All Comments on 'Brotherly Love Ch. 01 of 03'

...but you should refrain from the sudden changes in POV. It's confusing and doesn't help the story's flow. Looking forward to the continuation.

Garbage!

The way you kept changing POV was confusing and made me doubt myself. I can usually watch a movie and read a story. I had to turn the movie off to understand the storyline.

All right. Did your characters reconcile?

I wait for the last published part to vote. The story start is excellent, but I wait the last published part to vote. If I do not vote a story that is praise from me, because I know 1* and 5***** only.........

I am curious about UK family laws (England and Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland) knows the law suit against the biological father to get 18 years money settlement as in more USA states...........The Hungarian family law does not know at all........

... I definitely want to read more about these characters. Even so, the jury's still out on whether I think this is a good story or not.

They broke up the flow of the story. Also what was the point of his first kid it doesn't seem to matter so why add it and why we're you at the doctors for your son you never explained.

Odd story but can't wait for parts two and three. Any chance he will have the vasectomy reversed so he can have the son he wanted?

So in the very end we find out that the wife has a child not by her husband.

That screwed the whole feel of the tale for me. It also makes me want to read more.

Damn I hate cheaters.

Interesting take on this theme.

As I had gradually become aware of the mystery silently haunting our personal lives............. will you ever get to the point? well written, somewhat periphrastic, fucking bombastic (sixte-neuf? christ, you're british, speak english!) but you finally got there. no, the real problem is that you're posting other stories before posting the rest of this one. i am guessing the whole thing IS written? i cant wait to see if the story will devolve or not. well i can if it does. please dont make anyone retarded.

The flashbacks do nothing for it, and really distract. Also, it takes paragraph after paragraph to have a meal, which isn't the point of the story. Although I'd like to go to dinner with you at Penelope's house.

I'm not sure the best editor on this site could save this rambling, confusing tale.

i thought at the beginning you were maybe a British ex-pat.

yeah we are in Europe, but older brits still refer to feet & inches ..not metric. measurements.

bangers ? no m8y Sausages!!!

thats when i realised what was wrong with the story ,

you tried too hard to push the British theme..

over egged it chum.

liked the flashbacks, not sure they were necessary.

narrative might have worked better (idk)

& only used flashback for the hotel incident (idk)

i love the way you write , so i guess i am not an unbiased commentator.

xxxhugsxxx

TwistedOliver.

Good Lord ! Humor in L.W. ? Are you insane ? lol.

The American Air Force has Majors. The Canadian Air Force has Majors? Since when has the RAF had Majors??

Still the story was shit so who cares ? 1*.

I understand the author is attempting to define the characters and give background for the story to progress. Most details were irrelevant and changing POV and time jumping muddled the story. Writing shows promise but the premature ejaculation was

Confusing.

Utter shite.

Just cat shit.

Story is nonsense!

Switching POV made it difficult to follow. May be a good story here. I'll wait to rate until I see more.

Unique method of story telling but I am in for the long haul.

The writing is horrible

Confusing story its a mess, so will stop reading it.