adam?"

"What did you think would happen?" she asked sarcastically.

"You could have tried to warn me," I snapped. "I was out of it. I had to try to catch him."

"His car puts out over five hundred horsepower," she smirked. "What were you hoping for? Were you going to flash your magic boobs and hope they'd slow the car down?"

I just glared at her. "Where is he?"

"I have no idea," she said. "I don't even know why he left, but I have a feeling that you do, so spill it."

"It's personal," I said. She looked at me with her head tilted then. I don't know why she did that but I had a feeling that it wasn't good.

"I can't kill Damon, he's family," she said sharply. I got the idea that the fact that Damon was still in the house had saved my life. "Look we both want him to be okay," she said levelly. "As a matter of fact, when you think about it, both of us really want the same end goal. We both want you the fuck out of here. So lets' try to work together on this one for now and maybe we'll get you home later."

I didn't have the heart to tell her that I really wasn't sure I even wanted to leave anymore.

"We uhm...Well, we uh," I stuttered out.

"You fucked," she supplied. "Jeezus just say it. It's not like it was a God damned secret. The whole neighborhood probably knows about it as loudly as you were screaming." She looked at me with jealousy written all over her face. Not even her sarcasm and nasty attitude could mask it.

"Anyway," I said. "We didn't just fuck. We did something really special. It was beautiful. I've never felt that way or done anything like that."

"Aren't you married?" she asked. "Your husband f..." she stopped talking abruptly. I thought she'd been about to say, "Your husband fucks you."

"But it's never been like that," I said. "I swear that was the best time I've ever had in my life. I don't just mean the best sex. That was the best thing I've ever experienced. Then he said it. He told me that he loves me." Her eyes turned to narrow slits and her whole mouth hardened.

"Tela, it was the weirdest moment. I didn't know what to say, so I made a joke and..."

She just looked at me as if I was stupid. "He bared his heart to you and you joked about it?" she asked, as if she hadn't heard me. It only made me feel even worse.

"It must have been one hell of a joke," she said shaking her head. "Let's hear it."

I told her what I'd said and she almost fell out of her chair. "You're a fucking moron," she hissed.

"Rape is nothing to joke about. It's one of the most horrible things that can ever happen to a woman. It's also one of the most heinous crimes you can ever accuse a man of. Then there's the fact that Adam is carrying a lot of guilt about you.."