by trappednebulous
Very well written, I was surprised to see this was your first story here. I hope it's not your last, you're really good at this.
Beauty & beast = my favourite. And you are good, please write more.
You did well but she quit calling him daddy. This blond wife, or the nest married beauty won't make that mistake I wager. Really enjoy married/engaged beauties being taken by others. Do continue with the Beauty vs Beast theme.
I enjoy stories like these...but they have to make sense and this one didn't. There was no explanation as to how events took place or how the fenke family owned the police...or why the husband and wife would stay in the neighbourhood....or why no one "saw" anything. Might as well throw in space aliens and talking robots.
No case, what country do you live in? I couldn't even read past that point, if as an author you're that ignorant, I simply cannot waste my time. THE HUSBAND IS THE WITNESS YOU FUCKING RETARD!
nice story in that line, continue with a secon chapter having Ray dominate the wife further, maybe marking her up as his sex slave and sharing her with friends, filming it and having her agree to make it public on the internet
Im all for these stories and what not but come on. These characters have to have some smarts. The wife has to be the dumbest person in the world. the husband is a dumbass and ray is just begging to get his ass whipped.
As a woman I can say with absolute confidence that no woman on Earth (except perhaps the severely psychologically damaged ones) would fall all over a man just cause he had a big dick. Especially if they're married too, and she was supposedly afraid of the guy.
This story just isn't believable. Please find an editor, as it did have promise.
Loved you're first story. Would like to see more of this beautiful girl getting groped by gross old men. Hot story!
Cool Story but U defiantly need an editor, at least make husband kill the guy.
Divorce at least and that man would be dead.
i would have shot him right on the couch. Fuck idiots that like shit like this i would kill anyone of them that forced themselves on anyone in my family and if my wife didnt file charges i would divorce her worthless ass.CX
shoot the guy for raping her
file a rape report with the police
or divorce
those are the only choices.
pack your bags and leave the woman and shoot the man in the nuts they deserve each other. Scared or not she cheated plain and simple no body deserves a chance after that.
Once she lowered herself to that level let him keep her she isn't worth the trash on the corner.
iF Alan still loves her and can forgive her, I would say he may be able to save their marriage, fucking move and start over somewhere else. fenke is a fucking pervert..he deserves to die.
she just fucked him in the house bullshit forgiving and moving away.
DIVORCE the cheating bitch and move on there is no forgiving she spread her fucking legs she is nothing but a whore.
this is the most amazing story ever i wish this would happen to my wife mmm
Spelling, grammar, tense inconsistencies and so much more. Disgusting story and wretched writing.
Can you add the part were he beats the living shit out of this guy? I would have went and gotten my chainsaw, turned it on. Screamed like a maniac and cut the guys dick off and cut him into small pieces, then i would have preceded to get a dog and feed the small pieces to him. Divorce the slut.
There should be a sequel definitely!! Don't listen to the nay-sayers, just write your story because it was great!
nothing more disgusting than a cock with "verrecous warts" except stories about people with serious hygiene issues,act as dirty or perverse as you want but mix in a shower,it is a huge turn off.
Sending him to jail is a piece of cake. The only question is do you divorce your wife. And you need an editor. Badly.
and now we don't know what to do, any ideas on how to get rid of the nigger baby
how someone could get turned on by this story, i dont know. Im sure who wrote needs some help, must be a pervert. eat shit you pig.
Now we need a sequel ....and I'm not a lover of wimpy cuckold stories so take this for what it's worth!
Alan needs to do 2 things, first he needs to get even with Ray for what he has done to his wife in making her a whore. Second he needs to kick his wife to the curb in the most satisfying way!
The details are up to you! I kind of think your leaning to a cuckold, but I hope not!
I'm not an author and these are just my opinions!
Grammar wise, it needs work. But it's more than fine to me. VERY HOT!
My only other complaint is that we didn't see how it came about the first time and the times between Jenny getting Fenke's cock inside her and Allan getting home. Also I was hoping that maybe Fenke would stretch it out longer or maybe it did because it starts off at Fenke's house and then Allan finds Jenny riding Fenke's cock in their own house.
If you could do more on this story, it'd be awesome and/or if you'd more stories like this, that would be even better!
If Alan would have been smart he would have owned a shotgun and leveled it at them. Then cold cocked Fenke upside the head knocking him out. Alan could have then subdued his cheating cunt of a wife, tied her up, and forced her to watch as he cut off Fenke's cock and balls. Then afte waking up Fenke forced the flat sloth to watch as he's bleeding to death, ashe shoves the cock down his cheating wife's throat choking her to death.
fresh from smoking cocks and swallowing jizz, internet hard man dreams of using a shotgun!
I stopped reading as soon as I realized that you can't spell.
A little cleaning up with the editing would have helped, but otherwise not bad at all. Although Fenke hardly fits a sympathetic character description, the final line was very good... As far as I'm concerned, the story idea is the key, and for both originality and sexual decadence... you scored a big hit.
i dream of someone doing something along these lines to my wife . Horny as hell , fuck the grammar its not a fucking spelling competition . Nice work , i could read your stuff all day .
In that regard this story hit the nail on the head.
I secretly watched my then-fiancee, in her bikini, caressed on her thighs, ass & yes pussy by our Aikido instructor on a secluded beach.
The whole team went to a retreat: we stayed at a camp, we pracised twice a day and the rest was a vacation. My fiancee & i met through Aikido & we were rather beginners. That particular day i went to buy some food and drinks but instead of driving around, i rented a boat. There was an uninhabited island in the middle of the lake. I stopped there to enjoy the nature & the view but i enjoyed watching my fiancee doing evrrything but the intercourse itself (watercraft would pass by tpo often).
I did not tell her i saw them. I played dumb (or was i dumb and dumber?)
At the end when we all bid goodbuy i even invited the instructor to vist us at our place!
We got married although i by then had a proof she had a fling with him. Her body, which wad anyway nice, healthy & yes! sexy became, for me, an object of total worship.
I never confronted her. We nevet discussed her escspades (3 that i know of). All i told her after the third one was: "I love you very much and don't wanna lose you. I will never leave you. If you leave me, i want you to know i'll always take you back."
As a voyeur husband i can tell you that i not only like to watch, but watching my wife with another man brings me to next level of excitement: it's an urge i can not control, it controls me! I get paralyzed, hypnotized, speachless.
Great story, looking forward to more unattractive "real men" cuckolding prim, proper and handsome hubbies
Not only is the story really bad but the way you torture the english language is even worse! Learn how to spell and then how to make a sentence and then maybe just maybe you will learn how to tell a story..
I have a very pronounced voyeur side.
The story is my cup of tea.
Shooting of the cop who refused to press charges, the wife are JUSTIFIED!
Fenke should not be killed under any circumstances, he should be left paralyzed for the rest of his life.
That would be the last sounds that disgusting thing would have ever heard.
They are what makes rape possible with no jail time or criminal offense.
Nicely written and creative variation on popular Ds abuse by bully theme ... but how does the story resolve?
you have great ideas and tell it well but you really need to have someone edit your story ... don't get me wrong, I got very aroused reading it ... and the really dirty old man is a rare subject here ... the situation is very exciting and you capture it well but the errors in spelling and grammar and some structure take away from the intensity ... still really good
Great story. Would love to see more of the twisted tales from your head
Could you please do more i wanna see if Daddy fenke continues to cuck Alan i love it when they're enemies but the wife can't resist
Alan should tell Raymond that as he had broken the LAWNMOWER and the wife, he didn`t want either back Ray could keep them Both then escort them off the premises. Keep the Video as proof for the Divorce Lawyers!
What goes around comes AROUND!
The tape would play well on the net, with all of her friends and at her next family get together. The lawyers and the judge would certainly appreciate it too. A real shame how Ray's old house burned to the ground one dark night...has anyone seen Ray lately? Signed: BTW
Sounds the black neighbor is an abusive manipulative person and the wife fall victim to it . Even if Alan file a complaint again the tape will not help and his wife looks a willing participant's so in short he simply got cuckolded.