Blood from a Turnip: Her Side

A large yell rose up from next door neighbor house, and the cry "1st ARMOURED! 1st DIVISON!" "COACH TOMMY!" could be heard as a bunch of young men with crew cut hair came charging across my lawn like a Greek Phalanx with a battering ram. They tore into Randy and his friends. Naturally I got stepped on again.

"God let this nightmare end." I prayed, but I couldn't take my eyes off the battle. Candy had let go of Randy and was snapping and biting at anyone that got near a prone Tommy. I saw our next door neighbor -young crew cut Juan Rodriquez, take out one of guys from the Rave party who was atop the female cop. "What the hell was he doing here? Juan was in the Army now. Vince and I were at his send-off party. Vince and Tommy had been his CYO football coaches."

Randy had recovered and tried to crush Juan by gripping him in a two handed grip around Juan's waist. Juan head butted Randy in the face, Randy let go, howling in pain. Juan punched Randy savagely in the kidneys before picking the larger Randy up in a fireman carry and throwing him down hard into my rose bushes.

"Great." I though absent-mindly. "Took me all year to get those roses to bloom. Now I got to start all over."

The crew cuts were making short work of Randy's friends-tossing them all around.

Just when I thought it couldn't get worse...it did. With sirens shrieking and lights flashing it looked like every police car in the county showed up at the same time! They did not even stop when they got to the house! They drove right up on the lawn. Bullhorns were blaring for everyone to get down on the ground. They were swinging nightsticks at anything that moved. Tommy was trying to pull a snarling Candy into the house. He had just shoved Candy inside and slammed the door when a State trooper cracked him with a nightstick and yanked him back onto the lawn. I was almost run over by a squad car, and was trampled on twice this time.

I remembered that Vince was hurt and needed me -so I started to limp away. I figured no one would miss me in the confusion. I was almost to the garage when I was hit with that excruciating electric shock again. I was still gasping for air when that damn female cop holding that F'n space gun put the handcuff on my other wrist and started to read me my rights.

+++++++++

I had never had a parking ticket, so jail was a whole new world for me and not a pleasant one. I could take all the little indignities and absence of privacy, but it was the lack of information that was the worst. "What happened to Vince? Was he alright?" I hope he did not hurt himself. "Did he try to commit suicide? " Oh God No. Then I remembered Vince was a big time catholic-suicide was a sin and he would never do that. But other questions kept me pacing. "Who has my children!" The not knowing was driving me crazy.

I found out about the charges a day later when we went for a bail hearing. You can imagine my surprise when I was told besides everything else there was a restraining order against me. Vince had been assaulted and they thought it was me! I could not go home or near my husband or kids. I knew this was a big mistake. I could get this all straightened out if I could talk to Vince. But it was a Catch-22. I was not allowed to talk to Vince and see my kids to get the mess cleared up and the mess couldn't get straighten up until I talked to Vince and saw my kids. It was maddening this circular logic.

Because I was not a flight risk and it was my first offense I was able to self-bond after the second day. (There is an ATM with cash advance right in the jailhouse lobby) I was horrified when our credit cards were declined. Fortunately I had one of my old credit cards I kept in the back of wallet for extreme emergencies. The interest for a cash advance was steep, but Vince and I would pay it back as soon as I got this mess cleared up.

When I finally exited the county lock up, I felt like hell. I had the same clothes on for three days-my skinny jeans with the front buttons missing-I had to hold them closed. I had not bathed for the same time period and I had eaten nothing but baloney sandwiches and milk three times a day in jail.

A man came up and verified my name. I thought he was here to give me a ride home. I was shocked when he handed me divorce papers. I sat right down on the steps and cried. "How could things get so completely screwed up! Who was putting these crazy ideas in Vince's head?"

It took me six hours to get home. I got lost twice because of the confusing bus routes and ended up walking the last mile home. I threw away my CFM pumps after the first 100 yards. When I got to the house no one was home and none of my keys worked. A legal envelope taped to the door had a copy of the restraining order and a handwritten note from Vince telling me my car was down the block. I found the car full of most of my stuff. I was utterly exhausted and depressed beyond belief. As I started my car -I saw Vince had at least left me a full tank of gas. I hit an ATM and took as much of a cash advance as my single credit card would allow. I checked into a motel.

I knew I had to talk to Vince, but right now I needed to sleep. The best way to get to Vince was thru our boys. I would get him to talk to me when he went to see the boys at school. I was so tired I fell asleep before I could even take a shower.

++++++++

Randy was not happy to hear my voice

"If I knew it was you calling. I wouldn't have answered the phone" Randy said

"I had to get a temporary cell phone, my other one got canceled" I explained

"Look MILF..I mean Lisa. You said your husband was OK with our arrangement. That guy is one wack job. Do you know he claims we beat him up that night? Got pictures and bruises and everything. You know I never touched that guy. Hell even if I don't get jail time-I might lose my scholarship because of this."

"Randy I know. I never thought Vince would go off the deep end like this. But look if I can talk to him, I know I can convince him nothing happened. Then I can get him to drop all the charges."

"What do you need me for?"

"I have left a dozen messages for Vince on both our home and his cell phone, trying to explain everything. But he will not pick up or return my calls. We must see Vince in person. Randy you were there that night. You can confirm no sex happened. Nothing, Nada."

" You ain't gonna mention the little flag pole polishing and chicken head?"

"Randy that high school stuff is not sex and we all know it. We need to catch him at my son's school before noon. When Vince plays lunch monitor."

"What do I get out of the deal?"

"Randy what -you angling for another blow job?"

"Fuck NO! It hurts to even put on my underwear. That damn devil dog really did a number on me. I want you to promise me all this shit goes away."

"No problem Randy. I got an ace in the hole. Vince and I had an agreement, an understanding about my ..activities. He freaked out and changed the rules at the last minute. If he and I do not get back on the same page I will screw him over royal in the divorce. Take the kids, the house, his 401K. Make the alimony and child support so high he will need a ladder to write the check."

"You would really do that?"

"I would not want to -but I would. Honestly I am the one that should be ticked off. It was Vince who agreed to everything-he never said No-then that son of a bitch goes and changes the rules at the last second. Besides it was only a single night. Vince may be pissed at me now, but he loves our boys. No way would he give a rat's ass about a hand job if he knows I will take his boys away from him. And I will too, and Vince knows it-I never buff. I am willing to let slide this one time, but this is his last chance"

"You are one cold bitch. What the address?"

"I am not cold --just principled. You got a pen?"

"Uh no." Randy mumbled. "Can you text it to me?"

I gave a big sigh and thought. "Vince damn you-I hope you appreciate what fools I have to deal with because of you."

++++++++++++++

The meeting with Vince at the school went sideways right off the bat. I thought if we could surprise him, Vince would listen to me and get his act together. Vince would not even let me speak and ambushed Randy and I with a bunch of police officers he had sitting our minivan. I was arrested using that phony restraining order and Randy got collared for threatening Vince.

That was the final straw! Vince had blown his last chance. I was going to make him pay in spades. Problem is I was cooling my heels in jail and getting bail was not easy. My parents had passed away long ago after Vince and I married, and I had no siblings. It was true in a break up that you divide up your friends. No one would give me any help. They all sided with my husband. "Good old Saint Vince, Coach Vince could do no wrong everyone thinks" I muttered to myself." Well that big fat liar was going to get his soon!"

The next day, my mouth was open wide in surprise when I saw who posted my bail. Brandy-who was Tommy's Ex-wife was dressed fashionably and gave me a big hug when I stepped out into the county lock-up lobby.

"Close your mouth Lisa." Brandy teased "You will catch flies."

"Brandy, you a..look great" I was unsure what to say "Thank you for posting bail. But you have me at a disadvantage. I am a little shocked."

"Why? Oh because of that Tommy thing? It wasn't really your fault. Tommy was the one who acted like an ass. I guess I'm glad I found he was so uptight, and cared so little about my well-being and feelings." Brandy did a little twirl to show off her attire "Like the outfit? I have a part time job at a little shop downtown. Not even minimum wage, but it doesn't matter, Tommy is paying now for my decade of forced servitude to him. I love being at the shop, I get great deals on the outfits and the customers are just so much fun to be with."

"Well you look good Brandy." and she did too. "I hate to take advantage of you some more. But could you lend me some money to get my car out of impound and a few night for a hotel."

"Oh don't be silly. You are coming home with me. No worries about the money. I will just get some more out of Tommy." Brandy grabbed my arm and led me to her car.

While walking Brandy laughed and said "It is funny -Tommy borrows the money from Vince --so it is really Vince who is paying for all this hassle, -as he should. Besides we are both in the same boat now."

We were at Brandy's car when I asked her. "What do you mean we are in the same boat?"

"You know -getting caught stepping out, having fun. Cheating-some people even say."

"Brandy you got it all wrong. I was not cheating. Vince and I talked about it. He gave me the green light to date. We did anything to make to make each other feel happy. At least we used to."

"Really Lisa?" Brandy looked surprised as she put on her designer sunglasses. "I though those two troll brothers were a couple of peas in a pod. Tommy thought I belonged only to him. I am shocked to hear Vince said "Yes" to the idea of you seeing other guys. If Tommy had been more like that and let my little flings run their course. We might still be married, a big happy family, and he would have had a satisfied hot little wife."

"Well Vince didn't say "Yes" exactly. But he didn't raise any objections when I told him what I needed to feel good. I mean Vince never said "No" --which I know meant he was OK with it. It was so frustrating! It took me weeks to set up this date-then "POOF" at the last minute Vince changed his mind and expected me to just drop all my plans."

"What a selfish son of bitch!" Brandy agreed.

"Yes and I had even lined up a hot little coed for him as a surprise thank you for Vince for being so cool about everything."

"Wow-you are like a dream wife." Brandy commented "You think Vince would have welcomed that."

"Yeah you would think." I continued "But No. I had my date tested and was going to make him wear protection-you think Vince appreciated all my attention to detail? Noooo, Vince just insulted me. He flat out refused when I offered to let him do my ass later that night after my date."

"I can't believe that-a guy turning down anal? That is unheard of. Well how was your Date night? You get any?"

"Brandy I do not know why you keep doing it. The whole night was terrible. At first it was fun hanging out with the young girls-made me feel like a kid again. My guy was some muscle bound meathead. It was crude and awkward and I had a headache most of the night. I kept looking at my watch counting the time to get home."

"I know what you mean. Almost all of the guys are complete jerks. I have better sex by myself-but I love the attention they give me. You get laid at least?"

"No, we made out like some love struck teenagers. Even that wasn't' any good. I let him maul my tits for a while and he tried to finger me over the panties-I think I am still raw. I ended up giving him a hand job and some head-with a condom on, just so the lug would come back and let Vince know it was no big deal. You understand --try to save Vince's ego and all. I needed my date-that "man child" to confirm no sex went on. That's why I blew him in the car on the way home. Let me tell you Brandy that would have been the first, last and only date if Vince had not pulled this shit."

"Well don't worry Lisa, once you get that fat check from the bank account and every month thereafter, plus watch as the court makes him move out of the house, the pain of all your sacrifice will go away." Brandy pulled out of the parking spot. "You should take your half of Vince's 401K and go on a cruise. I did that with Tommy's and felt so much better afterwards."

++++++++

Brandy got to live in their house that Tommy made payments on as a settlement of the divorce. It was one of those McMansions, so there was plenty of room. My nephews Tommy Jr. and little Frank were happy to see me. I could see they were still dealing with the divorce of Tommy and Brandy. I got the impression Brandy did not give them as much attention as they needed. My nephews were great-but sometimes it just made me miss my boys even more. I was able to see my kids at school --parked 102 yards away with a pair of binoculars. Some days I was so down I could barely get out of bed. Other days I was so pissed I wanted to strangle Vince!

Things were not going so well on the legal front. My hearing about the "Battle Royal" on our front lawn was over 9 months away so I put that out of my mind. My big concern was the divorce. Vince's shark was playing legal games and I couldn't get any money. I had gone thru two lawyers who dropped me after I couldn't come up with their retainer. No attorney wanted to take my case on contingency. That prick Vince had been able to get the restraining order renewed twice-I wanted to kick him for keeping me from my kids. When I found a lawyer I planned to clean his clock in divorce court.

Tommy pulled some bullshit medical-injury-disability-thing to avoid paying Brandy her maintenance. It took a month for Brandy to yank Tommy into court and she really got screwed. The court stopped Tommy's maintenance payments, chopped the child support money and made Brandy take over the house mortgage. She had to go full time at the little fashion shop, but it did not pay very much money.

"I talked to Vince today." Brandy said "Tried to get him to talk his brain dead brother Tommy into going back to work. No go. I thought Vince was the smarter of those two cavemen. Remember how Vince handled those guys at the Christmas party just after you two got married?"

"God yea." I chuckled at the memory "I really had a lot to drink that night."

"Bullshit Lisa. Those buff guys were all over you and you were enjoying the attention."

"Oh it was just a little harmless flirting." I countered.

"Lisa you had your tongue far enough down one guys throat under that mistletoe you could have tasted his breakfast."

"I did not!"

"Lisa come on!" Brandy laughed "You were squirming so much with that guys hand under your dress I thought he left his watch in your panties!"

"That's not funny Brandy!" I was blushing with embarrassment.

"Well Lisa-Vince did not think it was funny either. Especially when the pals of your finger bang buddy were keeping Vince away. Little guy barely came up to their chins. Remember how Vince got the last laugh?"

The memory was hazy but I recalled Vince came back a few minutes later and told those muscleheads they better hurry outside their cars were being towed away.

"Lisa did Vince really tow their cars?"

I was still uncomfortable about that event. One guy shoved me off his lap so fast I got a bruise on my hip when I hit the floor.

"Yep. Some of the automobiles even got crushed. Something about having no plates and being declared abandoned."

I was pretty drunk that night, and we were both young. Still it had taken me two weeks of morning blow jobs and lots of sex to get Vince back into the holiday spirit.

"Sounds like Vince." Mary commented "I always hear Vince telling the boys the biggest muscle is the one between their ears."

"Well some times that smart ass is too clever for his own good."

++++++++

I was manic the day before the hearing. I found an attorney willing to represent me in the divorce case. It was a kid fresh out of law school. I had to promise him a big chunk of my portion of Vince's 401K.

When Brandy came in from her job at the fashion shop she was giddy with excitement.

"Lisa one of our regulars at the store is a court steno. She said your case got Judge Reynolds." Brandy was rubbing her hands together with glee. "Judge Reynolds looks like my old grandfather, but knows how to decide cases like ours. Judge Reynolds understands how much a woman goes thru as a wife and mother. He recognizes the pressures of raising children are best left to us ladies. You always get a fair deal with him."

"You think I can get my kids back? The house, my money-same ruling as you had with Tommy?"

"Should be a lock. In the case before mine the poor mother came in half drunk and passed out during the hearing. Her husband probably drove her to drink. Judge Reynolds gave her custody, child support, maintenance and split everything else 50/50. The husband and his lawyer were protesting so much, everyone in the courtroom thought they were going to have a stoke." Brady sat down at the table "But Judge Reynolds did not take any of their guff. He told them the wife looked to be under stress with the divorce and all. Judge instructed the husband he should arrange visitations around her AA meetings-if the mom wanted to attend them."

"This Judge Reynolds grasps what I need!" I exclaimed clapping my hands.

"You should start thinking about what cruise you want go on." Brandy said reaching in the fridge to pull out a bottle of wine.

That evening Tommy came over. Brandy had sipped a few glasses of wine. I was not a big wine person and still had my first glass. Tommy was trying to get me to work out a deal with Vince

"Screw him" I tried to keep my temper under control. I always liked Tommy. "I am going to get everything out of your brother. Vince thinks you can't get blood out of a turnip? Come to Judge Reynolds court tomorrow and watch a turnip bleed!"

"Lisa please, listen. Vince is not like me-you know that." Tommy pleaded "You push him too hard and he may just quit the game and do something rash."

"What? Get a restraining order against me? Throw me in jail? Trump up some bogus charge?" I was on a roll. "Your brother brought this on himself. I told him what would happen. Vince set me up. Letting me think I could go out and have some fun-then pulling the rug out from under me..."

"Stop" Tommy interrupted "Lisa you continue like this and you will lose everything. Vince may just bundle up the kids and make a run for the border."