All Comments on 'Birthday Treat Ch. 01'

The problem is that you really do need to use the rules of grammar and punctuation when writing for public consumption. Others will come by and be far harsher about this.

If you want folks to read and enjoy what you write, you have to put it in something that is readable. My guess is that you are pretty young. Texting rules don't apply to this kind of writing. Quotation marks and other punctuation are important.

Check out the many people on this site who offer editing assistance. They can turn a jumbled mess into something others will enjoy.

very good hot incest sister and brother...very hummm

I am french and your history east is fantastic….gone up well… organized well… the incest sister and brother will be very large, very intense… waiting will be only better for them.

I fear that for the brother, his reserve of the air force is not too hard so that it cum not of the gallons in his openings (stops, she-cat and ass) incest very hot has to come.

Please makes to the fuck his/her sister very hardware, very very hardware… please!

thank you for the history

Great story, I can't wait to read the next chapter. Forget about the grammer police, they pop up everywhere no matter how good the story is.

cant wait for the next chapter !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

it would be a great story if you used proper punctuation and made a few very minor grammar fixes. Ignoring the punctuation and grammar can easily bring an excellent story down to an also-ran. Keep up your writing, you do have a nice style and great potential.

the writing was painful to read. "Then she said.... Then I said.... Then she...." It read more like a shopping list. If you are uncomfortable with the proper use of quotation marks, an editor might be in order.

Otherwise, it's a realistic build up of a story, as opposed to many stories on this site where the authors have two relatives who have never previously done anything sexual suddenly start talking about fucking each other.

Looking forward to Ch. 02

Your writing and imagination shows promise. Keep writing. I am looking forward to the next installment.

Not all statements need to start with when, other than that not bad.

Hey, this is a good one. I love how you're playing this out, teasingly. Little feels here and there. Violates hundreds of writing standards, but I don't care! Love the flow, love the detail, love the story. By all means continue.

I am not sure if it is a good story or not. The lack of quotations was too painful to bear.

When you write, you are not retelling what happened to you last night to some pal. You are (supposed) to be painting a picture of a place and time to those who have never been to your special place.

Although many readers here do not care about 'proper English' and disparage those who do, the rules are there to help you write and be understood better.

good story but hard to read, you should use 'and' not ;&', cut out the she said, he said,

She said take my bottoms off, would read better if wrote as, She asked me to take her bottoms off.

when someone is talking you should use quotation marks

this said looking for part two

I would have to agree with most of the comments already posted. I wouldn't call it too long, this is the start of a very good story with some punctuation issues. Would definitely like to see more.

But hot as hell ; do continue soon .

This has potential. Just a couple of things you need to work on. Like others have said, get rid of the & sign, it's too distracting, especially since you kept switching back and forth between "&" and "and". Use quotation marks when the characters are speaking. Nice set up in telling the story. Not too drawn out and good build up. I've never been one for a wham-bam-thank you-ma'am type of story. Keep plugging away, you'll get it.

nine months and no second chapter. would have been better if you waited to post this at the same time you posted the second. which in this case is never since you will probably never post chapter two making this a total waste of your time and ours

SHOW SOME PRIDE IN YOUR WORK AND ALOT OF RESPECT FOR THE READERS AND FINISH WHAT YOU START OR DON'T START AT ALL

DBRS

This story is fascinating, well done. You should finish it man. You know that's why you began writing.

piss poor writing with WHOLE words missing as well as wrong words and text speak make this unreadable. DELETE and do a rewrite using a GOOD EDITOR and never post a story with out going through a good editor first. YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF FOR POSTING A STORY IN THIS CONDITION.

Instead of criticising, please post a link to all your undoubtedly excellent submissions.