Blood from a Turnip

"Tommy are you OK? What's wrong?

"Well after that little melee at your house I am having dizzy spells and trouble balancing. That disability insurance you talked me into paying for every paycheck is going to pay 66% of my salary" Tommy then winked at me "Vince do you know in our state that disability is not subject to alimony. Also child support and divorce terms are to be modified in case of a disability by one partner" Tommy sat down in my chair "Let see how Brandy acts when she has to deal with a little belt tightening"

It did not take long after Tommy's check failed to arrive for Brandy to act. In less than 30 days Brandy had got on the court docket and it do not go well for her. The Judge was disappointed in the lack of Brandy's employment or school enrollment. Brandy's "maintenance" was discontinued and the child support cut -as well. Brandy was also made to take over the home payments. This was extended until Tommy was back to work fulltime.

Still I was surprised a week later to see Brandy at my door with Tommy Jr. and little Frank.

"Uncle Vince is Vince and Tony home" my two nephews asked already walking in the door.

"Sure boys they are in the backyard. Go ahead and play with them" the boys ran thru the house to the backyard.

"Vince I need to speak to you for a moment?" Brandy said stepping into the house. Just then Tommy's doberman Candy came trotting around the corner. The dog spied Brandy and Candy's hair on his back stood up. His upper lip curled into a snarl and exposed a sizable set of teeth, this was accompanied by a low growl.

I gently pushed Brandy out the door and called out "Vince, Tommy come get Candy and bring him into the back yard." Now Brandy and I were standing on the front porch.

"Was that necessary Vince?" Brandy seemed shaken "Can't you control that mutt"

"Brandy I appreciate you bringing over the kids. But what do you want?"

"OK Vince I will cut to the chase. Lisa is staying with me and she is major league pissed at you. Lisa really misses her kids. This little fairy tale you spun about her and that meathead beating you up has Lisa spiting flames. She is vowing to go for full custody, huge child support payments, alimony, the house, your 401K, the works"

"Well Lisa is free to make that argument in court, going to be tough without a lawyer though-does she have one?-I hear the another one quit after Lisa stiffed him. But why do you care?"

"Because your brother Tommy's little medical vacation is cutting into my lifestyle big time. Here is the deal –back to the old Status Quo. I think I can get Lisa to come back and forgive you for all your childish jackass behavior and you get Tommy to go back to work and make the payments the court originally ordered"

"I think I will pass Brandy. Rather take my chances in court"

"You have no chance in court. You and your brother are two of the biggest fools around. Both you trolls married way above your pay grade and after a decade think Lisa and I are your possessions. Are you willing to throw it all away because Lisa went on a date with some kid half your age? Is that it? Bruise your little ego? Hell Vince -Lisa told me nothing even happened.

I looked at Brandy and raised my eyebrows "And I should believe you both because what.. cheaters never lie?"

"Why would I lie? And on Lisa's one time night out –In all twelve years of marriage -the one single night you are so bent out of shape about- was nothing more than a big teenage-ish make out session." Brandy spat out.

I stared at Brandy, who went on after a pause. "OK-Lisa said there was some petting.."

More hesitation from Brandy "..and she got felt up a bit-perhaps some finger action, -but Lisa said it over the panties.."

I kept looking at Brandy who mumbled "..possibly a little hand job.."

I stared hard at Brandy who finally blurted out "well OK maybe Lisa gave him a blow job too-but it was a quick one in the car-just on the way home. Hell Lisa made him wear a condom even for that. But that was it, no real sex –Gods Truth! You cannot expect Lisa to get that big lug all worked up and leave him without relief-Come on Vince even old Bill Clinton-the president you voted for twice by the way-said blow jobs do not count as sex"

"Brandy you do know that this is not making me feel any better"

"Jesus H Christ Vince! You been with Lisa for 14 years, married for what a dozen years? Once Lisa gets an opinion in her head nothing can change it. Lisa does not see what she did as cheating. And it's a moot point anyway-Lisa was disappointed with her big "date night" and had no intention of doing it again. She was bringing that side of beef home so both of them could tell you nothing went on"

"Something did go on, not only the blow job-which you glossed over so quickly. Something more important- Lisa disrespected this family, our marriage and me. I have lost any trust in Lisa, and even if I still loved Lisa-I cannot trust her. Without trust there can be no marriage. Lisa had the chance several times to choose between her family and her date. Now it is my choice and I choose my family"

"Vince you cannot be that dense. You will not have any family. Lisa will make your life hell; all because you can't get over Lisa having an exaggerated spit swapping make out session with some giant preppie. Hell-I bet you have done just as bad at some drunken Office Christmas parties"

"I do not know what kind of Christmas parties your office has-but no secret Santa has ever got me a hummer for a under $20 dollar gift. Oral would have been a lot better present then a fruitcake or movie tickets. Thanks for the legal advise Brandy, this conversation is over. Appreciate you stopping by. Do you want me to get your kids?"

Brandy turned to walk down the drive "No Tommy can have them until Monday. Tell Tommy they both need new shirts for the play at school next week"

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"What do you mean I might lose my kids!" I tried not to shout at my Shark sitting across the desk in his law office.

"I just want you to be prepared" my Shark explained "Unfortunately we drew Judge Reynolds. This Judge thinks motherhood is next to sainthood and a mother can do no wrong"

"But..but..but.. Lisa has a restraining order against her. Charges of assault on me, the police. She has not seen the kids in three months"

"Does not matter to Judge Reynolds. The restraining order was not issued by this court. The assault charges against your wife have not gone to trial-so Lisa is still innocent. If convicted we could file for a change-but right now I want you to prepare for the worst"

"This is like a nightmare" I said slumping into the chair. "What are my chances?"

"Not good" my shark admitted "I have seen this Judge give kids to drug addicted crack mothers. Reynolds is an old codger who thinks we live in the Beaver Cleaver world of Ozzie and Harriet and he should have left the bench years ago. He has been in that court so long everyone just tolerates him. The only way mothers do not get the kids in his court is if they are dead or in jail"

After I left the law office I flipped open my cell phone and explained the situation to my brother.

"What are you gonna do?" Tommy asked

"I think my only option is to go commando" I switched the cell to my other ear. "Grab as much cash as I can, load up the kids in the car with fuel and head for the border"

"Vince you can't do that. That is no life for your family. Let me talk to Lisa, maybe I can get her to give you shared custody"

"You can try Tommy, but Lisa does change her mind easy. I think I better saddle up the troops and head out early in the morning"

"Vince I need to be at the apartment tonight. Don't do anything stupid. Let me talk to Lisa –maybe Brandy can help. Do not do anything until I get there in the morning-OK"

"OK Tommy, I gotta go" I closed shut my cell phone and headed home.

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It was 3 AM when I heard her car pull up in the driveway with the lights out. They were moving quickly and talking in hushed tones but I could make out Lisa by her height and Brandy by her figure. They made their way to the front door and fumbled to open it with the new keys. I wondered if they had begged, borrowed or stolen Tommy's house keys.

I retreated to the boy's room, locked the door and placed a chair against the knob. The boys were next door at Mrs. Rodriguez. I sat down in a chair facing the door and picked up the home phone punching in 3 numbers.

"911 what is your emergency"

"I have intruders that have broken into my house, can you send help right away"

"I am dispatching a car now. Are you in a safe place?"

"I am locked in my boy's room. I think my wife and her boyfriend are back to beat me up again-how long before the police arrive"

"Stay calm sir they are on their way"

I heard footsteps come up the stairs and try the door knob.

"Shit it's locked" it sounded like Lisa's voice.

"The dumbass must be in there. There in no one in the master bedroom" This was Brandy.

Lisa now gave up any pretense of stealth and started pounding on the door. "Dammit Vince open this door! You are not taking my children!"

"Operator they are pounding on the door-what do I do?-how far are the police!

"Stay calm sir they are on their way. Can you escape, get away anyplace?"

The pounding continued and was getting louder "No Operator I am on the second floor and the locked door is the only way out!"

Both Brandy and Lisa were pounding on the door now. Then one of them began kicking at the door. I held out the phone so the 911 operator could hear the noise.

"Godamn it Vince if I have to break this door down I will. Open up now! When I smash this door down I will kick your ass for real this time!"

I really was frightened now of what was coming, so it was not an act that had fear in my voice as I spoke into the phone "Operator I am scared shitless! Where are the cops!"

"Stay calm sir they are on their way"

Just then one of Lisa's long legs broke thru the bottom of the door façade. "Goddam it Vince that hurt!-I am going to fucking kill you!"

"Operator they have broken thru the door! what do I do! Where is that police car!"

"Sir they are almost there" even the 911 operator's voice was on the edge of panic "Do you have any way to defend yourself! A chair- desk-club-anything to secure your safety!" They were both kicking at the door now "Sir you need to do something to protect yourself! Help is almost there-Do something!"

"OK-yea" I muttered into the handset as Lisa and Brandy kicked away the bottom of the door,- their shoes now making small holes bigger. I put the phone handset down on the carpet facing the door. Taking a deep breath to stop my shaking I picked up the double barrel shotgun laying across my lap. I had not fired the 12 gauge since before my Dad passed and wondered if the shells were still good. One way or another I was going to end things now.

A portion of the doors façade bottom had just been kicked away when I cocked the shotgun, swung the muzzle around and pulled both triggers.

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The loud boom of the double barrel shotgun blast echoed off the walls and deafened me, then my ears started to ring. I coughed and tried to clear my vision of all the gunpowder smoke in the small room. It seemed like forever but as my hearing came back I heard sirens in the distance and a frantic operator's voice on the phone shouting out over and over "Sir are you there! Sir are you there! Sir answer me –are you there!"

I coughed again clearing my throat before picking up the phone "Send ambulances we need medical attention" with that I dropped the phone handset onto the floor again.

The bottom of the door and parts of frame was gone and peppered with holes. Beyond the door moaning could be heard. I got out of my chair and unlocked the door slowly opening it what was left of it.

Lisa and Brandy lay in heaps. One of Brandy feet was a mangled mess. Both Lisa and Brandy's legs from the thigh down were torn and bleeding. At the last second I had lowered the muzzle from fatal chest level to knee level. Still Lisa had a nasty gash on her face where a piece of splintered door had hit her.

Police came swarming in the house guns drawn. I dropped my shotgun and raised my hands. One officer cuffed me while two others started first aid on Brandy and Lisa. As I was hauled down the steps I passed paramedics bringing stretchers up the stairs.

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The next few days were lost in a fog. I was kept in lock-up until late the next day when Tommy arranged bail. I got a break and the same ASA who done my restraining order caught this case. After talking to the detectives and reviewing the 911 tape my shooting was ruled justified and the charges dropped. Lisa and Brandy were denied bail-but it did not matter as both were in the county hospital recovering from various surgeries to repair the damage from the shotgun blast and door shrapnel.

Tommy got his boys and they and his dog Candy moved in. My sons were delighted with the new addition of their cousin's full time plus Uncle Tommy and Candy. Our house was a virtual boys club. They grumbled about the extra chores and clean up, but everyone pitched in. As long as all the homework was done and house cleaned up there was Sports on the TV, soda's in the fridge, video games in the den and the toilet seat was always up. The home became an almost sit-com man cave and all of our sons friends flocked to hang out here.

Tommy also caught a break and got possession of both the boys and his house while Brandy was in the county hospital. Tommy put his house up for sale at a price so low that he got a buyer even in this down market.

"Vince that monstrosity was never my house anyway. Brandy picked it out and I could barely afford it when Brandy and I were together. I did not make any money off the sale-but having that white elephant off my back is payment enough." My brother was almost giddy with glee "Besides Brandy was to get ½ of the profits. Well ½ of zero is her cut"

All good things have to come to an end and the lady across my kitchen table was it. She was a Public Defender and handling Lisa's case. She had shown up at my doorstep and asked to speak with me.

"The ASA likes cases which are neat and tidy "she began "but this case is like a bad onion. The more you peel away the layers the more messy it gets."

I kept my mouth shut and kept my hand on the table. "For example" she continued "the night of the shooting. Both Lisa and Brandy were told you were planning to take her sons and flee the country"

I started to speak, but she held up her hand to stop me.

"Yes I read the report. There were no signs of you and the children planning to flee. No packed suitcases, no large cash withdraws on your account or credit cards. Passports still in the safe deposit box. Your car only had a quarter tank of gas, plus the children were on a sleepover next door" She looked up "yet you were ready and waiting with a loaded shotgun"

"It was an old shotgun with old shells that belonged to my father. The shotgun shells turned out were old and powder weak. I assume you have a point here?" I asked

"Yes a good argument could be made that you planned to ambush your wife. Lured her into a trap. I know earlier you sent your brother over to tell Lisa you were taking the kids and running away"

"I did no such thing" I countered "My brother volunteered to see if he could talk some sense into Lisa about the divorce and custody. I did not know what he was going to tell Lisa"

"You knew Lisa would not stand by and allow you to take the children. That was the one thing that you were counting on to get Lisa to violate the restraining order. That is my second point –the restraining order may have been issued under bogus conditions"

"You know you really are dreaming if you think you can sell this"

"Well I can try. Your brother Tommy was in the house before the police arrived. Who is say he is not the one who hit you to make it look as if your wife and her friend caused the injuries? If I can push that –then the restraining order, resisting arrest, all of it becomes suspect and reasonable doubt starts to grow."

"Nice try but cell phone records will show my brother was not in the house and arrived only a minute or two before the police. I can tell you Tommy would pass any polygraph test on that account" Well that much was true I thought. "Do I look some kind of wimp to you that would allow himself to be a punching bag for anyone?"

"I did not say that. I am only thinking out loud that a man who loves his children so much may try to game the system to his advantage"

I leaned back in the chair "Ask my brother Tommy how fair the system was to him in his divorce and attempts to be a father to his children"

She ignored my answer "The ASA has offered a deal to both Brandy and Lisa. Whoever flips first and testifies against the other get reduced charges, minimum jail time and probation. It is in my client and your wife Lisa's best interests to take that deal. However the ASA needs a win and also to know you will not oppose the deal and cause problems."

"Why would I do anything for Lisa? She betrayed me, the marriage and our family in the vilest and most cruel manner possible-with both malice and forethought-as you legal people say."

"Vince right now everything is going for you. It is true if Lisa is convicted you will have a slam dunk for custody of your boys. But think of this-do you really want your children growing up without a mother? Do you really need to have Lisa sit in a prison for the next decade? Also it only takes one man hating lady on the jury to hang this trial. If I get a Not Guilty verdict then none of this is going to be make a hill of beans to a divorce judge"

" I cut in with as much sarcasm as I could muster "Are you trying to threaten me or scare me-I just want to be sure, because I can't tell

"Neither. I want you to look at this a couple of ways. Number one is practical-you go along and Lisa pleads guilty, gets time served, 120 days in county, plus 4 years' probation. Thus your custody of the children is assured in the divorce. Second is compassion. Your sons are going to need a mother in the future. Soon they are going to start to have other matters that need a mothers touch-such as dating. They might be OK now-but think about how will they feel in time when they discover Dad send their Mother to prison? Now last is History and Consideration. You two loved each other for over 14 years and Lisa gave you two wonderful children. That should count for something." She paused " Vince are you a religious man?"

"Raised Catholic, church every Sunday, Fish on Friday, altar boy and everything"

"Isn't there something about hate the sin, love the sinner?"

"Lady -I do hate the sin, but loving the sinner is not going to happen"

"Then there is also this" She dug into her briefcase and gave me a file.

The file was a bunch of medical jargon about Lisa and blood results, medication, doses,-none of it I could understand. I put the file back on the table. "I am an accountant and deal with numbers. This is all gobblegoke to me. Can you explain this in laymen's terms?'

"Sure-After the surgery Lisa was quite depressed-not uncommon-I mean after being shot and waking up handcuffed to a hospital bed. So she was placed on suicide watch and a full medical and psych work up done. Lisa was found to not only have depression but be also slightly manic. Probably been that way most of her life. The onset of early menopause threw her hormones out of whack and may account for her strange out of character behavior. We were lucky to have doctor doing some research on the subject looking at her chart. They have her on medication and tweaked her dose to get everything back to an even keel"