All Comments on 'Brotherly Love Ch. 02'

where's the 2nd chapter?

This is the last 3 pages of the first chapter...

i didn't bother reading this because you fucked up the last one so bad and the comments on this one are bad too. do us all a favor and delete both chapters and do a rewrite and be sure to edit out the deaths, kidnapping and rape. after all the bad comments you got the last time you should have been smart enough to delete and start over. SHOW SOME PRIDE IN YOUR WORK AND A WHOLE LOT OF RESPECT FOR THE READERS AND EITHER DO IT RIGHT OR NOT AT ALL NOW DELETE AND REWRITE.

the comments below are so true. You need to rewrite this entire story because it is a let down to read.

i don't know whats happening. I submitted four stories at once, but the original was left alone and this was added by the Gods that be. I am resubmitting now. hopefully you guys are not too pissed off to read it again. my apologies.

To the big mouth anon, piss off. you try writing, or you try editing your work between two shitty jobs. when you have balls enough to at least respect ME with a username on your post maybe I will consider your criticism as constructive.

This is even more backwards than the first ch. and this the first all over again. I don't know were you got the idea of how a relationship should go but this is the worst attempt I have ever read. You need to delete both of these and do a complete rewrite and rethink of what your trying to say. I don't know anybody male or female that would put up with this teasing bitch, brother or not. It's obvious you don't understand about relationships. If this is your attempt at romance you fail.

I like your story very much. It's one of the best stories i've ever read. Go on like that.

while i respect the time and talent it takes to write i must agree with some of the other comments. the deal with the sister and parents and the aunt were a wtf. then little sis gets all look at me with my t n a out look ,touch but no fucking me. cock teasing if almost as bad as slutting around. then when stace shows up at the end where has she been and why has she not contacted them before now.

give jane a breK guys! obviously theres a problem withvthe submission. she said shecput up four stories so why not wait n see obviosly theres good story left. to jane, please continue. i find your characters beautiful and very realistic. its your story. write it! people can be very negative on this site and think they own a story by simply reading it. dont ever care what people say. do whats in your heart!!!!

I hope not. Get a different hobby or go back to school and this time pay attention!

get over yourself,stuff like this happens,its a fact! if you think you can do a better job,then lets see you post a story,so until then,be nice,be kind,or be gone!

i hope you continue the story,its getting good! keep up the good work!

write your story however you please. If people don't like it then they can go fuck themselves.

Oh wait... that's probably why they're reading this in the first place.

MY WRITER'S OPINION: The story has a few plot holes and unanswered questions. You can, of course clear these up in the next chapter. But, they do leave some big gaps in chapter one and two. A re-write shouldn't be entirely out of the question.

Also, if you decide to re-write, I would suggest a more gradual and steady rise, fall, and second rising of Katy's exihibitionist behavior. She is so very brazen in chapter one that devolution in chapter two doesn't seem sensible. Let the reader see their relationship grow. Let us see it chopped off by circumstance. Finally, let us see it rise to its eventual boil.

Of course, these suggestions would mean writing a story that is twice as long.

PERSONAL OPINION: I LOVE the cockteasing. So many stories jump right to the sex. But, I find that there is nothing more arousing than a tale of sexual tension. It's not enough that they want each other. Your characters NEED each other in the most physical, mental, and emotional ways possible. I love that we got to see that.

I would suggest that you re-write their first time. You set the characters up in such a way that they needed to reach a boiling point. The first time should be passionate, explosive, overwhelming, and entirely unplanned. The final tickle fight, leading into the dry hump, leading into a Wiley Coyote "Oh shit. The cliff is behind us" moment.

I am not saying to cut out the last scene in the shower. I am merely saying to make it a Morning After the Wedding Night scene. That way, we get to see more than just the change of the relationship. We get to see them accept the change from siblings to lovers. We get to see them become instantly comfortable in their solitude. Then, we get to see Stacy seeing them. And, there is your intense cliffhanger.

Shake the haters off. You've got a great rough draft of a Skinemax Soap Opera here. I look forward to seeing what happens next. And, I hope you don't stop writing. I'd love to read more of your work.

Oh wait... that's probably why they're reading this in the first place.

Is that why you are here?

Please continue writing. This story deserves an ending. Don't let the haters get you down.

you said you were rewriting the first chapter WHERE IS IT and leave the murder and rape out it does not belong in the incest catagory. stop wasting our time on sub par stories.

Brilliant, absolutely brilliant, but please don't leave us hanging here!!!! Give us the next chapter, now.... if not sooner...well you get my drift.

I'm not a writer, just someone who enjoys reading erotic tales, and this is brilliant to me. Thanks keep up the great work

I loved the story. Great anticipation and teasing by sister. Would love to have more completion. What about Stacey and Mum and Dad? Does Dan hook-up with Stacey? Do they live together?

This is a great story you should add more

Damn! Its a cryin' shame that there are no more chapters :(

I love this story, the intimacy, the LOVE. It made the sex at the end even hotter would love to read more about this amazing couple and see if you can come up with a good idea about the missing family too

What a.drag way to slow in getting there just couldn't stand the boring writing.

He has his car “stolen” so his sister will have to buy new clothes. You are really reaching for a story, dude.