All Comments on 'Breaking the Family Ch. 03'

i dont think Alicia Scanduro deserved what happened to her in the end because unlike the rest of the family she was always nice to the main character.

I think it would have flowed better to see the family loose a member to Tony for good than to have it go the way it did. Plus that would have the bonus of permanently tweaking the ex wife's nose if she ever decided to go back.

Confusing and unrealistic.

<p>The only real innocent in this story was Alicia Scanduro.</p>

<p>She really liked the Tony and didn't try to screw him over. In the story she tried to be everything he wanted her to be, just to be with him, and he screwed her over the worst of all. He gave back her love and affection, from what I read, with cold calculating cruelty. That doesn't make sense to me. She was willing to defy her family to be with him, and he threw it away for revenge.</p>

<p>The other thing that hurt the story for me was the "time skips". I'm not sure when you submitted the story, so it may have been submitted all at once, but having the story go from one time line to the next, without a way too tell that the location, the day, the person talking, was different made it difficult for me to follow at times. I had to re-read it to see what was going at times.</p>

<p>Thanks for posting, it is interesting, but it was tiny bit hard to follow at times.</p>

-Risq

but, dude, you need to learn to write simple stories. pay attention to the flow of time and the flow of paragraphs. <p>

use symbols to help you make demarcations from one time to another, from the dialogues of one group, to the dialogues of another... <p>

if you don't take care of those little things, you will have nothing but a whole bunch of jumbled scenes, descriptions, and dialogues... which is really what this story is up to this point... please, note that a lot of readers actually like "revenge" stories, where the good and wronged have their revenge at the end; but the way you write has been so confusing and careless, most readers just don't give you higher marks,,, <p>

remember, you don't write for yourself; you write for others. they don't know how you think; they could only read what you've typed. do some pre-planning --- in terms of story flow, time flow, and paragraph transition --- before you actually type the story. when you do that, you'd see that readers will reward you with more positive feedback. EXPERIENCED readers, that is.

I like the story but damn! It is hard to tell who we are following or what is happening. We shift POV constantly! Oh well, worth suffering through so far.

This story could have been a MONSTER

As others have mentioned, this chapter was all over the place and clearly rushed to the finish line. Its hard to keep track of what is going on as it jumps from person to person.

I too don't agree with how Clark treated Alicia. It didn't make much sense given his character development. The only way it works is to show how far gone he was in his revenge or that he really wasn't so wrongly treated by his in-laws as he thought.

come up with this philosophy. I assume you are from Alabama because we liked to be called by our two names. ("People are going to die, jobs will be lost, people will get married, divorced, fall in and out of love, but there is no good reason to drink. Ever. Whether we're happy or sad, or bored, to drink is to die.") I'll have to remember that little bit it makes a lot of sense and simply put

fucked up, Nyminus. Yeah, you should take heed. Probably too late I guess.

Quote:"Alicia Scanduro called every 'Clark' she could find in the Houston Texas phone book, but never could find Tony. Finally she gave up and found a biker to use her." /Quote - A very mayor flaw to your story; it nullified everything that was build before. You just don't go after the innocent. So fuck you JimBob44, you're scum. And I shall piss on your grave.

No DUIs in Louisiana. Just DWIs. Lost any sympathy for Tony at the end. He became as bad as the ones who wronged him.

Boyd

JimBob,

Could you at least explain your reasoning about Alicia? I was scratching my head trying to come up with a reason as to why you had Tony treat her in such a manner. From the first, she had nothing but love for Tony, she did not fall into the Clan mindset. A sweet girl who did nothing wrong, unless you think she would end up like Anna with her love for her father. You did a good job with the story, until that paragraph on the last page concerning Alicia. Please at least redeem yourself to us,who actually read your story, and loved it.

tanked the story. The treatment of Alicia was a best worst than what the family did to him. I have no problem with cutting the assholes new ones, that was deserved. The exwife is plain lucky just to be alive. But the girl Alicia being basically fucked over, ruined, then abandoned didnt just hurt her father, the girl was in love with him and he totally destroyed her. Actually her new biker guy could have dear old Tony found, try pc searches first yall, then handed back his life on a slab for what he did to the girl. Sorry folks it aint an Alabamm tradition for use of two names, ie BillyBob. It is southern and that is defined from Ga to Texas. And then north where is is mostly and economic class behavior. More girls are named that way than boys however.

Sad that Alica had to suffer but in the end it was a great story I think you and hope you write as well for future stories.

also I think a small piece about her finding tony would be a nice one.

1."you never know how good you have it till you lose it." 2."all good things must come to an end."

3."hind sight is the best sight."

4."love is blind." and many more that apply to this story. It was full of love, lust, tradegy, romance, death, growing up and much more. It was a well written story because it is all about life. Somedays are better than others, but we try to live for each day and hope we do not make the same mistakes twice.

Congratulations to the Author...

Aside from anything else I just found this story hard to follow. It seems to jump all over the place.

If poor Alicia had to "pay the price" for carrying her family name, I assume that had the author created some distant relative who was unlucky enough to carry the same family name, albeit living some two thousands miles away, the author would have made us find in one of these twitter parqagraphs the story devolved into, that that relative was mysteriously found in his car at the bottom of a river...<P>

Essentially, the author turned Tony from a decent guy into a monster/mafioso, taking revenge for family name - tribal -blood, not for justice. At least his nemesis had some true animosity TO HIM, while Tony dedicated himself to pretty much destroy a whole family - innocent and guilty alike. <P>

Thinking back, perhaps the otherwise repulsive family may have been not such bad judges of character after all... But then if EVERYONE is despicable in the story we should care about it -why?<P>

It's really disappointing to see how an overall good story could be thrown to the gutters by a careless ending; what a shame.

of the story are what I address here. First, as to the content, I agree that destroying Alecia puts Tony into the same category as the people at whom he directed his anger. Actually, all the family did to him was reject him. They accepted his marriage, but they put him in a situation where he felt worthless. Anna was the one who really fucked him over, so his hateful revenge should have been directed at her. Anna redeemed herself, but she was not recognized for it by any of the characters. All in all, Anna benefitted the most, Alecia was wronged the most, and Tony was like a bad case of diarrhea. As to the construction of the story, well, it was very hard to follow. There were a lot of characters, and the author would have done well to remind his readers once in awhile who each was. As, for example, "Danny. Dan and Betty's son, said such-and-such." Further, when the story action shifts from one character to another, that shift should be treated a a change of scene in a play. Before each shift, add a blank line, a line of *s, and another blank line. Then we can know that the current sentence does not follow from the previous one. Please keep writing. You show some real talent here. Rich

Since about the Middle Ages, most people have understood that a person isn't always guilty simply because they have the same blood as someone who did commit a crime. Does JimBob44 not understand that basic concept?! Tony the supposed "hero" ended up the most despicable character in the whole story for his broad swathed revenge that was way, way out of proportion and targeted the innocent as often as the guilty. A "happy" ending to this story would be for Tony to have ended up dead or in prison because he was the greatest criminal. I would have applauded a revenge that actually targeted the people who did Tony wrong, such as Anna's father, but the trail of dead or destroyed innocents this story left was ridiculous.

You really screwed it up didn't you

Create a wronged character in Tony that the reader could Sympathise with and then in one paragraph turn him into as big a monster as those who wronged him

The treatment of Alicia was pure evil, she probably couldn't find Tony because he was off looking for anyone with the same family name so he could destroy their lives

He picked them off one at a time, and wasn't going to stop until they all felt his vengeance. He may have been cruel, but maybe that is what got him through the death of his child. Tony started with nothing and through hard work brought the rich and powerful family to their knees.

A nasty family and an equally nasty "victim".

Through most of the story, I rooted for Tony and liked the revenge against Anna, her brothers, and her father. You went too far when his revenge targeted people whose only sin was to have the same name as Anna. Alicia didn't deserve the treatment Tony gave to her. All she had ever done was care for him and Tony treated her like shit. As to the technical aspects of the story I felt there was too much jumping around from group to group. It was hard to follow for me. I find this story a little disappointing when compared to some of you other works.

The cruelty of Anna in the first chapter was more than balanced by the destruction of the family. Alicia certainly

did not deserve her fate, nor did Bobby· How about all the employees of the Scanduro Empire that lost their jobs. The whole town must have paid for what were essentially Anna's sins. I like revenge but you have to worry about colateral damage. That probably would be classified as a wimp reaction by some of our colleagues...

but like most I thought that Alicia did nothing to deserve her treatment. She was nice to and cared for 'Uncle Tony' when everyone in her family hated him and treated him with love when they were together. Using her to destroy her father worked out well, destroying her didn't. Everyone else deserved what they got. They were all scumbags, even if they weren't directly involved in his humiliation. Good story though, just not my favorite.

You managed to fuck over the only person whe was nice to Tony -- that being Alicia. And what did Bobby do to Tony? Giving an 11 or 12 year old kid nightmares was disgusting.

I liked most of the story, but as size14 pointed said the bit involving Bobby was sick, and was there really any need to screw over Alicia? Surely separating her completely from her family/father would have been a better form of revenge anyway.

Also, perhaps its because its late and I'm tired, but the constant leaps from one character to the other at the end was a bit confusing.

JimBob you to what was potentially a great story about a cheated husband and wife (cheated on by her family) and in one chapter absolutely destroyed any moral integrity you as the author possessed.

Yes I make this personal because you are the person that conceived and executed that final abomination of a chapter. A crime so evil that a life time of mea culpas may just about save you from writers hell.

Like other readers I found the presentation of the story hard to follow, even something as simple as half a dozen (6 to those illiterate ones out there JimBob) asterisks, this the little * on the key board, would help the reader know they have moved from one scene to another with different actors.

But finally the most unforgivable part of your tale is how you turned your 'hero' into a more despicable than the purveyors of his pain.

The manner in which Tony treated Alicia, Bobby and Cindy, with absolutely no concern of the evil he is doing to the innocent, is almost as sickening as the concept of killing all preteen children in Afghanistan because some will possibly grow up to become terrorists and the collateral damage done to the innocent is deemed to be acceptable. Perhaps something that JimBob would agree with?

In on chapter it is almost as if out author is attempting to turn Atticus Finch (the most respected and loved character ever in American film - To Kill a Mockingbird, a must read for all) into Josef Mengele (the evil nazi doctor better known as Angel of Death, and voted one of the most hated characters ever in American film - The Boys From Brazil).

For those uninitiated the above choices were both played by one of the all time greatest actors (my humble opinion) Gregory Peck, but I strongly double even he would want to play Tony of this story, even if he was alive.

But now I'm rambling - much like JimBob in his writing. At least my finish is more pleasing and entertaining.

Screwing over Alicia certainly ruined an otherwise good story.

I liked it but I have to say that I still want to know what happens later on. Maybe you should pick this up and start it from Bobby's point of view or later from Anna's.

I was ready to like the following chapters. Still kinda do, but it just got ruined - can we expect Tony to have played around with the bank's accounts or was there really fraud? The first would be difficult for an outsider.. How clever could he really be, and how could he anticipate everything? It's unbelievable. Also as pointed out, he left too much collateral damage on people who liked him or did nothing bad towards him; innocent people! It's a kinda good story but he was an idiot for marrying a cheating, irresponsible drunkard bitch. I just don't see how giving him financial and social nuke powers made the story better though. I'm sure if you rewrote to make it more believable, it would be a better story and maybe we could sympathise more. Thanks for the read, anyway!

There are a lot of decent revenge stories on literotica. This is not one of them.

The reason Alicia could not find Tony is because he died, horribly, and on fire. Then, in the Afterlife, he spent eternity in Hell.

First chapter was excellent but......

then we had two average chapters where the story of revenge was a rockem sockem moving from one thing to another without much in the way of a story to bind it all together.

AND Worse the screwing over of Alicia made no sense and is unforgivable as she was always one of his supporters and cared for him, and yes even loved him. Unfortunately you have made our 'hero' an unlikeable character

with nightmares. Tell me please, author, how Tony is going to deal with the fact that his Lucille is NEVER going to meet him again, since it is impossible to communicate between heaven and hell?

The only bad things I found Tony responsible for that he might have thought better about were -

Letting Bobby find his parents - he might have anticipated better and helped fix that Bobby did not deserve that horror -

More directly - Alicia did not (unless I missed it) EVER treat him with anything but a good heart and love - as she grew in to an adult she wanted him and there was nothing wrong with that she was not a blood relative - to "train" her to need abuse was simply wrong - she did nothing to warrant it that I saw in the story.

Every one else except Alicia's mother got what they earned IMHO

Why were Cindy, Alicia and Bobby punished? They were the only ones that liked, even loved Tony? Tony should've taken Bobby and Alicia out of Louisiana and then gave Cindy a management position with his holding company, to show his appreciation of the support they had given him during his marriage to Anna

I just do not agree with the treatment of alicia

You found the nuclear response with no one left standing except the worthless bitch that caused the whole problem

And we sure as Hell got it! I think as others have said that some innocent individuals got caught in the crossfire, especially Bobby and Alicia. I suppose Tony never claimed to be fair, just angry. I enjoyed the read, and give you fives all around.

I mean, I've read a few of your other stories and they were terrific. This one was barely decipherable and the protagonist turned out to be just as morally suspect as most of his his victims.

I could not follow this story.

Don't write when your Stoned and Drunk

I hate all cheaters and I believe in revenge by any means but this tale just sucked. There was no continuity and all characters were terrible people. Hopefully the author is in AA or Na or both. This tale was DOA.

HA

He destroys their entire family, I get it; but to use, abuse and leave Alicia who never said a bad word about him? As far as I'm concerned, he's no better than the family he hated.

Since i was unable to follow this storyline, (tried re-reading it many times) it gets a 1 star.

Stories need to flow. Good or bad ending? No idea. I honestly have no idea what happened in this story.

Someone cheated... and there was arson, bank takeovers, murder/suicide, and blow jobs.

Nothing connected.

Terrible story.

Reminded me of 'stream of consciousness'. Had trouble with the names and references but that was my fault, not JimBobs. Good job and looking for more,

Story was good, but why did he use Alicia? That didn't make sence she was good to him and he left her. Even though the story was good, I did loose it at some parts.

The trouble with this kind of revenge is the collateral damage. The worst was what happened to Bobby and Tony did NOT help him. Maybe someday when Bobby grows up he can go find Tony and get revenge on him. And all the innocent people who lost jobs. The towns that suffered because of all the people out of work. Tony may have gotten what he wanted, but too many others had to pay who did not deserve it.

She is my bitch now and one hot and glorious fuck!

The happy biker.

P.S. I liked it: 5*****....tom anon

Seeing how Tony screwed over Alicia maybe Dan was right after all.

I know that many in here might criticize how the story ended and how Alicia and Bobby were damaged through no fault of their own. However, there is a moral there. Revenge is an attack without compassion. This is how we devolve when we do not learn to take a measured approach. Also, with how Amber grew, it shows that a person can right their path regardless of how it might have started.

Strength is good, but it needs restraint and wisdom to show how to be used.

...is a good example of Real Life and shattering consequences "unto the seventh generation".

I have been asked why I do not write Fantasy Monster /Nonhuman stories.

My answer is, to quote myself; "Some people do their duty and commit heroic acts. Some people are monsters and commit heinous evil. And sometimes, they are the same person."

No fictional hero or fictional monster come close to the human capacity for good and evil.

Could not figure out why he went after Alica seem seemed to be the only one in her family that liked him.

It is a shame that he did some of the things he did - or more specifically in the way he did them - but clearly he did BECAUSE they'd pulled him down to their level...

Not only did they destroy his marriage - and, as such, his life - but he also was crushed under the loss of his child. A loss he was forced to near almost all on his own since his wife ADDED to his pain rather than joining with him in an attempt to lessen their mutual pain.

In his messed up state, he likely associated Alicia too much with his ex even though on some level he knew she wasn't. And additionally, since he was using her to crush her father, he probably became unable to differentiate her as a person he liked from her as a weapon/tool to use and discard.

It would be nice to have him "heal"... but I think if he were to become a "good person" again, his guilt over what he'd done would crush him irreparably.

When you rip a decent man's heart out often you end up with a heartless shell, no longer able to have empathy or compassion.

Destroying a man always has a price, sometimes he is not the only one to pay it.

Tony broke the hold the Scanduros had on the whole town. Everything that happened to them was a result of their own choices and bad judgment. Piss on them.

Liked the story except for Alicia and Bobby. I kinda always felt you shouldn't visit the sins of the parents on their kids. But good story otherwise.

I want very much to love the story bit it's not that kind of story.

5 stars even if it's one of the most depressing ending I've come as cross in your stuff.

But one of the most powerful stories that i have read . The only one of the family that i didnt feel deserved what she got was Alicia, but can understand Tonys feeling to totaly destory the whole family and everything they stood for. His revenge was total scorched earth and nothing but total distruction would do. Outstanding writing!!!!!!!!!

I found your stories a couple of weeks ago and have started reading through them. Usually I give you a five. You are very creative and have great characters. Just hated this one at the end. Tony went too far and will suffer great remorse for his overkill. I will keep reading.

I find this story one of the most creditworthy of all of JimBob's contributions, not that there is a dearth of such good writings from him mind you. I still love his style of presentation. I'll give 5 stars for this fine effort .

Alicia, Bobby and Cindy hard done by.

Otherwise good revenge tale.

Would have been interesting to have a meeting with Anna's father after he had made a success and say if only you had treated me like a son we could be living the high life together, having proved his worth.

The only two winners were Anna and Tony. Everyone else had to lose. Morality tales are never easy to swallow.

Anna survived to provide useful service to the sick and addicted at the CDU. Her life was complete in her eyes at the end.

Tony in his pain resolved to break the hold of a corrupt, malicious oligarchy in DeGarde so the rest of the town could finally live a normal life. In the process some people had to pay, and pay they did.

We will never know how he felt, whether the death of Michael LaCombe, for example, brought him guilt or satisfaction. Or the murder/suicide of little Bobby's parents. Tony didn't pull the trigger, nor did he wrap the belt around Michael's neck. Each player in the tragedy had the free will to choose another path, right up to the end.

Well written and cleverly presented with the constant playbacks/switchbacks/ POV shifts. This makes the reader, me, have to work to absorb the narrative and I find that I internalize it much more and live out the story line with the characters.

JimBob, you are a helluva' a good writer. I am presently reading all your stuff and you keep surprising me.

Jay

Bobby may have been collateral damage, but that damage was his father's fault, not Tony's. Tony did not fire the gun. Bobby's father had the power of the family name and could have dealt with the cheating wife effectively without killing her and himself.

Tony was a likeable character with moral authority until he used and discarded Alicia to kick her father while he was already down. She did not deserve that as she had always been nice to him and even walked away from her family to be with him.

In the end, Anna was a more likeable character than Tony. The ending was a disappointment.

Thanks for writing!

While I didn't like who Tony had turned into, I agree that he had to break up that family. Not every story has a happy ending, on websites or in real life. And sometimes, one cannot make amends.

once what is broken and beyond repair, there is no more joy, TK U MLJ LV NV

First of all, the scene changes with no indicators made it very hard to read.

And Tony's treatment of Alicia was horrible! She did NOTHING to him, gave him nothing but love, and he dumps her, walks away and leaves her to grab whatever scraps life hands her?

The only one in her family who comes out anything RESEMBLING okay is the slut, Anna! SHE'S the one who should have ended up being used by a biker while Alicia had a life of happiness with "Uncle" Tony! And he's also breaking contact with all the good people at the bank, who if not exactly "friends" were close acquaintances!

This SCREAMS out for a re-write!

Have Tony and Alicia go riding off into the sunset, and if you HAVE to shit on someone, have Anna have a relapse and have HER become some biker's whore!

And for those complaining about the character, time location shifts, while confusing, they could have been helped by dashes or tildes delineating the scene changes.

I agree completely with Sbrooks.

The only innocent was Alicia

Tony went from hero to low life douchebag for his treatment of her.

Bad show.

Having Alicia get screwed over by Tony like that, that was not cool. It was said she's the only innocent in this story, it's absolutely truthful. Screaming for rewrite!!!

Sorry, not very impressed... Bobby and Alicia were truly undeserving victims and Tony had no right to victimize. Tony disappearing is a easy writers out lacking creativity just a rush to end.

All parts only deserve a low 4*, and usually I'm an easy 5* with a well written/conclusive story.

alicia and her mom were on tonys side. having him fuck them over is unforgivable and would make him just as bad if not worse than his inlaws.

i and it looks like others hope you will please write an alternate ending to this tale.

thank you for posting your work

Alicia didn't deserve what Tony did to her, and how it seems to have shaped her life going forward, until that point I had sympathy for him.

Afterwards, I reckon that he has become a douchebag no better than the ones that actually deserved his revenge.

Might be the worst ending this author has written.

The Count of Monte Cristo? I know that there have been several movies made about the book. This story reminds me of my hat one. It seems to me that Tony has destroyed himself as much as those who wronged him. He is definitely not the man he was before marriage and I doubt that he is the man he wants to be. There is a lot of collateral damage to his revenge. I wonder what would happen if the author decided to pick up the story again, say 5-10 years later. What would happen if they all met again? What changes did Tony's revenge spark in the people he targeted and the others caught up in it?

I thought fucking with Alicia was messed up. She was a kid when he was run out and hurting her like that sure hurt her dad but it also was beyond cruel to her.

with anonymous 12/1/17

What he did to Alicia was evil and its hard to claim the high road when you break a woman because you hate her family.

He wanted revenge and he did it by destroying innocent lives and without remorse.

An animal like that deserves little compassion or justice.

After Tony has been through so much, the one person he shouldn't have hurt was Alicia. The story suggests that he is a better man but the ending says otherwise.

This clearly was a story of revenge, but I'm not sure what the revenge was for. Tony indeed got Anna pregnant and the fact that her father didn't like him was not worthy of the enormous damage Tony did to the family. Anna really screwed him, but a divorce could take care of that. It's also not clear if Anna would have gone that same route if they hadn't lost the baby. It's a story of overkill and the large cast of characters and their little dramatic side shows made the story hard to follow at times. I don't know what this tale was like before the rewrite, but if was harder to follow than this it must have been a disaster. I've had enough of this author! 3* for effort (I'm amazed that the different Chapters had ratings over 4* which means that some people actually gave these pieces a 5* rating. Guess there's no accounting for taste.)

2*

Even though the ending was hard. Life can be that way. Felt deep sorrow for Bobby, nobody deserves that experience, wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. Alicia was a challenge, I'm at a loss regarding her situation, I guess you just chalk it up to - shit happens. Thank you for Anna, redemption is a rare and wonderful thing. Tony, in his black or white view of the world got his revenge, one can only hope that at sometime in the future he will find his peace.

The author did warn during the lead-in to the first chapter that readers will be disgruntled by the final outcome of the whole submission, and he wondrously achieved that.

I scored fairly high on the first chapter, not due to the strife and adversities Tony endured, rather due to the strength and perseverance Tony exhibited.

The second chapter scored very high, mostly due to Tony’s actions and goals, though disregarding the slightly slanted effect of the ultimate revenge.

The third chapter, well.. The only consolation is that Tony is a fictional character created by the author, as is the decimation of a fictional innocent boy’s life, psyche and future, as well as the fictional Alicia and other fictional major role players in this horror. I wish the real score of -5* was a reality instead of the lowest 1*.

I suspect that there is some way authors can apply a type of filter to voting scores that may well prevent a score of 1* or even 2* influencing final scores.

I unfortunately have to agree with the majority of negative criticism and comments on this submission.

...She was the one true "innocent" that Tony fucked over. Bobby was collateral damage. Unfortunate, but not a DIRECT target. Really was cheering for Tony's side until Alicia. Made Tony from a revenge hunter into a fuck-wad.

Still, a strong 3.5-weak--4.0-stars.

A well written but unpleasant tale of revenge for the sake of revenge. Okay, Anna found someone else and left him, but they only got married because he got her pregnant when he took her virginity and when their daughter died the reason for their marriage disappeared. So why destroy everyone associated with her?

Perhaps her father's instant dislike of Tony was because her saw what a vile, vindictive little shit he really was behind the surface charm.

LA

One more chapter....

Story just jumped from one topic to the next and back and forth. It was like experiencing drugs or being on ADHD.

Besides the story jumping hard to find any linear line between making $70,000 a year to getting controlling interest in a bank and construction company.

If he does this for a relationship that he was pushed into because she got pregnant, I wonder what he would have done if he really loved the woman. I haven't read the comments, but what he did to Alicia was pretty fucked up considering how that girl liked him. I guess the point of the story is that vengence is never warranted and those seeking it are as bad as the people that done them wrong.

I enjoy it every time. I have read JB44 for years. Easily one of his best. 5*

Three days later, Roberta burst into tears again; she knew whom the money was from.

A sad mistake fro an author that is usually very good with grammar. Never end a sentence with a preposition. Writing a sentence, trying to correctly use the word "whom", and ending with a preposition is sad. You cannot use the word "from" as a verb.

Three days later, Roberta burst into tears again; she knew from whom the money was sent.

This story rambled on like my 96 year old grandfather talking about the good ol days. Story just showed that Tony was just as big of an asshole as the families. The story didn't seem to have any kind of cohesive plot. Screw the men and fuck the women. Big deal.

individuals given the right motivation, at least, give themselves a chance for a cure, TK U MLJ LV NV

Except for Tony's treatment of Alicia. Just shows he is big an asshole as the people he was getting back at. All she did was love him, and he shit on her. Bury that lowlife mother fucker face down and ass deep.

Why cause mental harm to Alicia. She liked Tony and treated him well all along.

Then falls in love with vengefil Tony. I thought those two would be the happy ending.

But he becomes as bad as his tormentors by his treatment of Alicia.

He went from being the hero to being a major asshole in 2 sentences.

jeez theres some bleeding hearts about.

break them all every last man, woman and child.

A cherry nineteen year old bdsm slut who is willing to suck your cock less than 50 feet from her daddy while she knows he is watching?

No matter how badly I hated a family I'd keep that cunt around, keep that trim in a cage under my bed while at work

You fell right on your ass with the ending.....

The story was all over the place. The ending was terrible, sorry, I don't like to be negative. After all this is a free story. I mean we don't even know where your main character ended up.

I understand his revenge against most of the family, BUT there was no reason or need to harm Alicia. It was the Anna, her father, her 2 brothers, and one sister-in-law. Alicia was innocent and did fall in love with him. Simply because one person was bad, doesn't mean they all were. I like your stories, but I think the ending in this case should have been redone.