All Comments on 'Brodricksburg Pt. 03'

Great ending to your story.

Boyd

If you continue with these types of stories, your first novel will be a success!

syntax. There are those that would crucify you for that. However I just look at the amount of writing you did. The remark about your mistakes is just to get up on the real trolls here. The anal ones.

It held my interest all the way throughout. I hope you continue to write stories like these. Very entertaining.

I haven't read all of your stories, but this is the best of the one that I have read.

it is a good story, well told. i still think the wife is a bit insane, what with the hyper-anger for little and then everything is semi-forgotten, but that happens.<p>

kudos on your story.

K.K I thought you were great with that story you out did yourself I will give it 1000 points.

Pat Murray

Atlanta,Ga

That was a great adventure serie!!! I had the suspense, the visual action and just the hint of sexual interlude. Great Job and keep it going!!!!

Enthralling, you should write scripts for movies.

I hope you enjoyed writing this one half as much as I enjoyed reading it. Well crafted story, great characters, plot with enough twists to mislead us, perfect! I hope you write many more.

But, oh, so contrived. Needlessly complex. Good guys too good; bad guys too bad.

It was not clear how such a loving wife could be such a bitch and how the loving husband could be so doubting -- and not use his detective skills to immediately remove the doubt. I know, it was necessary to fit the plot. And for that, I again say it was too contrived. Not at all natural.

K.K., you've done better.

Really enjoyed the story. One of your best.

This was a very good story, had me anxious for the next chapter. If not for being too wordy and the exchange between the hubby and wife with the seperation, i would have given this a 100. But the seperation between the couple just wasnt right, they were both out of character during this.

Carrie's actions ruined the story for me. How can you ever think of aproaching her with a question about anything regarding her behavior. I would be very unhappy if my wife EVER took out a restraining order against me for the reason that Carrie did. Not a loving wife story but an untrustable wife story. I think Brian should tend more to his own needs then to gush over his hot tempered wife.

great whodunit! and a great series. no letdown at all.

Kudos, author!

Dear K.K.,

You write very well. The story kept my interest, was well thought out, good use of dialogue and a very good plot. Next time a few more sex scenes would be great!!

Keep up the good work!!!

This story should be submitted to a regular publisher. It is too good to be limited to this audience.

Once again K.K. has spun a most enjoyable tale. Congrats. I agree with another reader that the restraining order was a little over the top but it did provide more suspense for the story. Can't wait to read your next submission.

kept me guessing till the end...keep up the good work!!

Well done very entertaining. I look forward to your next stories as you are a superb writer.<p>PT

good story lokking forward to your next one

<P>- Carrie's reaction was waaaaay over the top - she should have at least had enough brains to talk with him about it. Her over-reaction only reinforced his doubts. Another woman unable to communicate with her man.</P>

<P>- too hard for me to take her 'catching on' to the Flintstones conversation so easily when she had no other reason to suspect her boss was up to no good, and there was no previous information that their discussions using Wilma and Barney were anything but a bit of sexual banter.<BR> Come on, he says "watch out for Fred", so Carrie gets all the files and disappears because she knew she was in trouble? - no way! Sort of code a couple of secret agents may have, but a 'normal' married couple? LMAO <BR>AND.... if she was this good at picking up on his nuances why did she not realise his fears about her absences were reasonable?????</P>

<P>Then he doesn't call her for all the crap and the restraining order? THAT'S INCREDIBLE!!!</P>

Ergo - 8/10

Loved the story. Could not stop until I finished reading the story. Keep up the excellent work. Thanks

i THOUGHT THE MYSTERY PART OF THE STORY WAS COMPLEX BUT VERY WELL DONE, BUT THE INTERACTION BETWEEN HE AND cARRIE AQDDED NOTHING TO THE STORY AND SEEMED CONTRIVED.

THE cT. yANKEE

Complex problem, all right!. One the boys had to confess to, as I don't believe evidence could bear it out.. And the wife had a complex method to straighten out their relationship.. One that could cause papers to be served, all right....on her.. But all's well that ends well, the evildoers are in jail and Barney and Wilma had a great time..

Good story, great plot, quality writing. However, I do agree with some earlier comments about Carrie's actions in this story. They don't jibe. Either she's too self-absorbed and clueless that she can't figure out that Brian's concerns are well-grounded, or she's so perceptive and in tune that she can immediately pick up on the Fred and Wilma business and immediately takes the decisive action that breaks the case open. Can't have it both ways, especially when she slaps the restraining order on him. That would tell me that there is something going on. And if Brian is such a great detective, why does it take him so long to figure out that the anonymous allegations about his wife aren't true. Still, everything worked out in the end.

Sigmund Freud said: The two most important things in life are: Love and work. I humbly agree. This story too covers pretty much every thing that matters, that is in each community small or big: love and work.

This is a story of the tension and confrontation between close circle of old time friendships which provide support and a sense of belonging on one hand and “the good old boys” mentality with its unique flavor of small town corruption. All along, It feels that real, it can not feel any more like an Americana than it already is. Part of the charm of this story is in the fact that we get a sense of “slice of life”, not only the corrupt and the “backward, many times associated with small towns, but also the intimacy trust and real friendships. ****** <P>

The story covers so much about so many people that I almost felt that it touched on epic level. Almost, but not quite, as the secondary characters carefully remain so, and you see the careful hand of the author, weighing exactly the necessary amount of information needed to move the main two or three sub plots plus the main one all along like a well timed engine. Before I forget, I can’t remember when was the last time I read here such carefully calibrated work, spanned on such a large canvas. All without loosing momentum or direction. I just knew that when Brian was spending that many hours with Van Horn it will somehow prove to be necessary later on. And it was. ****** <P>

It touches on ambition; jealousy; vanity; loyalty; trust; betrayal of trust; vulnerability and strength in relations; friendships and betrayal of friendships. ****** In particular: Intimacy: the threat to its dissolution and its restoration, is one of the underlying sub plots from beginning to end, and thus perfectly befitting to the loving wife category, only in a subtle way which we are not used to in this section (meaning: no cheating). <P>

One comment to the commenters who did not like Carrie’s overreaction. The fact that she overreacted to Brian’s overreaction, shows IMO their vulnerabilities. BUT, unlike the formula in most LW stories, they never cross the lines you almost always see being crossed in other stories, where a Pandora box seems to always open and a series of histrionic actions and reactions follow as if by themselves. Then all the readers claim (rightly): ‘Hey! This is incredible’. In contrast, here we have the credible combination of human vulnerability ( meaning NOT what you and I judge as appropriate from our desks), combined with a reasonable development, which shows us that despite their vulnerabilities, they love each other and want the marriage to work. Finally, a woman character who does not have to fit the mold of either a saint or prostitute, and a person who is NOT border line retarded! Thank you so much K.K for providing this rarest of most property in LW stories: a credible intelligent woman character! How rare and how sad that it is so rare.

Thank you so much for this Gem. Next, Brian's first assignment as a Chief?(there is so much more corruption to stop!)

BTW, if this kind of story, with complex narrative: depicting a complete life picture, with great detail and sensitivity of a small town in America, all organically weaved in the main plot of a suspense thriller and a subtle love story - if all that does not qualify the dormant guardian(s) of the quality stories in Literotica, then I am beyond embarrassed. Not for K.K. The Quality is there, and the story, in one format or another should be shared with a larger public.

I know the story does not carry post modern Meta textual pseudo self aware comments. It does not have bizarre erratic behaviors. Alas, it does have beginning middle and end; characters; motivations and development. If these are minuses in the up side down criteria for the quality story award, then I am sorry K.K you and other simpletons (Hemingway would have failed their test too) have no chance in LITEROTICA HIGH COMMISSION FOR E. ****** <P>

But let me tell you, for this exceptional story you get, for what ever its worth, my (and I am sure many others) personal quality award!

A very enjoyable read. I rarely invest so much time into reading stories posted on this site. Frankly, I generally prefer stories with much more of an erotic tone. However, you hooked me early on in the story. Several unexpected twists and turns kept me hooked, and wanting to read more.

For those who choose to write, I beleive their ultimate goal is to produce something believeable and enjoyable for the reader. You have succeeded!

Well written and enjoyable. You are not quite ready to be a professional author, but you are not far away. My quibble is the wife's excessive response to their marital issues (seperation and injunction) and the husband's response to it. My complaint is that I didn't see (as written) alot of fighting on his part that would lead to such a strong response. Her rational, all the fighting, therefore, didn't seem real. His response seemed tepid, in part because the audience wasn't made part of the discord that led to the wife's actions. However, a worthy, entertaining effort.

the wife's restraining order was over the top. I understand that it played well into the mystery but a restraining order means stay out of my life. Carrie broke the spirit of that order by calling Brian since she had to convince the court that Brian was violating her privacy and harrassing her. For Carrie to approach him and visit his apartment makes a mockery of the court.____________________________

I agree with other commenters that if he was such a great detective why couldn't he get the phone records of calls to his house to find out the identity of the mystery caller? You would also have to suspend your belief that as a detective it is not ususual for females or men to call in pranks. The fact that only someone close to Carrie would know her locations so it had to be someone connected with the workplace who would know of her movements. Like your story "What Did Happen in Vegas" the martial problem seemed very contrived.__________________________________________

Overall, a good mystery although Carrie's initial behavior did not strike me as loving. Thanks for writing___________

SleppelessinMD

Some of the comments have merit, but most are people looking for something different than you were offering. I can say I'm happy I found it only after you were done... it would have been maddening to have to wait for each chapter! I look forward to more works like this from you.

Congratulations on a wonderful story. For this one I am not even going to read all the comments because I don't want to see how some people are bound to pick this apart. It was much too good to worry about anything insignificant.

THANK YOU for your great writing talents.

Charleybear

Excellent and believable, I like how things progressed slowly, not the figure it all out in forty five minute television thing. The police details were well done, the play between husband and wife was wonderfully done. Encore, please.

Good writing, good storyline, believable characters. Had a bit of difficulty accepting the spat between husband and wife but it didn't damage the story too much. Thank you for a story well-told.

you did a good job no great job of killing investigating and otherwise getting this story across thanks

On a scale of 1 to 5, I'd rate this one a 12! This is about the best thing I have read here to date--though it hardly fits the catagory of erotica, I can deal with the "Lit" part with no problem.

It had me unable to stop reading until the story was completed.

Thanks, K.K.! You're a craftsman

The Cobbler

I disagreed with some of the other commenters about the wife's reaction. I loved that part the best. Without it, the story would not have been personal, the reader would not have cared as much for Lt Hobbs and his wife. And Love is a very fragile thing, needs nurturing all the time to keep it strong. All the plot lines and especially how all those seemingly disconnected details come together in the end make this a masterpiece. The only suggestion I have would be to update the story with some interesting forensic science. CSI and its many spinoffs are the number one rated TV shows. Some of that detail casting doubt on the suicide for instance would have made this better. especially in the beginning when the murder/suicide seems to have gotten lost.

Some of the dialog was great! I particularly liked the exchange:

"Mrs. Carrie Hobbs?" I asked.

"Yes, that's me," as the smile spread across her face.

"I am Lt. Brian Hobbs of the Brodricksburg police Department."

"What do you want, Lt. Hobbs?"

"I am here to arrest you."

"On what charge?" she asked.

"For withholding sex from your horny husband," I said.

Actually, quite funny.

Regards, Jack

Another great story with PLOT!!! Not some mindless writer with 3rd grader english caliber dishing out some brainless slutty wives going-a-banging because they have itchy cunts and some wimpy husbandss stories. We really need to see more serious, sensible authors like you and jjadler.

A great read! It captures your attention in just a few lines, and it doesn't let go. It has the potential to be a 400 page novel. From my background, it could stand grammatical editing, but otherwise it's a great story.

Keep up the good work, and I look forward to seeing your work at B&N.

It it hard to fathom why K.K. has the same disrespectful heroine in all of his stories? She is always involved with the bad guys.She is always responsible for her husband almost meeting an early demise.She is always used as a foil by the bad guys against her husband.She is always so self-centered that her family and marriage is dead last on her list of priorities.Why is this character (or lack therof) always given a carte blanche for her idiocies?If you have any doubts regarding this premise, take the time to read THE STEIN .The similarities are apparent even with a cursory glance.Once you have confirmed the premise you are left with the question what universal truth is K.K. trying to espouse regarding the American wife?Obviously, one perspective is that K.K. sees American women as being self-absorbed,child-like fools who are too naive to handle reality in a coherent manner.Other interpretations while possible have not been voiced with any firm conviction by this author.

written dick head? Noting, nata, zero, zip, '0', Try and put a few words together and then two sentences and then a paragraph and then a story, then 10 and soon you can be critized and bitched at and yelled and screamed and told how to do things by ass wipes just like you. Don't read KK's stories and we can do w/o your dim witted reviews of hem even more so.

In fact I even read the last part on another site because I

could not wait. Therefore I never posted a comment about how

much I enjoyed reading it. You deserve high praise

But what provoked me to put out a comment was the fact that

I was unhappy with the wife's behaviour. She almost destroyed her husband with her antics and I personally feel that he would be better off divorcing her. That forced separation and the restraining order were uncalled for and violated the spirit of marraige. My feeling is that she should have had the confidence in her husband to tell him what she was doing and asked him to not let on that he knew.

Basically she put him through hell because she did not trust him and thus we come back to failure of trust.

I would rate this as one of the very best stories in Loving Wives and K.K.'s best tale to date. It contains all the of elements one would want in a murder mystery. I cannot find anything to criticize, except perhaps the fact that K.K. has it still light outside in Pennsylvania at 8:30PM in August. It's light at 8:30 at night in June and July in PA but for August that's stretching it a bit. Boy, that's not much of a criticism, is it? RAG

Most people found this a page-turner, as, indeed did I. The negative comments were mostly from trashy people or in one case, a nit picker about a few missed spelling & grammar issues. I invite them to look at some of the "professional" headlines on the web. Considering time as a ratio to compensation, I doubt that you will get any better editing on the web. The prose style was very good and hardly distracting for a reader engaged in the story line. Some of the situations were a little out of the norm, such as the inability of our wife to see that her actions were suspicious and that her precipitous separation/restraining order allowed an extreme element of intractability into the story. However, the main story was about a murderous cabal, not a marriage gone sour and to expand the marriage situation may have taken several more chapters. The bottom line question becomes: was it interesting and most people have said "yes." Jerseyfresh

expansion and publishing for big bucks.Has made me realize I shouldn't shy away from the longer stories on this site.(At least this author's)Having lived in Mass. I appreciate authors knowledge of area.Now I know why it's top-rated(2,1-it's all good.)Restraining order very likely,most people have no idea what the ramifications might be, hence take them too lightly.My only complaint would be that like many stories on this site,protagonist a little slow realizing what to the reader seems readily apparent.(In this story for instance it was obvious he was being set up way before he realized it-I'm brutal)Thank-you KK for helping me pass my time on the dole!Pistolpackinpete

The grammar was bad, very bad, very very bad.

The story? Sometimes a bit hard to believe.

Bad grammar?

Madame de Sévigné was well known for bad grammar but she remained well known for centuries.

The story? quite enjoyable to me and like the first time I couldn't stop reading till I reached the end.

An amazing story very well written. The ONLY glaring problem was the restraining order. I'm sorry to say that kept me pissed of at the wife for much of the story after that.

EDIT the story and REMOVE that and it is a 5 star story.

Jesus, that was an amazing story.

The details and every bit of information was so fully detailed and full, great job!

At first I really thought that Carrie was cheating with Burke, but then farlow was his gay lover?!

After that I really wasn't sure what was going on anymore, still kind of weary over whether Carrie cheated, but i guess the ending means that Carrie had nothing to do with anything? However still a bit unsure about Carrie, as why would she get so defensive when Hobbs asked her where she was and what she was doing?

Overall very very good story! Now to find a new story you uploaded ^^~

Goodjob!

Swarsh

enough said. :)

That was a wonderful story, you should be writing novels.

that was friggin' awesome!!!

No way!!! Hell of a story! Movie material. I will read eveything you write.

One of the worst on this site!

Great story, well written and nice twists all the way through. Very enjoyable reading

The majority of your writing is great. I say that because I haven't read everything of yours. I like your female characters, strong but loving. Keep up the great work

Great story, thanks KK!

Your story was excellent. Very professional. I agree, the wifes restraining order was bit hateful and over the top, but the theme was well thought out and thorough. There were small problems with tenses and words, but those were missed by your editor. Overall, very well done.

This series had a strong starts - both prior chapters were fives. This chapter was very redundant.

Wonderful weaving and a great plot. Very good character development and story progression. I am curious about your PA background? Esp. Yuengling beer, my Aunts favorite and from the oldest brewery in the USA.

I guess after reading so many of these LW stories I couldn't get rid of my suspicions about Carrie.

I'm so happy it turned out like it did!

I was concerned that a detective would stumble about making accusations, instead of launching an investigation. But I would have gone for a divorce after the restraining order.

I have never understood how a separation is supposed to aid in resolving a strained relationship. When your partner says that she wants a "separation", it's time to move on. Just because you love someone, it doesn't mean she loves you. When she get's a restraining order, that's the final nail in the coffin of your relationship. You can't nor should you try, to force someone to accept you, when she's "just not that into you".

But the Barney and Wilma joke was cute.

Robert

When my wife wanted a separation and then had me, as a police officer, served with a restraining order, I would have answered with that in 24 hours with my own divorce papers being served on her. A restraining order against a policeman can have them stripped of their badge and gun.

But to the author, I absolutely loved the story. You did a wonderful job.

First two chapters just brilliant, this one not quite so good. I got the feeling you were trying to make the story fit into the ending you wanted. Liked the Flinstones joke. Overall an excellent murder/mystery tale. 5*****

the wife's reaction to his queries was questionable. She was working more and more nights, wouldn't communicate to him what she was doing. He started getting the calls and caught her out on the lie about her location, not at the school like she said but at a hotel. Then she, from the first, gets an attitude, then still being secretive and aloof, wants a separation (kiss of death to a marriage) and immediately hits him with a restraining order when he calls her too much and follows her to find out what she won't tell him. All a lot over the top reaction from her and brilliant writing to set it up to confuse the husband and the reader. Well done.

Not sure I would have trusted her and I would bet that the FBI wouldn't either. I would see an in depth interview with her, make arrest as an accessary.

This story was amazing and then got even better at the end as he drove by my childhood home on route 2.

Note to author. There is no Exit 25 I-91 N, exit 24 heads to 116 and 5 as well as the Yankee Candle Factory!

Right up to the end - like any real investigation - when it gets to a certain point it steam rolls and concludes - hopefully with solid arrests like yours did -

Carrie was almost as foolish as Brian - she knew she was pushing beyond his tolerance just as he pushed her - one hopes their partner will be better able to communicate in times like that - just like real people these two failed there - but worked it out -

Nice job thank you

This was much better than some of your other stories I read but I am a fan of murder/mystery stories. I thought some of the Hobbs' problems was poor communication but perhaps due to their jobs. The only thing I felt was wrong is that Lt. Hobbs was allowed to take Carrie's briefcase home. I would think that would be held as evidence since she was missing

This had it all...I just couldn't stop reading it. Then it ends. I just wish that the movies could be this good. I rated this five stars without reservation. An epilogue would be nice. Thank you for your effort.

Thank you for this gripping novel, just couldn't stop reading.

Had all the right ingredients.

Pity the stars only go to 5

Tony NZ

Except for Carrie. Her not being honest about where she was going at night and the separation and restraining order said that she didn't have enough trust in her husband and that she was hiding something. I still gave it a 5*. Excellent read. It kept me rivited until the end. Thanks for the story.

Most officers are taught to continue shooting until the suspect stops moving. Two shots to the chest could have been into a vest. Two to the chest and another to the throat or face. If Ross was wearing a vest he would have been able to respond after the two shots from a 38 special. I'm a retired PO and mistakes like that can end your career.

Once kelley asked for a lawyer... anything he said after that would be inadmissible. The case would have been mistrialed. And hard to believe that a detective's first move wouldn't be to trace the mysterious calls. And why the contrived wilma barney subterfuge. .. why didn't he just tell her she was in dange4 when he was questioning her alone. Otherwise a good story.

with several tentacles. TK U MLJ LV NV

I remember reading this before, but fortunately didn't really remember very much.

Definitely worth re-reading!

Author and most of you commenting, what is wrong with this story? Give up? OK, allow me to explain. This is the Loving Wives category of an erotic web site. Not only does this story NOT belong in the LW category, it doesn't even belong on Literotica. There is nothing erotic about this story.

It is a great mystery story. It belongs on a site for mystery stories. Not here. There seems to be an epidemic of literotica authors who post in the Loving Wife category, stories that don't belong here, simply in hopes of getting more readers. This is unprincipled and disrespectful toward the readers. To those of you guilty of this, you know who you are, anthema upon you!

It is too bad I need to troll the archives to find something worth reading.

she was being fed information by the Thursday Night Dinner Club, chief among them being her boss the attorney who drew up and submitted the paperwork on her behalf.

what she was being told was a mirror image of what he was hearing from Mrs. Ross in the clandestine phone calls.

in the introduction the author said:

"This is a lengthy story so I have divided it into eleven parts. I will get all parts posted as quickly as I can."

but this is the 3rd Part of:

"Brodricksburg: 3 Part Series"

I'm not going to hold my breath waiting for more but, . . . .

huh?

A real enjoyable story. I have read a few mystery stories in books that were not as good as this. However, I think that the wife was way over the top. When she wanted a separation and then a restraining order, the marriage should have been over. If you love someone why would you want a separation instead of working on the marriage especially were there was doubts about her working late and not were she said she was. She blew up when he told her about the phone calls and instead of talking to him to find the problem, she gets mad at him. I don't see how separating and retraining orders could possible help the marriage...it should have been the end of the marriage. Thanks for a real good story.

Your story started out as a rambling piece. But, if nothing else, I am willing to give a writer enough rope to hang themselves. But you pulled it off quite successfully. My one and only fault with the story was her restraining order against her policeman husband. Unless she was aware of a prior history of violent reactions on Brian's part, combined with their ability to talk truthfully to one another, only an imbecile would have taken out a TRO (Temporary Restraining Order). It only made her look even more guilty by taking it out and refusing to have it dropped. This is the only bad part of your story. I am almost expecting a follow up story, showing that Carrie was indeed carrying on an affair behind Brian's back.

'The 9mm gave him more firepower than my 38' The two firearms, with +P cartridges are near enough balistically not to matter. The only advantage the 9mm has over the 38 special revolver is more rounds in the pistol and a faster reload. And since the cavalry was on the way, that was not much of a much anyway. It was a 5 round gunbattle, 3 at a car wndow and 2 that took care of business. So much for the superior fiepower. Just hit what you aim at, and a 38' s all you need.

And reminded me of the classic best seller way back in 1960 - Roderick Thorpe's "The Detective" later made into an A-list movie with Frank Sinatra.

That book was long but included homosexual sex, a suicide that a young wife was SURE was a murder, and eventually morphed into a politician malfeasance real estate scam itself.

"The Detective" had probably the first significant "Loving Wives" subplot I was greatly influenced by way back when I first read it when I was in high school about 1967.

I always love a good detective story and you held my attention for the full ride. A few minor issues on the police side but only minor. Thanks for sharing it. BK

The story falls on its face with the Restraining-Order on a active PD Officer - that is now public court record - causing irreparable damage to his career - and being a Law Office Legal Aid she knew she just killed his career. Many PD's would suspended him from supervision, put on desk only duty, or even suspended him. After all those married years she really considered him a stalker and threat to her life requiring a RO? That RO would have had me walking away, forever, even after I discovered my mistake/setup. KRD

Cuck shit.

1*

Worth at least five stars. Keep going.

As several others have noted, Carrie was being a bitch when questioned about her "working late" and not being where she was supposed to be, and then she goes and slaps a fucking RO on him? On what grounds exactly? Being a caring husband who's trying to find out the truth about her deceptive and bitchy behavior?

Oh well. Outside of that it was a fine story -- not exactly LW material, but still a good yarn if we overlook the "troubled marriage" elements.

I agree with boatbumm, but he should of divorced the stupid bitch.

You didn't divorce your wife. But then she died before you could! hehehehehe how much cum did you eat out of her whore cunt!?

That was a very good story. Even 10 years later it’s still a very good story. For the ANON who questioned why his wife was such a bitch when he accused her of cheating, it’s because she was NOT cheating and got P. O.d because he accused her of it. As for the R. O. , it was because he was STALKING her. Jeez, you’d think a person smart enough to read a story would have sense enough to understand it.

Nice weaving of a conspiracy. The land purchases and railroad right of way idea worked out well. Still love to know how Commissioner Buske had enough to fund so many options to buy. at 5,000 an option times ~10-20 houses that's 100k minimum? How much was he getting in bribes from CSC??

Loved the character development and interplay of the characters you brought to life.

Second reading was as enjoyable as the first time. Real talent!

I loved the way you built a mystery including his wife.

Well done!

And only the vaguest intimation of a LW story, so MAYBE should have been in a... no, LW is the right category. Else ending could have been given away much earlier.

5-star

The Hobbs' marital problems were handled very unconvincingly. That was the only weak part of the story, and it wasn't really all that important. As for the rest, the story was exceptionally well plotted, creative, and well written. This one deserves lots of 5s. I wish more LW submissions were close to this quality.

Really enjoyed it.

There is only one thing about this story that bothers me. Don't get me wrong-I like the story-but am worried that somebody reading it will fail to understand what is alright when subject to a restraining order.

I've never seen a restraining order that allowed the husband to be in contact with the wife just because the wife initiated the contact. I've had a good number of people become clients after getting arrested and spending a couple of nights in jail waiting to appear before a judge after meeting the person they were restrained from having contact with at the invitation of that person. Usually they weren't clients until after arrested so they'd already screwed up before I spoke to them, but there were a few who thought it would be ok after being told clearly that it didn't matter how the contact came about or who initiated it and that they could spend a good deal of time in jail if they so much as spoke to the wife. I even acted on a couple of occasions where it was the wives who turned in the husbands after the wives called the husband and arranged a meeting.

It is not ok for a husband subject to an order restraining him from contact with his wife to speak to her on the phone, allow her into his apartment, have dinner, go to her office to speak to her on business of any kind or have relations of the sort we read here where Mr. Rubble found Mrs. Flintstone at the end of the story.

Beyond that, and having to suspend belief of how much Hobbs was involved in the investigation after he was told he was off the case because it was too close (ie he had an apparent conflict of interest,) I thoroughly enjoyed it.

An old lawyer