All Comments on 'Carla and Paul and Nancy'

Is the threesome between Paul, Cheryl and Nancy or Paul, Carla, and Nancy?

I should have taken my own advice and had someone else edit this story before I posted it. Cheryl does not exist in this story. The woman's name is supposed to be Carla.

My thanks to the anonymous reader who commented on that error.

This is not the first time a author has changed a character's name in the middle of a story, I doubt that it will be the last.

A fine tale nonetheless.

But the name change was distracting.

Just as bad as the other stories you've tried to write.

This is just plain sicko. I come here looking for erotic fiction, but this is pathology, not eros. Besides, the ending is what used to be called "twink"; that is, a complete cliche, "and they all lived happily ever after in a cottage in the deep woods." Too cute for words!

I thought Nancy was suggesting another friend, not Carla, when the name mistake happened. It was distracting at first, But I figured it out! Thought it all happened a little too fast, but really liked the story!

First off, there were far too many repetitive words or phrases in the story, making it sound more like an essay and less like a story. Two, the dialogue sounded like to robots attempting to speak like a human. I mean who seriously says "A: and B:" In a damn sentence. No one talks like that. Three, the reactions and comments weren't even remotely accurate. First off, the father wouldn't agree so quickly. Secondly, I highly doubt that the girls would have come right out and said that they've fucked each other. Four, the sex was poorly written, over quickly, not very descriptive and very boring. Five, the story progressed way too quickly and had zero build up. Six, if you're going to have two women in the same bed, at the same time, who have already admitted to having been together, include a little lesbianism into the scene. Seven, how come he was able to have enough energy after fucking the first time to carry her to the bathroom. Yet, the next evening passed out after having a few minutes of sex? Eight, the time lapse is horrible. Apparently, you think that two sentences take nearly an you to say and respond to. Literally, she tells him that she knows that he has two hours before the daughter comes home and that he can fuck her or make love. His response is that he has only a little over an hour left. WTF! Nine, making love doesn't have to take more than an hour.

Who the hell is Cheryl?

I don't mind talking, if it seems real. But these conversations did not seem real. And it ruined the story for me. The characters just kept explaining everything. Sounded like robots.

Where to start? Okay lets start with the dialog. Its all basically robotish conveying no real emotion. And don't get me started with the sudden name change of the daughters bestie, from Carla to Cheryl huh. There are other things wrong but these two comes blaring out. Doesn't Literotica critique these stories to make sure such amateurish stories never ever find their way on here?

I never wished negative stars on a story until now. I will refrain from giving any stars.

No Thanks for wasting my time reading this dribble.

John