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Click hereAkira kissed Giselle gently.
He shut the faucet. He found a towel and dried her off. She was bleeding a little. He put some cream on.
"Come to bed with me."
He stripped the old sheets and put on new ones. Giselle watched him. He lay down on the bed.
"Giselle, come with me."
She nodded and fell asleep in his arms.
The next morning she woke up early. Akira was still asleep and she was careful not to disturb him. She wandered over to the couch and found a pencil drawing on the coffee table. It was of Akira and her. He was a dark angel with broken black wings. She was the golden angel with gossamer butterfly wings holding him. She flipped the drawing over.
On the back, he had written, Giselle, you are my golden angel, one day these broken wings will fly again. Akira.
- COMMENTS
asiaprofover 17 years agoExcellent in parts.
A revision might make it superb.
Anonymousover 17 years agoThere were parts I loved and a lot of little things I strongly disliked. If the author used an editor at all, it was the wrong editor. The grammar and punctuation errors were insanely numerous. The story read like Cliff's notes. Very short scenes, little to no detail, just action. Very little emotive content and not much inner dialogue to explain completely irrational behavior. The female character wasn't written as an idiot, yet she was dense enough to accept his line about why he raped/sodomized her... I couldn't talk, so I showed you what happened? It's a crock. It doesn't wash. Being bi-racial, I do feel that the author keyed in on the issues that are faced by those with mixed ethnic backgrounds. There are a few passages that seem so starkly brilliant in contrast with the rest of the story that they just pop. "Two fractured halves that don't fit together... My father is white. White like paper. White like rice. White like a sheet." That Akira went from his father to 3 separate inatimate objects, linking someone who was supposed to be a caregiver to three items that he had no emotional response to, was telling.
