All Comments on 'Big Brother'

very nice story... hope there's a continuation to it... keep up the good work...

Super story!

Boyd

That was SO sweet, Angelo! Very intense emotional drama, and the plot is complete even if you don't go into another chapter. The ending was lovely. Congratulations.

Your pictures were troubling but true to the possiblities of life.

Very nice flow worthy of continuation should you consider it.

A strong effort to be proud of Author.

More please at interval - Thanks again

With very High Regard

I was drawn into this immediately and it didn't let me go until the end. While it could end here, I'd also love to see another chapter. There is a lot about Kimberly that could be explored. It seems that she is not what I originally expected her to be and part of me hopes you can give them a happy ending (I'm such a sucker for that).

My only criticism of the story is that the conversation between Jay and Becca after the fight seemed beyond their years (especially considering his psychological scars). I personally would have preferred a more vague approach to him coming out of his trance, maybe him saying that he saw them hurting her and didn't even realize what he was doing until he hit the first boy. That's when the fog lifted.

Anyway, it was very minor and didn't interfere with my enjoyment of the story. If you ever do a Ch2, please let me know so I can check it out.

Thanks for an excellent read,

....S-Des

This is very nice story. You are very good writer. You should do that for living. It will be cool if you continue that story

It is a beautiful story. Please keep writing. This,by far,was one of the best stories I've read. I hope there's more stories for Becca and Jay down the road. Keep up the great work.

I had to quit after page 1. Not because it was bad but because it was so powerful. Very close to home. I will probably come back and read the rest at another time. Thank you for the write. Jim

It would almost seem as if you have been through this yourself... If you have, I feel regret that you had to go through it... Tis always so sad when a child has to go through something like this... I am glad though that he was able to be there with Becca... They both needed someone...

It is a heart warming story indeed.

This vey good story seemed to end when it was just getting started. It is incomplete and needs to be finished with two children attaining adulthood.

I didn't know there were such powerful stories on this site.

Well done... you brought tears to my eyes, but kept hope alive, a delicate balance indeed.

J

This was a sad yet very good introductory chapter but really needs more as more than anything it feels unfinished.

A very bleak story – every child’s nightmare and yet a story with great hope and light in it. I’ve always avoided non-erotic fiction here, but I can honestly say you have a very good talent and can really construct and write good stories. A real page turner! I hope you continue to write.

this should receive another one or two chapters...

now with the hint? is Becca is real sister from his fathers cheating maybe? it sure did sounded like it.

Additionally Loni and Jay relationship, her care for him. Maybe as an after story/thought maybe that `Loni found Jay after all these years again etc.`' (when he turns 18).

but seeing the release date..I have very little hope. sad really soo much potential

great start. Needs to find a more complete ending. This would be a great candidate for a continuation, and if well done, perhaps several more chapters. It feels here as though the trauma of the loss of Jay’s parents is just beginning to finally surface. The question is where does Jay go from here? Can he heal, can he develop a healthy relationship inside this dysfunctional household, can Jay and Becca forge a lasting bond to overcome the arid cold unfeeling and unsupportive family they are stuck with?

16 year old story and no ending so far, it's a real shame too, because it is a great start.