All Comments on 'Brittany's Baleful Game'

Great story ..... I know was for contest but I think second chapter is in order!!!!

Dad goes straight from cumming in one girls ass (with ZERO prep and ZERO lube) to fucking a virgin 's pussy, with ZERO recovery time, and nobody even washing off his dick with a soapy washcloth? Unbelievable and yuck! There's no mention of contraception or social diseases. Hell, there's ZERO dialog after the fucking starts, and that could have been hot! The premise is promising, but it doesn't feel like you gave it the polish that the shaft of this story deserves.

Liked your story. If you additional chapter(s) keep the fun to just dad and daughter

This story is great, especially coming from a first-time contributor. As far as I'm concerned the high point and heart of the story was Chad, the father, sinking his fat veiny daddy-dick up his baby girl Brittany's sweet little slot. Like lots and lots of fathers, Chad's been, maybe subconsciously, real interested in the adorable little coochie his little girl's got between her slender legs. Plenty of dads get so hard when they think of their darling daughter's pretty little twat that their cock practically busts out of their pants. Chad's a hero and role model to all the fathers who've lusted after their own baby girl's cute little slice. He's shoved his big hard cock up inside his Brittany, pumped away real good till she had the best cum of her life, and blown his heavy loaded daddy-balls giving his baby girl a great big twatful of some of the same semen that made her. A father's penis and his daughter's vagina--made for each other.

Great story idea but could have used a lot of work. The father should have played the game, going from one girl to the other during the party. The way you have the father coming down the stairs when the party starts, the daughter revealing the game and then the father sending everyone away, makes the party completely pointless.

Also, to put it bluntly, you use way to many "big words" and the style is off. Sorry, can't think of the word to describe it but a story should "flow" like water. This is more like a bus with stops at every second block. The wording is to complicated (a problem I myself have and am constantly editing). Remember to always follow KISS. Keep it simple, stupid. Especially for erotic literature. Your readers don't want to keep reading "vulva" and "orifice". Those might be the actual names for the body parts but it slows down the story's flow. The reader has to mentally think on those words. That's why "pussy" while crass, is more often used. The mind accepts it easier.

Loved it, especially when you described how amazing it felt to be inside his daughter. Loved the twist as to how she won... very hot how he came inside her! Hope to see a part 2!

if you really wanted to get real the ass slut just gave him his daughter and the other girl an STD hahaha

He sent a dozen girl home but two stayed why?

Ass to pussy without even cleaning his dick, that's a big no no! And in a virgins pussy no less maybe giving her a very bad infection, shit hits the fan when her parents find out how and have him jailed for incest, or maybe the fathers of the other two girls beating the shit out of him.

This guy thinking with his dick and not acting like an adult, sure the girls suduced him and he fucks them and his daughter and that's ok, but he should have been the one in charge.

the reader.

dialogue straight out of the 18th century.

utilizing terminology stolen from urbandictionary.com

No such word, loser, who the fuck edited/proof-read/even looked at this in passing before you posted it? Teen gibberish, stilted dialog, and just a stupid storyline that didn't once draw me into the fantasy, please read some of the better authors on here before attempting to post crap like this again. No stars, I couldn't finish this farrago, so big fail.

Sorry Chad but really?

Look I know it's your story and you can have it go down anyway you want . But daddy goes from calling parents and grounding his daughter, to I see 3 18yr old pussies I can't refuse. Its truly not meant as an insult but you must be a virgin to think that would be even remotely possible. I'm all for a little fantasy but that's so far out of the realm of reality that I couldn't finish

Terrible segue from responsible dad to libertine . . .